Love Inspired January 2016, Box Set 1 of 2

by Carolyne Aarsen

  She closed her eyes, rocking, praying in snatches, sending out ragged petitions consisting of only two words. Help. Me.

  Cody stirred in the crib and she got up to check on him, but he dropped back into the deep, innocent sleep of a baby, his lashes resting on his chubby cheeks, one dimpled hand beside his head.

  Chloe stood over his crib a moment, her hand splayed over her own stomach as if protecting the child who grew within.

  “Guess it’s just you and me,” she whispered, her sorrow threatening to choke her as she returned to the chair and her rocking.

  And now what? How could she continue to work with Grady knowing how he felt? Knowing that if he found out about her baby he would surely reject her to her face?

  She couldn’t bear that.

  But how could she leave Cody? The poor child had already been through so much. Another change would be detrimental.

  And where would she go if she left? She had no job, no home. She pressed her hands to her stomach, her mind churning as she tried to think of where in this cold, unfriendly world she was supposed to find sanctuary for herself and her baby.

  She closed her eyes and as she rocked, her prayers were sent up.

  Help me to trust, Lord, that You will bring me where I should be. Help me to love this child and to love You. To put my life in Your hands.

  And help me not to cry the next time I see Grady.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “Are you feeling okay?” Mamie asked Grady as he straggled into the kitchen the next morning. “I saved some breakfast for you.” She glanced at the clock, an old habit of hers when the boys had had an especially late night. Her quiet reprimand.

  Grady knew exactly what time it was. It had surprised him as well when he’d looked at the clock this morning. Nine. Meant he had lost half the morning already.

  “I’m fine. I’m tired,” he said.

  Exhausted would be a better word. He hadn’t fallen asleep until about four this morning, his mind going over and over what happened yesterday.

  After he had fallen on the ice, Chloe had found all kinds of reasons to avoid him the rest of the day, telling Mamie, not him, that she wasn’t feeling well.

  He knew she was fine. Or had been fine as they talked in the barn, edging toward vague plans, hesitantly delineating the parameters of their relationship.

  He’d thought they had been getting somewhere.

  And then he’d fallen.

  She’d seen him helpless before. It was this helplessness he wanted to hide from her, hence his reluctance to do physical therapy with her. But he had given in and she’d helped him, seen him at his weakest.

  But then, with startling clarity, he realized she had never seen him fall before. Had never seen him sprawled on the ground like some landed fish flopping around. He tried to dismiss the picture, but he couldn’t lose the idea that Chloe had backed away from him because of it.

  His mother hadn’t been able to deal with his father’s disability. Had seeing him on the ground reminded Chloe exactly how weak he truly was?

  Part of him didn’t want to believe that of her, but it was the only explanation for her sudden retreat.

  “Did Chloe say what she was doing today?”

  Mamie shot him a sharp look, as if he should know this himself.

  “She said she was taking Cody out for a walk with his little sleigh down the south ridge now that the weather has cleared. Are the boys coming back today?”

  “Last night I called Lucas and Emilio and sent a text to Josh, and so far they’re all able to come. I think the girls should wait a day or two yet.” He rubbed his forehead, thinking of all the work that needed to be done now that things were getting back to normal. “Is Martha Rose coming back?”

  “I hope so. If the boys are back, they’ll need meals made, and I don’t have the energy or time.” She sighed lightly and Grady shot her a look of concern. His grandmother had always seemed indestructible, but he’d noticed she wasn’t as spry as she once was. One more concern on his mind.

  As he put on his coat to leave for the barn, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and his heart jumped as he heard Chloe talking to Mamie. “Just thought I would let you know I’m taking Cody out now.”

  His grandmother’s reply was an indistinct murmur. Grady quickly buttoned up his coat, then realized to his dismay that he had left his crutch leaning against the counter in the kitchen. He knew he couldn’t navigate the still slippery yard without it, but he didn’t want to go back to get it and face Chloe.

  He was about to leave anyway when he heard footsteps again. And there was Chloe, holding his crutch out to him, a stark reminder if ever there was one. “You forgot this,” she said not meeting his eyes, her voice cool.

  He took it, questions burning in his chest, pride keeping them unvoiced.

  “And I won’t be able to do therapy with you this afternoon,” she said, her hands folded primly in front of her, a protective gesture.

  “That works out good,” he replied. “I’ll be busy all day.” Yesterday he had been looking forward to another therapy session with her. To pushing himself again, to showing her what he was willing to try.

  But not now. Not with her expression so cool and reserved.

  With a murmured thanks he made his way past her, resisting the urge to look back. He didn’t want to know if she was watching him, but he acted as if she was, taking his time, taking cautious steps. As he walked, his mind ticked back to a comment she had made that he had overheard. ...couldn’t give him what she needed and what woman can live like that?

  And as an icy claw gripped his chest, he paused, unable to walk for a moment.

  So that was what this was all about. Her retreat. Her silence. She realized she couldn’t live like that. Just like his mother couldn’t. Like Etta Vane couldn’t.

