Innocent Wife, Baby of Shame

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  God, how he wanted to be free of her!

  She was temptation in a five foot seven package that he didn’t want to unwrap again.

  It wasn’t Jamie’s fault that his older sister was a tramp. He was a good kid, a bit introverted and uncertain of himself, which made Bruno’s bullying towards him all the harder to excuse.

  When he thought about it, his nephew had been a time bomb waiting to detonate. The loss of his father at the age of seven had knocked him off course; it had knocked them all off course. Patrizio had done his best but it clearly hadn’t been enough.

  He sighed as he filled a glass with water and carried it back upstairs. Bruno was still hurting and that hurt was being played out with this totally uncharacteristic bullying behaviour. It was now up to him to set an example for his nephew, one of forgiveness and reconciliation, in public at least, even if he couldn’t quite manage to pull it off in private. It would be difficult but worth it if the boys were able to resolve their differences and move on with their lives.

  Keira sat on the edge of the bed, her hands clasped in her lap as she tried to regroup. She was back in Patrizio’s life, acting as if things were normal, when nothing but acrimony bubbled like scalding lava between them. It didn’t help that she still loved him. That was what made her betrayal of him all the harder to understand. She had been angry—yes, and hurt to think he might have been sleeping around—but she had never dreamt of doing the same thing and certainly not with Garth, who had been the closest friend she’d ever had. In all the years she had known him, she had never felt anything but sisterly affection for him, which made it all the more inexcusable that she had acted as she had.

  If only she could remember the details of that night! She had gone to Garth’s flat, beside herself with distress, a migraine already boring a hole behind her right eye from all the weeping she had done. He had gathered her close just like he had done for most of their lives, telling her it would sort itself out. He had offered her a glass of wine, which she had sipped in between sobs in an effort to calm herself. But after a while she had put the glass to one side as her headache had worsened. She had been wretchedly sick and sobbed some more before collapsing into bed, not even caring that it was the only one in the flat. Besides, they’d shared a bath together many times when they were little kids; it was like sleeping with a relative…or so she had thought…

  She had sat up that morning, her pupils still protesting at the blindingly bright light coming in through the chink in the curtains. ‘Garth?’ she croaked and then, looking down at her nakedness, clutched at the tangled sheet near her feet and wrenched it upwards to cover herself as he came in.

  ‘How’s your head?’ he asked, handing her a glass of chilled water.

  She took it with unsteady hands. ‘What happened last night?’ she asked, not really sure she wanted to know. ‘I don’t remember anything past me arriving with a headache and telling you about…about…’ she could barely say the words without feeling the pain of them scoring her throat ‘…Patrizio’s affair.’

  He avoided her gaze, a dull flush running underneath the skin of his cheeks. ‘We slept together,’ he said.

  Her eyes widened in spite of the pain it caused her. ‘You mean as in slept together?’

  He gave her a brief nod, the line of his mouth grim.

  Her chest felt as if it were going to collapse inwards under the weight of her guilt and shame. ‘Oh, my God…’ she gasped in shock. ‘What have I done? Oh, God…no. No! I couldn’t possibly have…’

  ‘It’s all right, Keira,’ he said. ‘We didn’t do anything wrong. Lots of friends sleep together. It’s not a big deal these days.’

  Keira stared at him in horror, unable to believe she had acted so impulsively, so out of control, so recklessly and shamefully. ‘I—I don’t know what to say…I’m so ashamed to have…to have led you on like that…’ She swallowed and looked at him again. ‘Did I have too much to drink or something? I only remember drinking half a glass. I’m always so careful with alcohol, you know I am…’

  He got off the bed, his indrawn breath striking a chord of unease inside her. ‘Your husband saw you,’ he said. ‘He came here this morning, a couple of hours ago. I didn’t want to let him in but he barged through before I could stop him. The press was here as well. I think some of them are still waiting outside. You’d better not leave until they clear off.’

  Keira’s distress at hearing that rendered her speechless.

