A Is for Abstinence

by Kelly Oram

  “Excellent.” I grinned at her so big she laughed.

  “But just this once!” she warned.

  Not if I had anything to do with it. “Of course just this once. I swear.”

  As I crossed my heart for Val, I shook my head “no” at the audience, making them all laugh and cheer again. Oh, yeah. I definitely missed this.

  Val asked for a ten-minute break before the signing, so I used the time to say good-bye to my bandmates—all of whom wished me luck while making endless fun of me—and use the restroom. On my way back into the main studio, I stopped by the guest lounge for a bottle of water and some snacks that would get me through the next hour. I’d been too nervous and excited before the show to eat anything, but now that crafty table was practically luring me in like a siren’s song. It’s never a good idea to interact with fans on an empty stomach, or with Val, for that matter. Actually, it’s never a good idea to have an empty stomach in general.

  I stopped dead in my tracks, my quest for food forgotten when I entered the guest lounge and saw Val. She was standing there alone in the dark, leaning against one of the couches. Her back was to me and she was distracted enough that she didn’t hear me come in the room. I opened my mouth to say something flippant about her trying to get me alone when she sucked in a big breath and her entire body started shaking. I realized she wasn’t leaning against the couch, but gripping it as if it were the only thing keeping her on her feet at the moment.

  I’d never seen Val so upset before. I’d flustered her on a regular basis back in the day. I’d always pushed her to her limits on purpose, trying to get her strong façade to crack, and she never once had. She was the strongest person I’d ever met. It said something about her emotional state of mind that she’d asked for a few moments to collect herself before having to do the signing with me.

  I knew she probably wanted these few minutes alone, but I couldn’t pull myself away. I couldn’t leave her like this. I cleared my throat to gain her attention, and she jumped at the intrusion. She whirled around, hastily wiping away a tear or two as she forced her emotions down and reverted back into the calm, controlled woman I’d seen onstage.

  She opened her mouth as if to explain herself but shut it again, realizing that there was no hiding what I’d just witnessed. Instead she decided to ignore it. “Kyle Hamilton.” It was a warm greeting and a sigh at the same time.

  Her smile was sincere, and her eyes held genuine pleasure, but there was a wariness about her that made me afraid to approach her. We stared at each other in silence, both cataloging the changes four years had brought. I wasn’t sure what to do or how to break the silence between us, so Val took the initiative. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” she said with a small shake of her head.

  “Me, either.” I finally broke from my stupor and managed a small smile. “Hug for an old friend?”

  I held out my arms, still not taking any steps further into the room, letting her come to me on her terms. It took her a moment to decide, but eventually she pushed her smile up into her eyes and crossed the room to me.

  We sank into the embrace and simply held each other as the tension left our bodies. Her arms were low around my waist and mine tight around her shoulders. Thanks to her heels she was only a few inches shorter than my six-foot-three inches, putting her at the perfect height to rest her head on my shoulder, which she did with the smallest sigh. My eyes drifted shut and I enjoyed the moment. It was a long time before I whispered, “Are you okay?”

  She sucked in a sharp breath and pulled herself out of my arms. “I’m fine.”

  I didn’t believe her. The words sounded too much like a personal pep talk. “Val, if you’re not up for sticking around to sign autographs with me, I’ll understand. I’ll tell them you’re not feeling well.”

  Val gaped up at me, stunned by the offer. She was shocked that I’d let her off the hook. Normally I wouldn’t, but the image of her crumpling to pieces alone in this room was not one I was going to forget anytime soon.

  “The thing about surviving fame,” I told her, “is knowing when to say no. The public will always take everything you give them. They’ll take and take and take, and it will never be enough. You have to remember that ultimately you come first. If there’s ever something you need, you have to put your foot down.”

  For instance, not singing your most popular song again no matter how much it pisses people off and lets them down. I didn’t voice the thought, but I wondered if she was thinking about that, too.

