The Naughty List

by Caisey Quinn

  She nods slowly. “I see that. I think he cares about you, too. But I’ve watched you put your own life on hold for the past two years. What has he put on hold for you? Anything?”

  I don’t have time for this in-depth analysis right now.

  “We have a lot to figure out. I know this.”

  “I read the story about him online this morning. About his temper and that boy he nearly killed.”

  I’d hoped my family hadn’t seen that but I knew the story—or some version of it—would make the rounds at the bar eventually.

  “It was a long time ago,” I tell her. “He was an out of control kid that grew up in the state foster care system. But he did grow up. He’s not like that anymore—rather, that’s not really who he is. He’s one of the sweetest, most generous people I know.”

  “Be careful, sweetheart. That’s all I’m saying.”

  “I will.” I hug her and tell her I’ll be back as soon as I can tomorrow.

  Once I’m on the road, on my way to Jonah, my mother’s words sink in.

  Have I put my life on hold?

  I don’t date. I don’t look for other jobs. I don’t move forward unless it suits Jonah.

  He’s right about one thing.

  We need to talk.

  “You’re not serious?”

  I stand in the middle of Jonah’s kitchen trying to focus on what he’s saying instead of remembering the last time I was here and naked on the countertop.

  “Do you know another way to come up with that kind of money, Hollis?”

  I frown. “I told you, we can do a fundraiser at the bar and—”

  “It’s a quarter of a million dollars. No local fundraiser is going to bring in that kind of cash.”

  I can’t think fast enough. He’s packed. His black suitcase looks military grade sitting ominously like a soldier by the door. He’s leaving for the airport as soon as his Uber arrives.

  “You forget things, Jonah. Like buying dog food. Appointments. People’s names. How many more hits can you take until you can’t remember your own?”

  “I don’t know. I hope we don’t find out.”

  “This is because of that story? The one that ran this morning? You don’t have to spend the rest of your life paying for one mistake, Jonah.”

  His eyes tighten. “I know that. It’s not that. I know I can’t do everything, but why wouldn’t I do what I can?”

  Because I’m scared.

  “There has to be another way to—”

  “There isn’t.” His phone chimes. His driver has arrived. He places his hands on my shoulders. “Think about what this will mean for the kids. A full-time ASL teacher for Lylah Kate. Maybe a cochlear implant if she’s a candidate. Tutors for the kids with learning disabilities. The kind of technology that will actually give them a chance in today’s world.”

  “Jonah...” I can’t argue with his list but it’s not his responsibility to provide those things.

  “I have to go, Hollis. Please, make yourself at home. I’ll keep in touch the best that I can. I really appreciate this.”

  He’s practically running out the door.

  I reach for his jacket and tug. “Jonah, please. Stop and think for just a minute. We need to talk.”

  He turns, meeting my stare with a heated one of his own. “I know it seems like I’m running away from you, Hollis. From whatever is going on with us. It’s just bad timing, that’s all. When I get back, we’ll talk. I swear it.”

  “Whatever your reasons are, I want to go on record saying I officially think this is a terrible idea.”

  He nods. “Noted.”

  “You left the UFC—that world, that life—for a reason. For lots of reasons.”

  “If anything happens to me, the boys are yours. Matter of fact, the WDA is yours too.”

  “Don’t say things like that.” A lump of emotion clogs my throat.

  “I’m kidding,” he says, leaning forward and kissing me on the cheek. “I’ll be back in a few days.”

  “So much for a merry Christmas,” I mumble because I know there’s no changing his mind. He’s still standing here physically, but I see the faraway look in his eyes.

  He’s already gone.

  When he opens the door, I can’t help myself. This mouth of mine has a mind of its own. “You’re sure you really want to do this?”

  Jonah stops, freezing in place and turning to face me once more. “Honestly? No.”

  “Then why—”

  “You know how I got into fighting in the first place? How I learned I could knock a guy out with one hit? Protecting the people I love, Hollis. I will always fight for the people I love. Always.”

  He kisses me once more, crushing his lips to mine. I savor the brief contact. But it’s over as quickly as it began and he’s out the door.

  It closes with a slam and I stare at it for a full minute.

  “When will you fight for us, Jonah?” I say only to myself. “When are you going to start fighting for your own happiness?”

  Only Zeus and Ache hear my desperate plea.

  Neither of them has an answer either.

  19

  JONAH

  COME ALL YE’ FAITHFUL

  Training is brutal but it has to be. The only way I stand a chance of holding my own against Stryker is to utilize every possible second.

  As soon as I arrive at the training facility, Rock looks me dead in the eyes and says, “You know we’re not training to win, Jonah. There’s not enough time. We’re training so you’ll survive.”

  My entire life everyone has underestimated me. Maybe the staff here is training me so I don’t get knocked out or worse in the first ten seconds, but I’m giving this everything I have knowing I can beat Stryker. I know him, his habits, his strengths and his weaknesses.

  In the past, I’ve been able to focus all of my mental and physical energy wholly on training. It was never something I struggled to do. But this time is different.

