Brooklyn 1975

by Robert Moeller

  Betty mumbled something that I didn’t hear.

  “What?” I said.

  “Probably the Holy Ghost isn’t coming along on a job, you know what I’m saying. Not for nothing, but he might have better things to do, like maybe be with a sick kid somewhere.”

  See the thing with Junior is, he has a short attention span. He just goes from one thing to another, so it is kind of easy to change the subject with him.

  “I saw the Virgin Mary in my room one night when I was a kid.” Junior said. “It was like she was projected on the wall. I looked up at her and my nose started bleeding, probably cause I was too close to her.”

  “What did she say?” Betty asked.

  “Nothing. She doesn’t take to strangers. She just appears and like, sits there. It’s like a beam of light she rides. I mean, she knows everything about everyone but she’s like, tight-lipped about it. Like when you talk to the cops, same thing. She’s a stand-up lady.”

  “So, what did she want?” Betty loved this shit.

  “Just to visit, you know drop in, that kind of thing. That plus, she can be like a million places at once. That’s how powerful she is. She’s everywhere, like the weather.”

  “You so full of shit, I’m telling you.” I said. “I’ve heard this story before, yeah, your nose was bleeding… Come on with that shit.”

  “What?”

  “Father Fucking Junior.” I said, bowing my head. “Who else you talk to while you’re sleeping, JFK, maybe? Or maybe it was Santa Claus? Give me a break, would you”

  “Why would I make that stuff up? It’s a fucking sin to begin with, like what do they call it?”

  “They call it what it is—bullshit. Now let’s get on the train and get out of here. I got a lot of shit to do. And never mind that Melo is still up my ass. Hey, do you see Melo at night, like riding on a beam of light, or something?”

  “Fuck you. I’m in mourning. I just lost my money clip and gun. I’m not saying anything to nobody and that includes you. Betty, I’ll talk to because he goes to church once in a while.”

  “Usually, I just drive my mother and then wait outside.”

  “Whatever.” Junior said. “Whatever.”

  Chapter Eight

  When I get home Erica is sitting there in my living room with both my mother and Rainie. It didn’t look like she was crying or anything but she wasn’t looking happy either.

  “I was out looking for you. Where did you go?” I asked, trying to sound concerned, even though I was concerned, if that makes sense. I mean, I was concerned but I wasn’t out looking for her. No, not me, I was too busy getting turned on by a naked girl who was holding a gun at my head, but I was trying to cut myself some slack in the truth department.

  “Seriously, Erica. Where did you go?” I kept asking even though I knew the answer. I mean, she was sitting right there in front of me, plain as day.

  “I came right over. Where do you think that I went?”

  “You want to go in my room and talk for a while?”

  Rainie reached over and brushed at Erica’s hair. That sounds like a good idea, right?” The two of you probably need to talk. You know, figure some things out.” If I didn’t know better, I would have dragged Rainie along to help have the conversation with Erica. I admired her like that. Just the way that she was always thinking about other people without being like too nice about it. Not that she wasn’t nice or anything. It was just her nature I guess. Even when things in her life weren’t perfect, and God knows, they weren’t, she still managed to care about what was happening around her, even if it was none of her business, like this stuff now with Erica.

  “Come on, let’s talk. Before I need to fall asleep or something.” I said.

  Rainie was kind of staring at me, shaking her head.

  “Come on, Erica. You know what I mean…”

  She frowned but got up and we went to my bedroom. Going through the doorway, I made the mistake of putting my hand on her back, you know, like a doorman or something. She kind of shivered and jumped away from my hand. “Don’t touch me.” She said.

  “What? Why you going to be like that?”

  “My boyfriend can touch me, do anything he likes with me. You’re not my boyfriend anymore. That’s why I’m here, right?” She was looking straight at me. I could see what remained of the mascara that she had tried to rub off her face and her eyes were red and it looked like the tears were welled-up just behind them.

  “Look, everything is messed up now, you know what I’m saying. Everything is just so crazy, what with the Melo thing and everything else, I’m just not sure of anything now.”

  “You meet someone else? Is that it?”

  I couldn’t lie to her but I wasn’t ready to tell the truth either. “No, it’s nothing like that, I swear.” Why I was swearing was beyond me, you don’t swear on a lie. “No, I’m just under so much pressure these days. I don’t know what to do, I mean, with like everything. School is fucked up…”

  “You mean you fucked up. That’s what you actually mean, don’t you. Like, you have to go to class and do the work. Not always be standing outside selling weed or sitting in the bar with Junior. Everyday I tell you I’m willing to help you with your work and it’s always this that or the other thing. Always something. Maybe, you need to stop blaming your problems on other people and start looking at yourself. My parents were right.”

