Innocent Wife, Baby of Shame

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  Patrizio’s expression was haggard and his dark gaze looked shadowed with weariness as he came to stand beside the bed after her parents had left. ‘I thought you were going to die,’ he said. ‘I cannot forgive myself for not looking after you properly.’

  Keira reached for his hand and laid it across her belly. ‘It’s yours, Patrizio,’ she said softly. ‘The baby is yours.’

  ‘I know,’ he said, swallowing deeply. ‘The doctor told me you are four months pregnant. Can you forgive me for my part in what has happened?’

  She blinked back tears. ‘There’s nothing to forgive,’ she said. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong. That was me, remember?’

  He removed his hand and began to pace the room but the space was too limited for anything more than a stride or two before he had to turn. He reminded Keira of a caged jungle cat, frustrated and restless to be free.

  He swung back to face her, his coal-black eyes misty. ‘I want to call off the divorce but I must insist that you promise you will never see, speak of or even mention Garth Merrick ever again.’

  She began to pluck at the sheet covering her body. ‘If that is what you want.’

  ‘I absolutely demand it, Keira,’ he said. ‘I do not want to live the rest of our lives with the shadow of his presence hanging over us.’

  ‘I understand…’

  ‘I am not prepared to let you go a second time,’ he said, his voice tripping over the words. ‘I love you too much.’

  Keira took an uneven breath as a little hammer of doubt began to tap inside her head. ‘Are you only saying this now because you know the baby is yours?’ she asked, looking at him with a slightly narrowed gaze.

  His brows moved together. ‘Of course not. How can you ask that?’

  ‘You always insisted you didn’t love me any more,’ she answered. ‘You also insisted you could never forgive me, that I had permanently ruined our marriage.’

  He shoved a hand through his already messy hair. ‘I know what I said back then, but the truth is I want you back.’

  She plucked at the hem of the sheet again. ‘Because of the baby…’

  ‘Even if it wasn’t my baby I would have taken you back,’ he insisted. ‘I was about to tell you that last night when Gina and Bruno arrived.’

  Keira wanted to believe him but how could she be sure? Things hadn’t really changed between them, in spite of what he said. The fact that he was forbidding her to ever mention Garth’s name suggested he hadn’t and never would forgive her for what she had done.

  ‘We can make ours a good marriage if we work at it, Keira,’ he said into the silence. ‘Things are different now. My business is well established. I don’t have to travel as much and if I do you and the baby can come with me.’

  ‘Do you really love me?’ she asked in a tiny voice.

  He sat on the edge of the bed and picked up her hand and brought it to his mouth. ‘I adore you, cara. I need you. I have been out of my mind with worry the last few hours, thinking I was going to lose you for ever. It made me realise what lies I have been telling myself. There I was, accusing you of always burying your head in the sand, but I have been doing the very same thing.’

  Tears shone in her eyes as he kissed each of her fingertips. ‘I can’t wait to come home and be your wife again,’ she said.

  He gave her hand another tender squeeze. ‘I spoke to the doctor while your parents were here. He said you can come home in the morning.’

  When Patrizio arrived the next morning to take her home Keira could tell something was wrong. He kissed her perfunctorily and, other than guiding her out to the car with his hand on her elbow, refrained from touching or speaking to her as he pulled out of the hospital car park to begin the journey home.

  ‘Is something wrong?’ she asked when she could stand the silence no longer.

  His hands were white-knuckled around the steering wheel. ‘I take it you did not see this morning’s paper,’ he said through tight lips.

  Keira felt a flutter of unease brush over the floor of her stomach. ‘No…I was in the shower when the volunteers’ trolley came around.’

  He drew in a breath and, reaching behind him, took the newspaper off the back seat and handed it to her. ‘Did you tell anyone of your earlier suspicions over the paternity of the baby?’ he asked.

  She looked down at the incriminating headlines and cringed in despair. ‘Oh, no…’

  ‘Is that a yes or a no?’ he asked in a clipped tone. ‘Or perhaps it’s an I don’t remember.’

  She flinched as if he’d struck her, the colour draining from her face.

