by J. S. Scott
CHAPTER 17
Having a canine companion brought more joy into Tessa’s life than she ever could have imagined. She went for a run with her dog the next morning, and he actually kept pace alongside of her as she jogged at a steady speed. She slowed occasionally, worried that poor Homer might be exhausted, but the dog was full of energy. He spurred her on when she would have given him a rest.
When they were at the rink, her dog clambered up a few rows in the old stands so he could see her, watching her silently, his gaze always alert.
Tessa hadn’t bothered with the music because Micah wasn’t around to give her signals, but she skated her entire routine, including the extended position hold at the very end.
That was when she saw a man standing directly in front of her clapping his hands, applauding her performance. She moved closer to see who had been watching her, suddenly feeling apprehensive. It wasn’t Micah. She didn’t expect him back until tomorrow. She stopped at the wall, the only thing separating the two of them, when she realized who exactly she was seeing, although she still couldn’t quite believe it.
Rick? What the hell is he doing in Amesport, Maine?
She stared, noticing that even though he was only a year or two older than Micah, he looked older than that. He’d put on weight. Not that she’d say he was fat, but he’d definitely indulged in too much rich food and too much alcohol during the years they’d been apart.
Her eyes went automatically to his mouth when it started to move.
“I have to say, that was extraordinary, Tessa. You got your hearing back? I saw that you were on the performance schedule for New York. You skate as gracefully as you did years ago.”
Her mind whirling just from the impact of seeing her first love after so long, Tessa could barely find the words to say. This man had devastated her, but her heart didn’t seem to care. After a moment of surprise . . . she felt . . . nothing. No, maybe that wasn’t true. She felt angry.
“What do you want, Rick?” she asked flatly.
“I saw that you were skating again, and I just decided I needed to make the trip to see you. You’ve matured nicely, Tessa. I’ve missed you.”
She watched as Homer climbed down from the stands, his gaze pensive as he sat some distance away from Rick, as though he didn’t trust him.
Don’t worry, Homer. I don’t trust him, either.
“You decided you had to see me after all these years? Why?” She felt her body tense.
“We had something together, Tessa. Maybe we gave it up too easily. I haven’t been able to find anyone like you again.”
Rage boiled inside her, a fury that she hadn’t realized still existed. “Oh, you mean after you kicked me out of your home and moved another woman in? Or after you dumped me at one of the lowest points of my life.”
“I loved you, Tessa. I just didn’t know how to deal with your handicap. But now that you can hear again—”
“No!” she shouted at him. For an instant, she was thrown back to the life they’d had together. It had been good, but only when she was his perfectly behaved, champion figure skater who was molded to be exactly as he wanted her. “I learned to deal with being deaf, and I am not handicapped. And I don’t need you anymore. I don’t think I ever did.”
“You’re right. You’re not handicapped now,” Rick pointed out. “Come back to me, Tessa. Things can be like they were before. We put a lot of years and a lot of work into our relationship. You can’t just forget that. I even still have your ring.” He pulled a small box out of his pocket and popped it open.
It was the diamond she’d worn on her finger, the very ring whose loss had made her finger feel bare and empty for quite some time after their breakup.
He must be between women if he came searching me out. Or no other woman but a naive eighteen-year-old would put up with him. What the hell? Does he think I’m still the trainable girl I used to be?
Tessa shuddered. The last thing she could imagine was going back to the way she was before. In this one area, her hearing loss had probably been a blessing. It had taught her what love wasn’t, and she hadn’t ended up married to the most selfish man on Earth.
“Funny, I seem to remember that you said we fell out of love,” she reminded him, portions of that last conversation with him floating through her brain, a discussion that had once hurt her so much.
“I know what I said, but I’m ready to take you back now.” His expression turned dark and irritated.
Tessa skated down to the wall opening, and Homer came to greet her. She patted the dog on the head and then took her skates off quickly, slipping on her shoes. Then, she stuffed the skates into the bag she’d brought with her and put the straps over her shoulder, ignoring Rick completely until she had to pass him on the way out.
He gripped her arm, keeping her from leaving. “Did you hear me? I said I’m ready to take you back.”
She had to hold back a laugh as she looked at his annoyed expression. Did he really think she’d go crawling back to him that easily? For what? Money? Honestly, he really was a dick. How had she never seen that before? How had she ever been with a man like him?
I was young and easily led because I knew nothing about relationships. My whole life revolved around skating. Then it also revolved around him.
She’d put just as much effort into pleasing Rick as she had the figure-skating judges, and she really had lost everything she was or could have been in the process. She had lost herself, any identity that she would have developed from her own ideas, her own experiences. Because she’d loved skating, she hadn’t minded trying to please the judges. With Rick, she’d had a choice, but she’d been convinced that she loved him, and she forgave herself for being a fool. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to understand that she was all grown up now.
She shrugged out of his hold, and when he went to grab her arm again, Homer bared his teeth. By the frightened look on Rick’s face, she assumed her canine was giving him a warning growl.
