by Emily Snow
“Brother,” I welcomed as Stiff pulled me into a quick hug then released me.
“How the fuck you been?” he asked.
I wasn’t quite sure how to answer that, so I went with, “Fine.”
“Bullshit. You got any beer?”
I nodded toward the door, and then we walked inside where I grabbed two beers. We then headed to the backyard, sitting at the small patio set.
“What?” I asked. Stiff had never been one to beat around the bush about anything. Better to have him get it out and done.
“I know there’s shit goin’ on with ya. We gotta work that shit out.”
I quirked my brow questioningly.
“Talked to Gabby earlier.”
My stomach fell. Fuck me. Gabby called my brother? Fuck, I knew I had some shit in my head, but fuck … to call my brother?
“She’s worried about ya.”
“Fucking hell.” I took a large pull from my beer and then stood up, a sense of betrayal hitting me in the gut as anger burned. “You’re shitting me, right?” I ground out, not letting Stiff finish. “I fucking don’t believe it.”
“Sit your ass down.” Stiff said, and I glared.
“I will not sit the fuck down! She should not have gone behind my fucking back!” I roared as Stiff rose.
“Brother,” he warned, but I didn’t listen.
“I mean, who the fuck does she think she is, spreading my shit to other people? That doesn’t fucking fly with me,” I spouted off, seriously enraged.
“Brother!” Stiff said again, walking closer to me. “Calm the fuck down.”
My blood only pumped harder. “Fuck off,” I told him.
“You stupid motherfucker, listen to me.” It was Stiff’s turn to pull out his anger.
I said nothing, merely stayed rooted to the spot, too angry to let this slide.
“Gabby fucking loves your sorry ass. She’s fucking scared and didn’t know where else to turn. She fucking cares about you, asshole. Don’t be pissed at her for that. She didn’t betray shit, because if she wouldn’t have told me, I’d have been on your ass harder than I am now. So stop whatever bullshit you have rolling round in that head of yours, sit the fuck down, and let’s get this shit figured out.”
Out of everything Stiff just said, the one thing that stood out to me was she’s scared. My Gabby was scared? Fuck, I never wanted her to feel that way. Fucking ever. And I had a way to stop that shit, to take that fear away from her.
I sucked in a deep breath, compartmentalizing all my emotions as I nodded to Stiff.
“Good. Sit,” he said.
Releasing my fists that I hadn’t known were clenched so damn hard my knuckles were white, I sat.
“Don’t know why she talked you,” I grumbled.
“Didn’t I just tell you why? Now shut the fuck up and listen,” Stiff said immediately. “Talked to some guys I know. They have a group you can go to talk this shit out. I trust ’em. The guy I talked to belongs to another club, but he’s a good man and wouldn’t steer me wrong.”
“I don’t—”
“Stop it. We’re sortin’ you out. You’ve got a shit ton of life to lead, and you’re gonna do it.”
“Stiff, I’m not fucking talking to some random people.”
Stiff leaned in close, but I didn’t flinch away. “Yeah, you fuckin’ are. If I’ve gotta duct tape your ass to the back of my bike and haul you there my damn self, I fuckin’ will.”
I rubbed my hand over my face. “How in the fuck can I talk about shit when I don’t know what hell is wrong with me?”
“You talk because that woman you got fuckin’ loves ya. You talk because you have a brother who loves ya, too. You talk because we want you around and not digging yourself into some place that you can’t get out of.” Stiff laid it out in true Stiff fashion. “Somethin’ else.”
“You gonna cure world hunger now?” I joked, trying to ease the tension inside of me, but it didn’t work.
“Funny, asshole. No. Want you to come work at the shop. Spook’s gonna hire you on as a mechanic. Know you know your shit and will be good at it.”
“He wants to give me a job?”
“Fuck yeah. And there’s somethin’ else I want ya to think about.”
I felt like a lead elephant weighed on my shoulders, and he was piling more shit on top.
“Want you to prospect for the club. You know the brothers—fuck, grew up with ’em.”
I shook my head. I’d never had any inclination to join. Not only that, but being a Marine, I wasn’t allowed to have ties to a gang. My brother was the closest I needed to get.
“Stop that shit and listen,” Stiff ordered, which I didn’t like, but he was my brother and the only one on the fucking planet I’d allow to do it.
“Go ahead.”
“We’re all we’ve got. Mom’s a cunt and good for nothin’. Vipers, we’re a fuckin’ family, Xander. May not be blood, but it’s fuckin’ better than that. We choose who we have in our family. Hand pick those fuckers and only pick the best men for it.”
I thought for a beat. “That why you joined? ’Cause you needed a family?”
He took a pull from his beer and swallowed. “Partly. Another part, I don’t give a shit about society’s rules, the proper bullshit that most people follow. In the club, I can be me. Now I am me … no fuckin’ hesitation. I didn’t have a way; my bothers helped me find it.”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head.
“I’m not fuckin’ around, Xander. You’re doin’ this shit. I’m not gonna sit back and watch you spiral down. Fuck that. I got the means to help your ass, so I’m fuckin’ doing it.”
