The Dead Girls Detective Agency

by Suzy Cox

  “Is she going to snap out of this?” I asked. “Should I feel bad?”

  “Bad?” Edison asked. “She KILLED you, Charlotte. She just admitted it. And you’re worried about her future mental health?”

  There was a sob from the other side of the roof. David. I had to talk to him. I had things I needed to say. I looked over at Edison, who was watching me intently, his expression as impossible to read as ever. This wasn’t a situation Seventeen magazine prepared you for: what to do when you’re haunting your ex, but the guy you’ve just kissed has ported there too.

  I’d deal with Edison later. This might be the only chance I had to talk with David. I floated from Library Girl to where David was sitting. He jumped back.

  “Charlotte, I-I-I can’t believe it,” he stuttered.

  Was he on the verge of tears? I hoped so. He looked so small and helpless. My anger cooled and my shape shifted from zombie to apparition again, the glow around me switching from emerald to rose. I looked more like the old Charlotte now. The one he used to love.

  “I can’t believe the little sophomore from the library murdered you because she liked me.” He shook his head in disbelief, his bangs falling back over his eyes. “This is all my fault—I should have realized the effect I have on women years ago.”

  There was a time when I thought he was the hottest, cutest, coolest guy ever. And I would have let him get away with a comment like that. But not anymore.

  “Yes, it is your fault,” I said. “David, everything is. You owe me. Big-time. And not just for saving your life back there. But for getting hot and heavy with half the school before I’d been dead for a week.”

  “You know about that?” he said with a small sniff.

  I nodded, unable to hide the fact that I was still, really, majorly bothered about it.

  “The truth is I missed you. And Kristen was just there. She was comforting me. Nothing happened, Charlotte, honest.”

  “Oh, please,” I said, sinking down to face him. “David, I might be dead, but I am not stupid. I’ve been watching you. I know everything—and everyone—you have done over the last seven days. I know about Kristen in the chapel and Jamie in your room and Kaitlynnn in the hallway and …”

  David’s eyes were wide. “You saw all that?”

  “Oh yeah and sooo much more.” My hands found their way to my hips. “I’m a ghost, David, it’s, like, my job to spy on the Living.” I took a second and tried to calm down.

  “Honestly, this is me you’re talking to now, so no more BS,” I said firmly. “Why did you do it? We were choosing colleges based on how close they were to each other. You were supposed to be my soul mate.”

  David bowed his head.

  “The way you’ve acted … ,” I said, shaking mine, “I need to know: Did you ever give a shit about me in the first place?”

  I looked at him, dreading yet desperately waiting for his answer. And totally aware that Edison was watching us closely all the time.

  “Yes, of course I did. Please don’t ever think that I didn’t care for you. I love you.”

  David tried to touch my arm, but his hand went right through it. He sucked in his breath.

  “I loved being with you,” he said, “but our whole thing was that we got each other so much, we didn’t care about what anyone else thought of us. You were like no other girl I’d ever met. You weren’t into malls or matching your nail polish to your hair band or whatever. When we were together we talked about stuff. Like bands and authors and artists. Important stuff.”

  God, was it wrong to be hating old Living me right now? Because David kinda made her sound like a total jerk. No wonder Ali didn’t want to be around us 24/7.

  “Then you died and I was devastated.” He sighed. “And I guess I didn’t know who I was anymore without you. I couldn’t be David without Charlotte. Not the David you loved anyway. So I started to care what other people thought.”

  He lifted his head to look at me. “Then, just when I was feeling super-low, all these girls who had never noticed me before wanted to be with me. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before. I guess I got a little carried away …”

  It was strange looking into his eyes and having him look back. I’d spent so much of my death imagining him staring at me the way he was now. But it didn’t feel like it used to. Too much had changed. I’d changed. And the only thing I was certain of was that I could never go back.

  I saw Edison shake his head in disgust.

