The Honor Anthology

by Emily Snow

  “Yeah, well. Doesn’t change much,” I mumble toward the window and watch the dust swirl as we head toward our shelter for the night.

  Chapter Three

  I turn over in the bed and my hand hits the empty spot next to me. That was something I wasn’t used to. I usually have someone scout out a woman for me to spend the night with, but I quickly remember where I am and know that it’s best I wake up alone.

  Being Brant Marks definitely had its perks. I had most of the woman population throwing themselves at my feet. But the one woman I wanted seemed to hate my very existence. I’d learned to put that at the back of my mind. The whiskey seemed to help most nights, but as I sit here in my boxers staring out of the open window near my bed, I know that not every wish is granted.

  I hear the knock on my door, taking me from my thoughts. I already know it’s going to be Vince letting me know that it’s time. I grab the jeans I had on last night, slide them up and do a little jump to get my ass into them. I pull the door open, seeing Vince standing there in his pristinely pressed button up, tucked into starched jeans. I don’t know how he walks around in them, my Wranglers were very well worn in. I couldn’t do that whole stiff legged thing. He was a good enough guy, kinda boring. But he made a great assistant and was always there when I needed him.

  “Good morning, Brant. Are you ready to put on the concert and get out of here?” He looks around nervously as if something bad is going to happen to us where we are. We are forty minutes from the camp we visited last night, in some expensive ass hotel, which has security everywhere. I feel like I’m in the pentagon but only nicer surroundings.

  “Nope, you get Neal on the phone. I want to talk to him about my time here.” I know he will do as I ask because, either they agree to my terms or I’m not doing it at all. I stalk into the bathroom as I hear him shuffling with the food and coffee that were in his hands when he walked in. I brush my teeth before throwing on a black t-shirt and heading back into the room. He’s speaking to someone, I assume it’s Carly, trying to get Neal on the phone.

  “Yes sir, he’s here. He’d like to speak with you.” He hands the phone to me, giving me a weary look as I bring it to my ear.

  “Good morning, Neal.”

  “Hello Brant,” the man’s voice comes over my ear, making my skin crawl. Had I known what the bastard was like when I signed that contract years ago, I wouldn’t have. I can picture him, sitting behind his desk in his twenty million dollar mansion, wearing his white pants and half unbuttoned shirt. His black hair slicked back with oil, making him look as sleazy as he sounds.

  “Neal.”

  “What can I do for you?”

  “My terms have changed for this outing.”

  “How so?”

  “I want each person here at the concert to give us their home addresses. Any concert that is local to their families, I want their families to attend and with backstage passes for them. This show that we will be performing for the troops, will be as long as all my other shows. I will make sure these people know how much their sacrifices mean to me.” I am huffing by the time I get done with my demands. My hands shake as I hear him tsking in the background.

  “Now Brant. I have to make sure you’re safe and being in that camp on a stage for more than thirty minutes, is not safe.”

  “Bullshit. I’m staying or I quit.”

  “You’re easily replaced.” He laughs quietly as I stew in my boots.

  “Then why haven’t you done it already? I bring the label its highest income and have for two years now. Replace me.” I slam the phone down, looking at Vince. “You tell every one of these people here with us, that they do that full fucking set.” I roar. I’m not going to be someone who comes here for a publicity stunt. It may have been what the record label was trying to do initially, but I was here now and I am going to show people that they matter. Their choices matter. Their damn sacrifices matter. At least to one person, it did.

  Seeing a woman soldier sitting out on a table by herself with her iPad, Facetiming with her family back home, solidifies my resolve to make this concert last longer than the thirty minutes I was told. It needs to be like all of my other shows. Maybe even longer. These people deserve my time. They may not be paying for it with money, but they are paying with it with their own time. Time away from their families. I have to grasp my chest as she breaks down as the screen goes black.

  Being on the road is lonely, but I have no family back home. No wife. No child. If I did have someone, I would stay true to them. So for now, women warm my sheets more often than not.

