Into the Shadows

by Carolyn Crane

  “He won’t know. It’s like he thinks he’s like a different species of person, almost,” she said.

  “That he can’t father a child?”

  “Not exactly.”

  It was weird talking about Thorne. Richard and Kara knew he was Benny’s father, but the three of them had developed a code of silence around him, like if they never talked about him or discussed his and Nadia’s history, it might erase him from the picture and help keep Benny safe.

  “What, exactly?” Richard asked.

  “Not a different species biologically. More like, Thorne has always been the guy who you want to kill or get rid of, like rats or roaches. He would never imagine, like, if I got pregnant with a child of his, that I would want to raise it and love it. And Benny is so good and beautiful. Thorne would never see himself there. I mean, look at the way he is.”

  Richard grunted.

  Back in the day, only Kara had guessed that Nadia and Thorne had something going on, which of course, got Kara interested in Thorne, too. Kara had always gone after the people and things Nadia loved the most.

  The idea of Thorne dumping her for beautiful Kara and proving what they had was nothing had terrified Nadia. She’d tried to pretend Thorne was nothing to her, even going so far as to beg Kara to give Thorne a spin and give her stamp of approval. It had turned Nadia’s stomach to offer Thorne to Kara like that, but it had worked. Kara lost her interest in Thorne instantly. Kara was only interested if Nadia was interested.

  Nadia had been relieved that her bit of reverse psychology had worked, even though it had felt like a betrayal to talk so casually of passing Thorne around. Their relationship had been secret and special, beyond anything she’d ever had.

  For Nadia, anyway. Not so much for Thorne.

  “Can you handle him?” Richard asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “I need better than that. What exactly was between you? Because I’ll tell you right now, he’s eyeing me like a rival. I don’t mind letting him think we’re together, but I need to know what I’m stepping into.”

  “It was never anything but chemistry. For Thorne, everything here was just a stepping-stone to something higher, and I was convenient.”

  Richard had his unconvinced look. “Then why’s he behaving so territorial around me?”

  A ping of hope sailed through her. So stupid. “If he seems territorial, it’s just male bullshit. After he got what he wanted from Victor, he was out of here. Barely a good-bye. Like I was…a fixture here at the mansion.” She couldn’t bring herself to tell Richard that Thorne had likened her to hotel soap.

  “I don’t buy it that he’s over you,” Richard said. “You might not be looking at it right.”

  She wrapped her arms around herself. Her passion for Thorne had felt so all-consuming it was a wonder she’d been able to hide it, especially from Richard. Then again, Richard had been her bodyguard out at clubs and in college. His duties ended at the door to the mansion, which is where she and Thorne began.

  “Did he start it, or did you?”

  “Kind of…him. He started it.”

  “How?”

  She gazed out at the lawn. “You remember how Thorne was all the time. Even when he was with the group, he was off doing his own thing. Self-contained.”

  “I remember. I remember that it drove you and Kara a little crazy.”

  She nodded. She and Kara had always enjoyed when Victor’s guys paid attention to them. Nadia liked it because she found the guys fascinating and fun; Kara just wanted them to want her, to worship her.

  Thorne was the only guy around the mansion who ignored then both. He seemed, even, to loathe them. To Nadia, Thorne’s loathing felt like a knife cutting through the fog of champagne—cold and lethal—and it had galvanized her. But the more she’d pay attention to Thorne, the more he’d seemed to loathe her. “Yeah, it drove me crazy. Dad’s guys never ignored me. And they sure the hell didn’t ignore Kara.”

  “Indeed.”

  She turned a mischievous gaze toward Richard. Kara had tried over and over to seduce Richard. He’d been one of Kara’s greatest failures, much to Nadia’s delight.

  “And I was just so miserable, then, in general. Nobody knew. Well, you did.”

  “A little,” Richard said.

