A Killer Stitch

by Maggie Sefton

  “I say we keep the lights on and electrocute Marty before he causes any more trouble,” Greg advised, sinking into a chair. “Let’s string him up outside, Steve.”

  Steve couldn’t answer. He was bent over double laughing. Mimi was right beside him, holding her sides. Jennifer was collapsed against the wall with laughter.

  “Hooooweeee, boy, you are nothin’ but trouble,” Jayleen cackled from the kitchen doorway, Diane laughing over her shoulder.

  Lisa marched over to Marty like an irate schoolteacher about to chastise a playground misfit. “Who are you, again?” she demanded.

  “He’s my bad-news nephew,” Curt replied, shaking his head with a rueful smile. “Whenever he’s around, things like this happen.”

  “Get him out of here!” Megan yelled, pointing at Marty.

  “Hey, give me a minute, and they’ll be okay,” Marty said, slipping green strands over his head.

  Kelly and Lisa sank to their knees beside Burt, helping him untangle Marty. “First the kitchen, now the lights,” Kelly teased. “You’re oh for two, Marty.”

  “Hey, I can explain—” Marty began before Megan shushed him.

  “You! Not a word,” she commanded, pointing right at him, her face flushed. Kelly had never seen Megan so mad.

  “Uhhh, does that mean I can’t propose?” Marty looked up at her innocently.

  “Propose what?” Megan demanded.

  “Marriage?” Marty suggested, devilish smile returned, clearly unfazed by hostility. “Or maybe biscuits first, then marriage.”

  Megan’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open. All color drained from her face. She didn’t say a word. She simply stared at Marty.

  Marty observed her reaction and glanced at the others. “Uh, guys…is that her happy expression?”

  “More like appalled,” Steve said with a wicked grin.

  “Give it up, Marty,” Jennifer teased. “You’re gonna have to buy those biscuits in a can from now on.”

  “Yeah, no biscuits for you!” Kelly cried, pointing at him in mock vengeful fashion. The rest of her friends joined in the playful chant—“No biscuits for you!”—before they collapsed in laughter.

  Marty, to his credit, hung his head and played along, peeking playfully at Megan. Then pouting.

  “Just get him out of here before I really get mad,” Megan directed, gesturing to Marty before she picked up a pile of ornament hangers that had slipped off the dining table in the ruckus.

  “What happens if she really gets mad?” Marty asked Kelly as she helped him extricate his foot from a green strand.

  “No one knows,” Burt replied. “Megan doesn’t get mad. She’s a sweetheart. But if anyone can do it, you’re probably the one.” He unwound the last of the strands from around Marty. “Now, let’s see what the damage is.”

  “We’ll help you, Burt,” Kelly offered as she and Lisa untangled strands.

  “I can help, too,” Marty suggested.

  “Nope,” Lisa countered, hands in front of his face. “You’ve got to go before you mess up anything else.”

  “Okaaaay,” Marty agreed amiably as he stood up. “But there’s got to be something I can do.”

  “You can go sit in the corner and be quiet,” Megan instructed, pointing to the far end of the family room.

  “At least let me help you pick up the stuff I knocked over,” Marty offered, approaching the table. “I mean, you’ve got all those decorations—”

  Megan spun about and raised her crossed fingers in the familiar horror-movie signal to ward off evil. “Back! Get away!”

  Instead of being thwarted by Megan’s angry reaction, however, Marty looked positively encouraged. He grinned at her. “Hey, give me another chance. Let me help with some of these.” And he reached out for the table, filled with rows of neatly aligned glass ornaments.

  “Don’t even think about it,” Megan said, swatting his hand away.

  “But I just want to help,” Marty said, continuing his approach. Megan swatted at him again, but this time, Marty dodged the blow. Then—he tripped over a hassock.

  Marty pitched forward, grabbing onto the dining room table as he hit the floor again. But this time, he wasn’t alone. The neat rows of colorful ornaments began to drop to the floor beside him as, one by one, they rolled and slid off the table.

  Megan clapped her hands to her face and screamed.

  “Dude, you’re a disaster,” Greg crowed when the noise died down.

  “Wow, I’m sorry, Megan. I can help pick ’em up,” Marty offered apologetically as he rose from the floor.

  Megan stared at him. Not in horror this time, Kelly noticed. Megan didn’t look appalled, either. Thunderclouds stormed across her delicate face. She glared at Marty.

