Preseason Love

by Ahyiana Angel

  “Damn. I wasn’t expecting that.” He sounded miserable.

  “Why do you sound like that?”

  “Like what?”

  “Like someone died.” Realizing what I’d just said, I hoped that wasn’t the reason for his call. I resolved to shut up and listen.

  “I have something to tell you and I don’t even know where to start or how to say it.”

  “Say it, babe. You’re scaring me.” Now I knew that whatever he was calling to say could not be good.

  “You should come over,” I continued. “Maybe it’s best to talk face-to-face about whatever it is that’s got you so upset.”

  “All right, but is Dev there?”

  “No, I haven’t seen much of her lately. It’s fine. Just come.”

  “Okay, I’ll be there shortly.”

  I paced around for an hour with my stomach in knots. I heard the buzzer and I knew that the showdown was about to begin. I opened the door for Kari, but my emotions had a vise grip on my tongue.

  He started spilling his guts immediately. “I had sex with someone.”

  I suppressed every urge to interject and ask if he had come over to tell me that he was moving on to the next chick.

  He took a big breath and kept going. “It was after I figured out that you lied to me when you went out of town. I went out, got drunk and I slept with someone. I was so wasted that I didn’t even remember what happened. But now she’s telling me that she is pregnant.”

  Kari took a step back and let the words linger in the air for fear of my reaction.

  I was too stunned to speak.

  “Scottie, listen to this tape of my conversation with her. It will likely answer all of your questions.” He hit “play” on his cell phone and I listened intently:

  “Pregnant?” Kari said.

  “Yes.”

  The dead air on either side of the line was eerie, and so was the woman’s voice.

  “What…do you…how can that be?”

  “Kari, don’t do this.”

  “We barely had sex from what I can remember, and quite frankly I was so wasted that for all I know, we didn’t even have sex at all.”

  “You can’t be serious! I was wasted too. Hell, you kept pushing drink after drink on me. You were the one that said you needed to talk and I was trying to keep you company while you drowned in your sorrows like a bitch over Scottie!”

  “What-the-fuck-ever!” Listening to their exchange, I could hear that Kari was starting to get upset. “We can’t do this. This is just wrong.”

  “Well, that sure didn’t stop you from sleeping with me unprotected, now did it?”

  “Look, Dev. Let’s calm down and talk about this in a civilized manner.”

  Kari made his best effort to change his tone. Dev willingly provided every single detail that she remembered from that night and as I continued to listen to her voice on the recording, my body felt weak.

  I thought I was going to be sick.

  I couldn’t believe that my whole world was slowly unraveling day-by-day. First, The League lawyers and HR interrogated me, then Byron ambushed me at my office, and now this. As I stared deep into Kari’s eyes, the hurt that I felt formed a lump in my throat so big that it was impossible to swallow. I turned my back on him and walked into the living room.

  “Please, say something to me,” he pleaded. “This calm demeanor is freaking me out.”

  My skin felt hot and I saw red. I picked up the glass vase holding the fresh-picked, yellow tulips that I loved so much, and I hurled it at his head. I didn’t throw it fast enough because he managed to duck. I charged him and started screaming profanities and throwing blows to his body. He held his hands up in defense before finally managing a grip to restrain my arms after what seemed like twenty minutes of tussling. He pinned me down on the couch with what felt like his entire body weight on top of me.

  “Calm down, Scottie! Calm down and I’ll let you go!” Kari yelled.

  I continued to try to resist until I couldn’t anymore. My body was weak and worn. My arms hurt and my throat was strained. I fell silent. I was in a daze. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.

  Kari called out to me, “Scottie? Scottie?”

  He finally let me go and I stood and walked to the window. I glared out into the streets.

  I managed to project strength in my voice while suppressing tears. “Kari, what do you want me to do? Or say?” My outer appearance was now cool, but inside I was destroyed.

  “Something, baby. Anything.”

  “What? To make you feel better?”

  Kari shook his head in despair. “No, not at all.”