“Fuck, why ya gotta get all mushy and shit,” I said to ease my brother. It felt as if he were on edge, ready to implode. It wasn’t something I’d wanted. Hell, none of this was something I’d anticipated.
“Shut it. You still got your old bike?”
I shook my head. “Sold it.”
“No worries. We’ll set you up.”
“Stiff, I don’t know if the club is for me.”
“Brother, I’m fuckin’ holding a goddamned branch out to ya. Grab the fuck on and let’s roll.”
I smiled and listened to my big brother.
Epilogue
One month later
Xander
Spook, my brother, and the Vipers gave me a chance. Not only did I start talking, I joined as a prospect of the club. I fucking loved working in Creed’s Automotive, making customized cars and bikes. And the brothers grew on me.
Stiff was right, not that I would tell him. The brothers were a family, one I was slowly becoming part of. Sure, I’d known the guys for years, but this was different. I’d always been Stiff’s brother; now I was becoming a brother. I found a team again, something I’d had for so long before it just disappeared, leaving me behind. I wanted that back. I needed that back. That sense of belonging was enough to pull me in.
I started talking to the guys Stiff hooked me up with. It wasn’t great at first. Fuck, who was I kidding? It still wasn’t good, but it was better than before. I didn’t like dredging up shit. Hearing the other guys talk about everything that hit them helped in a strange way. While I didn’t really want to hear it, once I did, I realized I wasn’t alone. I think that was a turning point for me.
Luckily, the flashbacks were becoming more scarce. I still had a few, but I’d take once every week to three or four times a day. It would take time, but I’d get there.
The guys even hooked Gabby up with their wives or significant others. She told me talking to them helped her to understand me better and what I was going through, which was good considering I was still trying to figure it the fuck out.
Gabby … Damn, I loved that woman. Sure, we had our ups and down, but she was it for me, and that was all that mattered.
Life was beginning to turn around, and I couldn’t wait to see what the future brought. One thing I knew for a fact: it would include a ring on my woman’s finger.
TWICE
A short story by
Emily Snow
Twice
Copyright © 2016 Emily Snow Books
All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the publisher in writing.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Dedication
To M.
One of the kindest, bravest people I’ve ever known.
I think of you every day. Thank you for your sacrifice.
Chapter One
It had been close to a year since Ava’s breakup with Knox, and she’d fallen into what she liked to think was a steady routine. She got up every morning at six on the dot, like she used to when she was a kid and her father woke her and her sister at the ass crack of dawn because he was a stickler for being prompt. Of course, these days she was still exhausted from the night before. She wasn’t a partier like she’d been in college; instead, sleep didn’t come easy to her now, no matter how early she dragged herself into bed. Her thoughts crept to the same thing—the same soldier she’d fallen head over heels for—and all the ways their relationship had failed. No matter how much she tossed and turned, or how many nights she took a Tylenol PM to help her rest, night after night he was there.
And even if she did fall asleep, Knox somehow wiggled his way into her dreams.
So Ava woke up as early as possible to escape thinking about him. She ate breakfast at home and grabbed a cup of coffee from her favorite coffee shop. From there, she went to work and lost herself in answering calls and handling various tasks for her father, who’d entered the real estate business after he retired from the Army and now had several apartments scattered throughout Hope Mills and Fayetteville. Finally, after a long day at the office, she went home as late as possible and ate dinner. She’d shower and then she’d dream about Knox. Eventually, the next day would start and her routine began all over again.
There was the occasional call from Brandy, her little sister, where Ava would find something to talk about so that Bran would know she was doing okay. For her closest friend Jennifer's sake, Ava also went on the occasional girl’s night out, but she did so just to say she hadn’t become the dreaded cat lady. Ava never mentioned to her sister or best friend that she couldn’t sleep, and to her relief, they never asked.
This particular Sunday she had caught up on some paperwork for work and then walked the two miles from her downtown row home to her favorite restaurant for brunch. She expertly made her way past the military surplus store Knox had opened when he separated from the Army four months ago. This had also become a part of her regular routine, and she’d done a damn good job of avoiding him. But the moment she walked into the restaurant, she wished she had glanced a little harder at his store when she dashed by. Wished she’d looked up just long enough to see the CLOSED sign hanging on the front door. Because there he was, sitting at a corner table, reading a paper and drinking a cup of coffee.
Wearing jeans, a plain white T-shirt and day old stubble, with a baseball cap tucked over his unruly dark hair, his presence seemed to snuff all the air out of the room and her lungs. He was gorgeous. Tall, gorgeous and off-limits and she needed to get out of there before he noticed her. Even a short conversation with the man could possibly tear her apart even more, and that was the last thing she needed in her life when she was doing so very well with simply existing.
As she started to turn, she heard her name being called, and she cringed.
"Ava," Knox said, his voice deep and sexy, reminding her of everything she no longer had and what she missed. Her dreams didn’t do him or his voice justice.
