The Naughty List

by Caisey Quinn

  Until his eyes catch the writing on the back.

  “What’s this?” He glances at me then back at the list. “Your Christmas wishlist on here, Rossi?”

  “Give it back, Jonah. I’m serious.” Oh God. I can’t breathe.

  I reach for it and he steps backward. “Hang on a minute. I need to know what to get you for Christmas.”

  His eyebrows shoot up as soon as he makes out the words. His lips move as he reads. I never noticed that before.

  I give myself a mental slap for losing sight of what’s important here.

  “Adult toys, lingerie, and law breaking?” Jonah nods appreciatively. “Aren’t you a busy little elf this holiday season?”

  “Shut up. My sister-in-law wrote that. She thought it would show you that I deserve the job.” I sigh heavily. “You’ve had your fun. Now give it back.”

  He hasn’t made it to number six yet.

  Please, sweet baby Jesus, don’t let him make it to number six.

  “Hang on,” he says, reaching out and keeping me at arm’s length. “What else have we got here?”

  “Jonah!” I make a grab for the list, swiping my hand wildly, hoping to at least tear it.

  I miss, catching his towel instead.

  In one split-second, my entire universe takes a hard left.

  Jonah’s towel falls and he is naked, holding a piece of paper that suggests I sit on his face.

  All I can do is put my hand over my mouth.

  Maybe I should’ve covered my eyes instead, but screw that. That delicious V of his hips leads exactly where I knew it would. To a close-shaved patch of dark hair above Jonah’s thick, jutting cock. It’s not fully hard, but it’s not fully soft either. Meaning this conversation is doing something for him. I’m doing something for him.

  Suddenly I know exactly what I want for Christmas.

  “You’re staring, Hollis,” he says evenly.

  I squeeze my eyes shut. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  “I know you didn’t. But now you have. What should we do about that?”

  I hear him picking up the towel and wrapping it around his waist again.

  “I don’t know,” I say, opening my eyes slowly. “What do you want to do about it?”

  My entire body heats to a dangerous degree as blood pumps hard and hot through my core.

  Jonah doesn’t answer. He just hands the list to me. It hardly seems to matter now.

  “Thanks,” I mumble as I stuff it back into my purse.

  “You’re welcome.”

  His chest expands with every breath. I’m not the only one struggling to recover from what just happened.

  “I am sorry for assaulting you. I swear I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

  But I am not sorry I saw your beautiful dick so now I can fantasize accurately.

  He nods, a hint of a grin teasing his full masculine lips. “It’s okay. We’re adults. Pretty sure you knew I had a dick.”

  Yeah, but I couldn’t have picked out of a lineup before.

  Now I can.

  “Do you want me to show you my boobs?” I shrug. “Even the score?”

  His eyebrows lift abruptly. “Tempting. But probably not a good idea.” He turns away from me somewhat brusquely, heading toward his bedroom. “We’re too old for games,” he calls over his shoulder as if it’s an afterthought. “There’s no score.”

  Ignoring the sting of rejection—which is ridiculous since I was only kidding…mostly, I gather the chew toys and attach the boys to their leashes.

  “Bet you guys wouldn’t turn down an offer to see my boobs,” I mumble, taking turns scratching behind their ears.

  The only men I can count on have four legs and drool issues.

  Maybe Jonah’s right. Maybe we’re too old for games.

  Or maybe he’s afraid I might win.

  6

  JONAH

  MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME

  The following morning I’m trying my best to forget I ever saw Hollis’s list of ways to destroy me when she blows into my office like a hurricane, dumping five vibrators noisily onto my desk.

  Pink. Purple. Black. Some boxes are larger than others.

  “What the fu—”

  “I’ve numbered them in order from most effective to least effective,” Hollis informs me matter-of-factly as she slaps a folder down beside the sex toys. “Don’t worry, I bought duplicates. These haven’t been used. I kept a set for myself. And I’ve typed up a report on each of them. On the last page you’ll find a color-coded chart that compares and contrasts each of their features.”