  Garth turned around to look at her. ‘It was the best thing that could have happened, Keira. After all, he’s been doing the dirty on you. Why shouldn’t you do it to him? Talk about double standards. I don’t see why you should be feeling so guilty. It wasn’t your fault.’

  It didn’t excuse her. Nothing could do that. She had slept with another man and Patrizio had every right to be angry.

  He would never forgive her, any more than she could forgive herself.

  Patrizio handed her the glass of water, watching as her eyes carefully avoided his as their fingers met briefly. He felt the lightning bolt of awareness zap him the way it always had, the sensual heat of her body coming towards him drawing him in like a powerful magnet did to an iron filing. Desire surged in his lower body, the blood roaring through him as he remembered the way her body had writhed and twisted beneath the desperate thrusting and plunging of his.

  He had buried himself in several women since in an effort to expunge her from his memory, but not one of them had taken him to the unbelievable heights of pleasure he had experienced in Keira’s arms.

  ‘I’m sorry I woke you,’ she said again, her soft voice pushing against the silence.

  ‘It’s all right,’ he said, pulling back the sheets to get back in. ‘I was half awake, anyway.’

  He felt the depression of the mattress as she lay back down; he could even feel the warmth of her body even though she was as far away from him as the king-sized bed allowed.

  The silence crawled like an invisible entity from every corner of the room and even the numbers on the digital bedside clock seemed too bright once the lamp was switched off.

  ‘I forgot to ring my parents,’ she said after five minutes had passed.

  ‘Will they worry if you do not answer your phone at your flat?’ he asked.

  He heard the rustle of the bedclothes as she shifted position. ‘Probably not,’ she answered with an almost inaudible sigh.

  ‘What about your mobile phone? Do you have it with you?’

  ‘No, I dropped it a few weeks ago and it broke. I haven’t replaced it,’ she said. ‘Anyway, I couldn’t afford the bills.’

  Patrizio frowned in the darkness. She was no doubt trying to make him feel guilty about not agreeing to pay her generous amounts of alimony, but he wasn’t going to budge. He wasn’t handing over half of his wealth to his sluttish ex-wife, who would no doubt share it with her lover.

  ‘I will organise a mobile phone for you tomorrow,’ he said. ‘I will see to the bills until we bring our reconciliation to its inevitable end.’

  She didn’t say anything and for a few minutes he wondered if she had fallen asleep but then she said, ‘My parents are going to get an awful shock when they read tomorrow’s paper.’

  ‘Yes…I guess they will.’

  The sheets rustled again.

  ‘Patrizio?’

  ‘Mmm?’

  ‘I really regret how things turned out,’ she said, her voice sounding husky. ‘We had it all going for us and I threw it away…I can’t believe I was so stupid.’

  ‘We all make mistakes,’ he said on the back of a heavy sigh. ‘It’s over, Keira. We have to move on.’

  He felt her turn on the mattress to face him; he could even feel the soft waft of her breath on his face and mouth when she spoke.

  ‘Do you think you will ever be able to forgive me?’ she asked in a soft pleading whisper.

  ‘Go to sleep, Keira,’ he said, rolling over to face the wall. ‘This is not the time to talk of forgivenes
s.’

  ‘Is there ever going to be a time?’ she asked after another strung-out silence.

  He lifted his head and punched his pillow into shape before answering, keeping his tone detached and emotionless. ‘Probably not. Now, for God’s sake go to sleep.’

  Keira blinked back tears and turned to face the wall on her side. ‘Goodnight, Patrizio,’ she said in a soft whisper.

  He didn’t answer but within minutes she heard the even sound of his breathing which indicated he had fallen asleep.

  I should be so lucky, she thought and, sighing, turned over and stared blankly at the ceiling.

  Keira woke to the warmth of Patrizio’s body lying spoon-like against her back and his hand on her breast, the caressing movement against her nipple stirring her into instant tingling awareness. Heat coursed through her as she felt the probe of his aroused length nudge at the back of her thighs, the satin-covered steel as it instinctively sought her liquid warmth making her stomach instantly somersault.

  ‘P-Patrizio?’

