Air I Breathe (Hudson and Emmy Book 1)

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  Hudson's shoulder knocked into mine gently as we stepped off the elevator on my floor and my lips tipped up at the indulgent smile he threw my way.

  “I think you're too hard on yourself. No one is perfect. Every person, no matter how hard they try, cannot be perfect or without flaw. It's just not possible.”

  When his hands circled each of my shoulders, my body shivered at the touch. He squeezed them in reassurance, his gaze unwavering as he waited until I met his sky blue eyes.

  “You're not letting anyone down.”

  I nodded, entranced by the intensity of his gaze.

  If I kept looking into them as I was in this moment, I was going to be lost in them. I kind of wanted to get lost there, though because I knew that his heart stopping smile would always be there to greet me.

  “All hands on deck! We have a code blue!” Doctor Arnoldson's booming voice broke me from my trance and without a second thought I pushed my things into Hudson's arms and ran into the treatment room everyone gathered around.

  A loud beep filled the room as I rushed inside and I looked to Ashlee as she pumped the infant's chest with gentle yet urgent, precise movements. My heart stopped at the sight of the sight and for a second, I doubted I could do what I'd been trained to do.

  Breathe, Em.

  You've got this.

  The reassuring thoughts that flitted through my head spurred me into sudden action and focusing my attention to the voice that filled the otherwise silent, tension filled room.

  “Take over. We need a crash cart if we're going to get her heart back up to a normal pace.” I nodded quickly, my hands pushing against the little girl's chest and beginning compression's of her heart. I had done the same thing a million times, it seemed. First, while attending nursing school on dummies and baby dolls and then quite a few times with infants with our patients that had either breathing problems or respiratory distress. But seeing the small movement of the little girls chest as I pressed and released once, twice, again and again, made my heart lurch in both fear and determination.

  We could do this. We could save her life.

  We just needed to keep up compression's and if needed, electric shock in order to revive her slowing heart beat.

  She was so small, so fragile.

  I couldn't help but think of her parents.

  They must have been terrified, watching through the glass window of the room, unable to help their daughter in these critical moments.

  “Keep up compression's, Em. When I say clear, you stop. Got it?”

  I nodded and as if working in unison, the team surrounding me went to work. Ashlee prepped the pads for use, the doctor checked her vitals and nurse Ellie gave her a slight sedation for when she became conscious. She would be scared and she could hurt herself if she moved too quickly at first. The sedation would help calm her for now.

  “Alright. Clear!”

  All hands lifted from her and I inwardly cringed as Ashlee applied the pads once then twice to her barely moving chest before the heavenly sound of her heart picking back up filled the room.

  “Thank god.” I breathed, looking to everyone around the room and taking a deep breath as relief filled the air.

  She was going to be okay.

  “Good job, Em.”

  I hooked my arm through Ashlee's and we stood outside the room as the doctor and a nurse told the little girls parents that she was okay.

  A tearful smile lit up the mothers face while the father dropped his face to her shoulder and I saw the visible shake of his shoulders as his emotions got the best of him. It felt almost private, as if we shouldn't have watched them in their moment of relief and worry for their daughter but still, I watched them.

  I bumped my hip into my friends and looked at her worriedly.

  “We shouldn't watch this. It's not our business, Ash.”

  Shaking her head slightly, she smiled a small, sad smile.

  “But it is. We saved her life. If we don't let ourselves feel this moment, how will we ever do right by them?”

  In a weird way, I knew she was right.

  It still felt completely wrong for us to witness such a sacred moment between the parents but we'd had a hand in making that happen.

  Pride and relief flowed through me as I nodded my head and leaned against the wall, witnessing a happy moment and basking in the glow of it, too.

  Chapter Eight

  Hudson

  I GRASPED THE handle of the entrance as I took in the sight just inside the glass door. My skin prickled with a keen sense of awareness. I watched her silently, from afar. It had become a past time that I thoroughly enjoyed. Watching her. As I looked inside, I saw her.

  Emberly.

  She sat in one of the patient lobby sections with her blonde hair curled into a pony at the back of her head, her bright, expressive eyes smiling as she talked to a young girl sitting beside her. I guessed she was probably about six years old. The easy affection she had with the young girl made my heart race like a fucking teenager.

  She was so fucking beautiful.

  I had been patrolling all major entrances of the hospital all afternoon, even working with the security department here in order to help get an idea of who the assailant had been last night. I shook my head as the anger I felt this morning when I heard of what went down in my absence flew back to the surface. My fists drew together, my heart slowed in concentration and my vision filled red as the anger took hold. The idea of someone hurting my girl hit me deep in the chest and caused an even deeper pain to attack me.

  She was filled with beauty, light and such a poignant innocence she glowed with the strength of it. She was adorable and fierce, beautiful and complex. She was a jigsaw puzzle that I craved to unravel one piece at a time.

  Emberly Logan was mine. She just didn't know it yet.

  But she would very soon know the depth of my craving for her.

  When she did, I feared she would run.

  I could be a lot of things, but patience had never been one of my strengths.

