by Emily Snow
"We shouldn’t be doing this,” she said weakly.
“Do you want me to stop?” he rasped in her ear, and she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. “Is that what you want, Ava?”
“Never,” she said, and he responded immediately, thrusting himself inside of her, drawing a deep moan from the back of her throat. He felt too good, too right, for her to ask him to stop. He pumped his hips against hers, filling her completely.
“You feel perfect,” he growled against her temple.
“So do you.”
She brought his mouth to hers, releasing a small sound of pleasure when his tongue parted her lips. She felt the door knocking against her shoulder blades and the small of her back as their bodies collided. Felt his heartbeat against her chest and heard her own thundering in her ears. When the waves of her climax slammed into her, she tightened her legs around his waist and dug her fingernails into his shoulders. A moment later, he let himself go, dropping his forehead to the crook of her neck as they held on to each other, their breathing ragged.
After what felt like an eternity, Knox untangled himself from her body. Letting her skirt fall back in place, she slid down the door and to the floor, her heart racing impossibly faster when he sat down beside her and covered her shaking hand with his.
"Wow," she finally whispered. She looked over to find his attention firmly focused on the edge of the coffee table in her living room, and she felt her heart sink.
Oh god, here it comes.
"Ava, I—" he began, but she wasn’t ready to hear him admit that it was a mistake. Hearing him say that would tear her down and she didn’t want that. Not now and probably not ever.
"Knox, I know.” She scooted away from him, putting a few inches of space between their bodies. She pulled her hand from beneath his and clenched it to her chest, as if his touch had scalded her.
He stood and began to gather his clothes from where they’d fallen in the foyer. She watched him, tracing her gaze over his tattoos and scars, feeling a lump form bigger and bigger in the back of her throat with each article of clothing that he placed over his muscular body. "You probably want me to go," he said gruffly as he zipped his jeans.
No, I want you to stay. She didn't want him to go home. She had never wanted him to go, but he hadn’t trusted her enough to stay.
As he stood before her, fully clothed, she suddenly felt exposed and more vulnerable than she’d ever felt in her entire twenty-eight years. Her legs were wobbly as she climbed to her feet, and she turned her back to him as she pulled on her blouse so he wouldn’t see that she was shaking. She faced the stairs for several moments before she finally found the strength to look at him again.
He was staring back at her, his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, the look in his blue eyes unreadable. She took a deep breath, hoping it would keep her from crumbling.
"I’ve got to get back to the store.” He moved one step in her direction, and she found herself bobbing her head up and down.
"I know you have to go.” She hugged her arms around herself when he froze and squeezed herself even tighter when he turned away from her to open the front door. “Goodbye, Knox.”
She noticed the muscles in his shoulders were taut when he looked back at her. "God, Aves, I wish….”
But his voice trailed off, leaving her to cope with her own wishes. That things had gone different. That there was still the possibility of a future between them without him worrying that she was the type of woman his ex had been.
"Thank you again. For bringing me home, Knox,” she whispered numbly.
For a second, he simply stared at her and then, at last, he gave her a brisk nod. The door closed and even though it wasn’t a slam, Ava still felt her heart jump.
Chapter Three
Rolling over to her side of his bed, Ava inhaled the woodsy scent of his cologne from the pillow beneath her head. “Dear god,” she mouthed, squeezing her eyes closed. It had happened again. She and Knox had happened again. She had already accepted that what occurred between them last Sunday in her foyer was a one-time thing. One final, sexy moment together before they officially went their separate ways, but she’d been wrong. So wrong that she was now in his bed, completely naked with one of his strong legs draped over hers.
After a year apart, it truly seemed that nothing had changed between her and Knox Matthews. She was starting to believe that the only solution would be putting a few hundred miles between them, and even then, she’d likely run into him at some weird place and start this mess all over again. They were like fire and gasoline, catching fire the moment they came in contact. This time, they’d met at a grocery store, of all the damn places to pick up an ex.
When she ran into him a few hours earlier, she had silently cursed whatever cruel twist of fate had sent them colliding with each other again in less than a seven-day period. She had tried like hell to pretend his presence didn’t affect her. To pretend they hadn’t had sex against her front door just last week and that looking at him didn’t send shivers down her spine because she certainly didn’t remember the way he’d brought her to a mind-blowing orgasm in record time the last time she saw him. But her heart had beat so loudly she couldn’t seem to hear what he was saying to her as he stepped behind her in the self-checkout line.
Now, she tried to remember how they ended up in his apartment. She knew that when the sound of her heartbeat died away, she had asked him how he’d been and he’d responded that he was fine. She had purchased her items—chips and salsa complete with a box of wine because it was Friday night, and what better way to celebrate the start of the weekend than guzzling cheap wine and watching B-list romance movies on Netflix? But somehow, they had left the store side by side. When he walked her to her car, Ava realized she didn’t want to go home alone. In fact, she hadn’t wanted to go home at all. Thinking back, she couldn't exactly recall what she had said next, but ten minutes later, they were at his place. In his bed. All over each other.
Dammit.