  Texting Hollis has taken on a life of its own since I left.

  At first, the messages were innocent.

  I let her know my plane landed safely and that I made it to the training facility in New York.

  She responded with a picture of her and the dogs in my bed. To which I responded that I was jealous of the dogs. Hollis Facetimed me to say goodnight and I noticed she was wearing one of my sweatshirts.

  The next thing I knew, my dick was rock hard and I was stroking it thinking about being in her mouth again.

  Our good morning texts have even turned dirty.

  She dreamt about me, which was logical since she slept in my bed. But she keeps teasing me with the content of her dream, promising to demonstrate when I get home if I don’t take the fight.

  Now I’m getting my ass handed to me during training while I seriously contemplate breaching the contracts I just signed.

  Every day should be the same.

  Up early, running, training, lifting, running, training, showering, crashing.

  Lather, rinse, repeat.

  But Hollis beckons me, sending me cute pictures of her and the boys, making me miss the ever-loving shit out of her.

  I’ve never had anyone to miss before.

  I don’t know if I like it.

  My former manager definitely doesn’t.

  Rock glares at me. “For fuck’s sakes, Jonah. What is so important on that damn phone?”

  I drop it into my bag and jog over to where the photographer is waiting to snap some promo pictures for the fight.

  “Sorry.”

  “You got a girl now, or what?” He positions me and I hold my hands up.

  “It’s complicated, Rock. It’s been a busy month.”

  “I get it, kid,” he huffs out. “But whoever she is, I’m sure she’s attached to that pretty face of yours. So let’s use these next forty-eight hours to work on keeping it in tact, shall we?”

  When I get back to my hotel room that night, I’m spent. I take the hottest shower I can tolerat
e and crawl into bed.

  I’m planning to text Hollis goodnight—hoping she’ll send a picture. Any picture. If she doesn’t, I’ll settle for the silly one of her with icing in her hair I took. Seeing her face is all I want. Before I fall asleep and when I first wake up.

  Then you should’ve stayed.

  I might be the only man alive who rushes off to get his ass beat by a former UFC champion because it’s the less frightening option.

  I reach into my bag, then pour the contents out onto the floor in search of my phone.

  It isn’t in there.

  Son of a bitch.

  Rock took my fucking phone.

  20

  HOLLIS

  JOY TO THE WORLD

  I haven’t heard from Jonah in two days.

  The fight is tomorrow night.

  The downtime has given me a chance to research Malachi Stryker and I don’t like anything I see.

  He’s put several opponents in the hospital. He’s merciless and huge and has it out for Jonah with a vengeance.

  He’s literally a former UFC champion and after watching his last fight on YouTube, I know I can’t watch him do that to Jonah. He aims for the head and swings like a cornered animal fighting for his life.

  “What do you mean you’re not going?” Addi gapes at me from across the table at our favorite coffee shop.

  I take a long drink of my caramel frapp. “Exactly what I said. I’m not going. I’m not watching that giant barbarian bash Jonah’s head in. Miss Nancy invited me to a pajama party for the kids to watch the ball drop and that’s how I’m going to spend my New Years.”

  Addi rolls her eyes. “Yeah, okay. You’ll go insane wondering if he’s okay,” she says matter-of-factly.

  “Miss Nancy bought the fight on pay-per view so I can check in if I want to. But I’m telling you, Addi, he shouldn’t be doing this. Not for all the money in the world. Miss Nancy agrees and she stands to benefit more than anyone else.”

  “Regardless, he is. He’s a grown man, Hollis. It’s his decision.”

  I nod. “I know. And I’ve made my peace with that. But it’s the wrong decision. Deep down, I think he knows that.”

  “Tell me something,” she says before taking a sip of her latte. “Why do you think he said yes? You think it’s really just about the money? Or about the charitable donation?”

  I shrug. “I think Jonah carries a lot of guilt around. About his past. About that kid he hurt years ago. I think maybe he feels like he deserves to be punished. If taking a beating benefits those kids, then that suits him fine because in his mind, he deserves it anyway.”

  Addi frowns at her cup. “That’s sad as shit. I read the article. It wasn’t all bad. The reporter mentioned that Jonah still pays that guy’s medical bills. And he bought him a house and paid to have it made handicap accessible. What more does he feel he should do?”

  “Rescue all the defenseless animals in the world and fix the lives of all the children living in the group home where he grew up.”

  Sighing, she levels me with her gaze. “Don’t you two make quite the pair? Saving the world, one good deed at a time.”

  “What good deeds have I done?”

  She laughs as if I’ve said something amusing. “Oh, I don’t know, Hollis. Just everything anyone has ever asked of you. Taking care of your parents, your grandfather, the bar, your brothers, Jonah, his dogs.” She sets her cup aside. “Have you ever actually said no before?”

  “I’m not going to the fight, Addi. It’s a no for me. So yes, I have.”

  “My money says you’ll be there, Hollis. You may not be ready to face it, but you’re in love with him. And as someone who’s been there, I can honestly tell you, love has no limits. You may not want to go, but you’ll end up there. One way or another.”

