Air I Breathe (Hudson and Emmy Book 1)

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Breath We Take - Chapter One

  Air I Breathe

  Book 1 of The Cuffed By Love Duet

  Amanda Kaitlyn

  Copyright (C) 2018 Amanda Kaitlyn

  Layout design and Copyright (C) 2018 by Creativia

  Published 2018 by Creativia

  Cover art by MG Book Covers

  Editing by Emily Michelle Tate

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the author's permission.

  When you lose all hope, how do you find the will to carry on?

  Emberly

  Run. Don't look back. Just go.

  I was running from a past so dark, I couldn't see the light until I was free from it. I never had to worry about getting attached to anyone, because good things never lasted for me. Not even love.

  I thought I had it all figured it. Until him.

  I never expected him.

  Hudson.

  Hudson

  Protect and serve.

  It was my life's work to follow in the footsteps of my grandfather, protecting the streets of Austin, Texas. Our home.

  Being put on the security detail of my sergeant's daughter was never part of the plan.

  But then I see her.

  Emberly.

  I see the broken in her.

  I see how she's been hurt, cast aside by everyone she's ever loved.

  Someone's chasing her and it doesn't matter what I have to do.

  I'll protect her with my life.

  The world of justice may have ruled my life before her, but I'd break the law in a second if it meant keeping her.

  She's worth the fight.

  She's the air I breathe.

  Air I Breathe is the first novel in The Cuffed By Love Duet, an erotic romantic suspense series.

  Acknowledgments

  Air I Breathe was Hudson and Emberly's story and though I spent almost four years (yes, you read that right!) writing, honing and picking at this book, it still feels raw and real and beautiful- exactly what this story is meant to convey. These characters are so special to me and I truly hope you, the reader, enjoy them as much I do.

  The amount of people that went in on this project with me is stifling, but I'll try to acknowledge as many as I possibly can. First, I want to thank my readers, my lovelies- you keep me writing and make my small ideas feel like big ones and my doubts feel like nothing compared to your utter and complete belief in me. You astonish me, so thank you so much!

  Heather Lyn, you were one of the first people to read Air I Breathe and helped me breathe life into Hudson and Emberly. So, thank you. I love your belief in me and hope the best for you in the future.

  Sierra Burrell, you never cease to amaze me with your words, in and out of the books you so eloquently write. Thank you for talking me down from the edge coming up to this big release. I love you to pieces.

  Amanda Stockford, thank you so much for being there for me through the last year, both personally and as one of my amazing beta readers. You're my person.

  And finally, Dad. You taught me that if I did what I loved, I would never work in a day in my life. I'm far from a full time author, but I'm getting there. I love you and mom more than you know.

  This story is my heart so please, be gentle with it. And enjoy.

  XO

  A

  Dedication

  For the girls out there that are still looking for Mr. Right.

  Breathe.

  I have a feeling you'll find your Hudson, too.

  Prologue

  Emberly

  Age 10

  THE BOTTOM OF my stomach dropped as I was awoken by a sharp cry coming from downstairs. Curling my blankets around me even tighter, I shivered in dread and laid perfectly, completely still awaiting what would come next.

  At least once a night, I woke up like this.

  My mama was downstairs with my daddy, though I didn't think of him that way. All he'd ever given me in my young life was sadness and fear. The longer I laid here in the darkness of my room, the higher the fear inside of me rose.

  A sharp, broken gasp left me when I heard her sobs, loud, anguished sounds that tore into my heart, leaving only hopelessness in their wake.

  My mama was so strong.

  She loved me so much.

  I saw it in her eyes when she looked at me, even when they were too swollen to see anything.

  I could remember a time when she was happy and my parents were crazily in love. They would cook together, dance together, laugh together.

  Before my nightmare begun.

  Before everything changed.

  Before I lost hope that true love was real.

  I tried in vain to smother the sounds of her pain with my pillows and a sob burst from my heaving chest, hot, stinging tears slid down my cheeks and I tried so hard to stop them.

  I hiccuped as quietly as I could, knowing that if he was mad enough, he would come up here and start in on me.

  My mama always took the brunt of his anger.

  She said it was her way of protecting me.

  We couldn't leave because it would make him mad.

  But I think she was just too scared to try.

  Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever get away from him.

  She says we will and to trust her.

  But he hurts her so much, what if…

  A shudder wracks my body at the thought and I jump as the sound of the front door slamming makes it to my room.

  I always leave my door open so I can hear when he leaves.

  He always leaves afterwards.

  He'll say he has work to do, but I know the truth.

  He can't stand to look at my mama after hurting her.

  He'll come back in the morning and beg and plead with her to forgive him.