  I slowly make my way over to the woman. The dirt and rocks are crunching under my boots. I’m aware of Vince chirping in my ear like the annoying little cricket that he is, but I ignore him. I finally throw my hand up, effectively cutting off his insistent chatter. I slide onto the bench across from the woman, placing my hands on the table as she sobs.

  “I’m fine,” she sniffles as she tries to regain her composure. Bright emerald eyes meet my own and she’s taken aback. A look of surprise on her face as her mouth forms an ‘O’ shape. “You’re Brant Marks.”

  “I am. Nice to meet you,” I rub the back of my neck with my hand. “I saw you crying and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  “I’m fine. I don’t want to be in your publicity stunt,” she counters. Her shoulders go straight and her tears dry up faster than they started.

  “This isn’t a publicity stunt.” I’m debating on whether or not I should just get up and walk away, but for some reason I am compelled to get to know her, know her story.

  “Sure, you’re here for a concert?” She glares and as I nod my head and she snorts. “Yeah, twenty minutes and gone?”

  “Not me, I’m doing a full concert. It’s the least I can do. Wanna tell me why you were crying?”

  “I miss my kids. I was eight months pregnant when they told me that my team would be deployed in three months. I chose to deploy with them even though it killed me to walk away from my two month old. I was just Facetiming with them. She’s growing like a weed and started crawling last week. She’s just six months old now.” She smiles a genuine smile. The woman is beautiful with her fiery red hair. It matches her personality.

  “I never got your name.”

  “I’m Aubrey. But I answer to Nosaka around here..” She sticks her hand out. “I’m sorry for judging you so quickly.”

  “I understand. We superstars tend to have sticks up our asses most of the time.” I lean in like I’m telling her a secret. “Part of that whole being someone else’s puppet.”

  “So, is it your choice to put those jeans on?” She giggles and I love the sound. I never was one to like seeing a woman sad. I was a hypocrite though because the irony was, I made lots of them cry. Especially once they found out that I wasn’t keeping them around longer than the sheets could cool. There was a woman for me, but she wasn’t around anymore.

  “Definitely. I used to rodeo.” I let out my one hundred watt smile, hoping that it helps her relax.

  “I’m glad that you’re not like the others. I genuinely like your music.” She blushes as little. “It’s nice to know some people over there still care about our sacrifices.”

  “Well, we do. But, I need to get going so I can set up for the show. It was nice to meet you Aubrey. I hope you’re feeling a bit better now.”

  “I am.” She stands as I do, ready to say something but shuts her mouth. I start to move away when she shouts. “Hey Brant?”

  “Yes ma’am?” I look over my shoulder, and watch her stand there nervously.

  “Do you think I could get a picture with you?”

  “Of course,” I snap my fingers at Vince and he runs toward us, grabbing Aubrey’s iPad and snapping a picture as we pose.

  “Thank you,” she says as I hug her.

  “No, thank you.” I give her a quick smile as I walk away. This was once nothing to me, but as I see and speak with everyone here, it’s become a very high priority.

>   “Dude, I really think you’re becoming a pussy,” Barrett jokes as he claps my back. “I’ve never seen you act this way.”

  “I’m slowly realizing while we are here that we take too much for granted,” I mutter. “Maybe you should quit messing around and take Lauren on a date.”

  “Dude, there is nothing there.”

  “That’s a lie. You look at her like she hangs the damn moon. Don’t let something like that pass you up because you’re afraid of what we may think.”

  “What’s gotten into you?” He grabs my arm, stopping me. Looking into my face with those damn perceptive gray eyes of his.

  “Nothing, I just know what it’s like to regret letting the best thing in your life walk away over fear. Don’t do it.” I shrug out of his grip. “Let’s get this concert started. We’re doing the full set, not thirty minutes like they want. Make sure Gary and the rest of the guys know that.”

