FATED

by Roberts, A. S

  It made me so angry with myself.

  Why should the feeling of complete joy and excitement be so hard to take pleasure in? Somehow my subconscious always brought me back down on my arse, back down to relive previous pain. The trouble was, when all your life you have been fighting for acceptance, fighting to be loved and cared for, by the very people who should love and care for you by automatic default... it leaves a wide open chasm deep inside you. A chasm that constantly has to be plastered up. When you are never given acknowledgement that people love you, that the ones who should be closest to you are proud of you, or would walk on hot coals for you, very easily the plasters start to unpeel, almost like they have lost their sticky quality.

  The wound inside me had begun to feel open and exposed. Probably because I was opening myself up to Alex.

  I felt laid bare.

  I felt vulnerable.

  I felt defenceless.

  I wanted these thoughts to go away; this was a happy room full of people that cared for me. But no matter how I fought to reason with my own thoughts, I couldn’t stop the negative thinking. The beautiful man in front of me had told me he loved me. He had done everything in our very short time together to show me his true feelings, with his words, actions and that fantastic body of his.

  But why, when a striking, powerful man like him could have anyone, why would he have chosen me?

  I had always struggled to accept the unconditional love my aunt, uncle and JJ had given to me. It had taken years to accept they loved me for me. Years to accept I was worthy of such love. They didn’t love me for what I could do for them, they just loved... ME.

  I glanced again from my almost foetal position and found myself staring into Alex’s deep pools. How long he had been carefully observing me, I didn’t know. I could see his concern for me though. Almost as if he was able to read my mind. He patted his lap for me to go over, and I did so with no hesitation what so ever. I slid onto his large lap, feet on one leg and bottom on the other. I tucked myself up in a ball under his chin and placed my arms around his back. He in turn put his long arms around me completely, almost as if he knew I felt the need for his protection. I breathed in the smell of him and started to feel at ease. I could hear the groan of the old settee under both of our weights; somehow its old robustness was comforting. The steady rhythm of the heart that I loved so much began to erase the negative, worrying thoughts away. I really had to learn to go with the flow and accept things at face value.

  ‘I can hear those fucking cogs in your head whirring again, Frankie.’ He had moved his head down next to mine and softly spoke into my ear.

  ‘Give yourself to me, Frankie; I WILL take care of you.’ I lifted my head to find his lips with my own. Shifting my body’s coiled up position; I lifted my hands up to his face. My fingers were now holding his face to mine in the desperation to get close enough to him. Each fingertip was reacting to the sensation of his stubble beneath it.

  Who knew? Just the feeling of his scruff beneath my hands was enough to start my whole body yearning for his. In turn I could feel his cock starting to grow.

  ‘Hey, Dude, this is so not cool, you know,’ Nathan butted in, ‘as much as I’m willing to watch a little porn here and there, okay I’ll rephrase that, a lot of porn! I am not goddamn willing to watch my brother give his girlfriend one! Been there... you get the picture.’ I heard him start to stand up out of his seat. ‘Before you two carry on I think I’ll call it a night and get sleeping beauty over there to bed.’

  I broke off our kiss now and stared into Alex’s eyes, just searching for any reason why I shouldn’t trust him wholeheartedly. In turn he stared so directly and pointedly into mine, almost as if he knew what I was checking for. I was relieved when I couldn’t find a reason. With a smile Alex moved out from underneath me.

  Whilst Alex helped Nathan get Bella to bed, I moved to the floor and sat myself up as close as I could to the wood burner, waiting for him to return. I watched the flames consuming the wood and I tried to will them to destroy my negative thoughts.

  ‘I should get Scotty to paint you; you are a vision sitting there cross legged on the floor. The light of the fire, reflected in your eyes, the heat of the fire, causing the flush on your cheeks. I love you, baby... so much... You take my fucking breath away.’

  As I looked up I found him staring at me from the open doorway. He had both hands up above his head, holding on to the door frame. It caused his body to lean slightly forward. His T-shirt had risen up and it had left the top of his belted jeans, exposing the start of his perfect V and the bottom of his abs. He was so tall and broad he literally filled the whole of the void.

  I take his breath away? He was perfection, from the scruff on his face and flopped over mussed up hair, to his always bare feet.

  ‘You said you’re not good with words?’ I questioned him and smiled at his unmoving figure. ‘That sounded bloody fantastic to me.’ I watched as his lithe body slowly made its way to me, stopping on the way to turn up the music on the iPod that had been playing in the background all evening.

  He stopped to one side of me, offering his hand out. ‘Dance with me... Frankie.’

  I stood and was immediately pulled into his body. Our bodies fitted together like they had been cast from the same mould and just been split into two. He held on to me like he couldn’t get close enough of me. Listening I could just about make out the song playing was. The One-Kodaline

  We began to slowly move around and he started to sing softly into my ear. The words couldn’t be more relevant. He interspersed soft gentle kisses on my earlobe and just beneath it, on my neck. I felt a million miles away from anywhere and anybody else. I couldn’t believe I felt this close to another human being and a gorgeous one at that. Right at that minute I became conscious that I trusted him with my whole being and for possibly only the second time in my life I felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be. I placed my arms up under his armpits and clasped tightly to his shoulders and closed my eyes.