  ‘Mmm?’ He began to nuzzle her neck, his tongue snaking out to blaze a hot moist trail to the shell of her ear.

  ‘We’re…we’re not supposed to be doing this…’ she said, shivering in reaction as his thumb and forefinger pressed her nipple in a gentle but totally tantalising pinch.

  ‘You are on my side of the bed,’ he said, the pulsing heat of him locking her breath high up in her throat. ‘I can only assume that is because you want me to make love to you.’

  She would have denied it but two of his long fingers had already found the silky wet evidence for themselves, the smooth glide of them within her ridged tightness shocking her, arching her spine and curling her toes.

  ‘You are so hot and ready for me,’ he growled deep in his throat. ‘I would only have to roll you over and sink into you to prove how much of a wanton you really are.’

  Keira stiffened at his words, shame rushing through her all over again. Was this how it had happened between her and Garth that night? Had she been so easy, so willing and available that she hadn’t even realised who was caressing her until it was too late?

  ‘But I am not going to do it,’ Patrizio said, moving away from her. ‘I am not going to taint myself with soiled goods.’

  Keira squeezed her eyes shut, the pain of his rejection hurting far more than it should have done under the circumstances. She had known all along he no longer loved her. Why then should she be feeling this crushing pain right in the middle of her chest?

  CHAPTER SIX

  MORNINGS were not Keira’s favourite time of the day—they never had been. Her mother had spent most of Keira’s childhood threatening her with cupfuls of ice to get her out of bed for school but it had rarely worked. There was something about lying cocooned in a soft-as-a-feather quilt that fulfilled Keira’s most primal yearnings. She hated leaving that comforting warmth to face the day, knowing that as soon as she left that haven of peace everything that could go wrong would go wrong and make her long to dive back in and hide from the world all over again.

  ‘Are you going to get up or lie in there all day?’ Patrizio asked as he positioned the knot of his tie into place in front of the mirror near the bed.

  Keira pulled the covers back over her head. ‘I don’t have to go to college today.’

  ‘Lucky for some,’ he said, reaching for his jacket and keys.

  She peeped over the edge of the covers to look at him. ‘Is there anything you want me to do while you’re at work?’ she asked.

  He shrugged himself into his jacket. ‘Nothing but for you to continue to play the role of devoted wife with whomever you come into contact,’ he said. ‘Don’t forget Marietta is watching your every move.’ He checked his watch and added, ‘If you’re feeling up to it, I have a trade function tonight that will give more credibility to our reconciliation. The press will be there in droves.’

  ‘I don’t have anything to wear,’ she said, desperately looking for a way out.

  Patrizio raised his eyes heavenwards and reached for his wallet and peeled off a wad of notes and placed them on the bed. ‘Go and buy yourself something,’ he said. ‘And make it sexy and glamorous. I don’t want you to turn up looking like a cash-strapped arts student, otherwise people will wonder why on earth I have taken you back.’

  Keira felt like poking her tongue out at him. ‘I wouldn’t be cash-strapped if you’d agreed to the terms of the settlement,’ she threw at him petulantly.

  His dark eyes glinted as they caught and held hers. ‘You never know, cara, I might well give you what you are asking for if you behave yourself for the next six weeks.’

  She snorted and dived under the covers again. ‘Go to hell.’

  ‘Your father phoned, by the way.’

  Her head came back out, her violet-blue eyes instantly wary. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘He wanted to know if we were genuine about being together again. I don’t think he found the short article in the paper all that convincing.’

  ‘What did you say?’

  His mouth tilted wryly. ‘What do you think I said?’

  ‘It was probably something along the lines of, “I am doing this for the sake of the boys’ education or for the sake of my adopted country” or something nauseatingly altruistic like that,’ she said with a hint of pique.

  He raised one dark brow. ‘You do not think protecting the boys is a worthwhile enterprise?’

  She had no choice but to back down. ‘Of course I think it’s worth it, I just don’t like being caught up in the middle of it all.’

