by Ted Dykstra
“Not a sour note. Not a lost chord. Not a misplaced phrase.”
—The Toronto Star
“2 Pianos 4 Hands is destined to travel far, not only across Canada, but also within international cultural circles.”
—Variety
“Be glad Ted Dykstra and Richard Greenblatt suffered tormented childhoods. Be thankful, in fact. Because if they hadn’t, odds are 2 Pianos 4 Hands, their hilarious show, might never have happened.”
—The Washington Post
“A shining 2 Pianos 4 Hands is about the rigors of mastering the instrument, but it’s for anyone with a dream.”
—The Los Angeles Times
“A damn fine way to treat two Steinways.”
—The Independent (UK)
“Enormously enjoyable.”
—The Times of London
“2 Pianos 4 Hands is a night to savour.”
—The Sydney Morning Herald
**** “Magical! Superb! Laugh-out-loud funny! Poignant! Perfection! This is the last time that 2 Pianos 4 Hands is coming our way before Ted Dykstra and Richard Greenblatt retire the show. Don’t miss these farewell performances.”
—Paula Citron, The Globe and Mail (2011)
“A concerto of musical mayhem.”
—Alex Reynolds, CHCH News
“Simple, charming, funny, brilliant. A wonderful showcase for Toronto talent. Something we can really be proud of.”
—Marichka Melnyk, CBC’s Here and Now
“An absolute joy. Don’t miss Dykstra and Greenblatt’s great humour and music.”
—Margo Kelly, CBC
“Tremendous! 2 Pianos 4 Hands has been in constant production for sixteen years because it’s a sensational two man show. The show captures magnificently the joy and the anguish of being gifted.”
—John Moore, Newstalk 1010
**** “Fresh and deliciously entertaining.”
—Robert Crew, The Toronto Star
“A show that celebrates so strongly not just music but optimism triumphing in the face of disappointment.”
—Patrick Langston, The Ottawa Citizen
2 Pianos 4 Hands © 1996 Copyright Talking Fingers Inc. (Ted Dykstra & Richard Greenblatt)
Playwrights Canada Press
202-269 Richmond Street West, Toronto, ON, Canada M5V 1X1
phone 416.703.0013 • [email protected] • www.playwrightscanada.com
No part of this book may be reproduced, downloaded, or used in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for excerpts in a review or by a licence from Access Copyright, www.accesscopyright.ca.
For professional or amateur production rights, please contact Marquis Entertainment:
312-73 Richmond Street W., Toronto, ON M5H 4E8, Canada
phone 416.960.9123 [email protected], www.marquisent.ca, www.2pianos4hands.com
Cover and book design by Blake Sproule
The Alegreya serif typeface used was designed by Juan Pablo del Peral. The Source Sans Pro sans serif typeface was designed by Paul D. Hunt. The typefaces are used under the SIL Open font license version 1.1
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Dykstra, Ted
2 pianos 4 hands [electronic resource] / Ted Dykstra and Richard Greenblatt.
A play.
Electronic monograph in multiple formats.
Issued also in print format.
ISBN 978-1-77091-093-5 (PDF).--ISBN 978-1-77091-095-9 (EPUB)
I. Greenblatt, Richard, 1952- II. Title. III. Title: Two pianos
four hands.
PS8607.Y59T86 2012 C812’.6 C2012-904502-0
We acknowledge the financial support of the Canada Council for the Arts, the Ontario Arts Council (OAC)—an agency of the Government of Ontario, which last year funded 1,681 individual artists and 1,125 organizations in 216 communities across Ontario for a total of $52.8 million—the Ontario Media Development Corporation, and the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund for our publishing activities.
Many people have asked us why it’s taken over fifteen years and over five thousand performances in some two hundred cities on five continents to publish this script after its original opening at the Tarragon Theatre in Toronto in the spring of 1996.