  “If you’re not up for it today, then go.”

  Val studied me for a moment, and her nerves melted away. Giving her the chance to say no had apparently been what she needed to say yes. “It’s okay, Kyle, I don’t mind staying.”

  She sounded much more confident, but I still asked, “You sure?”

  “I’m sure,” she promised. A smile crept over her face, reaching all the way up into her eyes. “I can’t let you go out there alone. Who knows what kinds of rumors you’d start. I’d probably wake up tomorrow and learn that I’d been hospitalized after going into severe shock when you kissed me backstage.”

  Surprised, I burst into laughter. “That does sound like something you’d do,” I teased.

  She laughed with me and we headed back to the main studio and our waiting fans. “It may have been four years, Kyle, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember how you operate.”

  I snatched her hand as she reached to open the door to the studio. I wasn’t ready to end this moment alone with her. “You don’t think I’ve learned a few things since then?”

  She smirked and shook her head. “New tricks. Same dog.”

  It was impossible not to take her words as a challenge. I pushed her back until she was pinned against the door and leaned in close enough that our breaths mingled. Her eyes snapped wide the same way they always had whenever I’d invaded her personal space, and I watched, satisfied, as she sucked in a lung full of air and held it.

  “That mentality will be your downfall this time around, Val.” I leaned in, letting my lips linger at her jawline for a moment too long before bringing them to her ear. “Same old tricks,” I whispered. “New man.”

  With that, I kissed her cheek and breezed past her into the studio, leaving her flustered and in need of another moment to collect herself all over again.

  . . . . .

  When I returned to the main studio the fans were already lined up, clutching their CDs to their chests. Their excitement was palpable.

  I moseyed over to the table the stage crew had set up for the signing, picked up a Sharpie, and waved the first waiting fan forward. She bounced over, a blush in her cheeks, and shyly handed me her CD.

  “What’s your name, hon?”

  “Laurel.”

  I took the lid off my marker and let it hover above the CD case. “You have a beautiful name, Laurel. What’d you think of the song?”

  She sighed. “It was so romantic. Did you really write it for Val?”

  I winked, causing her cheeks to turn red all over again.

  “Speaking of my favorite virgin, you know I can’t sign this CD until she’s sitting in the seat next to me, right? I mean that was the deal.”

  “Oh, keep your pants on, Kyle. I’m right here.”

  The voice came from right behind me and sounded as irritated as ever. I felt my smile stretch to ridiculous proportions. “Did you hear that?” I asked Laurel. “We haven’t even been reunited for two seconds and she’s already reminding me that we’re not going to have sex.”

  Heaving a dramatic sigh, I stood up, jiggled my belt buckle, and gave my jeans a good yank. They stayed put. “Yup. Everything’s properly locked in place. My pants are not going anywhere. It is safe for The Virgin to sit next to me without fearing for the loss of her virtue.”

  “Cute,” Val said with a roll of her eyes.

  I gave her a grin that showed all my teeth. “I’ve missed you, Val. How did I ever live without all this verbal sparr
ing for the last four years?”

  “I don’t know, but I lived rather peacefully. It was nice.”

  “Whatever. I know you missed me, too.” I sat down again and pulled out the other chair for Val. “Sit with me already, so I can sign the lovely Laurel’s CD.”

  After I grabbed Val’s chair and pulled it so close to mine that we were practically touching, I finally started signing autographs.

  It turned out Val was as popular as I was and most of the fans asked her to sign their CDs, too. I thought it was interesting that she signed her name “Virgin Val” and not “Val Jensen.”

  “What’s with the signature?” I asked after the third time she’d done it.

  She shrugged. “I guess it’s like my stage name. That’s who my fans want to meet, so that’s what I write.”

  She scribbled “Virgin Val” on a CD and handed it to me.

  “As much as I love ‘Virgin Val,’” I said as I signed my name beneath hers, “I think it’s time I get to know ‘Valerie Jensen’ better. Don’t you?”