  I sat in silence, thinking. So many questions were running through my head. I started firing at him.

  “Were you guys cheating the whole time we were together?”

  “No,” he responded, with shame in his voice. “It was the one time and it was after you and I took our break.”

  “Who came on to who?”

  “We got drunk together after we left Slate. I needed someone to talk to. I was pissed at you. And I guess it just happened. Honest to God, I don’t remember everything.”

  “You were mad at me so you fucked one of my best friends.” I could feel my outer cool slowly slipping away. “That’s pretty fucking low,” I continued. “This is classic!” I was infuriated, once again unable to contain my anger. “ ‘Communicate with me and give me the same respect that I try to give you.’ That’s what you said to me, right?!” I screamed through pained vocal cords. “Isn’t that what you asked of me?”

  I didn’t give him a chance to respond. “Getting the next bitch pregnant, that’s a whole lot of respect right there.” I had to fight every urge not to crack off the edge of a wine bottle and slice his ass up. “You know what? Fuck you and the whore that crawled up on your sick dick. Good luck with your bastard child!”

  Kari’s brown skin was pale. His eyes were low and filled with looming tears. He looked like a broken man.

  In a low, somber tone, he spoke. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. By the time I figured out what Dev and I had done, it was too late. Everything was already out of control.”

  Glaring at Kari from across the room with my arms folded and my body stiff, I felt emotionless. I stared off out the window contemplating my next move.

  Interrupting my thoughts, Kari cleared his throat. “So are you going to go ahead and tell me about Byron now?”

  At first I thought my heart had stopped. Then it suddenly sped up and started palpitating wildly at the mention of Byron’s name. I snapped my neck to look at Kari. He still looked pitiful, but his eyes showed a disdain that wasn’t present before.

  “What are you talking about, Kari?”

  He gripped his left hand over his right fist. “Don’t play me, Scottie. You’ve been running around with him and thinking that I wouldn’t find out while you strung me along.”

  “You’re being ridiculous,” I said halfheartedly. Truth was, I was tired. Tired of running from my emotions, tired of running from love, tired of hiding, tired of lying, tired of the deception—genuinely tired. I’d been running since I’d left Los Angeles.

  “Kelvin told me that he thought he saw you at the Jay concert with Byron, just after our sudden breakup, which was right after you met him at work, if I recall correctly. Then you took a secret trip that you lied about. It all makes sense. Not to mention the unusually expensive things you’ve been popping up with.”

  I dropped to my knees at Kari’s feet. I slowly raised my head and was face-to-face with his balled up fist. Still seated, he was looking at the floor when I began pleading, “Kari, please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It’s over with him. I was blinded. I can admit it now. I was trying to live out some elaborate fantasy that I thought I wanted. I don’t know how I got wrapped up in all of it so easy, but I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “I know how, you watch too much fucking TV and you want to be those bitches. It looks fun, but that shit’s no
t real. You had a real man in me and you couldn’t see that! All I ever did was love you, but I was hesitant to tell you because I didn’t want to scare you away and look…you ran away anyway.”

  A single tear fell from Kari’s eye. I reached toward his face, but he brushed my hand back. I collapsed on the floor in tears as he got up to leave.

  “Kari! Kari! Wait, don’t leave like this!” I begged.

  Kari was unresponsive to my plea. My next move was not calculated…it simply flowed from the pain that I felt in my soul. “Kari, I love you.”

  He paused. With his back to me, he mumbled something under his breath. Then, his steps continued toward the door, as rapid and deliberate as they had been before.

  Chapter 23

  Trust Me

  “Welcome to Los Angeles. The current temperature is seventy-two degrees. We hope that you enjoyed your flight and we thank you for flying with Delta Airlines.”

  The plan was to use the entire five-hour flight to relax, but I couldn’t block out the tears, the images, the yelling, and the pain. The scenario replayed over and over in my head. It was a short film, a drama, featuring me and starring Kari. It had been weeks since we last spoke.