  “Imagine if the tables were turned,” David said, changing tack. “What if some psycho freshman had fallen for you and pushed me under the F train because he couldn’t stand to see us together. Then imagine if, while you were hurting more than you’d ever hurt before, the hottest guys in the school—like Leon and Martin and Jay—started asking you out. Can you honestly say you wouldn’t have acted exactly the same way as I did?”

  I looked into David’s big blue pleading eyes. And I thought about what he’d just said.

  For, oh, about half a second.

  “Yes, I can,” I said with total certainty.

  David flinched.

  “You can go back to that party now, David. And you can get your Scream King crown, dance with Kristen, and wait for Kaitlynnn and Jamie to paw you the second her back’s turned. You can finish high school being Mr. Popularity. When you run out of girls in Manhattan, you can go to college and find a whole heap of new muppets there. But I want you to remember one thing: As long as I am in this dimension, I will never forget the way you have treated me. And I—” I said, about to launch into another verbal attack.

  Oww! I doubled over in agony, then snapped back up again. What was that? Something was wrong. Something peculiar was happening to this world.

  David was looking at me strangely. Like, even more strangely than he had when I’d been zombiefied. The pain started again, burning through me, then just as quickly ebbing away. The roof was wiggling. And the buildings around us, they weren’t standing at attention anymore. They were leaning toward me. Closing in.

  I sat down on the concrete floor trying to steady myself. I felt someone port next to me. Was it Ed? Tess? I couldn’t tell. Everything was blurry.

  “Charlotte?” David asked, looking around. “Where did you go? You can’t just disappear. I need to talk to you. I have so much to say to you. I …”

  His voice sounded like it was coming from inside a cupboard. Muffled, like when your mom yells at you to get out of the pool when you’re underwater.

  I felt hot. And—if I didn’t know it was impossible—sweaty. I looked down at my arms. The pink glow had gone, but somehow my hairs were actually standing on end. I might not have done a whole load of extra Rules book study, but I knew that should not be happening.

  “Ed?” I called out into the blackness, but he didn’t answer.

  I lay on my back and stared up at the night sky. The Empire State Building swaggered above me as if it were going to tumble in, bringing the Chrysler with it. The whole world was collapsing and there was nothing I could do. It couldn’t be ending. It had already ended. So why was I …

  Then everything went black and still.

  All I could hear was silence. And all I could feel was wind in my hair.

  Chapter 31

  I OPENED MY EYES, SLOWLY, ONE AT A TIME—AND found myself safe and sound in the lobby of the Attesa. With a shiny new key in my right hand. Weird.

  Oh. It wasn’t just any key, was it? It was my Key. Somewhere inside I instinctively knew it. The Key that could take me to where I—like all the other dead girls who’d been lucky enough to leave this planet without having to have to deal with unhinged librarians and bitchy cheerleaders on the way—should rightly be.

  “OMG! OMG!” Lorna screamed as she ran over and hugged me so hard she nearly sent me flying through two hotel walls and outside. “I’ve been so worried about you! We’ve all been so worried! But you’re back! AND. WITH. A. KEY.”

  Until now, I didn’t know ghosts had the vocal ab
ility to talk in that octave.

  “OMG! Nancy, Charlotte’s got her Key! This is absolutely the height of amazingness! So, so, so this must mean—”

  “This must mean that, not only did I haunt a heartfelt confession out of Library Girl,” I said, as Lorna bounced up and down in front of me, “Tess and I also saved David from her too. But not before scaring the life out of that cheating Class-A douche bag though.” Lorna’s eyes had grown worryingly wide. “Well, not literally,” I added. I didn’t want her to misport with excitement. “I’m not that bitter. So how did I get back here? The last thing I remember I was up on the roof, then it all went black. And now I’m here. I didn’t port myself.”

  I turned my golden Key over in my hand. So this was the baby that would open the Big Red Door. It had swirls along the handle that matched the ones in the Attesa’s lobby and three prongs at the fob end—a long one sandwiched between two shorties. Pretty.