  She gave him a weak smile. “I used to go up to the west rooftop to sneak smokes, but it was more just to cry. And one night, Thorne was up there. I didn’t see him at first. I was crying, half drunk, wearing one of those tiaras. That’s when it started. I’d just gone up and collapsed against the door. And then I hear footsteps and there he is, coming at me from the other side of the roof. Who knows what he was doing up there. But suddenly, he sees me crying, and he’s walking toward me…”

  Richard flicked his head, clearing a lock of hair from his eyes. His hair was all rocker bad boy, but his eyes were all, Gimme the details. Few people ever saw this side of Richard.

  “And I stood up. You know how, before a storm, the way the air changes? That was Thorne coming to me. I felt it in every pore.”

  Richard nodded.

  “I was at the end of my rope that night. So pissed off at life. Sad little gangster-daughter princess. I kind of didn’t care anymore. And here’s this guy who’d been ignoring me and hating me. So when he gets near, I’m like, Fuck off, you lowlife.“

  A half smile appeared on Richard’s face.

  “I know. It’s not that I really thought it; it’s just that the fucker wouldn’t see me, and when I said it, it riveted him. And he just...he didn’t stop or say anything. He puts his hands on my cheeks. And then this tear rolls down, and his eyes are glued to it. Most guys would wipe it off or something, right? But he holds my face and watches the tear. Invading my misery. And then he breathes out in a rush of air, like he’d been holding his breath. As if something just gave in him.” She huffed out a breath, mimicking the way his breath had come out in a soft rush. It had felt like a finger caressing her nose.

  “Because maybe he hadn’t really been ignoring you all that time,” Richard offered.

  A thrill rose in her. How silly it was that Thorne having any kind of spark for her felt like a badge of honor. The possibility that, for a little while at least, she’d been more than something you leave wet and half used on a crumpled wrapper.

  “When you have that kind of feeling coming at you, Richard…” She didn’t know how to explain it. She got to be such a junkie for Thorne’s regard.

  “Because no one ever saw you then,” Richard said. “Nobody.”

  But Thorne had. He’d watched the tear like a madman, like he was communing with it or something, and he’d touched her so gently. This tough, crazy guy. She’d stayed perfectly still, not wanting to move and kill the spell.

  “And then his eyes move from the tear to my lips. And I’m thinking, yes.” She waited, let the silence be there. “And then he kisses me full-on…” She could still feel it, all that desperate, magical, full-on passion, like he’d been raised in the wild or something and didn’t know proper kissing or how to be gentle. Maybe just didn’t want to. She’d liked that. “Like a thousand stampeding horses. Like his social mask got ripped clear off and he was just this rawness.”

  “Well, that is hot as fuck,” Richard whispered.

  “And I grab onto his leather jacket sleeves.” She got onto the bed and grabbed onto Richard’s sleeves. “And I pull him to me, and I’m thinking, just…invade me. That was my mood. Fuck me out of myself. Love me. Something. Anything. And the way he looks at me—” She gazed into his eyes, trying to re-create the intoxication of Thorne’s gaze.

  “You think it was the crying?”

  “Definitely. That’s what drew him. He walks across the roof and…” She gasped out the breath again, re-enacting the re-enactment now. “And I tell him he’s a lowlife, and he fucking mauls me.” She dropped her voice. “It was one of the single most hottest experiences of my life, Richard. One of the single most.”

  Richard blew out a
breath. “Is it wrong that I want to fuck him now, too?”

  “Shut up.”

  “Yeah, maybe I’ll fuck him,” he teased. “Because you’re so done with him.”

  “I am done.”

  “Riiight. You better beat off before tomorrow night,” he said. “If we go for it, because you’re distracted as all fuck right now.”

  She snorted.

  “I’m serious. You are too stoked.”

  Just then, the door swung open. She dropped her hands.

  Thorne.

  Thorne’s look of shock was replaced by a sardonic smile as he took in what must have appeared to be a near love clench with her on a bed full of guns.

  “This is a touching scene,” Thorne said.

  “Don’t you knock?” She asked, face heated. So he’d really think she and Richard were together now. She had to be okay with that.

  Thorne eyed Richard. “We’ve got a glass guy down there and he needs authorization.”

  “You can’t give it?” Nadia asked.