  I walked up the breezeway and finally made the call that had been the most recent cause of my anxiety.

  “Where are you?” I questioned, without nearly considering a traditional greeting.

  “Well, hello to you too, stranger.”

  “I need to see you. Today. As soon as possible.” I felt my heart thumping through my chest as I spoke. Unsure of what he would say, I added, “It’s important.”

  “Okay.” That simple answer spoke to me in a way that I hadn’t expected.

  “Great…lunch…one o’clock…Urth Caffé on Melrose,” I said.

  “I’ll see you then.”

  I gathered my suitcase at baggage claim, then headed to the Enterprise counter to pick up my rental car. With that, I was rollin’. Top down on the silver convertible with my freshly dyed, jet-black, barely-there hair not quite blowing in the wind. I was on my way.

  This girl was back in La La Land and happy. I missed the city that I once shared an intense love affair with. The air in my city was different. The sun was shining brighter. I felt at ease.

  I cranked up Power 106, and my jam of the week was rattling through the speakers. “A Milli, A Milli,” I rapped along with Lil Wayne like I was on Star Search looking for a contract.

  An old, wrinkled-up woman in her Mercedes pulled up next to me and I could have sworn that she looked over and gave me the side eye, but it didn’t matter. I was in my element and I was feeling like “A Milli.”

  Melrose was packed as usual. Luckily, I was able to snag a corner table on the patio, after an Asian, earthy, flower child-looking chick with dreads wrapped up her afternoon herbal tea and ginger root cookie fest. The constant flow of traffic and people was what I wanted to break up any potentially awkward or weird moments that were soon to come.

  In the distance I spotted long, sandy-blond dreads swaying with a familiar stride. From what I could see without looking too pressed, he definitely maintained his sexy since the last time that we were together.

  I quickly dug in my purse for my pocket mirror. I needed to triple check my lips, face, and hair before he got any closer. It had been over a year since we’d last laid eyes on each other and almost as long since we’d last spoke. For what I had to say, I needed to look damn good.

  I stood in my fall-brown Aldo pumps making me eye-to-eye with Ivan. He looked good. My stomach fluttered, but I kept calm and greeted him with poise. “Thank you for coming on such short notice. It’s good to see you.”

  Ivan, on the other hand, wasn’t doing so well at hiding his cards. “You look fantastic! It’s been so long. Look at you…shoes are amazing and matching your blouse, always on point. I see New York has been keeping you as stylish as ever.”

  I smiled. “Thanks, I do what I can.”

  “I’m loving the short cut, too. I would never have imagined that you would cut all of your hair off. It works really well with your face, though.” Ivan reached over and touched my cheek.

  I instantly felt conflicted. “Let’s sit down.”

  “So what brings you to L.A.? Are you back for good?”

  I laughed at the assumption that I could be calling him because I was moving back. “No, not for good. I’m actually here on a quick trip for work. So I’m only in town for two days.”

  “Well, I’m glad that you made the time to see me.”

  “I had to…”

  And as I was about to delve into the reason for the impromptu lunch meeting, the waitress interrupted to ask if we were ready to order. I went ahead and ordered my salad. Ivan ordered a sandwich.

  “As I was saying, I had to see you.” I looked into Ivan’s eyes as I had a year earlier. “I’ve grown a lot in this past year and I’ve also learned a lot about myself. I met an exceptionally sweet, thoughtful, and handsome man who truly cared for me.”

  I could see Ivan developing a quizzical look on his face, but I maintained a steady and calm tone.

  “But,” I continued. “I didn’t know how to receive him and allow him to treat me well because all of the shit that you put me through.”

  Ivan looked taken aback. He tried to speak but I interjected. “Wait, let me finish. I don’t want you to misunderstand. I’m not here to bash you. I also have to take responsibility for what I allowed you to do in our relationship…or whatever you want to call it. That’s why I’m here. To take responsibility, to make peace.”