*
For the second time in less than a week, Knox was at a complete loss for words. How the fuck had this happened again? Of course, it had been incredible. Just about everything about Ava Lowry was pretty damn incredible, but making love to her every time they met wasn’t fair to either of them. After last week, he had gone back to his store hating himself because the little voice in the back of his head kept reminding him how stupid he had been to give her up last year.
He had first met Ava after his father PCSd to Fort Bragg when Knox was a freshman in high school, moving their family across the street from the Lowry family. While she was a year younger, they’d quickly become friends, bonding over the fact that both of their mothers had passed away and that they’d both lived more places before the age of sixteen than most middle-aged adults. Ava Lowry had been one of the most beautiful girls he’d ever seen but Knox never considered crossing the line with her. She was like family.
She had gone on to college at the same time he enlisted, and by the time she graduated, he was already engaged to Nadia. Though she mostly stayed away for the next few years, it was Ava who had pulled him out of his drunken stupor when his ex-wife had finally fucked him over. When he and Ava made the transition from close friends to lovers a year after his divorce was finalized, he knew that it might not last.
Then again, he also knew that if he and Ava were still together, he wouldn’t have the awful ache that settled over his chest whenever he thought of her.
The same ache that had led him to let her go.
He’d been so haunted by what Nadia had done to him during his first deployment that it was all he could think of while he was separated from Ava. Coming home to find that the woman he was crazy about—the beautiful gray-eyed girl he’d known most of his life—had either fallen in love with someone else or had gotten pregnant by another man, like his ex-wife had done. He hadn’t wanted to face that disappointment or heartbreak, so he’d told her he couldn’t be in a committed relations
hip. Not when there were thousands of miles between them. When she said she couldn’t and wouldn’t wait for him to get over his past … well, it had made his decision easier.
At least, until he saw her last week.
The moment she stepped into that restaurant all reason flew out the window and all he could see was a halo of golden hair, big gray eyes that still haunted his dreams, and soft curves and skin that his hands ached to touch. All he could think about was how much he’d missed her.
How much he missed moments like this where they’d lie in the darkness, her body pressed against his, her fingers reaching out to touch him.
Closing his eyes, he breathed her in.
*
"Knox," Ava whispered, placing her hand over his leg. Her fingers skimmed the scar on his thigh and she felt his muscle jerk beneath her fingertips. They needed to talk, and even though she knew how much he hated sorting through feelings and digging up the past, it was something that needed to be done. “Knox?”
When the room remained quiet, she slowly rolled over to get a good look at him. He was fast asleep, his bronze features worked into a grimace, and she couldn’t resist stroking her thumb over his cheek. She hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep.
“Knox,” she whispered once more. She sucked in a harsh breath when his hand crept up to rest on the curve of her hip, gripping it possessively like he didn’t want to let her go. She didn’t want him to. She wanted to stay with him. She wanted to spend the night and in the morning, she wanted to talk to him. But she also knew that she needed to go so she could guard herself and her heart from whatever might come from that talk.
It was that need to protect herself that helped her make up her mind.
“I love you,” she said softly as she slipped out of his grip and got dressed to begin the short drive of shame back to her own place.
Chapter Four
"Know what we haven’t done in forever?" Jennifer asked as she sat down in the seat reserved for clients in Ava’s office. She propped one foot on the desk, and Ava prayed her father was really gone for the day as she tried her hardest to return her best friend’s positive expression.
“What’s that?”
Jenn leaned forward, plucked a starlight mint out of the candy jar and started to slowly unwrap it. "Talked. You know, catching up. Discussing our lives. Filling each other in on what’s going on. That sort of thing.”
"I guess." Ava swatted the bottom of her best friend’s shoe. “My dad will shit a brick if he comes back in and sees your feet on the desk.”
"The good Colonel Lowry wouldn’t dare make a pregnant woman give up her only source of relaxation, would he?" she demanded, splaying her palms over her rounded stomach to prove her point. When Ava gave her a look, she sighed and planted her feet firmly on the floor. She popped the mint into her mouth and threw the crumbled wrapper in the wastebasket. “Your dad is no fun. So … what’s been going on? It feels like it’s been forever since we caught up.”
“We talked on the phone just last night,” Ava responded dryly as she rolled her chair to the filing cabinet and put a contract in the correct drawer. “Does that not count as discussing our lives and filling each other in on what’s going on?”
"But….” Jennifer sighed.
"But what?” She returned to her desk and focused her attention on the paperclip dispenser, trying like hell to avoid her best friend’s sharp gaze. She knew that if she met Jenn’s dark stare, she’d have no other choice but to reveal that she’d slept with Knox not once but twice in the last ten days. “I don't really know what you want me to say."
"You tell me. I just thought that maybe—just maybe—you might have something you wanted to talk about. You know, to get things off your chest." Jennifer grabbed another mint. “These things are disgustingly addictive. But back to what we were talking about—I always feel better when I talk about things, and I’ve been told that I am a bomb ass listener. So, what’s going on in your life, friend?”
Ava’s heart slammed against her ribcage. Was it that obvious that she needed to confide in someone about Knox? She had considered bringing him up when they spoke the night before, but she quickly changed her mind. The last thing she wanted was for Jennifer to pity her for entering into an exes-with-benefits situation with Knox.
