For the next forty-five minutes I drove around town wondering what was wrong. Something was. I detected it in Tina’s voice when we talked.
Twice I pulled my car over and leaned back in my seat pondering what was on her mind, while soft romantic music poured out of my car’s CD player. I had no clue. I knew she had no way of knowing that Leïla had been in town. But then, I wasn’t home because I spent the night with Leïla. Perhaps that’s what it was. More than likely she had stopped by my place the night before after work and discovered that I wasn’t there and she’s been wondering where I was. That’s what it had to be, I convinced myself. Now, I just had to come up with an explanation before I met with her, provided this was indeed the case.
Glancing at my watch I saw that I needed to get going. I had less than five minutes to meet her at the restaurant.
Tina’s car was already there when I pulled up next to her car in the parking lot. She had bought two take out platters before my arrival she told me as I exited my car. She knew what I liked. Steak, cooked medium well, Cole slaw, and seasoned steak fries. Her thoughtful gesture was a good sign, I told myself. No, she didn’t look upset, just tired.
Getting out of her car she handed me the bag containing two carryout containers of food. After planting a dry kiss on my lips, we hugged.
“I thought we’d sit at the sidewalk tables, if that is all right with you,” she said.
“Sure, sounds like a good idea,” I replied, studying her face for any clue that would give insight on her state of mind. I could detect none.
We sat down and talked but our conversation seemed contrived. It lacked true substance or purpose. At that point I returned to my original premise, that something was wrong. I had been involved with Tina long enough to know when she was having a good time and when she wasn’t having a good time. And she wasn’t. Looking down at our plates, I could see that neither one of us had eaten much of our food. Normally we had a hearty appetite when we went out to dine, especially me. Looking out in the distance, I decided that it was time to get whatever was on her mind off of her mind and out in the open.
“What’s wrong, Tina,” I asked softly, leveling my eyes on hers.
“Can we take a walk on the beach,” she answered just as softly.
“Sure,” I murmured, somewhat exasperated.
Ditching our half-full containers, we crossed A1A and began our walk on the hot beach. Almost immediately, she took my hand in hers as if to lead me. In a short while we parked our rumps on a low wall that divided the sandy beach from the sidewalk along A1A. Facing me she said, “Marcus, I called you several times last night but you never returned my calls.”
“I know, I saw your missed calls on my cell this morning,” I replied, with little else to say on the subject. “Look, Tina – ”
“Please, let me finish,” she said softly again. “I drove by your place after I knocked off of work last night, just to check in on you, but you were not there.”
So she did stop by my place. I was right and now she was upset, and rightfully so, I thought. Having already anticipated this as a possible reason I still had yet to come up with a plausible excuse to give her.
She continued.
“Concerned about you I stopped by again this morning but you still were not at your place Marcus.”
Looking down and away, I struggled for the right words to say to her, anything to make things right. But the words just would not come to me.
“Now, I have a story I want to tell you,” she said, still holding her gaze steady.
I looked up at her ready to hear what else was on her mind. Not that it mattered any. I was busted and I knew it. I would have to tell her about Leïla and before we left the beach.
“I’m listening,” I murmured, my eyes unable to belie the sadness I was once clever enough to disguise.
“I worked yesterday evening, as you already know,” she began. “Shortly after I arrived to work I decided to make my rounds through the restaurant. At one point, I walked over to the entrance where there stood a small number of people waiting in line to come in.
“Now mind you, there was a young lady standing in that line, Marcus. For some strange reason she stood out from the others, but I’m going to get to that soon. But let me say that she was a very beautiful Black woman. I’m talking beauty contest beautiful.
“As I drew closer to her I noticed that she was wearing a pretty unique looking T-shirt. On the front of it was a picture of the St Augustine Lighthouse and the name St Augustine written below the lighthouse.
“And when she passed by me I could see what was written on the back of it. It read: 2012 Adventure Tour Inside Of America’s Oldest City.”
As Tina spoke, I averted my eyes and stared off in the direction of several children playing happily on the beach. I knew exactly where she was going with this. Inside, my heart sank and grew weaker by the second. It was very close to being on life-support. The slow pounding inside was unbearable. But I sat there taking my medicine.
As she spoke my eyes grew moist. What I had tried to put off for so long was now beyond inevitable.
“Okay, I then said to myself,” she continued, still composed and still talking softly. But the pain in her eyes and the strain in her voice were evident. “Everybody knows that St Augustine is a very popular tourist town and all. And the chance of me seeing another woman wearing a T-shirt that matched the one the man I loved was wearing when he returned from a business trip up that way was a possibility. And I would have left it at that. I would have written it off as a coincidence.
“The kicker is that when she walked by me, she got a little too far ahead of her friend who called out and said, ‘Hey, slow down Leïla.’
“Marcus, when I heard that name my heart sank. Leïla is not a common name. When I drove by your place and you were not there and again this morning, I didn’t have to work hard to put two and two together.”
Yeah, I was busted. I couldn’t even muster the courage to look up at her at first. And when I did, I felt bad about what I was seeing. Tears were streaming down her face.