  ‘Damn it, Keira,’ he said through clenched teeth. ‘Is this never going to go away?’

  She bit her lip until she tasted blood. ‘I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…’

  He let out a rusty sigh and reached for one of her trembling hands and brought it up to his mouth, his lips moving against her skin as he spoke. ‘Forget about it, cara. It is what we both have to do now—forget about it.’

  ‘Marietta has made you some chicken broth,’ Patrizio said once they were inside the house. ‘I will have her bring it up to you in bed.’

  ‘Thank you…’

  ‘Until you are feeling better, I will be sleeping in one of the spare rooms,’ he said after a tiny pause. ‘The doctor told me you need to rest.’

  Keira felt her chest tighten painfully but didn’t say anything in response. She made a movement of her lips that could have passed for a grateful smile and moved towards the stairs.

  ‘Wait, Keira.’ He came over to her and lifted her gently into his arms, carrying her effortlessly up to the master bedroom where he laid her on the bed.

  He straightened from the bed, his expression completely devoid of emotion. ‘Rest for now. I have to pick something up from my office but I should be back in an hour or so.’

  She watched him leave the room, her heart aching for what she wanted but couldn’t have.

  His trust.

  An hour after he had left Marietta came in with a worried look on her face. ‘Keira, you have a visitor but I am not sure Signor Trelini would like you to see him,’ she said. ‘He gave me strict instructions on who was and wasn’t allowed to see you.’

  ‘Who is it?’

  ‘Garth Merrick.’

  Keira sat upright and brushed back her hair. ‘It’s all right, Marietta,’ she said. ‘I would like to see him.’

  ‘Signor Trelini told me never to let that—’

  ‘Signor Trelini is not here at the moment and if I want to see a friend of mine there is nothing he can do to stop it,’ Keira said with determination. ‘Besides, I have something important to say to him.’

  Marietta blew out a sigh and went out, returning a short time later with Garth a few steps behind. ‘I will wait outside in case you need me,’ she said with a pointed look.

  ‘Thank you, Marietta,’ Keira said, ‘but I would like to have some privacy, if you don’t mind.’

  The housekeeper gave Garth a chilly up and down glance and stalked out.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ Keira said. ‘She’s not normally like that.’

  ‘It’s all right…’ Garth said, looking uncomfortable. He took in a deep breath and began, ‘I had to see you before I left, Keira.’

  ‘It’s not yours, Garth,’ she said without preamble. ‘I was already pregnant before that night. Two weeks pregnant, to be exact.’

  ‘I know,’ he said, raking an unsteady hand through his light brown hair. ‘That’s why I’m here.’

  Keira remained silent.

  His throat looked as if he was trying to swallow something far too big for his oesophagus. ‘I have something to tell you that is going to totally shock you,’ he said.

  Still she stayed silent but she could feel her heart skipping a beat every now and again.

  ‘Keira…I want to tell you about my fiancée.’

  ‘I’m happy for you, Garth,’ she said with an attempt at a genuine smile. ‘Really. It’s great news. And movi
ng to Canada will be wonderful for you. You’ve always wanted to travel.’

  He gave her a twisted look. ‘You still don’t understand, do you?’

  She looked at him blankly. ‘Understand what?’

  He let out a long breath. ‘Keira, for most of my teenage years I struggled with lots of issues. My father being a high profile politician like yours gave us a lot in common, but it was more than that. You were always there for me. There was hardly a thing I couldn’t discuss with you. I’ve never had a friend closer than you.’

  ‘Thanks…I felt like that too.’

  Garth looked down at his hands for a moment. ‘I know…but there was one thing I didn’t discuss with you; in fact, I couldn’t discuss it with anyone.’

  Keira unconsciously held her breath.

  He raised his eyes back to hers. ‘You don’t know how many times I wanted to talk to you about…about how I felt. I’ve agonised over it for years, trying to pretend it wasn’t how I was, but I can’t live like that any more.’

  She frowned as she tried to follow him. For a moment she even wondered if he was going to confess to having been in love with her all these years. ‘Are you saying what I think you’re saying?’ she asked, her heart beginning to chug in dread.

