The Supervillain Field Manual
Page 14
What it means to them: To hold a story until a particular date.
What it means to you: What every other nation does to yours when you declare a sovereign state.
fact
What it means to them: A verifiable piece of information.
What it means to you: Your brilliance, and very little else.
feedback
What it means to them: A sound generated when a microphone is improperly calibrated.
What it means to you: The result of your experiments sewing mouths on to the spines of henchmen.
gutter
What it means to them: The vertical margin between two pages.
What it means to you: The place you find henchmen.
headline
What it means to them: A short bit of text describing the contents of an article.
What it means to you: The mark on some supervillains’ skulls that results from repeated superpowered punching to the cranium.
human interest
What it means to them: An often-emotional story about non-famous people.
What it means to you: What you feel occasionally, but only in terms of what people might look like as ferrets.
interview
What it means to them: A conversation for broadcast or publication.
What it means to you: What you see when you shrink down and go inside someone’s body.
kicker
What it means to them: The last line of an article.
What it means to you: That guy you hired to go around and kick people for you.
lead
What it means to them: The first line of an article.
What it means to you: What you will do to any reporter you speak to, as well as everyone else, eventually.
libel
What it means to them: To print false and defamatory information about someone.
What it means to you: General conversation. (see slander)
mug shot
What it means to them: A close-up photo of someone’s face.*
What it means to you: What you take at the vessel your superhero nemesis’ uses for morning coffee, just to annoy them.
off-the-record
What it means to them: Not for publication.
What it means to you: What happens when that insanely lucky superhero somehow removes their bindings and escapes the giant turntable before going under the huge, razor-sharp needle.
plagiarize
What it means to them: To use another’s work as your own.
What it means to you: Writing; an offense punishable by death (applicable to me only)
Q & A
What it means to them: An article presented as questions and answers.
What it means to you: Quit and Abscond, the pillars of cowardice, also known as the supervillain’s standard escape plan.
release
What it means to them: A public relations document informing reporters of news.
What it means to you: What you never do to prisoners, ever.
retract
What it means to them: To pull a story back after it is proven false or misleading.
What it means to you: What you want the mechanical claws welded to your torso to be capable of doing, so you can go out in public without having to explain yourself every few steps.
sic
What it means to them: Indicates an already-existing grammatical error in quoted text.
What it means to you: What the lion-hounds do.
shoot
What it means to them: Take a photograph or video.
What it means to you: What your ray guns do.
stand-up
What it means to them: A piece of footage in which a television reporter stands in front of a camera and relates the details of a story.
What it means to you: What you can’t do for most of the week after a superhero fight.
thumbnail
What it means to them: A small version of a photo, for archiving.
What it means to you: A particularly effective place to stick a piece of bamboo.
two-shot
What it means to them: A video frame in which two people can be seen.
What it means to you: What two ray guns do.
wire service
What it means to them: An organization which sends out syndicated news articles.
What it means to you: Your hire that’s great with garroting.
* Alternately, also a picture taken of someone after an arrest.
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The Supervillain Handbook
by King Oblivion, Ph.D., as told to Matt D. Wilson
Illustrated by Adam Wallenta
Looking for a way out of the rat race? Tired of your ho-hum, workaday life? Have an inexplicable love of turning human beings into inanimate objects? Then professional supervillainy might just be for you! With tips from the renowned founder and overlord of the International Society of Supervillains, The Supervillain Handbook is your one-stop-shop for everything evil. Gain invaluable insight on the art of revenge, choosing your evil name, where to find the perfect lair, and much more!
$12.95 Paperback • ISBN 978-1-61608-711-1
ALSO AVAILABLE
The Supervillain Handbook
by King Oblivion, Ph.D., as told to Matt D. Wilson
Illustrated by Adam Wallenta
Looking for a way out of the rat race? Tired of your ho-hum, workaday life? Have an inexplicable love of turning human beings into inanimate objects? Then professional supervillainy might just be for you! With tips from the renowned founder and overlord of the International Society of Supervillains, The Supervillain Handbook is your one-stop-shop for everything evil. Gain invaluable insight on the art of revenge, choosing your evil name, where to find the perfect lair, and much more!
$1 2.95 Paperback • ISBN 978-1-61608-711-1