Maybe because this is a piece that is inimitably meant to be performed rather than read. Maybe because it was created as a collective of two, stemming from anecdotes, memories, dreams, and nightmares, and only written down later as a chronicle of what we improvised. Maybe because the music played in the show is so inextricably linked to its theatrical essence and which cannot, almost by definition, be communicated with words. For whatever reason, we are very happy to present this now as a record of the work.
Whenever we perform it, we cannot help but make small changes. It is as if certain jokes or lines of dialogue have an expiration date, after which they go “off.” This version is simply the latest incarnation, after our runs in Toronto and Ottawa in 2011–2012. We have no doubt that if and/or when we perform it again, there will be similar small changes.
We are indebted to many people who helped in the development of this piece. But we dedicate this play to our piano teachers—Dr. Lilian Upright of Edmonton and the late Professor Dorothy Morton of Montreal—who were our other mothers.
And to all piano teachers everywhere.
—Richard Greenblatt & Ted Dykstra
Ted and his piano teacher, Dr. Lilian Upright.
Photo by Beatrice Campbell.
Richard at the first day of rehearsals, 1996.
Photo by Beatrice Campbell.
Foreword
I loved 2 Pianos 4 Hands from the first time I saw it in 1996 at the Tarragon Theatre in Toronto. My feelings about the piano, about music, about satisfying my demanding parents, seemed to be refracted in the kaleidoscopic vision of Ted Dykstra and Richard Greenblatt.
I felt that they had been luckier than me: my teacher was not like theirs. Unfortunately, I was subjected to an antique vestal virgin called Miss Jamieson on Stewart Street in downtown Ottawa. Walking to the lessons after leaving class at Elgin Street Public School, I used to put one foot in front of the other, toe to heel, in order to get there as slowly as possible—so as not to hear her thumping time while the student before me was playing, and to put off as long as possible having to peer into her densely powdered, highly rouged, and wrinkled face with its three hairy moles. This vision was topped by wispy white hair, tied up in a bun inexplicably covered with a black hairnet. She seemed to have a perpetual running sore on her neck, which she attacked with a flowered handkerchief of some indefinable material. I was always somewhat worried that I would catch something from it but I kept knowledge of this from my mother, who was paranoid about germs. I had only to say that someone had sneezed near me at school for her to want to keep me at home the next day. For some perverse reason, I never mentioned the handkerchief and the running sore as an excuse to get out of my piano lessons.
I can see the old upright piano jammed against the wall and the small bay window to the right. Miss Jamieson inhabited the top half of a duplex and out of the corner of my eye, through the seasons, I could see snow-covered branches, burgeoning green leaves, and then the magic red and yellow of the maples turning colour. None of this was any solace for the forty-five minutes I spent in Miss Jamieson’s presence each week. To make matters worse, she thought that my brother was a hidden musical genius. Every second sentence began with, “Your brother…” I kn
ew that my brother had better technique, more willpower to practise, and was probably going to be a prodigy. And at the age of eight, I knew that playing the piano was not going to be my way to any earthly spotlight. Nor did my parents delude themselves into thinking this. They simply gave me the dollar a week for my lesson because they thought that, like ballet, it would somehow render me more graceful, socially adept, and correct my posture slump.
My mother loved the piano and played by heart. She did everything with great verve and instinct with absolutely no training. She could play Chopin’s Nocturne in B Flat from memory, and if that had been the only thing she had to play, she could have filled concert halls with it. She also could knit anything just by looking at a picture and making up the pattern in her head. She was a kind of idiot savant, which I only learned to appreciate many, many years later. On days when I would come home from school and hear her playing Chopin, I knew it was going to be a better day than most. From her I learned the very basic thing about music: that it can be great solace in time of trouble.
When I saw Ted and Richard perform for the first time, all of these memories came rushing back, and when I think of their performance (I later went to two more in two different venues) I realized that playing the piano was not just about music, not just about playing “The Happy Farmer,” not just about your parents, but about what life wiggles in front of you as a promise and what it may or may not deliver.