  “I don’t know. I find the idea of us getting more personal rather terrifying.”

  Sure she did. “Only because it excites you so much.”

  I looked at the CD in my hands with Val’s signature and mine together and got the brilliant idea to draw a plus sign between the names and a 4-EVER beneath them. The cover of the CD now read: VIRGIN VAL + KYLE HAMILTON 4-EVER.

  The woman standing in front of us gasped at the drawing. Val looked up to see what was wrong, and I held out my masterpiece. “What do you think? We look good together.”

  Val sighed, but her face broke into a smile as she shook her head at me. “You really haven’t changed much, have you?”

  It took me a minute to respond. I was too busy enjoying the smile I’d put on her face. I don’t manage to make her laugh very often, so when I do, I have to relish in my success.

  When I let my gaze linger a second too long, Val frowned and snatched the CD out of my hand. “If you’re going to sign it like a middle-schooler, you forgot the most important part.”

  She drew a big heart around our names and held it up for me to see. “There. Now we’ve officially reverted back to the sixth grade.”

  She handed the CD back to the woman standing in front of us. “Here you go, Brenda. Take good care of it. I have a feeling Kyle’s especially proud of this one.”

  I loved that Val was having fun with this. Not everyone could do it. Adrianna hated having to interact with my fans when we were out in public together. It wasn’t like that for Val. She pretended not to like the attention, but she was so good with people. It helped that my fans were her fans, too. They loved us both. Val would be the absolute perfect girlfriend for a guy like me.

  “I will! Thank you so much!” Brenda replied, mooning at Val and me as if we were so cute it was painful to look at us. She started to turn away and then stopped, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. “I’m so glad you’re finally back together. You guys are too perfect for each other.”

  “We’re not—”

  I threw my arm over Val’s shoulder and cut her off before she could finish her sentence. “Thanks, Brenda. We’re pretty excited about it, too. We’ll try not to screw it up this time.”

  Val shot me a look that I could only laugh at. “What? You don’t have to be absent for me to start rumors.”

  “All right, fine. If that’s how you want to play.”

  The wicked gleam in her eyes sent a rush of excitement through me. The Val I remembered had always been feisty beneath her poised exterior. It was the reason I loved to get her so riled up. “Take your best shot.”

  She waited until after we’d signed a couple more autographs. I’d almost forgotten about the whole incident when she leaned over between signings and said in a low voice, “Of course I don’t think less of you. You’re not the first man to have an impotence problem, Kyle. I think it’s great that you’ve decided to abstain, no matter what the reason behind it is.”

  I wasn’t sure what she was talking about until I glanced up and saw a woman gaping down at me with wide eyes. “She’s kidding,” I said as Val smiled at the woman and held out her hand for the CD.

  The woman handed it over, but her eyes drifted back to me. Her cheeks turned pink and she shyly said, “A problem like that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t make you any less of a man. I think it’s romantic that it made you want to reconnect with Val.”

  My jaw fell open and I’ll be damned if I didn’t blush bright red. This woman believed Val! She thought I was abstaining because I was impotent.

  “Oh, yes,” Val said without missing a beat, “it was so romantic. He cried when he told me what was going on with him, and I was so touched. Knowing the truth has only brought us closer together.”

  I turned my shocked gaze on Val and she winked at me before smiling up at the lady and saying, “What’s your name?”

  “Melanie.”

  Before I could even try to dispel the rumor, Melanie moved the conversation along and made it impossible. “Could you sign it to Chloe, though, please?” she said to Val. “That’s my daughter. She’s in high school right now and is waiting also. She used to really struggle with it, but after she saw your movie she gained so much confidence in herself. I got her a Virgin necklace for her birthday and she wears it every day.”

  “That’s so great!” Val said.