  “I take it you’re really mad this time, huh?” Marty observed. “Uh, guys? Is this really mad?” He glanced over at the others.

  “Ohhhh, yeah.”

  “Clueless, totally clueless.”

  “Back away while you can.”

  Marty didn’t get the chance. Megan’s hands snaked out, grabbing Marty’s shirt as she yanked him toward her. “You! You’re a disaster!” she hissed into his face. “You’ve ruined everything! The lights, the ornaments, everything!”

  “Well, not everything, there’re some balls over there,” Marty said, pointing.

  “Guys! Get him out of my sight before I hit him with something! Now!”

  Marty glanced to the others. “Is she usually this violent?”

  “Megan’s a pussycat. You must bring out her bad side,” Steve said as he and Greg answered Megan’s summons.

  “Hell, I didn’t even know Megan had a bad side,” Greg said as they escorted Marty to the edge of the living room, where Curt watched with a baleful eye. “I told you we should have strung him up outside.”

  Fourteen

  “I’ll get the broom and dustpan so we can sweep up the broken glass,” Kelly offered, watching everyone help Megan pick up broken ornaments.

  “We’ll need this,” Mimi said as she approached, trash can in hand.

  Kelly headed toward the kitchen, but came to a halt as she rounded the corner. She spotted Diane reaching into a cabinet and withdrawing a bottle of vodka. Kelly stepped back from the doorway, out of sight, while she watched Diane glance over her shoulder as she opened the bottle then splashed vodka into a glass of orange juice. The bottle was whisked back into the cabinet in seconds.

  Kelly felt a knot form in her stomach. Damn. Diane was falling off the wagon. And right in the middle of the police investigation, too. Maybe Diane shouldn’t have come today. Maybe it was too soon. None of that really mattered, though. Kelly knew what she had to do right now.

  “Hey, Diane,” she said as she burst into the kitchen. “Could you take the broom and dustpan and help Megan and the others clean up the ornaments? I think I got a piece of glass in my hand.” Kelly poked at her palm. “Those kids will be coming any minute.”

  “Sure thing,” Diane agreed amiably. She drained the juice glass and grabbed the broom and dustpan from the wall rack, while Kelly labored over the invisible sliver in her palm.

  Once Diane left the kitchen, Kelly retrieved the vodka from the cabinet, opened the bottle, and upended it into the sink.

  “Thank goodness all those stockings are finished and safe in here,” Jayleen said as she strode into the kitchen, nodding toward the table. Red and green stockings were stacked high, candy canes poking from the ends.

  “Better keep Marty out of the kitchen,” Kelly warned as she shook the last drop of vodka down the sink.

  “Whoa, what’s that all about?” Jayleen said as she approached.

  “I spotted Diane taking a drink when I turned the corner. She didn’t see me.” Kelly caught Jayleen’s disappointed gaze. “So I sent her to clean up while I remove temptation, so to speak.” She dropped the empty bottle into the trash can and covered it with paper towels.

  Jayleen shook her head. “Lord, Lord, I was hoping that wouldn�
��t happen. But if it had to, it’s good that it happened here. I’ll explain to Curt what happened to his liquor.”

  Lisa poked her head around the corner then. “Kelly, Jayleen, you two can drink coffee later. We’ve gotta finish the tree. Unless you want to see Megan go ballistic again, you’d better get out here right now. Those kids will be here soon.”

  Kelly and Jayleen hurried from the kitchen to join the others who were busy adding ornaments to the tree. The tall evergreen’s branches were filled with twinkling lights, glass ornaments, strings of glistening beads, and paper chains.

  “Wow, you guys work fast. It looks beautiful,” Kelly said as she approached the armchair where Steve was seated, drinking coffee. She sat on the chair arm and leaned closer. “Did you see what I saw a few minutes ago? Between Megan and Marty, I mean,” she whispered.

  “Ohhhh, yeah,” Steve observed with a grin. “Megan never saw it coming.”

  “Nope. He showed up in her blind spot. This is going to be fun to watch.”

  The doorbell rang then, and the deluge began as children piled into the foyer.

  “Whoa, heads up, guys,” Lisa advised. “The party is starting already.”

  “Good thing we’re all rested, right?” Jennifer said.