  “Your parents didn’t like me before they knew me. Don’t give me that shit.”

  “No, but they said you’ll see about that boy. Whatever you think about him now, you’ll see. And look, can you believe it, they were right.” She sighed and her chest heaved up and down. For a minute I thought she was going to cry.

  “And you had the balls to prove them right.” She poked me in the shoulder. “You ended up being exactly what they said you were, just a punk like any other of the six million punks living here in Brooklyn. And I was stupid enough to believe you were different. I had faith in you, thought you were strong enough to make something of yourself. I was different than those other girls who like you because of football and having your picture in the paper. I was different.”

  “I know you were.”

  “Shut up. Let me finish.”

  I interrupted her. “Why should I, you’re only going to break my balls.”

  “Who else does?” She asked, almost yelling at me. “Who else does?”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that” She lowered her voice. “I love your sister, I really do, but she’s not able to help you with advice. She dropped out of high school, right? She’s a great person, really she is, and in a lot of ways is less screwed up than you. I mean, she’s not going to get in trouble like you. Maybe go to jail and fuck their whole life up.”

  “What are you talking about? Why are you knocking Rainie? I thought we were talking about us?”

  I’m just saying.” She said. “Plus, with your father in jail and your mother like that.”

  “Oh, so now you want to bring my whole family into this.”

  “I’m just saying that you really don’t have a supportive environment around you. And that’s important. I always thought I was helping you.”

  ‘Look, you were, are, whatever, It’s just become one more thing, can you understand that? I’m not stupid. I see where things are heading and I don’t need to be constantly smacked over the head with it. I need to figure things out myself. Jesus.”

  I was sitting on the bed and she was standing in front of me. She was wearing on of those little show-me shirts and I could see her belly button.

  “You’ve got some lint in your belly button.”

  She kind of smiled and took the lint between her fingers and flicked it in the air. It landed in my bed.

  “Hey, that’s gross. It landed in my bed. I have to sleep here, you know.”

  “Don’t worry, that isn’t going to change things in your bed one way or another.”

  “Oh, already my bed is di
rty. Is that what you’re saying? You used to like it, like it a lot.”

  She didn’t say anything but just stood there and looked at me. It made me feel like I was at my own funeral. I also realized for the first time that she was here to break up with me and not the other way around. Instead of being relieved it made me angry. Well, not angry but unsure of myself. More like I wasn’t sure of what to think or feel. Like maybe I should pull her into bed with me and try and make up. Then, I thought about Angela and with Erica here right in front of me, it all seemed too much. Maybe, I was making a huge mistake, which would be no big surprise, right?

  Before I could say anything, she leaned down and kissed me on the top of my head. “You know, I’ll remember last summer for the rest of my life. It was everything a girl dreams about. I was so in love with you, it was like I was glowing inside. I gave you everything including my body. Mostly, I just trusted you. Looking back on things, I wasn’t wrong to. Last summer will always be special to me.”

  I was about to ask her about the rest of the time, like maybe the last seven or eight months. Or maybe, just maybe, the prom, which cost me a fortune but when I looked up she was gone.

  I went to the bedroom door and stopped there and watched her hug and kiss Rainie and then she was gone. My mother turned around and looked at me shaking her head up and down. I wasn’t sure what she meant so I just turned and closed the door, it sort of felt like I was turning off a television that was playing my life.

  I fell into bed just wanting to sleep and forget everything but instead I just started to cry. Mainly because I was sort of hating myself at the moment but it was more than that. It was like a cloud had just burst in my head and everything, including my thoughts, were to wet to grab. It felt like everything was just slipping away. Who was I kidding? I needed Erica more than she needed me. Through everything, she was the reason I thought that I could make it out of here in one piece. Knowing she was there made everything seem like I was pretending—pretending to be a petty criminal, a drug dealer, and just in general, a fuck-up. Now she was gone.