  Ivan seemed shocked at the course of the conversation. I could tell that this was not at all what he envisioned. “I’d be lying if I said that I saw this coming,” Ivan confessed. “So…you’re telling me about your new man and on top of that telling me how horrible I was to you?”

  “You can take it however you’d like. But for me, it’s not about you; it’s about me, and that’s my sole purpose. When I left so abruptly last year, I thought that I was doing the right thing by getting away from you. But I didn’t realize that I was holding on to things from our past that held me back from truly moving on and from allowing myself to accept someone good into my life. Because of my burdens, I couldn’t open up and give of myself because I couldn’t trust that the person’s intentions were solid. After so much time spent hoping and wishing that a person would be right and treat you right…you eventually get let down so much that you think everyone else has to be just as wrong and ill-intentioned as the previous person that you were with.”

  “Wow, Scottie. You went real deep on me,” Ivan said, as he played with the hairs in his perfectly lined goatee. He sat quiet as though he was thinking of what he wanted to say next.

  I tried to relieve some of the pressure. “Ivan, I have love for you and I always will. I didn’t call you here for you to really say anything. I needed you to hear me.”

  “Well, I heard you. Loud, very clear and without hesitation. I heard you,” he said, with an inflection of sadness.

  I walked away feeling like for once, Ivan and I had an understanding. We were finally on the same page, and that was a relief. In the future, I didn’t envision that we would be friends calling each other on weekends, but we left the relationship in such a way that we could be cordial to one another with a mutual underlying respect.

  • • •

  I didn’t have to work until the following day so I simply wanted to check into my hotel and lie by the pool. Even though it wasn’t exactly summer, it still wasn’t New York weather.

  The room was gorgeous and definitely surpassed my standards. I flipped on the flat-screen television to catch a bit of entertainment news while I changed into my swimwear slash loungewear.

  The words blared through the television speakers crisp and clear: “Byron Stalling has been arrested and charged with stalking, unlawful entry, and battery.”

  My canister of Carol’s Daughter body butter splattered all over my legs as it fell to my f
eet. I ran to the TV and they had an awful-looking picture of Byron plastered on the screen. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days and his facial hair was wild and unkempt.

  After they went to commercial, I stood looking at the screen in a daze.

  That could have been me.

  I started thanking God aloud as I crawled on the bed sobbing quietly. I wasn’t sure why I was crying, but it felt like a release.

  The lure of celebrity, fame, power and money was what I thought I’d left behind when I moved from Los Angeles. But I guess it will follow you wherever you allow it. Lucky for me I didn’t catch a beat down behind it.

  I was so ready to get back to New York. I missed my new home and all that it had to offer. After I finished up my work the following day, I headed straight for the airport. My chocolate Franco Sarto riding boots thumped down the breezeway. I was excited to tuck into my window seat. My mission was to write a letter and email it to the man who it took me entirely too much time and heartache to realize that I loved.

  THE END

  Acknowledgments

  God put the dream in my heart and the drive in my spirit to complete this work of fiction. I thank God for the dream and the passion to push it to completion. I owe a huge thank you to my parents, Jocelyn and Thomas Owens, for being extremely supportive with every decision that I made along this journey. To my brothers, Thomas Jr., Devon, and Jalen, I love you more than you know. My grandparents weren’t aware of this, but they were a part of the motivation in getting this project completed and published. My grandfather had to drop out of school and work in the fields in Texas to help support his family. My grandmother sacrificed her dreams for her family. They worked hard and provided a wonderful life. This is for you!

  My family, from the Owens side to the Francis side and beyond, I love you all. Special shout-out to my Sunday afternoon at Grandma’s house peeps: Aunt Peggy, Aunt Shawn, Auset, Amdwat, Amarw, Aunt Bert, Carlos, Charles aka Kphra, Cole, Cayden, Domo, Jasmine, Jason, Jakinda, Joey, Richard, Raynell, Shamica, and the next great Chef, Stephanie. She’s my cousin, confidante, whip-cracker, sounding board, motivator, and most importantly my sister, Miss Kristen Turner. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.