“Tell me Marcus,” she said, reclaiming my gaze. “Were you with Leïla last night?”
Unable to speak, I simply nodded my head confirming what she already knew. My face was as grim looking as it gets.
“Did you know she was coming here?”
I shook my head slowly, once to the left and then to the right indicating no.
“Is she still here?”
“No,” I finally managed to murmur.
“God, this hurts,” she said, her face starked in sadness and looking as vulnerable as I had ever seen a woman look. Her eyes, eyes that were once starry and full of life, were now sad looking and red with pain. “How long have you known of her whereabouts Marcus?”
“I ran into her in Gainesville where she is attending UF,” I answered in a daze-like state, my words barely audible. “I was leaving a store when I saw her standing there, staring at me in the parking lot.
“We talked and that’s when I discovered that her father had lied to me about her whereabouts. Nor did he ever tell her that I had come looking for her. She was as surprised to see me as I was to see her.”
I paused briefly as I turned to my side to avoid having sand splattered in my face. Two children who were playing had run too close to where we were sitting.
“So, you and your island love found your way over to St Augustine, I gather,” she forged on as she watched me struggle for the right words to say.
Yes, I finally acknowledged with my head again, avoiding eye contact with her.
“I guess I don’t have to ask but I am going to anyway. Have you been sleeping with her since she returned on the scene?”
It took me a few seconds but I nodded yes.
“One last thing Marcus,” she said, her voice sounding less composed. “Did you ever tell her about us?”
I shook my head no.
“Well, now that you have found your dream girl, or yo
ur island love, as you like to say, I guess I am yesterday’s news.”
“Tina,” I began to say but she cut her eyes at me, then stood up and walked away in tears. I heard her mumbling something in Spanish as I called out to her twice. But she ignored me and kept walking.
Looking out over the ocean I found myself lost in thought. God, I knew that my medicine was going to be bitter but this was worse than bitter, the turbulence I felt inside of me. No, I never meant to hurt Tina. But I had. Somewhere along the way I made a left turn when I should have made a right turn. Now it no longer mattered.
It was my turn to call in sick the following day. Though I wasn’t sick, I had gone to sleep with a tremendous headache. It was a headache so powerful that the two extra strength aspirins I had taken must have waved the surrender flag and long before I had awaken for I felt no better now than when I took them. I’d take three next time.
Sitting up I held my hand to my head. Tina’s tormented face had haunted me throughout the night. Though she made a cameo appearance in one of my dreams that night, even in that distant world she refused speak to me. I felt I had to tell her the rest of the story…all of it. I’d go over there after breakfast to see her.
After I left a half-eaten Southwestern omelet and a slice of toast on my plate, I called Tina. Since she would not answer, I left a message telling her that I wanted to talk to her. Freshening up, I headed out to my car and made my way over to her apartment. I rang her doorbell several times but she would not answer it either. I called out her name and got the same response, which was no response. Lovely day, I thought.
Turning, my head hung low, I returned to my car and drove off. The following day I would fly to Gainesville to break Leïla’s heart and probably receive the same treatment there as well. I guess I might as well get used to it.
The remainder of the day I watched videos I had made of Leïla and Tina. Memories of a special time and place I probably would not get to share with them again. For one poignant and pragmatic moment, I suddenly realized that I could lose both of them. Sitting down on my leather recliner, I leaned back in it and stared blankly into space. For the first time in a long while, I had gone a full day without hearing Tina’s sweet voice.
Later that night I called Leïla. I knew she had no reason not to talk to me, yet. Though we did talk, we did not talk much. I told her that the cold that she had warned me about had finally caught up to me and full-blown but that I expected to be well enough to travel. I then told her what time to meet me at the airport.
I turned in that night after packing my luggage for a visit that would last only a few hours before I’d return to Ft Lauderdale. That part, my early return flight, I had not told Leïla about and purposely. After what I had to say to Leïla was said and done, I knew that I would no longer be a welcomed guest.
I awoke the following morning to the clap of thunder and a heavy downpour. Going over to my window I peered out of it. I didn’t like what I was seeing. Rain. And lots of it. I didn’t like to travel when it rained. But I’d have to deal with it. Thankfully, I had placed my luggage inside of my car the night before.
Suddenly I shuddered. It was as if a sudden chill had raced through my body. The way I felt, along with the gloomy weather outside, gave me pause. A believer of omens, I was more apt to put more meaning into what I was witnessing and what I felt inside than the ordinary person. Ominous was how I’d best describe what I was seeing and feeling. In the end, I credited it to raw nerves and the fact that I was about to break the heart and spirit of another loved one.
After a warm shower, I dried off and dressed. Going into the kitchen I downed three regular strength aspirins with orange juice. Returning to the living room, I grabbed my attaché case, my laptop, and this time, my umbrella, and headed out the door and into the pouring rain.