She patted her thigh, and Homer came up beside her, walking at her side as she truly left her past behind. Her relationship with Micah might be finite, destined to end in the near future, but she realized she’d rather spend five minutes with Micah Sinclair than a lifetime of hell with somebody who didn’t give a damn about her.
Rick followed and came stomping out the door as she held it open for him, then shut it behind him to lock it.
His expression was outraged as she looked at him in the sunlight. “You’re making a big mistake, Tessa. Women would kill to be my wife.”
“I might kill you if I was your wife,” she shot back. “You’re a controlling, pretentious bastard who treats women like they’re garbage. I’m not the same woman I was back then, thank God.” She waved him off. She was done. “Go find yourself a woman who values the same things you do. I don’t.”
She started walking toward her car with Homer before she called over her shoulder, “By the way, I’m still deaf, but I’m definitely not handicapped. I’ve just realized that I can still skate with or without my hearing. Now go back to Boston. There’s nothing here in Maine for you.”
He’d have much better luck in a bigger city finding another gullible girl. Tessa was already pitying any woman who hooked up with him.
She never looked back as she drove away, but she did smile as Homer licked her face and then settled into his seat.
She got a text later in the day from Julian, letting her know that he was due to land shortly with Xander in tow. He asked if she could possibly go to Evan’s guesthouse to make sure there was no alcohol or pills in the residence.
Tessa took Homer with her, and, as she poured out the last bottle of beer, she wondered what would become of Micah’s brother.
She sighed as she took the trash out and dumped it, knowing the guest residence was now empty of any type of substance that could send Xander off the wagon.
Granted, her heart ached for Micah’s youngest brother. He’d been there for her at a time in her life when
she’d really needed a friendly face. Back then, he’d been the type of man to reach out to a complete stranger and make sure she was safe. Did he realize that he was now ripping his family apart?
What kind of guy was he now?
She’d vacuumed and dusted the guesthouse, cleaning up as well as she could on short notice. With little else to do, she put on a pot of coffee.
Seconds later, Homer came bouncing into the kitchen to signal her, and she followed him to the front door.
“Somebody is here?” she asked the dog needlessly since he’d already identified the door as the place where he was hearing noise.
Flipping the deadbolt, she gripped the handle and pulled, seeing two men standing at the top step. Moving back as she recognized Julian, she tried not to stare at the guy he currently had by the collar of his black leather jacket. Julian steered Xander through the house and into the kitchen, shoving his ass down in a chair at the table.
“I have to hit the shower,” Julian announced angrily. “The little bastard sprayed me with a can of Coke I offered him when he said he wanted a drink.”
Julian stomped toward the bathroom with an overnight bag slung over his shoulder.
She turned her back and busied herself with making two cups of coffee, placing cream and sugar on the table because she had no idea what either man put in their coffee. For that matter, she didn’t even know if they liked coffee.
If she didn’t know that this was the same Xander she’d come to like during a single rescue and a car ride, she never would have recognized him. He had a scraggly beard that could use trimming, longer hair, and, although she’d only gotten a brief glance at his face, he was scarred. He was also thin, too thin.
Putting one mug in front of him with a spoon, she took the other cup and sat across from him, adding cream to her coffee before she spoke. “How are you, Xander? Do you remember me?”
His hand moved slightly to wrap around the coffee mug.
“Please don’t throw it at me. The coffee is hot,” she reminded him.
Tessa noticed his hands were shaking slightly, and his eyes looked lifeless as he stared at the mug, probably trying to decide whether or not to vent his anger by tossing it.
“If you don’t like coffee, I’ll get you something else,” she offered.
“I. Want. A. Damn. Drink.”
Had he not enunciated, Tessa might have had a difficult time understanding what he said because of his facial hair. “You have a drink. There isn’t a drop of alcohol anywhere in the house. There’s soda, which you’ve obviously rudely refused. Or that coffee in front of you.”
“You’re the deaf chick I met years ago.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“You still can’t hear?”
Tessa shook her head. “No.”
“Good.” He took the mug and pitched it, slamming it against the refrigerator and causing it to shatter. “Glad you didn’t hear that.”
Tessa gave a cry of dismay as she saw the coffee pooled on the floor with the glass, the dark liquid scattered all over the cupboards and the fridge.
She stood and put her hands on her hips. “What exactly was the point of that?”
“Unless you can get me a real drink or get me laid, you can just leave me the fuck alone. There’s only two things I want right now. Coffee isn’t one of them.”
Tessa crouched and started collecting the glass on the tile. “What in the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m a dick,” he said with a shrug.
“You didn’t used to be.” She looked up at him.
“That was a long time ago.”
Xander was silent while Tessa cleaned up the mess, cutting her finger in the process as she trashed the glass.
“Dammit!” she cried as she saw the blood running down her palm from the cut.
Xander got up and took her hand lightly, cleaning the injury in the sink. It was superficial and stopped bleeding almost instantly. He directed her back to her chair and pushed on her shoulders, forcing her to sit.
She watched as he finished mopping up the mess before he sat down again.
Homer, who had been watching from the door of the kitchen, went to Xander, sniffed him, then promptly laid his head in his lap.