  “Alright.” He watches me for a minute and I want to tell him to go to hell, but I can’t. Being here has opened my eyes. I mean, I knew from watching the news that it wasn’t that great here. But, seeing it for myself was something completely different. Experiencing it was something else. Seeing the way these people lived, sleeping in cots above the ground, in some walls made out of dirt. It was eye opening.

  As I waited for the concert to start, I sat in the tent with my guitar I called ‘old-faithful’. She’d been the first guitar I’d learned to play, a gift from Pawpaw Ed. I don’t even realize how much time has passed as I strum the strings. I listen to the melody that my fingers are starting to play and my mouth starts to hum along, in tune. I think of all the things that happen around here, seeing the women and men who give up so much.

  They have become each other’s family because the family they know and love is obsolete here. They’ve left them all at home, so that they may defend our freedom and they cling to the people around them. Because clinging to them is what makes them get through the day.

  Before I even notice what’s happening a new song is forming in my head. Maybe this trip wasn’t so bad after all. I was going to be performing a Memorial Day concert back home in a week; maybe we could play it in memory of all the people who’d sacrificed their lives for ours.

  “Brant. It’s time,” Gary says softly. After the conversation from earlier I don’t blame him. I’d be walking on eggshells too if I were in his shoes. I don’t know why I’m being an ass to my guys. They are more family to me than my own at this point in the game. We live together, we play together, hell there were even times when we fucked around together. I couldn’t say I was a poster child, because I sure as hell wasn’t. I’d done threesomes, I’d watched my friends bang other girls. It was a part of the lifestyle but I wouldn’t openly admit to doing that shit, my mother would kill me.

  “Coming,” I mutter as I grab my ball cap, throwing it on my head and turning it around to the back. I follow him out of the tent and down the hill to where they’ve set up the stage for the show. Seeing the crowd of about four hundred people, I feel like I did before my name was a household one. It reminds me of being back in Georgia, at Kirk and Bailey’s Bar.

  Stepping up onto the stage, all the men and women clap and cheer, but I hold up my hand. “Good evening, everyone.” I stand there, looking over the crowd, hating the fact that I have people recording this to use for publicity. Once they stop screaming and clapping I continue. “I’m going to do something a little different tonight. Because, honestly tonight is not about me, or us,” I say as I throw my hand back, pointing to my band behind me. “Tonight is about you! You who gave up everything to come to a hell hole like this and lay your lives on the line.” I smile when they start to hoot and holler. “So tonight, we, Brant Marks Band, applaud you.”

  I clap for all the people standing before me, who deserve the recognition tonight, and I’m damn proud when the guys do it too. They come to stand beside me, supporting me in my decision to give a small token of our appreciation for what they do for us. I’m not naïve enough to think these people do it just for me, because in reality they’ve done it for themselves. But, they still put themselves before everyone else as well.

  For the next three and a half hours, we put on the best show for our troops. Showering them with our support and appreciation, the only way we know how to do. As we play song after song, sweating with the people in the crowd, I feel as if I am standing at a fork in the road. I could continue to be the man I was before I came here. Or, I could become a different man who realized people who did this did it for me to be the asshole I’d become.

  Ending the concert, I decided that I wanted to be a man that would make all of these people and their sacrifices worth something. I only hoped I could make sure that my choices were the best they could be.

  Chapter Four

  Once the concert ended, I went to the mess hall to visit with all the soldiers here. It was cool to see them all in their fatigues as someone told me it was referred too. I hadn’t known what they were called, but I sure as hell didn’t think it was that. I watch Gary flirting with some brunette woman that looks like she could hand his ass to him, but it doesn’t seem to stop him.

  “Marks,” I hear coming from the corner of the building. I look up to see Mitchell with a few of his friends.

  “Hey! What did you think of the show?” I sit down beside him, looking at what looks like teriyaki chicken and lo mein on his plate.

  “It was amazing! Thank you for coming out,” a dark-skinned guy says. “I’m not really into country music, but I enjoyed the show and the music from home. It’s nice to see you aren’t like all the other acts who come here to give us thirty minutes of their time.”