  When I found something I wanted, I took it. I wanted her and if it was the last thing I did, I would take her. Not only did I want her lush, curvy body that had my dick hard in a matter of seconds from meeting her, but I wanted to claim her heart and when I did, she would have a claim on me, too.

  I just had to prove to her that she could put her safely guarded trust in me.

  I just had to give her time.

  My fists clenched together, the harsh movement causing a bite of pain I appreciated as I swore to myself I would wait for her. Fucking this up was not an option.

  I was going to earn her.

  A sense of peace washed over me a moment later and my mouthed tipped into a grin as I felt her always curious eyes on me. I didn't need to see her to know that's what was happening. She was watching me, just as I had been watching her.

  I lifted my gaze to meet hers and leaned my back against the wall just inside the waiting room, my chest moving quickly in an attempt to get my reckless heart beat back to a somewhat normal pace.

  Raising an eye brow, I challenged her to look away.

  She blinked once then dropped her gaze from mine as the girl at her side asked her a question and a deep blush covered her cheeks.

  Fuck.

  My dick was a fucking steel rod under my jeans as I stood there, ravishing my gaze on that blush I had caused in her.

  Palming the front of my jeans, I dropped my head and forced a deep, agitated breath from my lungs in order to calm the fire that was licking up my veins with the need I had for her.

  I was so fucking screwed.

  I stalked away and toward the nearest bathroom to alleviate the affect she had on me and I swore I could feel her gaze on me as I left.

  If she kept that up, I would have her under me tonight.

  I wanted that.

  A part of me wanted to just say fuck it and take her home with me, not giving her a choice in the matter of what we had. To make love to her slowly, fa
st, rough then gentle, giving her all I had to give but shit, I didn't want to rush with her.

  Because she was different.

  I was going to do it right with her because she deserved more from me than a casual fling or a quick fuck.

  Emberly deserved to be ravished, enjoyed, cherished and then and only then, would I fuck her like I craved to do now.

  But first thing was first, I had to get some relief.

  I pushed the door to the second floor bathroom open with the toe of my boot and closed it with a push, locking it for good measure. It was seven o clock at night but I wasn't going to have some scraggly old doctor walking in on me jerking off.

  That shit was not happening.

  * * *

  Not ten minutes later, I found myself back at my post, where I could watch over both the main entrance and the desk that sat directly outside of the main areas of the floor. My eyes scanned each face that entered and left the elevator, my focus solely on protecting the nurses that stood just behind the barrier of the desk. Ashlee stood beside my girl, heads down as they spoke quietly to each other, low enough that I would have to strain to hear their conversation.

  It unsettles me but I remembered that to them, I'm intruding on their privacy, their lives so I stepped back and kept my distance while I could.

  My eyes landed on the clock as it hit nine at night and heard her footsteps as she reached the elevator. I'd told her to wait for me after her shift but had she listened? Of course not.

  Stubborn woman.

  “Wait.” I told her, and her frown greets me but thankfully, she waited for me.

  I placed my hand to the small of her back as we stepped inside the car and I hit the button along the floor panel that would take us to the ground floor. Emberly's bright, violet eyes fluttered up to meet mine and an indulgent smile tugs at my mouth. She has the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen and I can't help looking at her, losing myself in her warm yet oh-so defiant gaze.

  Every day since having her under my protection, we've done this silent dance. Emberly, the bullheaded woman I learned her to be, tries to sneak off from the hospital without waiting for me and I have had to chase her.

  “How was your day?” I asked her as I took her hand in mine inside the elevator and rubbed my thumb over hers. Her eyes meet mine once again and she smiles softly. My heart stops and my legs fucking shake from the force of that softly given smile.

  How the fuck does she do that to me?

  “Long, a bit exhausting. Glad it's over now. I just want to have a quiet night at home”

  I nodded, though my idea of a quiet night at home was filled with hot, wet, dirty fantasies of her and I had the idea that if she came home with me tonight, we would be anything but quiet.

  “You good to drive, Emberly?”

  Her violet and blue hued gaze sparked with something I couldn't decipher as she simply nodded her head.

  “Let me take you home.”

  Her eyes, guarded and curious, met mine and narrowed.

  “You don't have to do that.” I grabbed her hand and tugged her close, heard her soft gasp in response.

  “Yeah, I do.” She nodded, folding her fingers together in what I guessed was a nervous habit. We stepped outside and I led her toward where she told me her car was parked in the lot to the right of the building.

  “In you go, Darlin'.”

  “You can't drive my car.”

  Frowning, I grasped the door before it shut and looked down at her in confusion. Fuck, why did she have to be so difficult?

  “Yeah, I can. You need to see my license?”

  I smiled wide as she shook her head at me in exasperation.

  “No. I mean I don't want you to drive my car.”

  “Shit, then we have a problem.” I bent closer to her and slipped my hand into her hair, unwilling to go another damn second without having my hands on her in some way. This girl was like a drug to me and touching her was the only way I'd get my fix. Her body tensed up at my touch but as I trailed my thumb over her lower lip, she melts for me, just like the last time I had my hands on her.

  Jesus, she's perfect.

