by Emily Snow
In his hands were the keys to the car that I had wanted ever since I was a child: my dad’s 1966 cherry-red Dodge Charger. I remember sitting in the garage when I was old enough and helped him restore it to its former glory. It still had the majority of its original paint and interior. Now, he was giving it to me.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“‘Thank you’ will suffice.”
“Thanks, dad. Wait. If I’m taking the Charger, how are you getting home?”
“Well, your mother convinced me that it’s her turn to see the world. We’re going on a two-week cruise, then have tickets to fly back home,” dad said.
I was so surprised, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Who was this man standing before me? The father I knew didn’t just give gifts for no reason. I was ecstatic, but I also needed to know what this was all about.
“That’s great. Mom deserves it, she’s the best,” I said.
“That she is,” my father agreed. Dad gestured toward the restaurant. “About your doctor friend in there, she seems to be rather nice. Have you met her family yet?”
“No, sir. I haven’t.”
“Well. It seems to me that’s putting the cart before the horse. You need to make that happen soon. Look him in the eye and let him know you only have the most honorable intentions as far as she’s concerned.”
“Yes, sir.” That’s all I could say at that moment. It sounded like my dad was planning my bachelor party as we stood on the patio. Yeah, I liked Kay, more than anyone else I ever had. But really, meeting her father and looking him in the eye? It was too soon for any of this.
Then I suddenly felt terrified, wondering how Kay was thinking and feeling about all of this. Was she expecting more than I was ready to give at this time?
We headed back inside. There, mom and Kay sat next to one another as mom had moved over to dad’s seat. They seemed to be getting along great. That made me feel better about the whole situation. We ordered dessert and made small talk for a bit before mom and dad headed back to their hotel and Kay and I walked to the parking lot.
“I can’t believe your dad gave you his car.”
“I was pretty shocked myself at the gesture.” I stopped walking when we got to the blue Bug. I could see the Charger at the end of the next row. “So, I’ll meet you back at your place then?” I asked, giving her a seductive smile.
“I want to ride in the Charger. We can pick the blue Bug up later.”
Chapter 5
Kay and I spent every moment that we could together, which meant that instead of going back to the base housing, I spent most of my nights at Kay’s with her curled beside me.
Together, we made our way through the whole countdown before I went to sea again.
She never said it, but every time I looked into those eyes on the edge of tears, she silently asked me if I had to go. I remember enough of the horror stories that the guys traded to know that fears and arguments grew exponentially from the stress of separation. I didn’t want to say goodbye, not right now. This thing with Kay was just the beginning of something I had never had before.
I felt conflicted, and my heart pounded from the guilt of knowing that each moment I spent with her, I selfishly wanted to have something more to hold onto while I was gone. I was making her fall in love with me, knowing that I was about to leave.
One night during dinner, about two weeks before I needed to leave, she handed me a sheet of paper. On it, there were twenty-three questions listed. “What’s this about?”
“Well, you don’t like to volunteer too much information about anything. That list is stuff I want to know about before you go. I thought if I wrote it all down, you’d give me some answers. That is, if you are allowed to tell me about it.”
I shook my head and folded the piece of paper in half. Kay had put a good bit of forethought into what she wanted to know. “Well, to answer some of your questions, I’d be giving you classified information.” I watched those brown eyes go big as I leaned towards her. “After I tell you, I’d have to kill you.” I gave her a big grin.
“You’re an asshole, Ryder,” she teased, then smacked my arm.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. Why don’t you ask your questions and I’ll answer to the best of my ability. Does that work?”
“Okay. Other than the obvious, what is it like on the submarine?” she asked.
I held her gaze without speaking at first. She waited for my answer, but the way she stared told me there was another kiss on the horizon.
I had to give it a thought, then gave the best answer I could. “A submarine is one of the most technologically advanced machines ever built. Imagine living in a contained three-story building that’s like three hundred feet long and about thirty feet wide. We have everything onboard, from computers to sonar equipment, and it’s run off nuclear power. Once the doors lock and we’ve submerged under the water, we stay down there for three to four months undetected without making a sound.”
“Wow. That’s like the NASA of the ocean.”
“I guess that’s a good comparison. What’s next?”
“I was telling one of the girls at work about you and her husband was in the Navy years ago. She asked what kind of sub you were on, and I felt sorry that I didn’t know.”
“Don’t feel bad about something like that.” I reached out to place a soft kiss on her cheek.
We spent the next two hours with me answering all of the questions she could think of. I’d never had someone so interested in what I do. Or in me, for that matter. At first, it caught me off-guard. As we talked, my feelings shifted. I also started having a greater appreciation for what I do and what I’m a part of.
I wish I had something more than time to give her—and that time was in short supply. We only had another two weeks before I left, unless things changed.
We settled into the bed and turned off the light. “Tell me something, Kay. I can tell you love it, but what made you want to become a doctor?”
