Frozen Stiff

by L. J. Vickery

  “If we do the amulet ceremony,” he tried to ease into it softly…gently, “you will become a goddess, which means…”

  “Oh shit,” she exclaimed, beating him to the punch. Her eyes grew wide. “Two thousand seven hundred and ten years old.” Glory looked like she nearly choked. She gaped at him, a god who clearly defied reality. “You’re immortal. You’re all immortal, and I…I would be too if I decide to…”

  “That’s right, Glory.” Enten pulled no punches. “If you decide to accept me, we will be together for eternity. All of eternity. Forever. No going back.” He was on shaky ground with what he would tell her next, because none of the gods knew for certain where they would end up. “It’s quite normal for mated gods and goddesses to have a family and live out the rest of time in the Overworld, but I don’t know if I can offer you that,” he revealed. “We may be stuck on Earth forever.”

  That would be tough for her to take in. People’s life cycles on the planet would continue, while hers stopped. All the humans she knew; her mother, her friends, her workmates, would turn to dust. She would be the one left behind. Enten watched her, waiting. He was asking her to swallow an awfully big pill. She carefully and deliberately poured her coffee into a to-go mug.

  “I’m headed to my office,” she stated too calmly.

  Enten wanted to groan. She’d decided to avoid the whole thing, dammit.

  “I’ll meet you back here later.” Glory grabbed her purse without speaking to him directly, and headed to the door. Lenore and Anshar quickly followed. The women went out first, but Anshar turned to him before pulling the door closed.

  “It’ll be all right, dude.” He attempted to assuage Enten, whose chill had returned…and not in a good way. “Give her a chance to let it all settle.”

  Enten nodded but he didn’t answer. In his head he thought, yeah…right. If she could somehow get over all the eternal life bullshit, and that was a big if, there was still the insurmountable problem of his frigidity. In her place, he’d run as fast as he could in the opposite direction. Of course, that wasn’t a possibility until Nergal outed the evil-doer in hell, and they determined whether or not Glory would be safe away from the compound.

  Enough. Enten was tired of over-thinking, and he had some pain to inflict. That would make him feel better.

  You’ve been awfully quiet. Enten regarded Absu, while slowly turning invisible as Glory traveled out of range. The god hadn’t said a word while the conversation had taken place.

  I’ve been pondering, Absu told him.

  And have you come up with anything? Enten had known the god for a good many years but had never been paired with him exclusively for any task. With both of them being remote socially, not good at small-talk or mingling, Enten couldn’t tell what was on the other god’s mind.

  I have concocted a splendid plan. He rubbed his hands in evil glee. It means we should seek out our quarry’s home post-haste, case the joint, ascertain his place of employment, watch him, and get a load of his weaknesses.

  Enten almost grinned. Absu was funny when he did his mixture of speech patterns from different centuries, but Enten was able to bite back his smile. No need to snow on the guy’s parade.

  Okay. Lead on, my man. The two gods took to the sky, being extremely careful to go in the opposite direction from Glory.

  They approached the address of the house Glory had reluctantly written on a piece of paper, and slowly closed in. Although Pete was most certainly working, the place didn’t look vacant. Wet, laundered clothing hung on a line out back and music blasted on a stereo within. The pair carefully landed inside a small, clean kitchen.

  A woman with her back to them stood at the sink. Her feet moved in time to the loud music. She rinsed the morning dishes and loaded the dishwasher. When she turned, both gods did a double take before turning troubled gazes toward each other. Miss Dancy-Pants was quite clearly, very pregnant.

  Ah, shit. Enten was the first to emote.

  Agreed, brother. Absu shook his head.

  Both gods had been brought up to revere women who were with child above anything else. It was clear―although why, Enten had yet to ascertain―that this woman was pregnant with what most likely was Pete’s unborn child.

  They both watched in horror as her hand reached toward an overflowing ashtray and withdrew a lit butt.

  Before he could stop himself, Enten commanded. Don’t even think about it.

  The woman’s hand paused halfway to her mouth and she looked at the cigarette, puzzled.