  His throat moved up and down convulsively. ‘Keira, I am in love with someone, deeply in love with them, the way I wanted to be in love with you but could never be.’

  Relief deflated Keira’s chest. ‘That’s great…that’s really great. I told you, Garth, I’m thrilled for you. Really thrilled.’

  ‘He’s a man.’

  Keira’s eyes widened. ‘You’re…you’re gay?’

  He nodded. ‘I’ve been struggling with it since I was fourteen or so. I haven’t told my parents yet. Can you imagine what they’d say? I’m their only child, the only son to carry on the Merrick name. Since I was born they’ve had it all planned out. I’m expected to settle down and get married, and yet I am never going to give them the grandchildren they so desperately want. That’s why I’m moving to Canada. I just can’t bear to tell them face to face.’

  ‘But what has this got to do with me?’ Keira asked. ‘I mean I’m fine about you being gay, really. It’s not as if it’s a choice, right?’

  He shook his head. ‘I wish it was…I really do. It would have been so much easier all round if I had fallen in love with some nice girl like my parents wanted. I tried many times. I’ve slept with several women but it just didn’t feel right.’

  ‘Garth…’ She moistened her desert-dry lips. ‘About that night…the night we slept together…’

  His eyes met hers, the pain in them unmistakable. ‘We didn’t sleep together, Keira.’

  She blinked at him, her heart coming to a standstill. ‘You mean we didn’t have…have sex?’

  A dull flush flooded his cheeks. ‘You had been sick all over your clothes so I helped you have a shower and put you to bed while I washed your things. I had nowhere else to sleep so kept to my side of the bed.’

  ‘But you said we—’

  ‘I know what I said. When Patrizio arrived I was angry at him for hurting you by having an affair. Of course I didn’t realise until a couple of days later that he hadn’t been involved with that woman but by then it was too late.’

  ‘But…but why didn’t you say something?’ she asked. ‘Why let me believe for all this time that I had a one-night stand with you?’

  ‘I thought I was doing you a favour,’ he said. ‘You were so upset when you came around that night. You said you hated Patrizio and wanted a divorce. Later on when I’d thought about it a bit more I came to realise it was probably just a heat of the moment thing on your part, but when the newspapers got wind of it I couldn’t retract what I said had happened.’

  ‘But why not?’ she asked, her expression contorted with anguish.

  He gave her an agonised look. ‘Keira, my father had promised me a generous financial hand with setting up my furniture design business; it was a chance to take my designs overseas. I knew that if he found out I was gay he would withdraw his offer. The press did me a favour by naming me as the man who was your lover.’

  ‘But what about what it did to me?’ Her voice came out as a tiny croak of despair.

  He swallowed again. ‘I didn’t realise until a few days later what it had done to you. Like you, I was convinced Patrizio was having an affair. I thought I was helping you by teaching him a lesson.’

  Keira was still trying to take it all in. ‘But that night…the bed was…I was sure we’d…you know…been intimate….’

  ‘I wanted you to believe that; I thought I was helping you as well as me.’

  She looked at him, her mind reeling, the blood roaring in her ears. ‘I didn’t do it…’ she said, her voice sounding as if it were coming from a long way off. ‘I wasn’t unfaithful to Patrizio…All this time I’ve hated myself for something I didn’t even do…’

  ‘Please forgive me,’ Garth said. ‘I have been such a coward about this. But all that is going to change now. I talked to my partner, Mark, about it. Once we’ve had our commitment ceremony in Canada we’re going to tell my parents about our relationship. Mark also helped me to see I had to fix things for you. That’s how I came up with the idea of contacting Jamie and Bruno.’

  Her eyes came out on stalks. ‘It was you?’

  ‘Yes. I heard you had been unwell for weeks and I suspected that deep down you were unhappy about splitting up with Patrizio. I wasn’t sure if it would work but I had to give it a try. The boys were great about it. Bruno was convinced it would work. He said Patrizio hadn’t got over you. He was sure he still loved you but wouldn’t admit it.’