“Dammit,” she muttered. So much for avoiding a horrible situation. Her legs felt numb as she slowly walked over to stand by his table. “Knox.” She fidgeted with the leather handle of her purse as she avoided his penetrating blue gaze. “What are you doing here? I … I thought you hated this place." In fact, she vividly remembered him complaining that all the food tasted like bacon grease.
He ignored her question as he gestured to the other chair. "Sit down with me for a little.” When she sat on the edge of the seat across from his, he continued, "How’ve you been?”
Who the hell was this guy? What happened to the curt man who avoided small talk like it was the plague? The Knox Matthews she had known for years, the one who’d lived across from their family when she was growing up?
She cleared her throat. "I’ve been … good."
"That's good, how’s your sister and your dad?"
"Both good," she whispered, still stunned that she was sitting across from him, pretending that everything was fine. Everything wasn’t fine, and it hadn’t been since the day he decided that he couldn’t trust her enough to stay with her. "I thought you hated this place, Knox."
"Things change,” he said. She knew that in the months since they fell apart, he’d returned from overseas, separated from the Army, and then opened his business, but she couldn’t help but wonder what else had changed for him. If there was someone else.
"You’re right." She knew it was probably her turn to ask a question but her eyes zeroed in on his hands. She always thought he had incredible hands, and even now, her skin burned as she remembered how his fingers and palms had felt against her body.
"How are things with you?" She ripped her gaze away from his long fingers and prayed like hell she wasn’t blushing from the intense memories that flooded her thoughts.
Knox glanced up into her gray eyes and lifted his broad shoulders. "Same as always."
Still untrusting and punishing every woman who walks into your life for your ex-wife’s mistakes?
She flicked her tongue over her lips. "Well, I guess not everything changes," she said and then twisted her lips into a slight smile. Gazing back into his blue eyes, she felt her heart twist. She was the closest she had been to him in months, and she still felt like they were oceans apart.
"Guess not."
"How are things at the store? Congratulations on that, by the way."
"Fine and thank you. People always need new patches and boots. You should stop by sometime."
"Maybe,” she said, knowing in her heart that she would probably never step foot in his shop. She started to stand up. "Look, I should probably be going. I know you probably want to finish reading your paper and—"
He covered her wrist with his hand, launching her heart into her throat as he peered up at her. "You’re not bothering me.”
"Yeah, well I should probably get home. I’ve got a few things I need to take care of before work tomorrow.”
“You’re not eating?”
“Not hungry,” she said.
“Aves, you just got here.”
“I promise I’m not hungry.” As if in protest, her stomach growled.
“Did you drive?”
“I walked.”
Releasing her wrist, he folded the newspaper and then reached into his back pocket for his wallet. "I was about to head out, let me take you home."
There was a moment of hesitation and then, looking away from him, she softly whispered, "Okay.”
Chapter Two
They were silent during the four-minute drive to her place. Ava wasn't sure why she had agreed to let him take her home—all she knew was that the tension between them was suffocating. It was a friction that could not be stopped with mere words, so she knew it was better for her not to speak.
Hell, she didn’t even breathe as she sat as close as possible to the passenger door.
When he offered to walk her to the front door of her house, her hands shook so violently she nearly dropped her keys twice. She could feel his blue eyes burning into the side of her face, and it
sent her pulse into overdrive. Made her feel stripped to his gaze. Finally managing to open her door, she faced him with the ghost of a smile. Her chest expanded when he returned the expression, the corners of his eyes crinkling like they used to when he laughed at her corny jokes.
She’d missed that smile of his.
"Thanks for the ride.” She bit her bottom lip until she tasted copper. “Knox, I—”
But before she could say another word, his lips were on hers, covering the spot her teeth had just assaulted. They stumbled into her foyer, his hands cupping her face and her fingers buried in the back pockets of his jeans. She was barely aware that he closed the door behind them, but a second later he had her pinned up against it, his mouth hungrily exploring hers. In the back of her mind she knew that letting this continue was a horrible idea—that it was the perfect route to heartbreak—but Knox’s hands and mouth and scent made her feel.
Made her want.
His baseball cap was the first thing to hit the plush carpet beneath their feet. Then his white T-shirt followed by his shoes and jeans and her blouse. She tried to gather some sense of giving a damn when he broke one of the clasps of her bra, but once she felt his tongue skimming her nipples, everything else was forgotten. Pushing her hands over her head, he pressed her up against the door again. She released a sigh and arched her body against his, feeling his erection against her stomach.
“Goddamn, I’d forgotten how perfect you taste, Ava,” he breathed against her skin. “I’d forgotten what you do to me. Forgotten how incredible you felt in my hands.”
She shivered at his words. "The bedroom?"
He looked up from where he was planting a hot trail of kisses over her breasts. "No." Releasing her hands, he bunched her skirt around her hips and lifted her. “I need this—you—right now.”
"The couch?"
"No, beautiful," he whispered as he moved her panties aside. Her breath caught in her throat when his knuckles skimmed her bare flesh, moving in tiny circles that made her vision go hazy. “I need you now.”