  I was surprised by how sincere Val was. Her playful attitude had melted away upon hearing Melanie’s story, and her eyes became shiny with actual tears. She honestly cared about this woman and her daughter. I think that’s the reason she made as big an impact on the world as she did—because she genuinely cares. That’s also why, as much as I disagreed with her cause, I’d always found her irresistible. I admired Val.

  Val scribbled “For Chloe, Stay strong! Virgin Val” on the cover of Melanie’s CD.

  She handed me the CD with a stern look, but I didn’t need the warning. I could see that this was important to the woman. I wasn’t going to mock Melanie or her daughter. I took the CD and simply wrote, “For Chloe, We’re in this together. Kyle ‘A is for Abstinence’ Hamilton.”

  Melanie sniffled. “It’s going to mean so much to Chloe that you’re doing the abstinence challenge, Kyle. Thank you so much for being so brave.”

  Ignoring the fact that this woman believed I had problems beneath the covers, I tried to sound just as sincere as Val had when I handed the CD back to the woman in front of me. “If it helps people, I’m glad to do it. Tell Chloe we’re proud of her, and that she’s not alone.”

  Chloe’s mom swallowed hard and sniffled. “I will,” she croaked. “Thank you so much.”

  After she walked away, I turned to Val, a grudging smile on my face. “Impotence?”

  Val shrugged. “If you can’t take it, don’t dish it.”

  “You win. Lesson learned. Truce?”

  Val smiled. “I’m having the strangest sense of déjà vu.” She laughed. And shook her head. “I can’t believe you handled that so maturely.”

  “Kind of hard not to when the woman was all teary-eyed.”

  “Still. I’m impressed.”

  Score one for me. “I have changed, Val,” I promised, taking advantage of the situation and taking her hand into mine. “At least in the important ways.” I glanced at the bracelet on my wrist and corrected myself. “In the most important way. I’m going to prove it to you eventually.”

  Val stared down at our hands for a long moment and I watched her entire countenance change. Her smile became strained and her eyes glossed over with moisture. “I’m glad,” she said with a pained smile as she pulled her fingers from mine and turned her attention back to the fans.

  The mood was much more somber as we finished signing autographs. Something had changed between us, but I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t figure Val out. I’d never really been able to do that, though, which was always a big part of our problem.

  As the last of the audien
ce members got their autographs and left the building, Val and I sat there in silence, unsure what to do or say next. I decided to be the brave one and break the awkward tension. “Thanks for staying with me today. I think the fans really appreciated it.”

  Val’s answering smile was small and sad. “I think you’re right. Thank you for asking me to do it. I haven’t had to be Virgin Val in so long; I forgot how much the campaign meant to people. The reminder was good for me.”

  I wasn’t sure how to respond. Moments like this, where Val and I were real with each other instead of bantering or fighting, were rare. I didn’t want to ruin it.

  The silence dragged out between us until a stagehand asked if he could take down the table we were still sitting at. Val and I were the only guests still in the studio, so we headed for the door. As we reached the exit, I held out my arm. “Walk you to your car?”

  I was surprised when I got no resistance. She looked at my offered elbow and smiled as she linked her hand through my arm. We walked the entire way to the parking lot without speaking, but this time the silence was comfortable. Once we stepped out into the late afternoon sunshine, and it was time to go our separate ways, we stopped and looked at each other. “It was good to see you again, Kyle,” she said.

  She had that pained expression back on her face. She was smiling, but it wasn’t reaching her eyes. I wanted to know what she was upset about, but I didn’t know how to ask.

  I looked at her, wishing she would say something, and she watched me, waiting for the same thing. The moment felt almost identical to the last time we’d seen each other. It felt like this sort of hopeless, bittersweet farewell. Saying good-bye felt so inevitable four years ago, but now I couldn’t accept it. I wasn’t going to let her get away so easily this time.

  “Val, have dinner with me tonight. Please?”

  I heard the desperation in my request, but I couldn’t calm myself. I was slightly panicked that she might turn me down.

  She opened her mouth and nothing came out of it.

  “I really have missed you,” I said.