“I wanted to bask in the perceived glory of such an honorable profession.” She leaned up and pressed her elbow into my middle. Kay let out a long sigh. “Nowadays, after I’ve run myself down from a lack of sleep, the sense of honor I feel inside knowing I’ve saved lives is enough.”
She settled back down and laid her head on my chest. I held her close. In those few words, she described what life in the Navy was like for me. Maybe we would be able to make a real go of this thing after all … if only there was a way to look into the future just to know where we would be in the next five years.
Chapter 6
We were on the cusp of our next 80-day patrol. I only had seventy-two hours left. Instead of her and I going off alone, we asked the guys if they wanted to come over to her place for an early dinner and a movie. It was a simple spaghetti dinner with tossed salad and garlic bread, but it meant the world to all of us. The fact that she took the time to think about something for my friends and me was everything.
After the movie was over a little after four, the guys got ready to go. I walked out with them, and Elmo stopped me by grabbing hold of my arm. “Spend time with your girl. If I were you, I’d do everything I could to hold on to that one.”
I nodded in agreement and thought about the beautiful brown-eyed girl in there washing dishes.
I went back inside to call for her. “Hey, Kay, let’s go for a ride.”
“Okay, where are we going?”
“Don’t know and don’t care. I just want to take you for a ride in the car.” That was the honest truth. I wanted to take her somewhere so it would be just the two of us. It felt out of my depth trying to think of things to make each moment special.
***
I had no idea where I was heading, but we ended up driving down the state road to Big Talbot Island State Park. It was a local preserve that people went to for studying nature and taking photographs. I hoped it stayed open until sundown.
Four crisp dollar bills paid our admission insi
de. It would be night soon so I drove as far cars were allowed. There was a wide sandy path that headed to the part known as the tree grave yard. Here trees blown over from previous storms or washed up over the beach slowly rotted away. By the time Kay and I found a nice size trunk that wasn’t too deteriorated to sit on dusk was upon us.
“Thanks again for today. The guys appreciated it.” I nibbled the side of her neck.
“It wasn’t a problem. I enjoyed seeing them again.” She admitted.
Before the sun dipped down for the night, I wanted to have a picture or two of her to keep with me. After she reluctantly posed, Kay insisted that we take some together. Since I had longer arms than Kay, when she was ready, I held out the camera angled up slightly because she said that would make all the difference in the world in the picture.
“I love you, Ryder,” she said as she leaned in next to me for another pic.
We ended up taking several; I just kept pushing the button. “Kay.” I was filled with regret that I wasn’t able to give her those words back after she gave them so freely. Hell, she gave everything that she had to me freely and openly, never asking for anything in return.
She put her finger to my lips. “It’s all right. You don’t have to say it yet, but I feel it—I know you do too. Just promise me that even when we’re apart, we’ll write to each other. Then when we are together again, we can have something to read that will make it like we were never apart.”
“I’ll do my best. When it’s safe to send emails back, I will. Just don’t send anything too racy in the emails because someone reads them before we get them.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Wouldn’t want anyone reading about all the clever things you do to me with that tongue.” She parted my mouth with her tongue and leaned in to deepen the kiss. She moved and leaned her head back on the opposite end of the trunk. “Or all the talented tricks you do to me with that cock of yours.” Just those words alone had me stirring to attention. I couldn’t wait to get her home.
We laid there watching the sky turn to an array of painted pinks and orange. I made another mental note of how brilliantly the colors splashed across the clouds because soon I would be immersed in a sun and moonless existence.
Since it was already after sunset, the park would be closing. We made our way back to the area we parked at. I opened the door for her to get in, then made my way around to my side.
I fired up the Charger and clicked on the radio. I Drove All Night blared through the speakers. I could relate to every word that Mr. Orbison sang.
At this point I couldn’t wait to get her home. Kay leaned over and started kissing the side of my neck, then nipping at my earlobe. She moved her hand down to grab at my crotch. It was hard in an instant. I was always ready, wanting to give her more. “So, Ryder, have you ever fucked in a car before?”
“No, ma’am.”
She leaned back against her door, giving me a come-hither stare as she slid up her skirt to show me the edge of lace that barely covered that perfect ass.
I pulled over on the side of the road to continue the frenzy that she started. She slipped her panties down and left them on the floor of the car. I undid my pants and slipped them down far enough for my cock to spring free.
“No need to rush. Let’s take our time,” Kay said as she expertly took me into her mouth.
She toyed with me in the most deliciously cruel way possible. Then, she climbed over to wrap herself around me. I took the liberty of freeing her breasts so I could have a nipple to play with as she glided up and down my shaft.
“I think you need to wear this dress every time you say goodbye to me and when I see you when I get back.”
“Hmm.” She curled her lips and pretended to think about it. “If I granted your wish what would I get in return?”
“One satisfied sailor,” I said then pulled her to me for another kiss.
When we got back to her place, we curled up in bed. I held her tight with her back to my front. It wasn’t exactly the position I wanted her in and my dick let me know it. My fingers touched the soft skin of her stomach as her shirt raised ever so slightly.