My assistant Juanita had arrived to work minutes before I had. Fresh brewed coffee was already waiting for me, thanks to my devoted assistant. Though I wasn’t in a talkative mood, we took a few private moments to do just that. She said that I looked tired and a little down. A good friend, as well as my assistant, I told her that Tina and I had had a fallen out but that I was sure it was something we could work through. That was the extent of what I wanted to say on the subject. Though she knew that I was only in the office for a few hours that day, Juanita asked if there was anything she could do for me after I took off. I thanked her but told her that I had everything under control. By now another staff member had arrived carrying a box of warm and freshly baked doughnuts in hand. I took a napkin and picked one of the delicious looking cream-filled pastries up and took a bite. It was probably the sweetest thing I was going to taste that day and many days after this one. Juanita took one as well, then we returned to our conversation.
“What time is your flight?” she asked me, taking a sip of her coffee.
“My shuttle flight departs a few minutes after noon,” I answered, taking another bite into my doughnut.
Walking over to the window she glanced out at the wet beach and ocean. Turning, she said, “I sure wouldn’t want to have to travel in that mess out there.”
“Yeah, it sucks, doesn’t it,” I groaned before gulping down the last of my coffee.
“Well, I imagine I ought to go and start my day,” she said walking towards the door. “You be careful out in that rain and have a safe trip if I don’t get to see you before you leave.”
“Thanks Juanita,” I said, taking note of her new hairdo. “Hey, I like the new look.”
Smiling, she replied, “I was wondering if you had noticed.”
“Yes, I noticed,” I said solemnly, images of Tina and Leïla suddenly flooding my mind.
Thirty minutes later Juanita buzzed my office phone to let me know that I had a visitor waiting to see me. Looking down at my desk calendar, I didn’t see where I had scheduled anyone for an appointment, and certainly not this early. “Who is it?” I asked curiously.
“It’s Tina, Marcus,” Juanita answered.
I was surprised to say the least. And so much that it took several seconds for me to collect my thoughts. When I came around I managed to say, “Sure, let her in.”
I watched as the door opened slowly and Tina’s lovely face and body came into full view. She was wearing a long trench coat, long boots, and carried an umbrella in one hand and her purse in her other hand. All were wet from the rain outside. Her lips were ruby red; her eyes reflecting the sadness I had put there the day before.
Sprinting up from my chair I closed the door behind her and guided her over to the leather chair positioned in front of my desk. I took her umbrella in hand and assisted her as she removed her coat, then sat down. I hung both on a coat rack.
Rounding my desk, I sat down.
“Tina, I tried calling you,” I began, speaking for the first time. “I even stopped by your place yesterday but I imagine you didn’t want to talk to me, and I understand.”
“Marcus, I thought about this situation a lot the past two days,” she began solemnly, her voice full of emotion. “I was mad at you yesterday. Furious was more like it. But for some reason, I couldn’t be mad at you for long.
“Marcus, I’ve searched my mind and my heart for answers I could not readily find. So I am here so that you can help me understand how we got to this place we find ourselves in now. I need your help in understanding this.”
“I don’t really know, Tina,” I said with a long and sad gaze. But I owe you that much. Slowly and deliberately, my eyes averted at times, I began to tell her my story, a story she only partially knew. “It’s like this Tina, I met a woman I fell deeply in love with - nearly lost her when she was shot - was told that she had returned to her home in Antiqua by a note she had left behind for me – and after several weeks of not hearing from her, I went to her home in search of her – once there I was told that she had come to the States – and then her father refused to tell me where I could find her – time passed by and I never heard from her – and I thought that I neve
r would – so, I decided to go on with my life.
“One day another beautiful young woman walked into my world,” I continued slowly and deliberately. “And over time I fell in love with her and as much as I have ever been in love before.”
I could see tears welling up in Tina’s eyes. Swallowing hard, due to the lump that resided in my throat, I continued.
“Then one day, having just bought a very special gift for her, I walked right smack into my past. The feelings I thought I had tucked away came barreling to the surface. Before I knew it I found myself torn between two women that I loved.”
“But why didn’t you tell me that you had run into Leïla?” Tina tossed at me like a curve ball. “That I do not understand.”
“I imagine because I am still madly in love with you Tina and I didn’t want to hurt you,” I said with an honesty I had not conveyed or spoken in a while. “Believe me, there were times I came very close to telling you but you seemed so happy, so jubilant, so on top of the world, and I just could not bear to see you unhappy and on account of me.
“As for Leïla, I attempted on more than one occasion to tell her as well,” I continued. “But just like the predicament I found myself in with you, I found myself in the same situation with Leïla. To keep from hurting both of you I lied. Then one lie turned into two lies, and then two lies turned into four lies. Over time the lies kept compounding. Before I realized it, I found myself living a lie.”
“Marcus, I really don’t know what to say,” she said, looking as confused, conflicted, and as tormented as I had felt since the day Leïla reentered my world. “I’m here because I know what it means to lose a loved one, and literally overnight, and without knowing why. Now what happens after this point, I don’t really know. But that’s my question. Can you enlighten me any Marcus?”
“I really don’t know Tina,” I said slumping back into my chair. “I’m heading up to Gainesville in a couple of hours to tell Leïla just what I told you. I can imagine she’s going to take it pretty hard. But I have to tell her. Anyway, I’m only going to be there long enough to tell her what I have to tell her then I’m returning tonight. What happens after that, I just don’t know.”
Island Love Page 18