  “That’s Marcus, he’s one of the Special Forces guys.” Mitchell leans his head toward the guy who just spoke.

  “Thanks, I know not everyone likes our music. But, I’m glad I could come here. You guys have taught me a lesson. It’s humbling.” I mean that from the bottom of my heart as I watch them all chow down on the food in front of them.

  “Hey Brant!” I look over my shoulder as I see Gary coming from the direction he was in. He has a big shit-eating grin on his face and I am beginning to wonder what is up his sleeve.

  “Yep?”

  “Look, some guys offered to take us out on a tour in a Humvee, you down?” His eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning, and I can’t help but think of him from when we were younger. He had the biggest buckteeth I’d ever seen, but he never stopped smiling. His green eyes always gave way to his real feelings though, just like right now.

  “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” I start but I’m never one to turn down a good time either. “But, I say let’s do it!”

  “Have fun guys!” Marcus calls as I get up.

  “Nice to meet you.” I shake each of their hands. “Thank you for your service.”

  We make our way out of the mess hall and toward two men standing a few feet away from the Humvee.

  “Hi,I’m Steven, and this is Rex.” Steven has short blonde hair that if I wasn’t standing as close as I was, I’d think didn’t exist on his head. His muscles could almost be compared to Vin Diesel’s too. Not a guy I’d want to fight. Rex is really tanned and has black hair that was buzzed all over his head. He is also was sporting a pair of guns that aren’t of the mechanical type.

  “Nice to meet you guys,” I shake their hands as we make our way to the Humvee. I don’t really know what to expect but as they throw a bulletproof vest in my direction I’m debating on whether or not I should go. “Really?” I ask as I hold the vest up in the air.

  “Really man. You don’t want to get out of this compound without that thing on. If you get hit, it won’t hurt as bad,” Rex smirks as he throws his over his shirt, looking around before jumping into the driver’s side of the Humvee.

  “I don’t,” I start, but am quickly interrupted by Gary.

  “Don’t be a pussy, man. YOLO,” he slaps my back as he climbs into the back of the ve
hicle. He sits next to Steven as I climb into the front next to Rex.

  “Alright guys, we’re going to take you about six klicks. We’ll circle the premises a few times and show you what we do everyday. You ready?” Rex looks back at Gary, then turns to look at me. I can’t help but notice how his arms flex as he grips the steering wheel. Both of these guys could snap me in half.

  “Sure thing,” I mutter, not really feeling okay with the situation in front of me.

  “Let’s get this bitch rollin’!” Gary screams from the back seat. Of course he’d be the one that was all for it.

  “Alright guys, lets go around the camp.” Steven yells toward Rex and Rex rolls his finger in a circular motion giving the go-ahead. I sit there thinking about what the hell I am getting myself into. These men have had training and I have not. The only thing I could do to save them would be to act like the person coming at me was a damn deer if something happened.

  “Dude, don’t look so scared. Nothing will happen when we are out here,” Rex laughs. If he only knew how close I was to having a panic attack, his ass wouldn’t be laughing.

  “I don’t know how you guys do it.” I mutter, as I grab a hold of the handle above the door as the damn vehicle jars me forward. Again he laughs as he claps my back.

  “Come on now, cowboy. Or is it just an act?”

  “Definitely not just an act. I have been a cowboy far longer than you’ve been a soldier,” I all but growl. Don’t you ever mess with a cowboy and think you’re gonna get off scot free.

  “Well, well. Look at that Steven. Looks like the cowboy has a bit of fire in him after all,” Rex booms as we barrel across the dirt of the desert. He chuckles as he slaps my shoulder. “We’re just givin’ ya a hard time. I actually like your music. Got a Brant Marks playlist. Light It Up is one of my favorites.”

  “Seems like it’d fit,” I laugh. Light It Up was one of those songs that when it came on, it made you want to dance with the upbeat music, or beat something with the words. It was a song about how life could change in an instance and make you want to light something on fire. It was about a woman and a man who were toxic to each other but continued to come back to one another until finally their flames destroy each other.