History
In 1994 Ted and Richard formed Talking Fingers to write and workshop their new script, 2 Pianos 4 Hands. The play was subsequently programmed as part of Tarragon Theatre’s 1995–’96 season in Toronto and premiered in April 1996 to rave reviews and sold-out houses. Talking Fingers and the Tarragon shared the 1996 Dora Mavor Moore Award for Outstanding Production, and Ted and Richard received the prestigious Floyd S. Chalmers Canadian Play Award—Canada’s national playwriting award—that same year.
Immediately following the close of the premiere run in Toronto, Ted and Richard embarked on a national tour. They travelled from coast to coast with the show, stopping back at the Tarragon for a second run in the fall of 1996, and concluding in Vancouver in September of 1997 at the Vancouver Playhouse.
In October of 1997, backed by a team of producers including David and Ed Mirvish, 2 Pianos 4 Hands opened off-Broadway at the Promenade Theater. The production was widely acclaimed and ran for six months before transferring to the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC, in the spring of 1998. Ted and Richard returned to Toronto later that summer and again played to sold-out houses, this time at the historic Royal Alexandra Theatre, with Mirvish Productions.
The show had its European premiere at the Birmingham Repertory Theatre in the spring of 1999, a production that transferred later that fall to the Comedy Theatre in the West End of London.
Since then, Ted and Richard have twice reunited to perform in Toronto with Marquis Entertainment/Talking Fingers/Mirvish Productions, twice toured to Japan, where they have performed in Tokyo and toured throughout
the country, and in 2011–’12 embarked on a farewell tour that included visits to Ottawa and Vancouver.
There have been many other productions with other actors, both male and female, in Canada and across the globe.
Since its premiere, 2 Pianos 4 Hands has had more than four thousand performances at two hundred different theatres throughout Canada, the US, the UK, Japan, Australia, Hong Kong, New Zealand, South Africa, and beyond. Nearly two million people have seen the play on five continents worldwide, making it one of the most successful Canadian plays ever.
For more information about 2 Pianos 4 Hands, please visit the official show website: www.2pianos4hands.com and www.marquisent.ca.
Ted and Richard at their first costume fitting, Tarragon Theatre, Toronto, 1996.
Photo by Beatrice Campbell.
2 Pianos 4 Hands was originally produced in April 1996 by the Tarragon Theatre, Toronto, in association with Talking Fingers Inc., with the following cast:
Ted: Ted Dykstra
Richard: Richard Greenblatt
The production was directed by Ted Dykstra and Richard Greenblatt with Andy McKim as consulting director, production design by Steve Lucas, and stage management by Beatrice Campbell.
The play was first produced off-Broadway in October 1997 by Mirvish Productions with Ben Sprecher and William P. Miller, and featured the following cast:
Ted: Ted Dykstra
Richard: Richard Greenblatt
The production was directed by Gloria Muzio with Andy McKim as Associate Director, set and costume design by Steve Lucas, lighting design by Tharon Musser, and stage management by Beatrice Campbell.
2 Pianos 4 Hands is represented by Robert Richardson and Colin Rivers at Marquis Entertainment Inc., www.marquisent.ca.
Stage Manager extraordinaire, Beatrice Campbell, in front of the Royal Alexandra Theatre, Toronto, 1998.
Photo by Ted Dykstra & Richard Greenblatt.
Classical Music Featured in 2 Pianos 4 Hands
ACT I
Concerto in D minor, 1st Movement (J.S. Bach)
Sonatina No. 6 in F Major (Beethoven)
Sonata Facile in C Major, 1st Movement (Mozart)
Sonata for One Piano, Four Hands in D Major, 1st Movement (Mozart)
In der Halle des Bergkonigs, Peer Gynt Suite 1 (Edward Grieg)
Concerto in D minor, 1st Movement (J.S. Bach)
ACT II
Prelude in D flat Major (Chopin)
Leyenda (I. Albeniz)
Rondo for Two Pianos, Four Hands in C Major (Chopin)
Fantasiestucke No. 2 (Schumann)
Pathetique Sonata No. 8 in C minor, 1st and 2nd Movements (Beethoven)
Ballade No. 2 in F Major (Chopin)
Mephisto Waltz No. 1 (Franz Listz)
A Medley of Pop Tunes
Impromptu in A flat (Schubert)
Concerto in D minor, 1st Movement (J.S. Bach)
IN THE BEGINNING
RICHARD and TED enter dressed in concert tails, come to a spot at centre stage, and bow to the audience. RICHARD turns to bow to TED but TED has already left the centre to go to his piano. An awkward moment. RICHARD goes to his piano. They sit.