  And a part of me hates her, because she does forgive him.

  Every time.

  Slipping out of my bed, I pad quietly down the stairs, holding my breath just in case he comes back.

  He almost never does.

  “Mama?”

  “Oh, baby. Go back to sleep.”

  Reaching for the first aid kit I keep on the top shelf of the linen closet, I shake my head gently, knowing I couldn't do that.

  She's my mom.

  I always take care of her.

  “How bad?”

  I whisper the words, still afraid he'll return and catch me tending to her in
juries.

  Once, he did and I'd never seen him so angry.

  “B-bad, baby. I burned the chicken. He wasn't happy about that.”

  I bite down on my lips to stop the words wanting to slip free at her softly spoken excuse for him.

  My mom's an amazing cook.

  She learned from my grandmother and my grandmother learned from her mother.

  She says it's an Italian thing.

  You have to know how to cook because that's whats expected from a wife, a mother. I don't bother telling her that it's the 21st century and men can cook, too. She'll always make excuses for him, just like I'll always let her. It's our way of coping. We don't know any other way.

  “You need stitches, Mama. Do you want me to get some aspirin?”

  “No, baby. It's okay. Just fix me up.”

  “Ma-”

  When one of her shaking hands grabs mine, I nod.

  I quickly fix her up as best I can and then help her to her bed, where I cover her up with a thick afghan my grandma made.

  “I'm so sorry, Mama.”

  “Shh, Em. We'll be safe soon.”

  Her warm, loving arms come around me and though I know her words are a lie, I believe them, anyways.

  Chapter One

  Emberly

  THE WARM SUMMER air gusted over my face as I rushed into the hospital in my typical late fashion. My stomach was in knots when I saw my administrator, Linda sitting at the desk just inside the doors. My nerves seemed to intensify when her brown eyes narrowed at me, the sharp tips of her blue painted fingernails rhythmically thrumming against the desktop.

  Shit. I was in serious trouble this time.

  All my life I've been falling behind.

  My eyes snagged at the clock that hung above the wall behind Linda's head and I grimaced when I read that it was well past eight in the morning, when my shift was scheduled to start.

  It wasn't that I wanted to be late, time just got away from me sometimes.

  I could see in my boss's eyes what she thought of me. I felt her judgmental stare upon my face and I knew what she must have been thinking of me.

  I was careless, irresponsible maybe even rude. But that wasn't true, not even a little bit.

  I was a neonatal nurse and it was the most fulfilling job- at least in my book. It was why I woke up in the morning. Caring for the little munchkins in the wing upstairs filled my days with warmth, with light. The excitement of the next milestone I had the privilege of sharing with the families that trusted me with their little ones made my shifts fly by in a rush of smiles, laughter and little miracles.

  Even my worst days were worth it because I had them.

  “You have been late every day this week.” She muttered, disapproval evident in her tone. Nodding, my head dropped below my shoulders.

  I really didn't want to lose this job.

  “I know, Linda. I'm sorry.” She nodded, but the frustration in her eyes didn't falter.

  “You need to try to be on time, Emberly. We need you here on time.”

  Shifting on my feet, I knew she was right. I was without a car right now and I had a fifteen minute drive as it was to work. Now, having to commute by bus, I was lucky if I got here within the hour.

  Though lately, I hadn't been having much luck.

  A few minutes later, I was walking up the third flight of stairs and toward the nurses desk just outside of the Ni-cu. The smell of baby powder littered the air and the scent calmed me instantly.

  A head with long, wavy hair was tipped down as I approached and I smiled. Ashlee was a nurse, just like me but she was also more. She was the head nurse of this floor and a damn good one at that.

  She was also my best friend in the world.

  “Hey, girl.” Her head lifted and her face lit up with a smile.

  “Hey, back.”

  I was grateful that she didn't mention my lateness as she handed me my rounds sheet for the day.

  “We're down one nurse today so I may need you to work for an extra few hours today, is that okay? I'm sorry to ask but-”

  I shook my head, scanning the page for my first patient. Jenna James, the newest mother on the floor.

  The young woman had given birth to a beautiful little boy that had yet to be named. Her and her husband had trouble conceiving their first child and it was a treat for us to see them with their little boy. He was so damn cute.

  “Don't worry about it, Ash. I don't mind. I'm going to start my day.”

  She nodded, smiling in the way that she always did, brightening the whole room with just one smile. The air around her seemed to lift when the happiness spread over her face and inwardly, I warmed at the sight.

  She was such a happy person.

  Sometimes I wished I could be more like her.

  Moving away from the nurses desk, I headed down the hall toward my first patient's room. We had placed her as close to the nursery as possible at her husbands request.