  He finally got to the barn, thankfully without falling or even slipping, and once inside he leaned against the door, his emotions a swirl of confusion, anger and sorrow at the injury that had incapacitated him. The disability that had made him less of a man. Just like his father.

  “Boss? Is that you?”

  Josh poked his head out of Sweetpea’s stall.

  “Yeah. I’m here. You’re here early.”

  “Just wanted to make sure everything was okay. What with you laid up and all.”

  “I’m hardly laid up,” Grady snapped, feeling overly testy, and then immediately feeling bad when he saw the surprise on his hired hand’s face. “Sorry, Josh. Didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m a bit short this morning.”

  “At six foot some, no one could call you short,” Josh said with a laugh, in one comment acknowledging and dismissing Grady’s apology. “So I figured we need to get those cows fed and see how the horses are,” Josh said. “I should also check those cameras.”

  “I doubt the thieves were out and about during the storm,” Grady said.

  “Yeah, but it wouldn’t hurt to make sure they’re all still working.”

  “Have you heard about any more thefts?”

  Josh shook his head. “Nope. But then, like you said, with the storm and all maybe the thieves decided not to risk anything the past few days. What else is on the list for today?”

  “The Massey tractor needs some work on the bale forks before you feed, and the John Deere needs an oil change. I was hoping to get it done this week, but didn’t feel like tackling it on my own.”

  “Are we getting muffins again this morning?” Josh asked with a hopeful gleam in his eye.

  “Unless Martha Rose makes it back here, I doubt it.”

  “Chloe’s busy?”

  “Yeah.” And that was all he was saying about that.

  * * *

  Chloe trudged over the snow, pulling Cody behind her on the sled. His
happy squeals were the perfect antidote for the knot that tightened with each minute she was apart from Grady.

  The sun was shining, promising hope, but Chloe couldn’t find it to latch on to it. Hope seemed as far away as summer did right now. She shivered and looked back at Cody all bundled up, his stocking cap sitting crooked over his face, obscuring one eye. But he was waving his arms, laughing at everything he saw.

  “You are so adorable,” she said, feeling a motherly burst of affection for him. He laughed at her as if he agreed, then suddenly leaned over in the sled, looking past her.

  Chloe couldn’t stop the lift of her heart at the thought that it might be Grady, but when she turned it was only Emilio walking toward her, carrying a large envelope. Even though the air was still cold enough to turn his breath into vapor, he wore his coat open, and only a shabby straw cowboy hat on his head.

  “Hey, Chloe. Grady told me I might find you out here,” he said as he came near.

  Chloe’s heart jumped just a bit thinking Grady had been watching her, then she realized that Mamie must have told him.

  “I was just taking Cody out on his sleigh. It’s so nice.”

  “So glad the weather turned decent. I was getting worried about you guys stuck out here, and Grady and all, but I’m sure you managed just fine.” He gave her a gap-toothed grin, as if sharing some inside joke, then knelt to tickle Cody under the chin with one large, grease-streaked finger. “Hey, little guy. You having fun with Chloe here? You making sure she and Grady behave themselves?”

  His innocent words, assuming a relationship between her and Grady, hit her like hammer blows.

  It won’t happen, she thought, despair tugging at her.

  She couldn’t give in, however. She had to think of her baby and what was best for him or her.

  “I got something for you,” Emilio said, straightening and handing her the large envelope. “Grady asked me to pick up the mail while I was coming through town and this came for you. Whoever it was knows you’re staying here, I guess.”

  Chloe frowned as she took the large, heavy envelope with her name scrawled across the front. The only attempt at an address was “Chlo at Stillwater Ranch,” and there was no return address anywhere on the envelope. Her name was misspelled, so whoever had sent it didn’t know her well.

  “Looks mysterious,” Emilio said with a wink.

  “It certainly does,” Chloe agreed. “Thanks for getting it for me.”

  “No problem. You coming to see Grady? He and Josh are working on the tractor. I’m sure he won’t mind if you stop by.” His assumption of a relationship was like another hook in her heart.

  “I should bring Cody back to the house and find out what’s in here,” she said with a forced smile, holding the envelope aloft.

  “Are you bringing muffins later?”

  “No. I’m...busy. I promised Mamie I would help...help her...with her knitting.” Chloe floundered around, scrambling for any kind of excuse.

  “Well, I’ll tell Grady you said hey.”

  “That’s not necessary,” Chloe said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

  Emilio looked puzzled, then shrugged. “Sure. Well, see you around.” He waggled his fingers at Cody, then sauntered off, hands jammed in the pocket of his jacket, whistling as he walked.

  She had to leave, Chloe thought as she turned and trudged back to the house. It was as if every encounter was a stark reminder of what she could never have.

  ...starting a relationship with the responsibility of a child...heavy thing.

  All night Grady’s words had resonated through her mind, circling like ravens, pecking at her insecurities.

  She was a divorced woman, carrying another man’s child.

  She was fairly sure a man of honor, a soldier such as Grady, would struggle with that idea, especially when she had told him the exact state of her marriage to Jeremy.