Tessa held her breath, hoping Xander hadn’t changed so much that he’d rebuff or kick an innocent dog. She let out the air as she saw Micah’s youngest brother put his hand on Homer’s head and stroke it absently.
“You know you’re hurting your brothers. Were you trying to die, or was it an accident?” Tessa figured she had nothing to lose by asking. Xander could throw another temper fit, but he was out of ready ammunition since she had her fingers through the handle of her mug, and she’d put the cream and sugar away while she was cleaning up the mess he’d made.
He ignored her question and slumped into the chair as though he’d rather be anywhere but there. “I won’t stay on the wagon, if that’s what they’re hoping. Why can’t they just leave me alone?”
“Because they love you,” Tessa told him sternly. “You’re their brother. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing.” She paused before adding, “I tried to kill myself once. It was after I came back home. My parents died, so I really did lose everything I loved.”
He looked at her with a slight bit of interest. “Then why are you still alive?”
“I stopped before it was too late. I thought about my brother, my only living relative, and I didn’t want to leave him alone and feeling guilty because he couldn’t save me. That’s what would happen if you died. Neither of your brothers would ever forgive themselves.”
“I’m not trying to die, okay? I just need to escape. The alcohol and pills help.”
“No, they don’t. They’ll ultimately be what kills you,” Tessa shot back at him.
“Then maybe I do fucking want to die. Christ! I wish everybody would just leave me the hell alone. My brothers would still have each other and our cousins. They don’t need me.”
Xander emanated a darkness that Tessa could feel. “I can’t say that I know how you feel. It had to be horrible seeing your parents die. But there will eventually be light. I promise you.” Her heart squeezed as she looked at the man Xander had become.
“My brothers don’t know everything, and because I’m a goddamn coward, they never will. But there is no light at the end of my long-ass tunnel. It’s fucking infinite.”
“And you’re dragging Micah and Julian along with you,” Tessa informed him. “Did you know Micah’s headaches are back, probably triggered by stress? Can’t you at least try?” she begged.
“I’ll fail,” Xander said nonchalantly. “The nightmares get me whether I’m awake or asleep, without my pills or my alcohol.”
“You can get past that,” Tessa told him, desperately wanting to reach the old Xander that she had liked so long ago. He was still there. He had to be.
“No, I can’t.” He rose. “I’m going to bed. Tell Julian I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”
Tessa knew Xander was going to get a nanny whether he wanted one or not. Julian was staying here with him.
“Maybe if you tried to tell them everything—”
Xander glared at her as he spoke. “I don’t need to talk. I need to be stoned. So either bring me a willing woman or a drink, or shut the hell up.”
She stopped talking because he walked away. He was right. If he didn’t solve his underlying problems, he was going to fail rehab.
A tear slid down her cheek, wondering what had happened to Xander to make him so bitter and angry. Maybe he did just want to forget what he’d seen the night his parents were murdered, but there was more to the story. He’d admitted as much.
Homer moved over to her and put his head on her lap, and Tessa stroked his silky head as she wondered what or who could get through to Xander.
She knew it wasn’t her.
Unfortunately, she’d just failed miserably.
CHAPTER 18
“He’s going to break
your heart. When he’s ready to go, he’ll leave and he won’t look back,” Liam told Tessa as they sat at one of the sadly worn tables at Sullivan’s Steak and Seafood the next evening.
Tessa had filled in for one of their waitresses who’d needed the night off. Micah had texted that he’d be home the next morning, and she couldn’t wait to see him.
Honestly, she knew that her brother was right. She would pay for indulging herself in Micah’s passion. But even now, she wouldn’t trade the experience to avoid the inevitable pain. “It will be my issue to deal with,” she told her brother sternly.
Liam shrugged as he took a gulp of the beer in front of him. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”
Her heart squeezed forcefully in her chest as she looked at her forlorn sibling. “You can’t protect me from everything, Liam. I’m almost twenty-eight years old. I like Micah, and he’s the first guy I’ve wanted to spend time with since Rick.”
“He’s the first guy who ever got the chance,” Liam argued.
Tessa shook her head. “He’s the only one I wanted.” Desperate to change the subject, she told him, “I finally looked in my bank account. Liam, there has to be a mistake. Where did all that money come from? Is it yours?”
“No. The money is yours. Tessa, Mom and Dad were far from being poor. And they got the restaurant and money from Grandma and Grandpa when they passed away. Plus, we make a good profit here. That’s your half of your inheritance and the profit from the restaurant. Once I sell the house, you’ll get half of that, too.”
“But there’s almost a million dollars in my account. That can’t possibly be right. I almost had a heart attack when I looked earlier today.”
Liam lifted his eyebrow. “You just noticed? Tessa, we’ve had the joint account with the inheritance and profits for years. How in the hell did you not notice?”
“I didn’t look. I didn’t want to look.”
“Why the hell not?”
“I don’t know.” She sighed. “Never mind. I do know. I think I was making excuses not to try to have the implants again. I wanted you to take the inheritance from Mom and Dad. I didn’t care how much it was. Neither of them talked much about money. I wanted to believe we didn’t have the funds, and whatever we had needed to go toward refurbishing the restaurant.”