"Well, my dad is thinking about buying a new apartment complex in Spring Lake,” she said carefully. “Ohh, and Brandy is considering doing the summer semester at Wake Forest." Talking about her father and sister always seemed to be a safe diversion tactic, but today, Jennifer didn’t look convinced as she raced her hand through her short cap of black hair.
"Give Brandy my love when you talk to her and your dad’s already got like a bazillion apartments. So … anything new that’s not about your dad or sister?”
"Not that I can think of.”
Jenn twisted her lips to the side and stared at her friend for a long time before she finally lifted her eyebrow and firmly said, “I call bullshit.” When Ava blinked, she continued, “You and Knox Matthews. Spill it.”
“What?” Ava breathed.
“Don’t what me, Ava Lowry. You and Mr. Tall, Dark, and Tattooed. I saw for my own eyes so you can’t deny it.”
"You saw us?” Ava squeaked, her brain struggling to figure out where exactly Jennifer had witnessed them together. She couldn't have seen them last Friday since nothing had happened until they were safely in Knox’s apartment and they’d also taken separate cars back to his place. But, that first time had been during daylight hours. Jennifer might have seen him driving her home or even leaving the restaurant. “Where? At the restaurant?”
“At the restaurant?” Jennifer shook her head in disbelief. “Damn, I am so far behind now that I didn’t even know there was something dealing with a restaurant. Jesus, woman, how long have you two been seeing each other again?”
"We aren’t seeing each other.”
Jennifer massaged the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "Okay, I’m dying here. Can you please tell me what’s going on?”
"First and foremost, where did you see me and Knox?”
"I didn't see you and Knox. I saw him. Last night at Wally World a couple hours after we hung up. I couldn’t sleep, so I ran out to buy some tea and ended up getting a cartful because, you know, it’s Walmart. I ran into Knox, so we stopped and talked for a bit. He asked me if you’d said anything about the other night, and of course I’m standing there asking myself what the hell is he talking about. Now you tell me you aren't together but that something happened at a restaurant. I’m so lost its not even funny."
Ava frowned at her closest friend in the world. “It’s complicated.”
“And I have plenty of time. If you want to talk, you know I’m always here for you and there’s no way in hell I’m going to judge you for whatever you did at whatever restaurant. As long as it’s not in a booth I use, that is.”
Releasing a soft laugh, Ava felt her shoulders sag in relief as she began to explain everything that had happened in the last ten days. Once she was finished, she didn't know whether to sob on Jennifer's shoulder or laugh again. Instead, she buried her face in her hands for a moment before shoving her blond hair away from her face.
"Well, damn,” Jennifer murmured. She sat back in her chair, her eyes wide as she softly tapped her fingers on her stomach. “My mind is blown.” To emphasize her point, she spread her fingers wide and made a firework noise.
"You’re not the only one.”
"So is he regretting that he lumped you in with Nadia—who’s a shitty person, by the way—and just assumed that he couldn’t trust you because you have a vagina and breasts?”
“I have no idea. All I know is that I felt awful. Like maybe I could’ve done more to prevent us from ending up like … this.”
"Okay, stop right there. What happened is absolutely not your fault. You did everything you could to reassure him you’re not a cheater.” Jennifer bit the tip of one of her fingernails. “Who knows,
maybe this is his way of trying to reconcile with you.”
"Some reconciliation,” Ava muttered.
"Obviously I don’t know the man nearly as well as you do, but aren’t you the one who has always said that Knox is a man of few words and many, many confusing actions?”
"Well, yes, but I don’t want those many, many confusing actions to end up breaking my heart. I was able to avoid the man for months and then the moment he walks back into my life I fall all over myself again. What does that say about me?”
Jennifer rolled her dark eyes. “Um, that you’re human. And that you obviously care about him.”
“I still feel like an idiot.”
"Then you need to talk to him and let him know how you feel. It’s better to get things out there in the open so you can move forward. Trust me, he’s torn up about what’s happening between the two of you too.”
"How do you know that?” Ava whispered, and Jennifer leaned forward to touch her hand.
"Because I know love when I see it. I’ve been truly, madly, deeply in love twice. And that man—with all his faults and insecurities—is crazy about you.”
* * *
Chapter Five
The late spring night was warm and muggy as Ava made her way toward Knox’s shop ten minutes before closing time a few days later. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she gazed inside, where she immediately spotted him organizing items on a shelf. Dressed in his usual attire of jeans and a plain green T-shirt, he appeared to be well-rested and just … well. Realizing that she was the complete opposite, especially thanks to the last couple weeks, her stomach tangled into hundreds of knots.
Is it affecting him even half as much as it’s hurting me to do this?
She knew she needed to march in that store and confront him about what had happened between them. Their little game of running into each other and ending up naked was bound to continue, and she absolutely couldn’t keep it up, not if she wanted to maintain her sanity and her dignity. Still, she wasn't one hundred percent positive she had the strength to say what needed to be said without getting caught up in the gorgeous man she was saying those words to. The last thing she wanted was another sexident, the word Jennifer had started using to refer to her “accidental” hookups with Knox Matthews.