  “Good morning, Jenna. How are you feeling this morning?” Jenna was sitting up in bed when I entered and her husband looked up from where his sights had been obviously set on her.

  “I'm good, thank you. When can I see my baby?”

  I smiled, moving to her side and lifting her thin wrist in one hand in order to check her vitals.

  “I'll bring him in as soon as I check your vitals.” My fingers applied pressure to her pulse point and I listened to her deep, even breaths as she excitedly recounted the birth of her son, her eyes going to her husband when he whispered something I didn't quite here.

  These moments were so important to their little family and stepping back, I was careful not to intrude on them.

  “I'll go get your boy, now. I'm sure he is eager to see you” She smiled and the expression takes over her whole face.

  “Hello, sweet pea” I gently crooned down to baby joy James as I carefully slid my hand behind his head and lifted him against me, my hands cradling his tiny body as he awoke.

  “Your mom and dad are very excited to see you today. They have waited a long time for you, do you know that?” He looks at me, so innocent, so beautiful.

  As he clenches his tiny fists into my hair and tugs with surprising strength, I pulled back, shock and amusement filling me.

  Damn, this boy was strong. I opened the door to Jenna's room gently with my shoe and heard her audible gasp when she saw the little boy in my arms.

  “Oh, Scott, he's so beautiful.”

  “He is.” I heard her husband mutter, quietly, as if he was speechless at the sight. With care, I lowered him into her arms and smiled softly, watching the lovely sight of her holding her baby for a moment.

  Time lapses as they shared their moment and checking her vitals, along with the baby's once more I silently left them to enjoy their morning together.

  Would I ever have what they had?

  As I walked toward the nurse's desk where I'd find Ashlee, I couldn't help the fleeting thought that gave way to a flutter of hope that loosened my chest from the loneliness I lived with, day after day. It was easier this way or at least, that's what I'd been telling myself for years now. The problem was, I wanted more. My heart was mended from the pain of my past and a part of me wondered if it was time to open up, again. To let love in, if it found it's way into my seemingly empty heart. On a heavy sigh, I shook my head at myself, knowing that I wasn't ready to open up, again. Not yet.

  Chapter Two

  Hudson

  Fucking great.

  I tore a hand roughly through the hair at my head and hurried inside the briefing room.

  I was late.

  “Nice of you to join us, Lennox.”

  My sergeant, Nicholas Reed spoke the second I cleared the glass doors to the room and inwardly, I cringed. He was not a man you wanted to cross.

  “Sorry, Sir.”

  I took a seat and quieted for the duration of his briefing, not wanting to piss him off all the more.

  Being a cop was who I was. Through and fucking through. />
  My father wanted more for me than being a cop. To go to college. To earn a degree in engineering, as he had. To meet a nice country girl and pop out a few babies. I couldn't lie to myself, now, after one too many nights of hot, nameless sex and a boat load of booze, the idea of finding a young, pretty thing to settle down with sounded damn good.

  My father, being the man he was, stood back and let me make the choice that had been right for me at the time. I tipped my head up once more and the tips of my fingers slid along the badge that was pinned to my left side pocket.

  “Alright, you are dismissed. I expect each of you to update me on your open cases by Monday. Be safe, men”

  We all stood in respect as he moved from the room and I swore I felt his hard gaze on my back as he did. A large hand clapped my shoulder and I looked to see my best friend and partner, Tristan Donovan standing beside me.

  He was a cocky son of a bitch and the knowing smirk plastered over his smug face told me my late arrival hadn't gotten past him.

  Shaking my head at him and waving him off, I grinned. He was more of a brother to me than much else.

  “You going to meet me at the pub later? The boys have been missing you.”

  A hard laugh left me as I nodded. I'd been putting off going back into the bar we usually frequented after shift and I was sure he knew why. A woman I'd fucked not too long ago had been holed up there and rumor was, she'd been asking for me. I had a feeling on the night I brought her home she may have had a screw loose but I let it go, not thinking very clearly at the time.

  “Yeah, I'll be there. Pretty sure Crazy is gone by now, you think?”

  The amusements clouds his eyes as he chuckles, the rich sound loud in the otherwise silent station. The rest of the officers had gone home for the day and it was just the two of us left.

  A glance outside told us that he was out of ear shot while he smoked his end of day cigar.

  “Look, there is something I mentioned to the sergeant that I'm going to need your help with.” I heard Tristan's usually amused voice go quiet with concern and I nodded.

  “What you need?”

  “Lennox.” The authoritative voice boomed from the doorway and I looked up, straightening my relaxed posture at the sound of his voice.