  “Your Key pulled you back here after Library Girl confessed and you solved your murder,” Nancy said, standing beside me and eyeing it. “They seem to have a few powers apart from those of the usual door-opening variety. You know, it doesn’t matter how many times I see one of these things—and I’ve seen quite a few since we started studying the old case files—”

  Lorna sighed loudly.

  “It’s still so exciting when another pops up,” Nancy said. “Can I hold it?”

  I handed my Key to her and she stroked the swirls greedily, then abruptly stopped. “It’s lovely, but it doesn’t feel right,” Nancy said firmly. “When I get mine, it will.”

  She handed it back to me as if it were a teeny, fragile newborn baby.

  “So how did you guys know to split?” I asked.

  “Tess came down from the roof and said it was time we left,” Lorna said. “The police came. David must have called them, and we saw them taking Library Girl away. I don’t know what you said to her, but I don’t think she’ll be normal again for, like, ever. The Living can deal with her now. I’d totally had enough of watching your heinous classmates try to eat each other’s faces, so we ported back here. We didn’t even hang around for the crowning of the king and queen.”

  “I’m surprised you’re in such good spirits,” Nancy said, looking at me carefully. “Tess was muttering something about Edison getting upset and ditching her on the roof. Did something happen up there?” Nancy gave me a look that said she knew exactly what had happened—and she was not happy about it.

  “So when are you going to use it?” Lorna cut in, trying to distract Nancy. If I ever needed a personal pit bull, I was hiring Lorna. “Your Key, I mean.”

  “I suppose I should use it soon, but …” I tried to think straight. After everything that had happened—Library Girl’s confession, confronting David—my mind felt like it was operating in a fog. “It’s just that, after all the dead ends we’ve hit over the last few days, I wasn’t expecting to find it today. I was starting to wonder if I’d ever find it. And now I have it, I … It’s not like I need to pack before I leave but … When you think about it, I’ve only been dead for a week. I’m still trying to get my head around that.”

  I trailed off and gently laid my Key on the low table by the Door, tracing its outline with my pointer finger. It looked so normal, but just being near it made my teeth buzz. I could feel its power. It was almost as if it wanted me to go through the Door as soon as inhumanly possible, so its work was done.

  I just wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet. I couldn’t go back to my Living life, that much I knew. If the last week had taught me anything, it was that there was nothing for me there anymore. But the idea of starting a new one, one that I knew even less about? That terrified me too.

  Tess clomped up the HHQ stairs. There was something in her expression that made me feel uneasy and weak.

  “Oh, stop messing around with all your existential tormented-teen crap and get an afterlife, Feldman,” she said, her eyes flashing. “Just put the metal thing in the little hole in the Door, turn it a bit, and things can get back to normal around here. I’m sure even someone with your limited intelligence can manage that.”

  So our truce was off then?

  “Guys.” I ignored her—so, she was bent out of shape about me hanging out with Ed; still, the whole Heathers act was t.i.r.e.d.—and focused on Nancy and Lorna instead. “Do you mind if we get some air?”

  Nancy scowled. “Charlotte, you are dead. Ghosts don’t need air. Or water. Or food. Or cookie dough ice cream with marshmallows and extra rainbow sprinkles. So going outside to ‘get some air,’ especially at a crucial moment like this, is a totally pointless exercise and—”

  “Nance?” I said. “Can you shut it? For once in your perfectly ordered life? I just want a few minutes to think before I do anything rash. Like moving from one dimension to the other. Or eternally damning myself by accident on the way.”

  “Right.”

  Lorna, Nancy, and I walked down the Attesa steps and onto the street.

  “Some air,” while physiologically useless, was so what I needed. Outside, everything instantly felt better. Night had turned to early morning while my Key had been dragging me back. The city was awake again, people were making their way to work and the sun was playing peekaboo from the top of the park’s arch.

  When I was alive, autumn was always my favorite time of year: when the city had cooled down enough to eat ice cream without it turning into a shake before it hit your mouth. It suddenly occurred to me that—apart from when I was appariting or getting pulled by my Key—I hadn’t felt heat or cold since I’d died. Instead I was always just right, the kind of snuggly warm you get five minutes after you pile into bed.