  We danced together, in just the muted light of the fire. Several songs later he pulled me down in front of the log burner. We went down gently together onto the rug. Tenderly my clothes were removed by his hands. Every piece of my flesh that he uncovered was licked, tasted, stroked and caressed. I had never been so aware of every hair on my body, every undulation on my skin. My senses had been heightened to an almost painful precipice. I loved the rough calluses on his fingers and palms; I could not get enough of his touch. His touch was fast becoming everything I wanted and desired. A feeling of desperation began to course up and down my body. Unwittingly I tried to manoeuvre various parts of my body into his hands, but with no luck as he kept me in place with his legs and his body weight. It seemed like it took him forever to remove all of my clothing. When finally he had me naked, I looked up at him through lust filled eyes, and I comprehended that Alex was looking at me as though he had never seen me before. I was kissed and touched to the point of incineration beneath him. When finally he brought me to orgasm, using only his hand, I came with my eyes wide open and staring into his beautiful eyes. No words were needed. The way he made love to me showed me everything I needed to know.

  Thirty

  The world must be bright this morning. The white voiles did noth

  ing to keep out the daylight. The beautiful bedroom I stayed in last night was almost bathed in white light. My senses began to come to. The movement that Alex was making obviously disturbing me.

  ‘OH SHIT,’ I sat up in bed abruptly.

  A loud chuckle came from the gorgeous man by my side. He was looking up at me from his apparently comfy position when sleeping, laid out on his front, with both arms up, underneath his pillow. He was completely mesmerising. Hair tousled, sleepy but with still sparkling eyes and extra scruff on his face. I was sure it would be a beard by the time we got back to NYC.

  ‘
JESUS CHRIST! Here I go again; I am not going to look at you. I have things that need doing today and it looks like I’m already late. Stop looking at me! I have to get cooking.’ My ranting and then throwing myself out of bed, was obviously completely entertaining as he had turned now on his side, head up on his bent arm, a beautiful smirk all over his face.

  ‘Frankie, it’s actually only 6.30am, quite early. I have just put the turkey in the oven. Yes, even I can just about fucking manage that. The reason it looks later is we had a very light fall of snow last night, its reflection has lightened up the early morning.’

  I found myself moving quickly to the large windows.

  I FLOVE snow!

  It was true the world outside had, had a very light dusting. It wasn’t enough to sledge or build a snowman or anything like that. The light dusting however was enough to make the outside look like a Christmas card picture. The tops of the trees looked like they had had a shaker of icing sugar all over them. It made a beautiful silent image. Alex growled suddenly. The noise made me spin around on the balls of my feet.

  ‘Did you growl at me?’ For effect I placed my hands on my hips, but my face broke into a huge smile. I emerged from my position, half in and half out of the voiles.

  ‘Do you have any idea what you look like stood there? Bathed in the white light from the window, with those fucking curtain things draped over your smooth skin. You look like every boy’s fucking wet dream, an image that I would gladly wank to, even at my age.’ With a smirk on his face he purposefully and slowly pushed the overly wadded quilt down his naked form to reveal his erect cock.

  I just couldn’t help myself. I crawled back up the bed, trying to do the best seductive prowl on all fours. It was all I could do to repress the laughter inside me. I bet I looked like a complete bloody idiot. Although, checking him out now, utterly exposed on the bed, I could see his eyes had begun to dilate, and that clever tongue of his had just flicked out quickly to wet his lips. I had very quickly learnt that both of these were a couple of his tells. I settled down on top of his lush body and began to kiss him. He didn’t try to take over like most of the other times when we had kissed. I was just allowed to take control, something I know he didn’t find easy. As his arms started to encircle me I allowed myself to be held for a short time. Then by just breaking our kiss slightly I uttered, ‘Uh, uh.’ I took his hands and pushed them up over his head. I tried to hold his huge wrists with one of my hands. It was pretty unsuccessful, but he played along. I sat up, on top of his hot erection and nestled my wet pussy down onto him. He closed his eyes briefly.

  ‘That is the very fucking place I need to be now, baby.’ He wriggled his hips slightly, trying to get deeper into my wet folds. I knew that it was now or never and I sprung up off him and the bed so quickly. Only four large steps and I pushed my back to the en-suite door as I locked it in place. My heart was beating like a wild animal. I glanced down at my clothes laid carefully over the chair in here. Luckily in my preparation last night I decided that getting up early to cook would mean an early shower. The door banged behind me. And my heart flew into my mouth. I placed my hand over my mouth to stop any noise coming out.

  ‘What game are you playing, baby?’ I could tell he wasn’t too mad by his tone of voice. I didn’t answer.

  ‘I could fucking break down the door, you know? Is that what you want?’

  Oh crap, crap, crap. I hadn’t thought of that in the few seconds I had run this through in my head. I silently shuffled away from the door. In my cowardice I was still not answering. This was better than any cardio exercise I had ever done before, my heart was pounding.

  ‘I could probably break the fucking thing down using my cock alone. It’s so hard now! This game you’re playing is making me as hard as steel. My hand has never felt so good. Sliding up and down my pussy wet cock. I know you can hear me, baby?’