  “From the homeowner. Hangman’ll handle the bill.” He tore his eyes from Richard, strode over to the bed, picked up the Glock, and released the magazine. Then he shoved it back in and threw it down. “Nice that you’re preparing my room.” He let his gaze linger on Nadia. “But I’ve already got a pretty hefty piece. As you may recall.”

  Richard was on him like a flash, pinning him to the wall, up in his face. “That shit does not fly, you understand?”

  Nadia stiffened.

  Thorne gave Richard his look of sparkly evil.

  Oh, how she remembered that taunting, cocksure look, laughing eyes boring into her, rosy lips twisted up so kissably. Aimed at Richard, the look said, You sure you want to tangle with me? As in fight. Turned on her, it had meant, You sure you want to tangle with me? As in fuck. As in trust. As in love.

  Nadia’s pulse raced while Richard shoved Thorne harder into the wall. Richard spoke through clenched teeth. “You understand?”

  “Enough!” she shouted.

  That got zero results.

  Both men stood over six feet tall, but Richard was the bigger man, more linebacker than soccer player. Still, Thorne could take him. Richard knew it. She knew it. No doubt Thorne knew it. She wished she could’ve told Richard about the night of the scorpions—it kind of explained a lot about Thorne. But Thorne had told her that in confidence. And really, what more did Richard need to understand? That Thorne was even more of an extreme badass than anyone knew?

  No, the night of the scorpions, the bad hand, that was personal. Private. Thorne’s to tell.

  “I mean it,” Nadia growled. She shoved them both. She’d had enough fighting, enough blood. “Come off it!”

  Nothing.

  It was like the two men saw only each other. “What is this? A testosterone moment? Because you are both being so idiotic...”

  “You done with that shit?” Richard asked Thorne, all gritty and growly. He got a little closer to Thorne’s face; close enough to kiss him. Okay, now Richard was messing with her.

  She kicked him in the shin. “Enough!”

  “Just so we’re clear,” Richard growled, releasing Thorne.

  Thorne smirked and walked over to the bed as Richard turned his innocent brown gaze to her.

  She narrowed her eyes at him. Richard. Well, it was on. Thorne would think they were a couple now. Stupid to feel upset about that.

  “Mementos from dear old Victor?” Thorne examined one of the nines, like the little incident with Richard had never happened. It was one of the weapons they’d used in the first raid.

  “Seemed smart to keep them around here at the end,” she said. “What with the mayhem and killing that ensued from you and your buddies.”

  It wasn’t fair, really—her father had gotten weak. He’d double-crossed people and lost control. Guys like Thorne had simply exploited the situation. Thorne had come out better than anyone.

  Thorne smelled the tip of the barrel. “Keeping it up,” he observed.

  “Yup,” she said.

  “Good,” he said.

  She took the piece from Thorne and set it on the bedspread with the other weapons. “We’re moving them out of here. We’ve been meaning to.”

  Richard butted in and took over. “Handle the glass. I’ll finish here.”

  “Come on,” she said, heading out into the hall and toward the west stairs, like she didn’t care if Thorne followed, but she could tell he was behind her.

  “Mommy!” She turned to see Benny coming out of the bathroom door behind them.

  She rushed past Thorne and caught Benny in her arms just as he was about to fall flat on his face.

  Kara looked apologetic in the background.

  Benny babbled something that would’ve sounded like bot-bot-bonster to most anybody else.

  “I know. Hot lava monster time.” She hugged the boy close, turning to glare at Thorne, aiming the boy’s face away from him as if she were simply mad that he’d intruded on her family, and not that she was scared out of her mind that he’d figure out that Benny was his after all.

  She couldn’t allow Benny to grow up as a target. People had hated Victor, but they feared Thorne, and Benny would be a vulnerability too delectable to pass up. Benny turned and smiled at Thorne with his alert little toasty-brown gaze. Not the pale blue of Thorne’s.

  Thank you, genetics, she thought, because in genetics, brown usually trumped blue.

  Still, she didn’t like the way Thorne watched Benny, who was squirming in her arms, wanting to get down. What was Thorne seeing? Richard was right—he wasn’t stupid.

  “Come on, Benny,” Richard was there, taking Benny from her arms.