  “You're exhausted, Emberly. Let me drive, alright?”

  After a good minute of looking at me, she nodded.

  Closing the door gently, I shook my head in bewilderment.

  What the hell was I getting myself into with this girl?

  Chapter Nine

  Emberly

  I WATCHED AS the sun sank lower into the Texas sky from the window. I have always loved watching the sunset, always thought that the sparks of color that blend together across the sky are too poignantly beautiful to be ignored. As I raised my head and watched the black night turn bright yellow, hued orange and red I smiled.

  When I was little, I watched the sun set with my mother. The fuzzy memory comes to me and unconsciously, I close my eyes in hopes of seeing her face. I had an amazing job and a safe place to rest my head and for that, I was grateful. I hadn't grown up in what you would call a happy household.

  At one time, my family had all been together and though I could hardly remember days that we were happy, I was sure we must have been.

  After my mom passed, everything changed.

  My father was a hard man. I used to wonder if the ruthless man my fathers business associates knew him to be would surface when he was with us and inevitably, he had. My eyes squeezed painfully shut as one of the darkest memories of my childhood flew to the front of my mind and I remembered.

  My eyes flew open to the pitch black night as I abruptly woke to my fathers booming voice as he and my mother fought.

  He was always angry with her, for one thing or another.

  “You are useless to me.” He would say. And then I would hear it.

  The horrible sounds.

  The sounds I never wanted to hear again.

  First came the snap of my fathers wrist, the sound of a smack as it landed across my mothers cheek and then as I pressed my ear to the bedroom door and sniffled back the sobs that always came, I listened to my mothers cries.

  “Please- no!”

  He would crack his fist again, and by the sound that reverberated off the walls of the otherwise silent house, it would be even harsher than the first.

  “You disrespected me, Mary. This won't stand.”

  Though I knew what would come next each of those nights, I listened.

  Eventually, my father would grow tired and the tell tale sound of his belt hitting the floor would sound, followed by the retreating footsteps as he left her there.

  I ran down the steps to the first floor where I found my mom laying across the hardwood floor of the kitchen, her face hidden in large, yellowing bruises and as she blinked at me, fear filled her eyes.

  “Oh, Mama.” I whispered, tending to her face as best as I could from what I learned in school and from the television father always kept on the medical channel. The fact that he did was our saving grace because otherwise, my Mama would have bled out on the floor long ago.

  But I helped her and then, when she was able to sit up by herself, I would tell her about the funny things that I hoped would make her laugh and sometimes, they did.

  I blinked back the moisture that gathered in my eyes as I relived that night and each night that came before and after it. Sometimes, at night, I would stay awake and wait for those sounds to come. Like clockwork, I would wait. Until it was midnight and they never came and I could finally allow myself to sleep knowing that I was safe now.

  He couldn't hurt me anymore.

  I sighed as I lifted my head and felt a rush of warmth fill my chest as I spotted a man sitting against the wall directly across from where I sat behind my desk. Hudson. He had his eyes set on me all night though now, they were closed peacefully; his face a wash of calm vulnerability that I hadn't been expecting. The thought that he had fallen asleep watching me was a sweet one and shaking myself from the sudden hope fluttering within me, I stepped toward his large, folded frame a
mere few feet away. No matter what I was doing, where I was? He was always close, watching, waiting, guarding me.

  Why did that fact make butterflies take flight in my stomach?

  I bit my lip as I knelt down next to him until my knees touched his. His body tensed for a moment, as if he was only then aware that he'd fallen asleep. When his ocean blue eyes flew open, meeting mine I smiled softly. He was constantly on high alert, ready to protect me at a moment's notice. I was coming to love that about him.

  More than one month ago he'd been detailed to protect my best friend but yet, he was here, with me while Ashlee was safely at home with her own man that protected her, just like Hudson did me. I had hid from it but it was true.

  He had been protecting me all along.

  “Hey,” He murmured, his voice deep and rough with sleep still. I smoothed my fingers through his left hand and tugged at it gently.

  “Come with me?” Hudson's thick fingers tightened around mine as I pulled him, or at least tried to- to his feet.

  “Darlin',” His raspy voice next to my ear causes my heart to stop and then speed up as the pull of energy between us becomes almost too much to ignore. The feelings I felt for him weren't going away and if the affectionate names told me anything, he was feeling it, too.

  It's always there. I reminded myself. No matter how hard I tried to ignore the connection we have, it was always there between us. Like an impenetrable force, it lay in wait for us to finally act on it. I just didn't think I was ready.

  I'd been running from emotional attachment and relationships for so long, I wasn't sure I knew how to stop, to stand still.

  I wasn't sure if I knew how to let him in.

  I pulled him towards the end of the hallway that housed both the Ni-cu and the row of pediatric patient rooms lining it. I heard the husky, temptation filled sound of his chuckle from a few steps behind me and I looked back at him from over my shoulder. His smirk widened as he sees me watching him but his eyes, two pools of the palest blues, held so much more.

  Hunger.

  Need.

  Curiosity.

  It's all there and my teeth begun to worry my lip as I realized that it was all caused by me. How was that possible?