  She’s obviously lost her mind.

  “Okay. And the purpose of this would be…”

  She narrows her eyes. “You know the purpose. You think I can’t handle the adult toy store? Please. The manager invited me to her wedding before I left.”

  This doesn’t surprise me. Hollis is lovable as fuck. Hence why I keep my distance.

  “Hollis, this isn’t necessary. I told you. You’re not—”

  “Stop telling me what I’m not, Jonah. Give me a chance to show you what I am.”

  Another bag. More boxes. Raining down on my desk.

  Zeus perks up from his bed beside my couch. He hasn’t been eating much or acting quite like himself, so I brought him to work with me.

  “These treats aren’t for you, Z,” Hollis tells him.

  I glance down out of curiosity.

  Three boxes. Each one a different type of restraints.

  “These have the highest rating online,” Hollis informs me, pointing to the black box with red script on it. “KeKe, the manager, says the leather ones pinch and the soft velcro ones are actually her favorite. I couldn’t test them on my own but I tried them around my ankles and wrists and she’s right. The soft ones are the best. She said you can put the straps under the mattress then—”

  “Enough,” I roar, because the image of her restrained is too much. Zeus lifts his head in concern so I lower my voice. “Take your toys and go. You’ve made your point.”

  With a self-satisfied smirk, Hollis empties the rest of the bag containing fuzzy handcuffs, vibrating anal plugs, and edible underwear onto my desk.

  “These are the best sellers. We can make a list of what you’re into and I can customize future shopping lists to your needs. Whips, blindfolds, riding crops, collars, whatever you prefer. They had a really impressive selection.”

  I’ve had all of this that I can take.

  I stand, adjusting myself so the tightening in the crotch of my pants isn’t obvious, and smirk at her in a way I know she finds annoying.

  “This is really cute, Hollis. I appreciate the effort. Truly, I do.” The confidence begins to fade from her eyes. “I know it probably took a lot of courage to face the big bad dildos, but your little list isn’t going to change anything. This position isn’t for you and deep down you know I’m right.”

  Zeus stands and moves toward Hollis protectively. He doesn’t like me talking to her this way, intimidating her. That makes two of us.

  “You’re wrong, Jonah,” she says evenly, patting Zeus on the head, signaling him to relax. “You’ll see. No one could do this job better than me. We have a meeting at three-thirty today. I put it on your calendar. Meet me at the address I specified. I’ve put the directions into your GPS already.”

  Exhaling heavily, I cross my arms. “I told you, I’m not playing these games. I have more important things to do.”

  She flinches, barely. But I see it.

  It’s impressive that she keeps her chin up even as I tear her efforts down.

  “No games. After this meeting, if you still don’t think I can handle the job, I’ll drop it. Swear it.”

  There has to be a catch. “What’s the catch?”

  She shrugs one shoulder noncommittally. “No catch. I’m putting my best foot forward at this meeting. If you still don’t see that I’m a better choice than the pizza boy, I’ll drop it. Forever.”

  She’s trying
to be nonchalant but there’s an undercurrent of fear beneath her calm exterior.

  “Okay then. One meeting. Why can’t we do it here?”

  Meet here. I should’ve said meet here. Note to self, don’t say do it to your sexy dog walker. Ever.

  She doesn’t seem to pick up on my discomfort. “Because…the meeting needs to be on location. There are wardrobe changes involved and it’s important that you get the full effect of my presentation.”

  I rake a hand through my hair. I’ve got to pull it together. I’m even stressing Z out. It would be easier to calm myself if there wasn’t a desk full of sex toys between us.

  “Fine. Three-thirty. I’ll be there. And you’ll drop this insanity afterward?”

  She nods. “If you really don’t think I’m the right person for the job after our meeting, then yes. I will.”

  “Hollis…I’m serious. I appreciate the point you’re trying to make but—”

  “See you later, boss,” she says, whirling away from me. She clips a leash onto Zeus and they leave me alone with a desk full of new toys.