  Good. Absu sighed. This one is not overly bright. May I?

  Go for it. Enten tried to hold back his disgust so the room wouldn’t freeze over while he listened to Absu lay down the law.

  You will not smoke, ever again. It will kill you and hurt the babe. His words clearly poked into the woman’s brain, and she quickly stubbed out the glowing tip, running it under water and chucking the entire contents of the ashtray into the trash. She scrubbed the dirty receptacle as if her life actually depended on it and pushed it to the far back corner of the counter.

  That went well. Enten gave Absu his props. What else do you have?

  This is a “just in case.” Absu told him.

  You will not drink while you are pregnant or nursing, nor will you ever again have more than one glass of anything alcoholic in any given day. Absu waited for the order to settle over the woman.

  How’s that? He asked Enten.

  Great. Now it’s my turn. Enten focus probed a little deeper.

  I want you to speak out loud when I ask you these questions. Do you understand?

  It was bizarre, but the woman sang her answers like they were lyrics to the Bob Marley song, I Shot the Sheriff, that blared on the radio.

  “Yes, I do.”

  What’s your name?

  “My name is Wanda.”

  Okay Wanda, what is your relationship to Pete?

  “Oh my Pete’s going to marry me.” Wanda’s feet danced again.

  Is he the father of your child?

  “He’s the daddy and it’s plain to see.”

  Does he smack you around or lock you up to punish you?

  “I did a bad thing, but I like it when you punish me.” If possible, her smile got wider. That was some sick shit.

  “For the spilling of a glass of tea. Tie me up for the glass of tea…eee…eee.”

  Geezus. The woman likes it. Do you think she’ll be safe once she has the baby?

  Absu pondered the answer. She doesn’t look any worse for wear in her current state. Maybe he’s taken things down a few levels. I do believe they are both whacked. I can’t imagine any woman consenting to being bound or tormented.

  Enten shrugged. This fast became none of their business, but it did change their plans where Pete was concerned. You realize we can’t kill him now. Enten complained.

  Absu had clearly come to the same conclusion. Yeah. But it doesn’t mean we can’t fuck him up.

  Enten gave a cold grin. That’s true. Let’s find out where he works.

  A few more questions and they had what they wanted. They left Wanda to her deafening radio, and followed her directions to Springfield.

  ****

  The construction site they infiltrated was a tear down and reconstruction on Wilbraham Road. Not an enormous job, but not a small one by any means. Absu and Enten wandered about, listening to the guys on site chattering about beer, sports, tits, and ass…in that order. It took about half an hour to find Pete. He looked big and shifty, and most people tended to avoid him.

  They remained patient, dogging the dour individual, and waited all day to have their revenge. To make sure Pete ended up being the last one to leave the site, they acquired the car keys from his pocket, then un-acquired them into one of the small areas where he’d been welding earlier on an upper floor. When dusk began falling fast, their prey discovered his missing keys and doggedly went around to check every spot where he’d been―carefully in the waning light―before he eventually found th
em. The bastard cursed up a storm by the time his fingers finally closed around his ring.

  “Fucking keys. Going to get one of those moron chains for my belt…” He mumbled while coming downstairs in the semi dark before attempting to cross the plank running from the not yet completed first floor entrance down to the ground. What he couldn’t know is that Enten had put a freeze on the wood, just waiting for Pete to walk the plank.

  The winter god watched, and in what seemed like slow motion, the big man’s arms cartwheeled after taking his first step. His boots slid and he tried to keep his balance. But Enten had been thorough. Pete’s feet found no solid purchase.

  The hapless human yelped before sliding off the side of the board, falling six feet and landing hard in mud, cast off metal, scrap lumber, nails, and garbage from lunch. It was fitting to see the asshole covered in shit, fuming at his indignity. And they’d only just begun.

  Pete lurched to his feet, having obviously twisted an ankle or a knee. He limped out of the ditch, swearing loudly. “Son of a bitch. Fucking whore-cunt.”