  Megan collapsed into a chair at the dining room table. “I’m exhausted,” she croaked, her head falling backward. “Are the kids gone yet?”

  “The last stragglers are leaving now,” Kelly said, glancing toward the entryway, where Curt and Jayleen, Mimi and Burt were busy stuffing tired children into winter coats and handing them over to waiting parents outside.

  “I think we’ll head home, too. Before that snowstorm hits,” Lisa said. “We’re supposed to get another three or four inches tonight.”

  “Good idea,” Greg agreed, draining his coffee mug before he rose from the table. “Maybe I can run a few miles before it hits.”

  “Ooooh, that run will have to wait until tomorrow morning for me,” Kelly groaned from behind her mug.

  “Coffee, I need coffee.” Megan leaned on the table, forehead nearly touching the surface.

  “Waitress to the rescue,” Jennifer said, reaching for the coffeepot beside her elbow. “I swear, I don’t know how any of us would have gotten through this afternoon if Kelly hadn’t made the coffee. Black as tar, I swear.”

  “I may not sleep for a week. How do you do it, Kelly?” Lisa said as she slipped into the coat Greg held for her.

  “The only civilized way to drink it,” Kelly replied.

  “That’s what keeps her going. Caffeine,” Steve added, resting his hand on Kelly’s shoulder as he sat beside her.

  Megan took a deep drink, closing her eyes. “Ahhhh,” she said at last. “I may still live.”

  “Hey, anybody sitting there?” Marty pointed to the chair beside Megan.

  “He’s baa-aack,” teased Jennifer.

  Megan looked up at Marty, clearly horrified at the suggestion. “No way! Go sit at the end of the table.”

  Marty complied, after claiming yet another slice of pie from the buffet server. “Hey, I need a break, too. I just spent two hours playing Shaggy, the dog, with the kids. I’m beat.”

  “Serves you right. Now sit there and be quiet,” Megan ordered.

  “Sure thing,” Marty agreed aimiably before turning his attention to the pie.

  “I’ll believe that when I see it,” Greg said, ushering a grinning Lisa from the room. “See you later, guys.”

  Curt and Jayleen joined them at the table, Burt and Mimi close behind. “I sure hope you left some pie for us, Shaggy,” Burt teased as he headed for the kitchen. “If not, I’m taking you to the pound. Turn you in as a stray.”

  “Please do,” Megan suggested.

  “How many pieces does that make, boy?” Curt prodded.

  “Uhhh, I lost count,” Marty replied with his infectious grin. “Can’t control myself around Megan’s cooking, I guess.”

  Megan scowled at him. “Don’t go there.” Marty simply grinned in reply, but amazingly, didn’t say a word.

  “All I know is I’ll have to run an extra two miles to work off Megan’s biscuits and pie, not to mention all the other great food,” Kelly said. “In fact, I may need to run tonight after all.”

  “Oh, no! I forgot about tonight,” Megan groaned, dropping her head in her hands. “I was going to go over to the tennis club and see if I could pick up a partner. But I just can’t. I’m exhausted.”

  “You picking up guys, Megan?” Steve teased. “I’ve got some friends you’d like. Really nice guys.”

  Megan wrinkled her nose at Steve. “You know what I mean. I still haven’t found a tennis partner, and the match is Tuesday night.” She exhaled an exhausted sigh.

  “Wish I could help you, Megan.” Mimi commiserated as she pulled out a chair beside Jayleen. “I asked everyone at the shop if they knew someone who could play at your level, but I couldn’t find anyone.”

  Diane spoke up from the other end of the table. “Sorry, Megan, that’s not my game.”

  Jayleen reached for the pot of coffee, offering it around before pouring herself a cup. “I tried playing tennis once. Years ago. Hit the damn ball outta the park, as I recall.” She gave Megan a wink. “So I wouldn’t be any good to you.”

  “Thanks, everybody, but it’s got to be a guy. Mixed doubles.” Megan heaved another sigh.

  A comfortable silence descended upon the table for a moment, with only the sound of silverware clinking against china plates as Megan’s pie disappeared.

  “I play tennis,” Marty said before he licked his fork.

  Megan cast a scornful glance his way, not even responding.

  Marty licked the fork again. “No, really. I’m pretty good, actually.”

  “Rii-iight,” Jennifer teased.

  “We’ve seen you in action, Marty, and it’s not pretty,” Steve said with a laugh.