  Chapter Nine

  I felt like I was just going to bed and waking up, leaving one sort of nightmare and arriving at another. It was like a revolving door of shit, if you know what I’m saying. Basically, everything was going south in a hurry even if nothing had really changed. I mean, nothing had changed it was just that I was too old for this stuff anymore and thinking about it too much. And the other thing was, that I was in too deep, at least I thought so. I knew Erica was right, right about everything. But even then, like when she was talking about school, say, I wasn’t able to do what I was supposed to. Maybe, it was a family curse, or something. Maybe none of us were able to do the right thing. Look at my mother; she was barely able to live. Even on the nicest days she mostly sat inside with the television blaring and a cigarette glued to her mouth. And Rainie even, what’s with her, even forgetting that she was going out with Melo, which is pretty hard to forget, right? Even forgetting that, what was she doing with her life at the moment? Working some dead-end job and waiting to marry some mook that swept her off her feet and wanted to get married. This shit was endless, I’m telling you. And my father, don’t get me started… That’s what I say anytime I start thinking about him.

  I was lying in bed like some boxer half knocked out when Rainie came in. “Some guy is here and wants to talk to you, says he’s a friend of Vito’s.”

  “Here? Where? What are you talking about?”

  “He’s waiting downstairs by the door. He wants to talk to you. Says it’s important.”

  “He’s not with Melo, is he?”

  No, I know all those people. He’s not from around here. But up and down, he’s a made guy, that’s for sure.”

  I wondered for a second if I was being set up but if someone where trying to whack me they wouldn’t call for me you know, ring my bell and introduce himself. “All right, I’ll go down in a second.” I said.

  I put on my sneakers and went into the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth. I smoothed my hair back with some water and went back in my room and put a clean shirt on. When I went downstairs, some guy was standing by the stairs. He was completely greasy, if you know what I’m saying. “Hey, kid. How you doing tonight? A friend of mine is down in the car and he wants to talk to you. You know Vito, right?”

  “Um.” I sort of stuttered. “I know his daughter Angela. We go to school together.”

  “Good.’ He said. “You stay in school, finish up. You hear what I’m saying? That shit is important.”

  I wasn’t in the habit of agreeing with people but in his case I made an exception. He was just that kind of guy.

  “Come on down to the cars, Vito wants to talk to you.”

  Down on the street, two cars were parked right next to each other and four men sat in one car and another two men stood on either end of the other car. A man was sitting in the back seat by himself and I assumed that was Vito. Instead, one of the guys standing in the street came up to me and introduced himself to me. “I’m Vito.” He said. “I hear you’re a pretty good football player. In fact, I think I’ve read about you in the papers a couple of times. Is that you? He asked.

  I nodded, trying not to smile and seem like I was being full of myself. “Yeah, I play at the high school.” I said.

  “And you know my daughter, right?”

  “Yeah, Angela. We go to school together.”

  “That much I heard. Anymore, I don’t want to know about, you understand?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, not sure what he was talking about.

  “What do you mean? What do you mean? What, are you trying to be funny, or something?”

  “Oh, no.” I said, trying hard not to squeak like a rusty old door hinge.

  “Anyway, we come down here tonight to take care of a problem your having, no questions asked. This is a one-time thing, a favor. You understand what I’m saying? This is between you and me, nobody else. And because it’s between you and me if something gets back to me, I know where to come.” He patted me on the shoulder. “I should find out you’re talking, saying anything, we’re going to have a problem, right? And trust me, it’s not going to be a problem you like having. Those are the ground rules, so to speak. You see what I’m saying? Plus, a big strong kid like you, this is a way to get in on the ground floor. See if you got what it takes. Maybe other things will come up, you know what I’m saying.”

  A wave of aftershave or something seemed to magically float up into my nose. It was like he was squirting it while talked. “What are we talking about here?” I asked. I mean, are you going to whack him, or what?”

  “Jesus, are you dense, or what? Like I said, you have a problem, and truth be told, this guy did something else too, which I’m not going to talk about here. Anyway, it’s none of your business. This guy can’t keep going around doing what he doing. Like you know, I’ve got a daughter too.

  This, tonight, is like a fucking public service, like street cleaning. So now, where does this guy hang out?”

  “Down at The Pump, you know that place right on Coney Island Avenue?”

  “That shit hole, it figures. We should fumigate the place while we’re at it.”

  Vito left me standing there while he went over and talked to his men. They all gathered around him like he was the quarterback in a huddle. I’m standing there watching them and I realized that my legs were shaking. So anyway, I’m standing there and suddenly the huddle breaks up and one of Vito’s men, the guy who met me at the door goes running into the street yelling while goes. “Hey you, get the fuck over here.”