“You like it?” She said, holding out her arm for me to admire.
There were two interlocking B’s and underneath it said “Brooklyn’s Best”.
“Yeah, that’s nice.” I said. “You don’t see a lot of women with tattoos, mostly guys. Mostly old guys that got them during the war, you know, with the Germans.”
“What are you saying? That it’s not ladylike?”
“No, just that you don’t see it much.” I could smell the sandwich, which meant that it was done. “You ready to eat?”
Baba took a sip of beer and nodded her head, “Yeah, baby. I’m hungry.”
Baba winged the empty beer can into the trash and burped loudly. I pulled the sandwich out of the oven and slid it on to a plate and then cut it in half. She eyed the halves and pointed to one. “That’s mine.” She said. “It looks cheesier.”
I sat and ate trying to ignore her but every time I looked up she was staring at me.
“What are you looking at?” I said, with my mouth filled with food.
She mimicked me, making a series of grunts. “Be a gentleman, don’t talk with your mouth full like that. It shows a lack of manners. I’m a lady, right? Treat me like one.”
She was starting to irritate me. “Yeah, you’re a lady and I’m Tom Seaver. Maybe, Joe Namath.”
“Don’t get smart with me.”
“Eat your breakfast, will you.”
My mother came wandering into the kitchen and lit a cigarette off the burner. I said good morning but she just ignored me and went into the living room and turned on the television. Baba shook her head as if to say “What’s wrong with her?” What could I say? So, I didn’t say anything. I mean, at the moment, I could say a lot, but I didn’t. I could feel this pressure in my head like a headache, but worse. It was more like a pinching. All this shit was pressing on me. Besides being angry and wanting to protect my sister, and the whole situation with Melo, everything was just getting too stressful. School was ending and I wasn’t sure what my grades were like. Actually, I knew, and they weren’t all that great. I figured I could sweet talk my way out of that, but still. Sooner or later that shit was going to hit the fan and if I wanted to play football my senior year I better get on top of things. It was like Erica said, you fuck up in school; you’re fucked. Not that she put it that way, but you see what I’m saying. And not that I thought about it much, but I knew she was right. I just couldn’t, like, translate everything, if that makes sense. It was always something. She called them excuses. I called it life.
Chapter Six
What is it with men anyway? I mean, look, my father, I’m not even going to get into it. But Big Mike too. I know the guy is dead and all but does every adult in my life need to leave me in the lurch? Is that some sort of rule, some fucking thing that everyone agreed upon but me? It was beginning to seem like some sick joke and it just goes on and on.
At least with my mother I understood. Well I actually didn’t understand but I was used to it. I saw her every day and anything could seem normal after a while. Erica said I should talk to some of the teachers at school or my football coaches. I could see her point but the teachers were all kind of faggy and all the coaches on the team were cops – so fuck that. Most of my friends were in the same situation but we never really talked about anything like that. It was like it was some stupid thing, like our families were off limits, and so was our feelings. There was none of that touchy-feely hippie shit, trust me on that one. You just sucked it up, like when you got hurt playing football, you sucked it up.
Maybe I was being selfish, I mean Big Mike was dead and there was a chance that he was killed by Melo, a small chance, but anyway. If that was the case, then he was whacked for helping me. That was something, I suppose. Still, I was beginning to feel really alone and really ready to fuck things up completely. Like, send my entire life down the drain. See, I wasn’t really that worried about getting shot. I mean, I was, don’t get me wrong. If I weren’t killed, my whole summer would be ruined what with being in the hospital. It was more like the opposite, now I had to handle Melo by myself, me and Junior, I mean. We might actually have to kill the guy, which at this point, didn’t bother me much either. But what if we got caught? It wouldn’t take long for the cops to piece things together. Someone would say something sooner or later, even if they didn’t like the prick.
And who thinks I want to kill anyone anyway, even Melo.
Jesus Christ. What a mess. Baba was sitting there prattling on, half-talking to me and half-talking to my mother. Both of us were ignoring her. I mean, I was kind of nodding while she talked and my mother could care less. Baba didn’t seem to notice and she just kept talking. My mother interrupted her and asked me to go down and get some bagels. “There’s money in the can if you want.” She said. The can was a coffee can from A&P that we kept on the refrigerator and Rainie and I usually kept it filled with enough money to buy food.
“I hear what you’re saying.” I said to Baba, not really even having a clue about what she was talking about. “But I have to go downstairs and get some bagels.”