  ‘But aren’t you forgetting something?’ Keira asked. ‘Patrizio won’t take my word for it. I don’t even remember that night.’

  ‘That was probably because of the narcotic painkillers I gave you,’ he said. ‘I didn’t realise you shouldn’t have them with alcohol but by then it was too late. Mixed with even the smallest amount of alcohol they have an amnesiac effect. You didn’t drink much but it must have been enough to knock you out for the count. You went to sleep and I couldn’t wake you for hours.’

  ‘And Patrizio saw me in your bed.’

  He flushed again. ‘I know. I should have told him the truth but I wanted him to believe you had slept with me. I wanted everyone to think I had slept with you to take the heat off my relationship with Mark. I was so confused. It’s taken me years to accept my sexuality. I’m sorry, Keira. I hate to admit this, but even if I had known you weren’t really serious about breaking up with Patrizio I probably wouldn’t have come clean until now. I had too much at stake. It was only when you told me you were pregnant and you thought it could be mine that I realised I would have to eventually tell you the truth. This morning’s paper made me realise how hard this has been, not just for you but for Patrizio as well. That’s why I am here now.’

  Keira felt her whole body begin to tremble. ‘How could you do that to me, Garth? How could you stand by and watch my whole life fall apart over the last few months and not do something to clear my name?’

  ‘I know it must seem horribly mercenary to you, but I did what I felt was the right thing at the time,’ he said. ‘I realise now it was wrong and I’ve tried to undo the damage. I just hope it’s not too late.’

  Tears fell unheeded from her eyes. ‘It is too late, Garth. It’s far too late.’

  ‘No, it is not,’ Patrizio said, pushing the bedroom door open.

  Keira could barely see him for the blur of tears but she saw the way Garth stepped to one side, as if afraid that Patrizio was going to tear him limb from limb.

  ‘Please leave—’ Patrizio addressed Garth curtly ‘—Marietta will see you out.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Garth said, his throat moving up and down in genuine distress. ‘I am truly sorry. Like Keira, I thought you were having an affair. I thought I was helping her.’

  Patrizio’s jaw was tight. ‘Right at this minute I a
m not interested in hearing your apology; I am more interested in delivering my own to my wife. Please leave before I change my mind about rearranging your features for you. I am not a man prone to violence but I can safely say I have never in my entire life been angrier than at this moment.’

  ‘Come this way, Mr Merrick,’ Marietta said and ushered Garth from the room and discreetly closed the door as they left.

  Patrizio came over and sat on the edge of the bed and, using the edge of the sheet, began to gently wipe the tears from Keira’s eyes. His touch was so very tender that she began to cry all over again, her thin shoulders shaking, tiny hiccupping noises coming from deep inside her.

  ‘Shh, cara,’ he soothed her softly, stroking the back of her head as he pressed her face to his chest. ‘Please do not cry any more. It breaks my heart to see you crying.’

  ‘I—I can’t help it…’ she said, looking up at him. ‘Oh, Patrizio, what have we done to each other?’

  Moisture was bright in his dark eyes as they held hers. ‘We very nearly lost each other, tesoro mio. We allowed other people to destroy what we had. I cannot believe I accused you so vehemently about not trusting me when I did the very same thing to you. I should have questioned Merrick more closely since you didn’t remember what happened that night. It would not have taken much to get him to confess, I am sure of it. Instead I walked away and left you to deal with the vicious attacks from the press when all the time you were innocent. I cannot forgive Merrick for that but, even more, I cannot forgive myself.’

  ‘We have to forgive each other,’ Keira said. ‘I mean…that is if you want to try again…’

  He brought her chin up, his dark eyes pinning hers. ‘What is this? You think I do not want to stay married to you?’

  ‘I thought you only wanted to take me back because of the baby…You seemed to be struggling with your decision, you seemed distant…and this morning…’

  He let out a sigh as he began to stroke her cheek with the pad of his thumb. ‘When you were unconscious in the hospital you called out for Merrick. It was like a knife in my gut. I couldn’t help feeling you would rather be with him than with me.’