I couldn’t help but think about how I would remember this … holding her, the way she smelled, the sounds of her laughs that would keep me going over the next ninety days.
I fucking wanted this girl more than anything, and when I finished having her, I couldn’t wait until I had her again. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t just the sex. Yeah, she was amazing at that, but it felt good. Normal, when I was with her, things were perfect. So, in true Ryder fashion, I was about to fuck things up monumentally.
***
Our last night together we had our first real fight. Kay was pushing me to give her the words I wasn’t ready to give. “Why won’t you just say it? How hard is it to say three damn words?”
She was angry. Hell, she had every right to be. She had been open and honest, giving me her heart unconditionally, and all she wanted was some reassurance that it wasn’t wasted on me.
Damn, I don’t know if I have it in me. “I don’t need this bullshit before I ship out, Kay.”
“So that’s all this was to you? Bullshit? And don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Just be a man and tell me. Are you in love with me or not?”
“You know, I’m not the best at communicating my feelings. But I do have other ways of letting you know what I’m feeling.” I slowly kissed the nape of her neck and made my way down to her spine.
“I noticed that.” Her disappointment hung in the air. “Just promise me that you’ll try. That’s all I ask.”
“I promise you I’ll try to do better, Kay. That goes for you, too. I don’t ever want to assume that things are one way if they aren’t.”
“Tell me about it. One time I eavesdropped on my parents. Dad was talking about his favorite child, so of course my ears perk up and I wait to hear what he had to say. I had no doubt in my mind he was talking about me. Well, it turned out he meant my older sister Winnie. I ran to my room and cried. Lilly, my middle sister, came in to see what was the matter. When I confessed what I overheard, she just laughed and said, ‘I already knew I wasn’t dad’s favorite.’ That feeling sucked. It felt like someone had told me there would never be another Christmas for as long as I lived.”
“Yeah, that would suck,” I agreed.
“I don’t want to feel that way again, and if you don’t feel the same way about me as I feel about you, just let me know,” she pleaded.
It broke my heart to see her like that. The truth was that I just wasn’t ready. This was new to me, and even though I had strong feelings for her, I wasn’t prepared to let myself be vulnerable.
“I want you to know that if I were ever to say those words to someone and mean it, it would have to be you. I’ve never said it before and I wanted to make sure that I’m ready for everything that came with it when I did.” I hoped that explanation satisfied her.
She acted like she understood. Then, in her next breath, she floored me. “Maybe I shouldn’t come tomorrow to see you off.” She said softly and put her head down.
Suddenly my heart ached. I wanted to see her. No, I needed her to be there to say goodbye.
“Well, I’ve been reading online and talking to Janet about her experiences. She gave me a few tips. One of them being that there’s a power in that last goodbye that can change everything, making your next three months about that last moment with your girl instead of the job you were there to do. I already screwed up the first one.”
“And what was the first one?” I asked.
“Not to fight, especially in the final weeks before shipping out.” As she spoke, tears fell down her face. I wrapped my arms around her to ease her mind. She spoke as if she had betrayed me in some way.
“Well, I think we got everything cleared up, Kay. No harm, no foul.”
“Thanks, Ryder. You’re welcome to stay if you want. I’m only scheduled to work eight hours tonight,” she said with a hopeful look.
I grabbed my coat and headed out the door with her. “I’m leaving too. The guys and I had plans for tonight.”
I hugged her tight and kissed her to convey what I was feeling in that moment. Even though I hadn’t spoken those three words, I wanted her to know they were there in my heart.
“See you later.” I watched her as she walked away, and got inside her car and drove off.
This was the first time she left without telling me that she loved me. I had grown used to hearing those words come out of her mouth. I tried to tell myself that it was nothing more than the fact that she was in a rush to head out to work. I’d see her in the morning to get my goodbye kiss, and maybe … just maybe … she’d hear those three words from me.
Chapter 7
I stood on the pier impatiently waiting for Kay. I watched others as they said their goodbyes and watched as their men made the walk up into the sub. Not seeing her at first, that feeling was like a punch in the gut. Then again, I had deserved it. Instead of giving her some kind of reassurance, I blew up at her. I picked up my phone to give her a call when I received a text.
I was pissed. To say I was angry was the understatement of the year. I looked down at my phone again at the text.
K: I can’t make it sorry
What in the absolute fuck was that crock of shit? No explanation, just a sorry and a sad faced emoji.
All right, if that’s how she wanted to be, fine. Fuck her. And fuck her I love you’s. Instead of waiting around, enjoying the last few moments of freedom before being locked inside, I went ahead and checked in. I settled my stuff in the rack and pulled out the pictures I had brought.
“How is Kay doing anyway?” Missouri asked.
“She give you a going away present?” Elmo butted in.
She had easily integrated into our small group. That was part of the reason that I fell so hard for her. Now with things being on rocky territory, the last thing I wanted to do was think about her, let alone be asked a bunch of fucking questions about her.