“Want me to go with you?” She asked.
“No, I’m just going to run down there. I’ll be back in a minute.” She frowned and started fiddling with her hair, twisting it up over her head.
I went in the bathroom and washed my face and then grabbed some money off of my dresser. I was halfway out of my room when I remembered the stain on my shirt and I pulled it off and changed into another. It was early, so I thought that there was no way that anyone would be out, never mind out of bed yet. The bagel store was just on the corner anyway, so I wasn’t going far and it was unlikely that anyone who wanted to kill me would be up yet. What a way to start a day, right?
I raced down the stairs going about as fast as I could without falling on my ass and flung open the front door of my building. It was beautiful out, like there was no temperature. It was perfect. I was almost outside the bagel store when a shiny new Datsun pulled up to the curb and beeped at me. “Holy Shit!” I thought, they are up early. I was just about to run when I looked into the car and it was Angela.
The window was open and she leaned across the front seat. “What are you jumpy or something?”
“What are you doing around here?” I asked.
“Don’t answer a question with a question.” She must have just showered because her hair was still wet. It made her look younger than I remembered her looking.
“Just some neighborhood shit, is all.” I said, sounding uncertain.
“It’s always something, isn’t it?”
“Tell me about it. Or don’t tell me about it. I’m getting bagels. What are you doing?”
“I got up early and decided to take a ride.”
“Nice car.” I said. “You just get it or something? It looks new.”
“Yeah, my parents gave it to me last year. Sweet Sixteen gift.”
“Pretty fancy gift.” I said while leaning in the open window and looking around. “You want a bagel?”
“No, I want two. Whatever’s hot, with some butter.”
“You don’t want a smear?”
“I hate cream cheese, it tastes like…” I watched her as she thought. “I just don’t like it.”
I’ll be right out. Wait here.” She nodded.
Even though it was still early the bagel store was crowded. Mostly it was old people, and mostly the old people were women.
Funny thing about Brooklyn, there seems to be a lot of old ladies. Lots of old ladies and lots of kids, nothing much in between. With all the kids around, you would think that there would be more people in the middle but I never saw them. It was like the Charlie Brown cartoon, no adults, which came in handy, I guess.
I got the bagels for my house and two bagels for Angela. When I went outside, she was still sitting there. A song was playing on the radio but it was I couldn’t hear it. “What are you listening to?” I asked.
“I don’t know, I just turned it on.”
I tossed her the bagels and stood there, not really sure of what to say.
“You want to go for a ride. It’s early, no traffic. We could go anywhere. Get some coffee and go sit somewhere nice.”
Without thinking I said yes. “Let me go bring the bagels up to my mother first. I’ll be right down.”
“I’ll wait.” She said.
Just seeing her made me feel better. As I was walking back to my building I looked up and saw Baba hanging out the window. She was smoking a cigarette and a curtain was blowing back and forth across her face and then in and out of the window. She was looking at me without saying anything and it seemed a little creepy.
I dumped the bagels on the table and told my mother I was going out for a while. As usual, she didn’t say anything. Baba came over and asked me who the girl was, saying she didn’t look like Erica, with a big smirk on her face.
“She’s just a friend from school.” I said smirking back at her. “Like a study partner or something.”
“What are you studying, anatomy” Baba was laughing at her own joke.
My mother perked up for a second. “Baba, leave him alone.” She said. “You want a smack?”
“Bye Ma.” I didn’t wait for her to reply but was out the door and racing down the stairs for the second time this morning. Angela was right where I left her. I got in the car without saying anything. She had a half-eaten bagel in her lap and was wiping at her mouth with a tissue. The whole car smelled of garlic. “You got me garlic bagels.” She said.
“No, I got you whatever was hot, just like you asked. You didn’t say anything hot except garlic, did you?”
“I’m not complaining, am I? These are good. Where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere is fine with me.”
“Well, give me some idea, would you?”
“You driving, you drive.” I said. “Wherever you want to go.”
“Oh, O.K. Then lets go to my house. We can sit in the yard.”
“Pretty funny. And I could meet your father too, something like that. Which reminds me, what ever happened about yesterday? You get in trouble?”
“I don’t get in trouble.”
“Oh really?” I said. “You don’t get in trouble or you don’t get in trouble for getting in trouble?”