  “Pretty good at making a mess, you mean,” Burt added, chuckling.

  “No, really.” Marty leaned back in his chair, good-natured smile intact despite the verbal abuse. “I only screw up inside the house. Get me outside with a ball, and I’m poetry in motion.” He winked.

  The entire table erupted in laughter at that comment, even Megan, Kelly noticed. Meanwhile, Marty kept smiling and drinking his coffee. After the hilarity and varied catcalls had died down, Curt spoke up.

  “The boy’s telling the truth. He was a star athlete all through high school and college. Got a tennis scholarship, too. Get him outside with a ball, and he’s fine. Inside the house, that’s another story.” Curt grinned at his nephew.

  “I rest my case,” Marty said, arms behind his head as he tipped the chair back even farther.

  Kelly observed Megan’s skeptical expression and decided to up the ante. “Actually, I think he may be right. Marty had little Joseph on his shoulders when he transformed into Shaggy. On all fours, yet. Marty still managed a one-handed catch,” she said, giving Marty a nod. Marty grinned but didn’t say a word.

  “Well, then, your search is over, Megan,” Jennifer chimed in, gesturing toward Marty. “Not only have you found a tennis partner, you’ve found a star player.”

  Kelly almost laughed out loud at the expression of pure horror on Megan’s face at Jennifer’s clever and sneaky suggestion.

  “You’ve got to be kidding,” Megan rasped.

  “No, I’m not. If Marty’s that good, then you two may take the championship. We all know what a killer you are.” Jennifer leaned back in her chair and sipped her coffee, clearly waiting for Megan’s response.

  Megan stared at Marty with a mixture of distaste and disbelief for a second, then shook her head. “No, no, no. No way.”

  “Sounds like you don’t have much choice, Megan,” Steve said, a resigned tone in his voice. “You can’t find anyone else at this late date.”

  “No, no, never, not on your life, no,” Megan chanted, eyes closed.

  “He’s right, Megan,” Jennifer added.

>   Megan sank her head in her hands, still chanting, “No, no, no, no, no…”

  Marty, meanwhile, sat smiling, twirling the fork, and tipping his chair back farther and farther. Kelly fervently hoped Marty wouldn’t follow earlier behavior and crash to the floor. Megan was on the edge, Kelly could tell. But if Marty tipped over first…

  Kelly chimed in again. “Megan, it’s either Shaggy or throw in the towel. You can always quit,” she said, giving Steve a wink. Megan’s competitive streak was her Achilles’ heel.

  Megan looked up and grimaced, then looked over to Marty—and flinched. She collapsed on the table. “No, not him, anybody but him,” she chanted, eyes squeezed shut as she pounded the table.

  “You won’t regret it,” Marty promised.

  “Please, God. Somebody, anybody…”

  “Hey, Megan, why don’t you let Kelly and me help you out?” Steve suggested. “We can meet tomorrow and hit for a while. Give Marty a test drive. If he’s a total klutz, we’ll escort him off the court and hand him over to Burt. Burt can take him to the pound. How’s that?”

  “Sounds like a plan, Megan.” Kelly followed Steve’s clever lead.

  Megan lay there silently for a few seconds, then raised herself, eyes still closed.

  “A killer, huh?” Marty toyed with the fork.

  “Don’t go there. You’re at the top of the list,” Megan warned.

  Marty sipped his coffee, then glanced at the knowing smiles around the table. All except Megan, of course. “Poetry in motion, I promise,” he said, then winked while laughter rippled throughout the room.

  Fifteen

  Kelly slipped through the front door of her cottage and stamped the snow from her running shoes. “You were smart to stay inside, Carl. It’s brutal out there.”

  Carl gave her his humans-are-crazy, brown-eyed doggie stare. Even chasing after squirrels in this weather was curtailed.

  Peeling off her jacket and scarf, Kelly headed toward the bedroom and a hot shower. The cell phone’s jangle stopped her.

  Burt’s voice came over the line. “Kelly, I know it’s early, but I wanted to let you know. I spoke with my friend with the county police, and he said several of Diane Perkins’s bar buddies gave statements to Peterson about her actions that night. So I’m afraid that Diane has definitely moved to number one on Peterson’s list. I’d be surprised if he didn’t ask her to come down to the department for more questions this week.”