  “Limbo to Charlotte, come in, Charlotte,” Nancy said. “Seriously, don’t stress. It’s perfectly normal to feel this way when you get your Key. We had a guy once who lay with his head under his pillow for six weeks before he opened the Big Red Door. He’d get within three steps of it, freak out, and run back to his room. Four other new ghosts went through before he had the guts to do it. You can stay here as long as you like. There’s no checkout policy at the Attesa.”

  I raised an eyebrow at her. “Sorry, bad joke,” she said. “What I mean is that you don’t have to do anything until you’re sure you’re ready. Take your time. When it’s right to use your Key, it’ll feel right. That’s what everyone says, anyhow.”

  I heard a scream behind us and turned to see three college freshmen drunkenly stumbling down the street. They were trying to drag their friend along and, I figured, back to their dorm to sleep it off. So I wasn’t the only one who’d had a seriously late night then? I had to use every ounce of my energy to resist the urge to run on over, possess drunk boy, and make him perform a Riverdance, just to freak out his friends.

  I smiled to myself. Being a spook was waaaaay more fun than it ought to be.

  “Just look at me and Lorna,” Nancy said. “I know how I died. And I’m pretty sure that whoever blew up our townhouse at ten p.m. did it thinking my parents were inside. Not many people knew they’d gone to the ballet that night. My dad, well, he’s a lawyer and he’d recently made sure some dangerous guys had gone to jail. I’m sure if I dug around it wouldn’t take long to figure out which one ordered the hit.”

  Whoa. “I’m sorry, Nancy,” I managed. There was so much I wanted to tell her but the right words just wouldn’t come.

  She gave me a small smile. “Don’t be. I could get my Key if I really wanted. It’s just that I, personally, feel I can do more good by hanging around here for a while. Helping a few more people, you know? The ones who, without the Agency’s help, might not get to the Other Side.”

  “More Dead Girl Detecting, right, Nance?” Lorna said, giving her a playful shoulder nudge.

  “No one has to make excuses. I get why you’re still here,” I said. “You both have your reasons for wanting to stay. And I would not dream of questioning them.” I sighed. “Right now I need to figure out what I’m going to do next.”


  Lorna gave my arm a squeeze. I swapped a smile with her. “I guess, in a way, for three girls who’ve been murdered in gnarly circumstances, we’re pretty lucky,” I said. “We all think we can go through the Door someday. Whenever we decide that will be. We haven’t given up hope. Not like Miss Bitter in there”—I motioned back inside at Tess—“who seems convinced she’s staying here forever, and that gives her a license to be a jerk.”

  Drunk boy puked his guts up right across the street from where we were standing. Eww. It kinda killed any hope of a moment of quiet reflection.

  “Charlotte, can I say something?” Lorna asked.

  I nodded. “Of course.”

  “Um, well, Nancy and I were talking, and we were both saying how—even though you’ve only been here a few days—we’ve really loved having you around. It’s been way nicer than normal.” Lorna gave me a shy smile.

  “You’re such a natural detective,” Nancy said. “The way you thought to go back to those letters in David’s locker and sensed that he was in immediate danger. It was brilliant. I would have played it by the book: come back here, done some research into Library Girl, built up a profile of what she was likely to do. If we’d done that, taken the slow-road”—Nancy shuddered—“things might have ended very differently for David.”

  “Though his murder would have been a cinch to solve,” Lorna said, bobbing her head.

  Nancy gave Lorna a shocked look. Then—suddenly—the pair of them started giggling. And before I knew it—cheating-boy-slut ex or not—so was I.

  “You’re fun to have around, Charlotte,” Lorna said when she’d composed herself. “Please say you’ll stay. For a few days longer at least?”

  Fun? The teen queen thought I was fun? I’d never been called fun before. I used to think “fun” was lame. “Fun” was for girls who thought Girl Scouts was neat and not a ritual humiliation forced on children by parents who wanted them out of the house.