“Both, I guess. I talked to Maria’s aunt last night. She’s not going to say anything. It was all a misunderstanding, right? Like I was trying on some clothes I just bought, or something. Maybe she got the wrong idea but I talked to her. Everything is cool.”
“Why’d you undress like that for me? I have enough problems at the moment. Big problems, too, not like little stupid ones.”
“Oh, me being undressed is a problem now? Nobody ever told me that before.” The idea that someone else had seen her like that made me jealous, like right away. And this is a girl I met yesterday.
“Not that.” I said. “But that on top of everything else. And besides, I have a girlfriend already, like you already know.”
“I know, I know. I told you I know. I said that, right?”
“Yeah, you did. But actions speak louder than words sometimes and you weren’t acting like you knew. I mean, you were naked and I’m like a stranger. You don’t know me.”
“Yes I do. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done it. I’m not crazy.” She had this serious face, like she was in the Debate Club or something.”
“How do you know me? Just because we go to the same school, that’s crazy. I’m mean, I liked what you did but… And you made your point. Are we just going to sit here all day or are we going somewhere?” I reached over and beeped the horn.
“Stop that. It’s early still. You’ll wake people up.” She said.
“Oh, you live in Brooklyn and you’re worried about waking people up? That’s a first. I’ll tell you. You should get an award or something, like a prize.”
Rainie was always talking about people who were “Old Souls”. Like they had lived before and had lots of experiences. According to her, most of us were just starting out, just beginning. But some people, you just knew, were here before and knew the ropes. Rainie said they often looked tired, even if they were young. It was sort of her thing, if you know what I’m saying. Once we were walking, I forget where, and Rainie pointed to a baby in a carriage that was being pushed toward us. “See that kid’s face.” She said. “That’s an old soul. You can just tell by the eyes.”
I looked at the kid closely and I sort of could see what she meant. There was something about the kid’s eyes. It was as if he had the eyes of an adult or even an old person. It was spooky.
Looking at Angela now, I had that same sort of feeling. Not that it was spooky or anything, just kind of magical. Maybe, she was a witch. Like a good witch, what do you call them, a fairy? I was cracking myself up. And that was part of it, right. I felt good when I was with her. It was weird. I mean, I liked Erica and everything but she liked me too much, was too demanding. Erica’s idea of caring about you was ordering you around. I was used to it, I suppose. I knew that she really cared and I was important to her but it was kind of stressful.
“What are you thinking about?’ Angela said.
“You can read my mind, so why ask.” I said, watching her as she drove. “Where we going? I’m asking because I’m not so good at that stuff, you know, mind-reading.”
Angela put her hand against the side of her head and closed her eyes.
“Hey, watch it, you’ll wreck you car.”
“I’m just kidding.” She said. “I’m not a mind-reader. I just pay attention to people. Listen to what they don’t say. Does that make sense?”
“Oh, sure. Sure it does, you listen to what’s not there to listen to. I get it, like the sounds of silence, or something. Sounds like some hippy-shit to me.”
“Nah, fuck that.” She said. “ I’m into poetry, and like, emotions and things.”
“And speaking of listening, listen to the mouth on you.” She smiled back at me.
“What? I can curse if I want to. Besides, everyone in my family does. You should see Sunday dinner. Jesus Christ, it’s like an army barracks. You should hear my father.”
“I hope I don’t. I mean, I know who he is and all. Who doesn’t? In Brooklyn, anyway.”
I watched her to see how she would react but you couldn’t tell by looking at her what she was thinking. She wasn’t upset or anything like that. She just had a quiet face. “Let’s go up to Brooklyn Heights and walk by the water. How’s that sound?”
“You smell like garlic, so that’s a good idea. We’ll air you out.” I said.
“Oh, you’re funny. But you’re probably right. I can’t smell it.”
“Trust me, you do.”
For some reason, I felt completely relaxed. I sat there and watched as she drove, whipping the little car past the courthouses and stuff and onto the little streets that looked like they didn’t belong here. “I don’t get up here much, it’s nice.”
“Yeah, you can see the city. Look for a parking space, would you?” She asked.
It wasn’t like Erica would ask. I mean, it wasn’t like I was looking for a parking space for her but for us. I know it sounds stupid but somehow it made sense to me. Just the way she asked left an impression on me. We found a parking space on a side street and headed down to the river. The streets all looked like they didn’t belong in Brooklyn. It was weird, not that I know much about architecture, or anything. But they looked more like what you would see in the city.
Brooklyn 1975 Page 12