  The house was quiet when she stepped inside. Mamie must be sleeping, and it didn’t sound as if Martha Rose was here yet. So she took Cody upstairs, changed him and played with him until he started rubbing his ears and fussing. Then she laid him down, sang him to sleep and retreated to her room.

  Once there she took out her Bible, needing comfort and spiritual nourishment. Needing the reminder of God’s faithfulness.

  Her hands turned to Lamentations, easily finding the passage in chapter three that she had drawn from so often.

  “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

  She had clung to these very promises of God’s faithfulness through all the years she had been married to Jeremy, struggling to stay true to her vows when she knew her husband wasn’t. The promise of God’s faithfulness had helped her then, and she prayed it would help now. God’s love was all encompassing and faithful and unending.

  She closed her eyes, pressing the palms of her hands against her cheeks, trying not to let fear and despair take over, trying not to think of what she had lost with Grady. Instead, she tried to remind herself that God’s love was sufficient for her.

  “Please help me to hold on to that,” she whispered, continuing her prayer, praying for her baby, for Ben, for the people of the community and finally for continued healing for Grady.

  She knew he needed to continue his physical therapy sessions, but she also knew she couldn’t work with him.

  Not anymore.

  She finished her prayers just as her phone rang. It was Lucy.

  “Hey there,” Chloe said, leaning back against the head of her bed, tucking her legs under her. “What’s up?”

  “Thankfully not much, what with the storm and all. No thefts and no gifts.”

  Which made Chloe suddenly remember the letter she had received. She had left it in Cody’s room. “I got something this morning that seemed a little odd,” she said, getting up and slipping into Cody’s room, glad for the distraction from Grady and the sorrow clinging to her.

  “What is it?”

  “Just a minute,” Chloe whispered, picking up the envelope and checking on the little boy. He lay with his head to one side, his chubby cheeks pink from the cold, his tiny hand curled up beside his head. Her heart wavered at the sight, then she quickly left, hurrying back to her own room.

  “Are you still there?”

  “Yeah. I just got the letter from Cody’s room.”

  “Letter? Who from?”

  “No return address and it was sent to me via the Stillwater ranch. Whoever sent it spelled my name wrong, so that could be a clue.” Chloe sat cross-legged on her bed, phone tucked under her ear as she slit open the envelope. Another envelope, thick and heavy, fell out as she pulled a single piece of paper out.

  “What’s inside?”

  “A letter...” Chloe scanned over the contents. “From Robin Hood, apparently. He’s giving me a little something to help me with my dream of staring up a physical therapy clinic.” Chloe frowned, read the letter again.

  “Is it handwritten?”

  “No. Typed. Not signed, obviously. Probably printed on a computer...and now I’ve put my fingerprints all over it.”

  “Relax. This isn’t CSI: Little Horn,” Lucy said with a light chuckle. “I doubt I would be able to figure out whose prints they are if they’re not in any criminal database. But I need to see it. What’s in the envelope?” she asked, just as Chloe picked it up and carefully peeled it open.

  A huge stack of one-hundred-dollar bills fell out. Chloe’s mouth fell open as she stared at the cash now spilled on her bed.

  “Money. Hundreds of dollars.” She did a quick calculation, flicking through the bills. “Nearest I can tell it’s close to about ten thousand dollars.”

  Adrenaline mixed with fear shot through her veins. How had this person k
nown about her dream? How had he tracked her down here?

  “This creeps me out,” Chloe said, pushing the money away from her as if it might contaminate her.

  “No kidding. But you know you can’t keep the money.”

  “I don’t even want it,” Chloe said, staring at the pile of bills, her arms wrapped around her legs. “Who could have known about this?”

  “Grady?”

  “I doubt he would resort to this,” Chloe said.

  “I think you’re right. But like I said, you have to give the money up. Carson has called an unexpected meeting of the cowboy league this Saturday. Grady will have to sit in as Ben’s replacement. You could give the money to him to give to me then.”

  “Sure. I can do that.” She could give it to Mamie, she figured. Mamie could hand it over. She didn’t want to face Grady. Not if she could avoid it.

  “By the way, how is that handsome soldier?”

  Lucy’s innocent question created an ache in Chloe’s heart.

  “He’s...he’s...good.”

  “Good? Be still my heart. That’s all you can say about the guy you’ve loved since grade school?”

  Chloe drew in a slow breath, trying to stay on top of her scattered emotions. She didn’t want this taking over her life. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

  A beat of silence greeted that statement. “Since when? I know you’re attracted to him. You two just spent three days all secluded from the outside world with only an older woman and a baby. Don’t tell me that something didn’t happen?”

  “Something did.” The comment burst out of her, the need to share what she was dealing with overcoming her natural reticence. So she told Lucy, “He kissed me. I kissed him.”

  “What? That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you.”

  Her enthusiasm was like salt on the wound.

  “So things are moving forward?” Lucy continued. “I know you’ve always liked him.”

  “I have. I do.” She released a short laugh. “I’ve never cared for anyone the way I care for Grady. And I thought things were getting somewhere.”