  Later that afternoon, my GPS leads me to a store with a French name I don’t recognize.

  A mannequin in the window wears pale blue lace lingerie and a fancy hat.

  What the hell has Hollis gotten me into?

  This has to be that damn list. Her sister or sister-in-law or whoever’s crazy scheming ideas about how Hollis could prove she deserves the position as my assistant.

  I got the consumer reports on the sex toys. Now I get the lingerie.

  Here goes nothing.

  I slam the Range Rover into park and shut off the engine.

  Surely Hollis Rossi is not about to model lingerie for me. She’s definitely too shy for that. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her swear and she’s always dressed modestly.

  After this, we can stop this nonsense and go back to our regularly scheduled lives. Finally. If she wants me to sit through the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, so be it.

  I survived a year in a damn jungle. Several years in an octagon with men wanting to kill me. And scarier than either of those, my childhood.

  I can handle anything Hollis Rossi throws at me.

  I’m still repeating the mantra in my head when I enter the store and a bell chimes overhead.

  Thankfully, Hollis is fully clothed when I walk into the frilly store. She holds an armful of lingerie while talking to an older woman. Her face lights up when she sees me.

  “There he is, Madeline. Didn’t I tell you he’d be right on time?”

  The store is empty save for us and one other lady minding her own business, but this is why I have a personal assistant.

  I don’t shop. I hardly go into public at all if I can help it.

  “This is where you want to have a meeting, Hollis?” I say in lieu of a greeting. “Not exactly the most ideal location for a business meeting if I’m being honest.”

  Hollis remains unfazed by my attitude.

  “Madeline, this is my boss, Jonah. Jonah, Madeline here has owned and operated this store for eleven years. She has three daughters and four beautiful grandchildren.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I offer as kindly as I can manage. Of course Hollis already knows this woman’s life story. She’ll probably send her grandkids Christmas presents.

  Madeline smiles sweetly at me and then at Hollis. “You were right. He’s very handsome.”

  Hollis winks at me.

  “Shall we?” Madeline offers, extending an arm toward a curtain that leads to God knows where.

  I widen my eyes at Hollis. She smiles mischievously.

  “Come, Jonah,” she whispers, her words shooting straight to my dick. “We don’t want to disappoint Madeline.”

  This woman makes me insane.

  “Yes, of course. Can’t have that.”

  The next thing I know, I’m sitting in a periwinkle chair that feels like a cloud in a room full of mirrors. Half-naked mannequins surround me.

  Like a fun house from my dirtiest dreams.

  I wait for what feels like forever while various women come in and out of the stalls, chatting with Madeline, then with Hollis. A few of them sneak glances at me here and there but I’m careful not to make eye contact.

  The press would just love to get a whiff of this. They’ve hit me hard with nothing but negative publicity since I left the UFC. One grainy cell phone photo of me here and the front page of tomorrow’s paper would probably accuse me of cross-dressing.

  I focus on my phone, scrolling through work E-mails, pretending the anxiety of not knowing what the hell is about to happen isn’t driving me mad.

  Finally, Hollis closes the curtains on three of the dressing rooms and claps her hands.

  “Jonah, if we can have your attention, I think you’ll find exactly what you’re looking for.”

  What I’m looking for. Right.

  “And what is that, Hollis? Women’s underwear?”

  She smiles patiently. “I spoke with Eli and whether you know it or not, most of the things you’ve purchased this past year come from Madeline’s shop. So I spoke with Madeline and she informed me that she has a VIP subscription box we can sign up for. Every month, you’ll receive custom, hand-picked items fitting of your taste.”

  I lean back in the chair.

  Fine. She wants to attempt to push my buttons, I can humor her.

  “So we determine my taste with a fashion show?” I scratch my eyebrow with one finger. “What about sizes, Hollis? This isn’t a one-size fits all situation. I think you know that.”