  Let’s see if he’s susceptible to some “pressing.” Enten rolled with it. Hey, dickhead. You need to take off all your clothes. They’re a mess.

  Pete’s head tilted to the side, obviously wondering if he was hearing things, but he’d already unbuttoned his shirt and worked on his belt when he mumbled. “What the hell, it was a pretty good idea considering the shit I landed in.” Enten could see he carefully worked the pants down, over his injured knee. The winter god was pleased it had already started to swell.

  Once the prick stripped down to some ugly-ass briefs, Enten wondered for a second if he really wanted to see any more. The guy’s paunch hung out over the elastic waistband and his skin mottled from the cold. Enten’s lurching insides must have conveyed to Absu.

  Well if you can’t stomach it, I can. The very proper god took over. Off with the last bit, my friend. They’re not doing you any good.

  Pete lost the underwear.

  Enten had no trouble keeping his eyes averted as Absu continued. The guy really was a very sorry specimen.

  Now you’re going to think it’s extremely strange and not just a bit terrifying to have voices in your head, telling you what to do. It will also make you quite nervous when you see items appear and disappear at will.

  Pete looked around.

  A cement block appeared above his foot and dropped.

  Pete screamed in pain as the big brick crushed his toes.

  Not very comfortable, asshole?

  Pete’s nostrils flared. “Who the fuck is there?” he asked, looking around in the dark. “What do you motherfuckers want?” He limped backward, obviously hoping to reach his car, forgetting that his keys lay on the ground with his dropped clothes.

  Consider this a little payback for past indiscretions. It seemed Absu was just getting started. A board came flying out of nowhere toward the human’s head, sending him spinning to the ground.

  “Where are you? I can’t see you.” Pete whimpered. “Come out and fight fair.”

  Like you know what a fair fight is, you prick. Enten entered the fray, now willing to see this through. Dig me a hole, asshole, he ordered.

  “Wh…what?” Pete blinked as if he wasn’t sure what he’d been told to do.

  Enten cleared things up. Use your hands and dig a hole in the dirt. It was clearly compacted and hard from all the feet and heavy equipment that had passed over it.

  Pete’s voice wavered. “Why are you making me do this?” he asked, his voice cracking.

  Just start digging. Enten didn’t want to hear the man’s excuses.

  Pete’s hands scrabbled in the dirt. It didn’t take long for his fingers to be cut on the sharp rocks embedded there.

  “Please. Please. I can’t do this anymore. I’m bleeding, can’t you see?”

  The hole’s not nearly big enough. Enten popped the lock on the large toolbox nearby and extracted a shovel. He un-acquired it at Pete’s naked, trembling feet.

  Use this and make it seven feet long by three feet wide.

  “H…how deep?” He could see the man’s face go even paler in the now bright moonlight.

  How deep do you think? Enten couldn’t have been more pleased when a horrified look came into Pete’s eyes.

  “No,” he whispered.

  Dig, asshole. Enten showed no mercy.

  Pete made a slow go of it, but finally, when the hollow was two feet deep, Enten had long since grown tired of his moaning.

  Put down the shovel and get in. The winter god demanded.

  Still whimpering, Pete did as he was told.

  Lie down.

  “Oh my God…oh my God.” Good. The prick shook from head to toe. “Are you going to kill me? Are you?” he wailed.

  Nope. Enten spat. We’re going to fucking bury you alive.

  He and Absu acquired handfuls of dirt and let them fall over the pasty, prone body. After a light covering, some of which had been aimed at the guy’s face, Enten spoke up again.

  Have you got a woman at home? He asked.

  “I do. I do. Please don’t hurt her, she’s pregnant.” Fuck. At least the guy was man enough to plead for his lady.

  Do you inflict pain upon her? Absu clearly wanted to hear what the situation truly was at Pete’s house.

  “We play…she likes it.” More dirt sprinkled down. “I swear. She likes it,” he cried.

  It was time to finish things up. Enten threw in more dirt. We are gods, ass wipe. Gods. Do you understand?

  To give the guy his due, he didn’t even blink. “I get it. You’re gods.”