  He snatched up his keys and phone. ‘You wouldn’t have been caught in the middle of it if you hadn’t been caught in another man’s bed. Perhaps you should think about that today in the absence of other intellectual stimulation.’

  Keira wanted the last word but he didn’t give her time to deliver it. The door had slammed on his exit before she had even opened her mouth.

  She let out a defeated sigh and, flopping back down, threw the covers back over her head.

  Hunger was the only thing that lured her out a couple of hours later. She showered and, finger-combing her hair, ventured into the kitchen where Marietta was bustling about emptying the dishwasher and wiping down the already spotlessly clean benches.

  ‘Ah, you are finally awake!’ she said with a knowing grin. ‘No doubt that sexy husband of yours kept you busy all night, eh?’

  Keira felt the colour rise up from her feet to pool into her cheeks. ‘Er…yes…’ she said, smiling uncomfortably.

  Marietta winked. ‘You need a quiet day, yes? You will be sore if you do not rest properly. You will not be ready for him tonight if you do not take it easy.’

  Keira felt like a fraud and hated herself all over again for deceiving the housekeeper, who clearly had high hopes for a long and happy reunion between her boss and his wayward wife.

  Marietta came closer and patted her on the arm. ‘Listen to me; I am much older than you but I know a lot of things about men. Your husband is like a lot of Italian men. He does not like to share. But he has women after him all the time, no? Why should you stay at home and feel bad, eh? You make him a little bit jealous but what about how he makes you feel, huh? I see the papers, I hear the rumours. He is a very rich man and lots of women want him. You made a mistake but who doesn’t, eh? Put it behind you and move on. That is my advice.’

  ‘Thank you, Marietta,’ she said. ‘I am doing my best to move on.’

  Marietta smiled. ‘You love him. I can see that. You did not stop loving him. That is why I kept your clothes in the wardrobe. I knew you would come back. It is where you belong, no?’

  ‘No…I mean yes…it’s where I belong,’ Keira said, inwardly sighing as she thought about the next few weeks living as Patrizio’s wife under the watchful eye of his housekeeper.

  Keira’s mother phoned just as she was leaving the house to go shopping for an outfit. Marietta brought the phone to her and left her in privacy in the lounge overlooking th
e muddy brown water of the Yarra River.

  ‘Is it true, Keira?’ Robyn asked. ‘Are you really reunited with Patrizio?’

  ‘Yes, it’s true,’ she said, for some reason not feeling so guilty about lying to her mother. ‘The divorce is off.’

  She heard her mother’s long drawn out sigh of relief. ‘Thank God you’ve come to your senses at last. I had a feeling once you and Patrizio came face to face you would both realise what you were throwing away. You injured his pride in the most despic—’

  ‘Mum, please.’ Keira cut her off quickly. ‘Lecturing me about the past is not going to help us now. We’re making a fresh start and we’d appreciate it if you would cooperate by not mentioning what happened ever again. I made a mistake. It could easily have been the other way around, you know.’

  ‘But it wasn’t,’ her mother said. ‘Patrizio meant his wedding vows when he made them. I have never seen a man more in love with a woman than he was with you. It grieves me to think of how you have hurt him after all he’s done for us.’

  Keira’s hand tightened around the phone. ‘What do you mean, “after all he’s done for us”? What are you talking about?’

  ‘I…nothing,’ Robyn said. ‘I just meant he’s been very nice about it all, not involving your father and me and James in his bitterness towards you. He has always remained pleasant and friendly towards us.’

  ‘When have you seen him?’ Keira asked, suspicion starting to crawl all over her skin like an insect. ‘Have you been in regular contact with him over the past two months?’

  ‘We saw no reason not to see him occasionally,’ Robyn answered. ‘Of course we didn’t tell you about it, knowing it would only cause another one of your childish scenes.’

  Keira wasn’t sure how to deal with this revelation. She had not for a moment realised that Patrizio had kept in such close contact with her family. She knew he had always been fond of Jamie, and he had always been polite towards her parents, but when their divorce was weeks away from being finalised it seemed odd that he would have encouraged such a connection, even if it had only been occasional.