  Unknowingly I was back against the door now, trying to make out the tiniest of sounds coming from the man on the other side.

  Bugger the bloody door why didn’t it have an old fashioned key hole?

  The realisation that my own game was backfiring on me came when I heard his breathing start to accelerate; he was only strokes away from completion and moisture started to pool at the top of my legs. I was that desperate to hear the sound of his orgasm. Suddenly there were no more sounds to be heard.

  ‘Anticipation, Alex... anticipation.’ I felt almost stupid saying the words. I was now in a worse state than him.

  A few seconds passed until he spoke again. The familiar deep voice that had dropped again in his lust filled state.

  ‘I see, that’s the game we’re playing, baby. Until later then... when you’re gonna be begging me to tie you to the four poster. Playing with fire, baby, is gonna get you burnt.’ I could almost hear the chuckle in his voice. He was moving away from the door as his voice was sounding less effective. His laugh was still coming through to me though. I didn’t move until I heard him leave the bedroom.

  ‘Ok, Frankie... I’m heading off into the gym. I’ve left breakfast for you in the fridge.’

  I managed to shout out a very weak ‘thanks,’ and was rewarded by his laugh. This game of mine had seriously bloody backfired! Half of me was pleased; the other half was mildly terrified.

  Finally I was reading the book I had been waiting to get into. Or at the very least, I hoped that was the impression I was giving off.

  The other three were in the kitchen tidying up after our Thanksgiving dinner. I was sneaking peaks at them all, moving around each other, clearing plates, stacking the dish washer. I didn’t go near those things, once bitten, twice shy. I was really pleased with how the dinner had gone. The boys had even had seconds and some dishes had even warranted thirds apparently. I didn’t know where the hell they put it. Against tradition I had created a mixture of an English Christmas dinner and a traditional American Thanksgiving. We had turkey and cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, sage and onion stuffing, vegetables, green bean casserole, which I didn’t think was quite right, but they were too polite to comment, roast potatoes and pigs in blankets. Followed by a wonderfully, delicious, homemade pumpkin pie. Mrs. Goldberg was clearly a bloody good cook. A smile came to my face when I remembered Nathan picking up a pig in blanket and examining it closely. A very serious expression on his face when he had asked exactly why it was us English liked eating small penises. That being said after he tasted one, he devoured more and more. Bella had slapped him when he announced at the end of the meal, that his tastes were changing now and he clearly was now heavily into cock.

  I could feel Alex looking at me again; I had begun to recognise the instant effect he had over my body, whether from a glance, the briefest of touches, or his eyes connecting with mine. Everything he did turned me into a ball of lust, it seemed. To be quite honest the end of the day couldn’t come quick enough. I in turn had watched him do everything today; I couldn’t turn my eyes away from him. My “game” this morning had bloody well not gone as planned and everything below my waist ached for him. He knew, the bastard, which was what he obviously meant by playing with fire, could I have ever thought in my inexperience, that I was going to get the upper hand? Even in my aching state though, it had to be said it was bloody fun trying. I was sure he had dressed deliberately too. He was in sweat shorts. They hung low of course and every time he moved I was greeted with peek-a-boo of his abs and his happy trail. The T-shirt had turn ups on the sleeves and I had been enthralled earlier, just watching his muscles flex. My gaze had drifted to him again and I watched him stretch to put the plates away. As he turned back I made sure my gaze left him.

  ‘Seriously, Frankie, you need to reel your eyes in girl... they look like they are on bloody stalks. You’re even making me feel uncomfortable and as you know that’s genuinely saying something.’ I raised my eyes to Bella’s teasing ones and smiled.

  ‘And you, big boy,�
�� she had placed her hand on Alex’s shoulder now, ‘stop parading around in front of her, she’s beginning to dribble.’ I shook my head at her as they all laughed and finished up what they were doing. Slowly they began to filter back to the seating area.

  ‘Ok I’ve got a plan,’ Bella announced. Settling herself on the settee, as close to Nathan as she could get without inflicting pain on him. They were so good together ‘This evening we are going to play truth or dare, after having a few drinks of course. What do you say?’ She looked at each one of us in turn.

  ‘Sounds good to me, darlin... keep the drinks flowing and I’ll play along.’ He was stroking her hair now. They both had it bad. I recognised it and so did Alex, but I was really not sure Bella and Nathan recognised it, or maybe it was because they didn’t want to?

  The sound of Alex’s iPhone broke me out of my thoughts. My eyes darted over to him. He had been padding his bare feet over to me, but he stopped abruptly after casting his eyes down to see who was calling. A loud sigh escaped those heart shaped lips and he ran a quick hand through his hair.

  ‘Ok guys, I need to take this, so I’m just going to step outside. I’m definitely up for the game; Bella... mines a whisky please.’ He winked at me before turning around and making his way down to the back corridors.

  ‘Hi, Ruby... Ok?’ Was all I heard before he was too far away to make anything else out.

  I met Nathan’s strained look? I proceeded to look back at my Kindle. That was somewhat strange?

  Thirty-One

  Alex