  “Ladies,” she says with a cheshire cat grin that makes me nervous. “Let’s show him what we got.”

  Three curtains open and three different sized and shaped women stand clad in lace and leather and a see-through fabric I don’t have a name for.

  The redhead on the end is tall and thin like a runway model. The blonde is petite but with supple curves. The brunette is a mix of the other two. Slightly taller than the redhead but thicker and shapelier than the blonde.

  Each of them dons a different theme. The redhead wears dominatrix leather. The blonde has on a frilly pink number and the brunette barely wears anything more than a few scraps of lace but the colors are tasteful, neutral.

  “One,” Hollis says pointing at Red. “Two.” She gestures to the blonde. “And three,” she says, smiling warmly at the brunette. “Jonah, if you’ll simply tell us, each round, which number you prefer, Madeline will customize your online profile based on your choices. All of the designs come in a wide range of sizes.”

  Each round.

  Christ. I might as well be back in the octagon.

  “This way,” she continues. “At all times, you’ll have plenty of options on hand to choose from for your companions and your assistant won’t have to make any mad dashes to the lingerie store at the last minute.”

  Her eyes meet mine. The message in them is clear.

  Checkmate.

  What can I say? She’s literally thought of everything.

  I get comfortable in the chair and attempt to relax. She’s worked hard to set this up. Only real option here is to play along. “Two,” I say evenly. “And three.”

  She nods. “Thank you, ladies. Next.”

  Madeline uses an iPad to mark my choices.

  And so it goes. Round after round. At some point, Madeline brings me a water and asks if I need anything stronger.

  I decline.

  It’s a decision I come to regret when Hollis dismisses the girls and disappears into the back with the storeowner.

  I’m just about to call out and ask if we’re done here, when Hollis returns. Alone. Wearing a short red silk robe that ends at the lower curve of her pert ass.

  It reminds me of the outfit she wore the day we met. Hollis is dangerous in red.

  Her legs are bare and I know this is about to veer off into a direction I’m not prepared to travel.

  “You’re staring, Jonah,” she says softly.

 
; Propping my elbow on the chair, I rest my head against my fist and shake my head.

  “Christ, Hollis.” I clear my throat. “I’m a man and you’re…”

  Fucking gorgeous. Breathtaking. Damn near irresistible.

  Killing me.

  “An employee,” I finish because it’s the truth.

  She fidgets nervously, wringing her hands together in front of her.

  “I loved this one. I wanted you to see it, get the full effect, but Madeline didn’t have it in stock in any of the models’ sizes.”

  Time stands still, a wrenching ache making itself known in my gut as she lowers the robe.

  Only tiny red bows cover her nipples and the mouthwatering juncture at her thighs. They’re connected by some tiny scraps of lace and a silk ribbon.

  She’s literally a gift to unwrap.

  Testosterone floods my body, filling me with a possessive urge to claim her. Here. Now.

  For hours on end.

  My lungs are decimated at the sight of her exposed flesh, refusing to fill as fast as I need them to.

  I knew she had a nice body but I typically only see her in leggings and sweatshirts. It was easier to pretend she wasn’t a walking, talking wet dream when she was covered.

  “Do you like it?”

  Do I like it?

  I want to tear it off with my teeth.

  A chiming bell from the front of the store rings and all I can think is what if that’s a man? I don’t want anyone seeing the exposed parts of Hollis’s beautiful body.

  I stand abruptly, blocking the view of her should anyone venture back here. We overhear Madeline greeting someone. A male voice responds and I bull-rush Hollis into the nearest dressing room stall, yanking the curtain closed behind us.

  “Jonah,” she breathes, wide-eyed and clearly stunned by my behavior.

  I can relate.

  “Sorry,” I say, wishing I actually was. “I didn’t want some random dude seeing so much of you.”

  Her eyes darken visibly, the dressing room lights glinting off them in a way that makes her appear less like the wholesome woman I’ve come to know and more like an otherworldly vixen sent here to convince me everything I thought I knew is wrong.