  If you do anything to that woman in your house that she doesn’t like, we will come back for you. Enten paused while Pete nodded vigorously.

  And after your child is born, if you so much as lay a finger the wrong way on him or her, you will lose your right to live and watch that child grow. Do I make myself clear?

  Again, Pete nodded, blubbering now.

  That means no punishment from you. No locking him in anywhere, no verbal shit. Nothing. Nod again if you understand.

  Pete nodded and added, “I’ll be good. I’ll be so good.”

  Okay. Get up out of the hole.

  Bad knee and all, the mortal quickly complied. He stood, naked, dirty, and shivering in the cold night air. Enten was done. It was Absu’s turn.

  Get your sorry ass into that porta-potty. Absu commanded.

  Pete turned and headed toward the nearest blue box but Absu intervened. Not that one my friend. Take the one farthest to the left.

  The gods had scoped things out earlier, and the one on the end was the fullest, the most aromatic, and would afford the maximum discomfort for the final humiliation. Pete limped to the door, pulled it open with a last quivering look around, and let himself in.

  Enten nodded, satisfied. He went up to the door and secured it from the outside so Pete would not be able to get out. All their captive needed now was a few final instructions. Enten finished up.

  The terror of being locked in will hit you at once. You will spend the night cowering in fear. When the crews arrive in the morning, you’ll cry like a baby until they let you out. Enten didn’t like this business, but Pete had brought it upon himself. The god had only one more thing to say.

  Have a good night, asshole.

  If the prick felt half the terror Glory had experienced, he was good.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Nergal, with Ereshkigal by his side, watched carefully as each of his Underworld contemporaries and staff were cleared by Ishtar-Din. He had his eye on Nedu, his large and northernmost gatekeeper who couldn’t seem to stop fidgeting.

  Something else that worried him? His secretary, Beletseri, seemed to be busy writing down the contents of each gods’ conversation with the goddess of the dawn, having never been told to do so. He would have to speak to her later. Her scribbling seemed to be making a few of his friends visibly uncomfortable.

  Nergal brought his mind back to the pr
oceedings. He was pleased to see Gugulanna and Rephaim had both just passed their interviews with flying colors. Now it was on to Nedu. Did Lavarette and the security team move closer? He felt a shiver of anticipation. Bah. It was probably his imagination. He gave his queen’s hand a quick squeeze and found himself grounded again.

  Ish-Din spoke to the gatekeeper, the tone of her voice designed to put him at ease. “Good day to you, Nedu. I’ve already interviewed your brothers from the south, east, and west. They all spoke of their jobs, and of the loneliness that those of you who guard the portals must endure. I must say I had no idea you were all so isolated, and that attempts at escape from the Underworld are currently at an all-time low. Tell me what you find to the north?” Ishtar tilted her head and Nergal knew she prepared to analyze the speech of the brawny god.

  “It is the same for me, goddess,” Nedu said, bowing to the beauty before him. “Not much activity. Everything is dead.” He gave a deprecating chuckle at the joke he knew was as old as hell.

  Such a bore. Nergal rolled his eyes. But he clearly hadn’t spoken enough for Ish-Din to get a good read. She continued to poke. “What did you do to shut things down on your quadrant before attending this gathering?”

  Nedu spoke more confidently now. “I procured and compelled a few nearby souls to guard my gate. If anyone tries to leave before I get back, they will be torn limb from limb…with their limbs being thrown back into eternal confinement.”

  “You didn’t think to use the new glowie services Nergal has provided?”

  Nedu seemed momentarily at a loss for words, but recovered quickly. “I had yet to meet these beings until after my arrangements had already been made.” He looked arrogantly at Lavarette, but the superior attitude wasn’t unusual for the god.

  Nergal, who listened in, gave a satisfied nod down at his wife. Now, at least, he could figure that Lavarette’s extra attention must have been due to the fact she had not been put in control of the north gate. He would have to reassure her Nedu had done things properly; the way they’d always been done before the glowies had come on the job.