Something is wrong. TED is not happy. He makes his way to RICHARD’s piano and whispers something. After a short conference, RICHARD gets up and offers his piano to TED. They sit again.
TED goes once again to RICHARD. After another more spirited discussion, RICHARD goes to the other piano. They pick up their benches and exchange them. Apologizing to the audience, they sit again.
They are ready to begin. TED adjusts his bench several times, shifting each time just as RICHARD is about to play. Finally, TED rolls his head to loosen it up. RICHARD’s head sinks down to the keyboard. TED plays a low note to get RICHARD’s attention. RICHARD looks up and TED motions to him that he’s ready to go. Finally, they begin to play the first movement of Bach’s D Minor Piano Concerto.
Everything is going swimmingly until about a minute in. One of them starts a different section. They are not together. They look at each other in horror. The piece is disintegrating. It grinds to a halt and TED plays two finishing chords. They look at the audience, at each other, and at their hands.
Ted and Richard in front of the Great Canadian Theatre Company, Ottawa, during their first Canadian tour, 1996.
Photo by Beatrice Campbell.
ACT I
Out of this abyss, TED raises one finger. It descends on middle C and he plays a C major scale.
TED
C Major: ONE FINGER, ONE HAND, ONE OCTAVE.
RICHARD
D Flat Major: WITH FINGERING, ONE OCTAVE, ONE HAND.
TED
D Major: WITH FINGERING, ONE OCTAVE, TWO HANDS.
RICHARD
E Flat Major: TWO OCTAVES, TW
O HANDS, SLIGHTLY FASTER.
TED
E Major: FOUR OCTAVES, QUITE FAST.
RICHARD
F Major: CONTRARY MOTION PATTERN, EVEN FASTER.
TED
F Sharp Minor: HARMONIC, FOUR OCTAVES.
RICHARD
G Major: ARPEGGIO, FOUR OCTAVES.
TED
A Flat Major: BROKEN CHORDS, TWO OCTAVES.
RICHARD
A Minor: MELODIC MINOR, FOUR OCTAVES.
TED
B Flat Diminished Seventh: BROKEN CHORDS, TWO OCTAVES.
RICHARD
B Major: SYNCOPATED OCTAVES.
They are now cooking with gas. In a last, glorious explosion they join forces, pounding out a heart-stopping succession of octaves in a grand finale kind of way.
After the last crashing octave, the well-known and terribly simple bass pattern to “Heart and Soul,” that even people who have never had a lesson seem to know how to play, is heard. The players take us through different styles and keys of this old chestnut, taking it to places few have dared to go. They move into “Chopsticks” and the knuckle-roll song—more favourites. The arrangement finishes with them playing a simple scale with one finger, a third apart, for two octaves, ending with trills and leading into…
LESSONS I
RICHARD plays “I Hear a Bird,” ignoring the rests.
TED
(throughout) Rests, Richie. No, rests. Richie, rests. Richie… you’re too young to use the pedal.
RICHARD takes his foot off the sustain pedal.
TED plays “In My Little Birch Canoe.”
RICHARD
Curve your fingers. (TED does, raising his wrists.) Lower your wrists. (TED does, straightening his fingers.) Curve your fingers. Lower your wrists. Curve your fingers. Lower your wrists. (singing in time to the music) Curve your fingers and lower your wrists at the same time, TEDdy.