  “You’re wrong,” I tell her, because for once, she is. “I couldn’t finish watching the fight online of that guy pummeling a dude I didn’t even know. There’s no way I could watch him do that to Jonah live and in person.”

  “Maybe he won’t. Maybe Jonah will straight up kick his ass.”

  I scoff at her. “Jonah left on a redeye flight to get a year’s worth of training in one week. How well do you think that’s going to go?”

  Her shoulders slump. “It’s a shame they couldn’t have given him more time.”

  More time.

  Yes, that would’ve been nice.

  I wanted more time with Jonah. More time to explore what was happening between us. More time together to figure it out.

  Fear settles cold in my bones.

  There’s a chance that after this fight, Jonah won’t be Jonah anymore. What then?

  Will he still be so passionate about the WDA? Will he still spar with the boys from the group home on Saturday mornings?

  Will he still want me?

  All I have is questions without answers. Because he’s gone and he’s incommunicado.

  Seeing the turmoil on my face, Addi reaches across the table and places her hand on mine.

  “For what it’s worth, I used to watch Jonah fight on TV with your brother sometimes. He’s good, Hollis. I mean really good. No one would’ve cared that he walked away if he’d been mediocre. There’s a reason there’s so much at stake here.”

  Money, she means money.

  But my heart aches straight through my chest.

  There’s a lot more at stake here than money.

  21

  JONAH

  I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

  “She’s where?”

  Addison Rossi stands outside the locker room at the edge of the concrete hallway leading to the octagon telling me news I can’t handle at the moment.

  “The group home, Jonah. She’s at some New Year’s party for the kids.”

  “I need her here.”

  Addison takes a visibly deep breath. “Have you ever thought about what she needs?”

  After Rock took my phone, I wasn’t able to communicate with Hollis these past two days. I left her a voicemail when I boarded the plane to come home this morning but she never responded. I thought she’d be here. No, I expected it. Because she’s always done what was best for me. Something I’ve taken for granted.

  I’ve taken her for granted.

  “What does she need from me?”

  Addison looks at me like I’m mentally challenged. “Seriously? If you don’t know then—”

  The rest of her sentence is drowned out by the crowd and a group of security guards approaching. It’s insane in here. Flashing lights and cameras and roaring voices waiting for me at the end of the hall.

  The Garden is sold out and I can’t hear myself think.

  I’m amped up to sonic boom level, testosterone and adrenaline fueling the inferno burning inside me.

  “We have to get out there, Jonah,” Rock says, blocking my view of Addison. He pulls the black hood over my head and I see the red edges of the X that spreads across the back of my robe.

  I’m swept into the group and escorted toward the octagon. Once I’m in the center, I lower my hood and stare at all of it, remembering the rush. Remembering the soul-deep satisfying feel of victory over my opponent.

  For a long time, I thought it was the best feeling in the world. Wondered if I’d ever feel that type of rush again. Figured I probably wouldn’t.

  And now it’s nothing compared to how Hollis makes me feel just by existing. Her smile, her laugh, her touch.

  The past week has been the hardest of my life, and I’ve survived the jungle and the state foster care system so that’s saying something. But not because of the strenuous schedule, or cutting weight, or the endless endurance training.

  Because I have missed my girl.

  And it’s time I ask her if she’s ready to be that, because once Hollis Rossi is officially mine, I am never, ever letting her go.

  I made this mistake before. Lost everything once already.

  I won’t do it again.

  I won’t lose her over this.<
br />
  I begin to unwrap my hands. The staff Rock hired rushes to my aid, but I wave them off.

  I toss my grappling gloves onto the metal folding chair and exit the cage. My heart thuds painfully through my entire body as I storm toward the locker room.

  “Call her, Addison,” I shout over the crowd as I walk past her front row seat. “Please. Tell her I’m not doing this without her. If she doesn’t want me to do this, then I won’t.”

  I’ll figure out another way to raise the money for the home.

  Rock follows close behind, calling my name but I can’t deal with him right now.

  He didn’t check on me these past few years. He didn’t reach out until he stood to gain something from it.

  He doesn’t make me muffins and make me smile and make every goddamn day better just by existing.

  Fuck him.

  With two fingers, I signal the two security guards at the door to lean in so they can hear me. “Don’t let anyone in unless they’re female, got it? Last name Rossi only.”

  They both nod their understanding. The door slams shut behind me and I drop myself onto the padded leather bench in the middle of the room.

  I don’t know how long I sit there, in the dark, head in my hands trying to figure out how the hell I ended up here.

  I swore I was done with this. Done communicating with my fists. Done profiting from inflicting pain. I am more than this. I’ve proven that with the WDA. I am capable of doing some good in this life.

  Aren’t I?

  I rub the tension from the back of my neck and think about Hollis. Sweet, sexy, beautiful Hollis.

  The first time I laid eyes on her, I knew she was too good for me. But I couldn’t let her go either. Because damn, who can let go of something so perfect? Even if all you get is to admire it from afar, that’s better than nothing.

  But Hollis gives me so much more than that. She gives me everything she has to give, including herself.