  She felt a flash of irrational annoyance at Richard, playing the father in front of Thorne, even though Richard was the closest thing Benny had to a father. A good man who didn’t kill. At least, not for fun and profit.

  Benny grabbed onto Richard’s brown curls.

  Richard widened his eyes and snapped at Benny’s fat little hand with his teeth, like a dog.

  “Punk,” Benny said, screwing up his face.

  Nadia stifled a laugh. Kara glared. Yeah, she was a shit mother for laughing whenever Benny called somebody a punk. A bad word to encourage.

  Thorne watched with a faraway look in his eyes.

  They looked so much alike. Maybe not the eyes, but the hair.

  “Bot-bot-bonster,” he said again.

  She kissed Benny, brushing his bangs downward to obscure the cowlick a little bit more. He had the same nose, too, just slightly turned up at the end. On Benny, it was as cute as a button. On Thorne, it had always reminded her that there had been a before with him. Some before time when Thorne was a bad boy in pain, and still savable. Before his mom left the family, and before his dad ran through his trust fund and traded Thorne’s little sister for crack.

  Before the night of the scorpions.

  Again, she looked at Thorne. No, this wasn’t the look of suspicion. It was the look of a man on the outside, peering in.

  He didn’t suspect.

  And it made her ache for him. Whatever happened between them, she ached for him.

  What she’d told Richard was true: Thorne wouldn’t think Benny was his because it was out of the realm of his possibilities. A woman didn’t have Thorne’s baby.

  Thorne turned and headed down the hall.

  She went down after him.

  After dealing with the glass guy, she and Kara put Benny in his high chair for a Cheerios snack, then she started working on dinner for the men. It’s what the Party Princess would have done. She even wore an apron from that era.

  “This is crazy,” Kara said. “Feeding them now? Like guests? It seems dangerous.”

  “Keep your enemies close,” she said.

  Kara sniffed and went back to her chopping.

  They’d both been equally enraged at Victor when they’d discovered the truth, and equally gung-ho on the co-op raids, but lately, Kara had been
pulling back. Nadia knew that Kara was just worried for her, but in her more ungenerous moments, Nadia thought about how it wasn’t Kara’s mother in some horrible sweatshop. Kara’s mother was safe and sound; they lunched on Tuesdays, and fought about things like whether not using your turn signal to change lanes was aggressive driving.

  “Benny needs his mother,” Kara said. “And I need my sister.”

  Nadia rested a hand on her sister’s shoulder. Their relationship was worlds different from just a few years ago. “You know I can’t turn the other way. After all that this family took from her?”

  “All that Victor took,” Kara corrected. “And now he’s here?”

  Chapter Six

  It was a cool, lovely evening for April. She and Kara set the taco fixings out on the porch table. Strange how easy it was to channel the Party Princess, that stupid girl who’d idolized Victor as though he was Robin Hood or something. God, she’d been so desperate for his affection, his attention, anything. But maybe rescuing her from being raised in a brothel was all he had for her. His thoughts were always somewhere else when she’d talk with him or ask him questions. Now and then, she could make him laugh. She’d always felt so happy when she made Victor laugh.

  Various maids and nannies had always been the ones to remember her birthdays and pick out her presents. Victor’s girlfriends sometimes took them out clothes shopping, dressing them like little dolls. Kara’s mother was the worst at dressing them like little dolls because she liked to shop drunk. When Kara was eight, her mother was thrown in prison for dealing coke. Ten years. Mom’s doin’ a dime, Kara would say in her icy who-the-hell-cares voice.

  Nadia wolfed down a taco for herself before ringing the bell—another holdover from Victor’s reign. It had been decided Richard would eat with the guys; he was going to have a go at figuring out the extent of their knowledge.

  She and Benny went down into the yard to play hot lava monster, which involved her crawling around on the ground, and Benny was only safe from her when he stood on certain rocks. They played it out on the side. She didn’t want Thorne seeing her with Benny.

  After the game, she and Benny lay in the yard and watched the ants. She could hear the guys’ voices carry though the dusk, with occasional bursts of laughter. Rufus was up there, too. Thorne was probably feeding him tacos.