Home All Along

by Beth Wiseman

  She’d overcome one hurdle after another, and bouncing back hadn’t been easy for Charlotte, but over time Daniel had watched her grow into the woman she was meant to be. The woman for him.

  Andrea kicked off her shoes by the door, leaving them next to a bag full of trash that needed to be carried to the Dumpster. She hoisted Bella up on her hip and kissed her on the cheek. Her daughter clutched the Hello Kitty purse Andrea had gotten her the week before at a yard sale. She’d only paid a quarter for the purse, and she filled it with thirty pennies. Bella took the purse everywhere. Maybe at eighteen months her daughter already understood the importance of money.

  “Thanks for paying Penny, Blake. I think she charges too much, but Bella likes her and she’s good with Bella.”

  “Well, the movie was stupid, so I hope the money for that and the sitter was worth it.” Blake pushed a giraffe scooter out of the way with his foot as he made his way toward the kitchen in their small apartment, stomping on a roach with enough force to ensure it was flattened against the yellowing linoleum. “We gotta get out of this roach motel.”

  Andrea set Bella in the playpen. “Yeah, well, we need jobs to get a better place.”

  Blake pulled a beer from the refrigerator. “I gotta pick up Randy at the airport.” He shook his head, frowning. “Then it’s back to driving my tank of a car. I gotta return his jacket too.”

  “Well, it was fun having nice wheels for a couple of days.” Andrea plopped down on the worn blue couch, careful to miss the spring almost poking through on one side. She glanced toward the middle of the floor where a package of diapers and some baby wipes lay, hoping she had enough diapers to get by until tomorrow.

  Blake came into the small living room and stared at her. “I still don’t get why we had to go through that charade for your sister.” He took another swig of beer, then shrugged. “Then you barely talked to her.”

  Andrea clinched her fists in her lap. “She never even tried to find me!”

  “Didn’t you hear what she said? She just recently remembered you even existed.” Blake picked up Bella when she started to cry, laid her down on the floor next to the diapers, and proceeded to pull down her pink pants. For someone who wasn’t always a great boyfriend or Bella’s father, he’d been decent to Bella. Then she started to scream.

  “She’s cold. And you can’t just lay her on the tile floor, it’s hard. Use a blanket or something.” Andrea closed her eyes as Bella started to really wail. With a loud sigh she leaned her head back against the couch. She loved her daughter, but sometimes Andrea wished she had the freedom to just take a nap at will.

  “I don’t think you should be telling me how to take care of Bella since you wouldn’t even get up to change her diaper.” He put the new diaper under the baby, carelessly sprinkled some baby powder, and got Bella’s bottoms back on. “You’re a crappy mother, Andy.”

  “I’ve told you before not to call me that. And I’m not a crappy mother! I didn’t know she was wet.” When Blake wanted to hurt her, he tossed out the bad mother stuff. Andrea knew she wasn’t perfect. She hadn’t had very good teachers. But she’d taken care of Bella the best she could. After he finished the diaper change, Andrea cursed at him. “Just get out!”

  “Gladly.” He put Bella back in the playpen, still screaming. His face turned red as his jaw clenched. “You know, I was hoping you’d make some sort of connection with your sister, but instead you tell her about your wonderful life and parents—all a bunch of bull. Why didn’t you tell her the truth? It didn’t sound like she had an easy go of it either. Maybe she’d have thrown her little sister some cash, and we could have looked for a better place.”

  “Quit defending her. I doubt her life was anything as bad as mine.”

  “Well, you’ll never know, I guess. I’m just glad you didn’t really spend money to find out about your past and instead researched your family on your own. But I guess that little add-on lie just amped up your fake status at the moment. You’re a piece of work, Andrea.” He shook his head as he moved toward the front door, kicking the package of diapers on the way as he swigged the beer, then nodded at Bella. “Try taking care of your daughter.”

  I do take care of her. Andrea held her breath as he slammed the door and disappeared. Though no one ever takes care of me. She heard the gentle hum of the Lexus as Blake started it up. What would it be like to actually own a car like that? But Andrea would be happy with any car.

  She tuned out Bella’s crying. Maybe she’d made a mistake by tossing her sister to the curb. Maybe Blake was right. Her sister had been dressed in nice clothes at the funeral, probably not borrowed duds like Andrea’s. She glanced around the apartment she could barely afford on government assistance. Charlotte had a job at a newspaper. What kind of money did she make?

  Her gaze drifted to the front door. Andrea always wondered if Blake would come back, and so far, he had. Sometimes she picked a fight just to test him. One day, he won’t come back. Everyone eventually left her.

  Andrea picked up Bella and carried her back to the couch with her. She slouched into the seat with her baby still sobbing on her lap. Andrea rubbed Bella’s back, trying to console her but was unsuccessful.

  After a few seconds Bella’s sobs grew louder. Andrea closed her eyes and cried along with her daughter.

  Charlotte waited at the pizzeria for Daniel. He’d called her last night, and they’d agreed to meet for lunch. She’d gotten there early and used the time to proofread a project she hadn’t been able to finish at work.

  “Wie bischt?”

  Charlotte looked up as Daniel slid into the bench seat across from her. She’d already ordered him a sweet tea. “Hey.” She smiled, hoping he could just enjoy their time together and not question her about the future.

  “You look pretty.” He winked at her. “I’ve missed you this week.”

  She pushed her dark hair behind her ears, wishing she could lean over and kiss him across the table, but she knew better. Local eyes were all around them, and even most tourists visiting Paradise would find it odd for an English woman to show outward affection to an Amish man.

  “I’ve missed you too.” She sipped her Diet Coke from a straw.

  “What’s that?” He took off his hat and put it on the seat beside him as he nodded at the paperwork in front of her.

  “An obituary I brought from work to finish proofreading. The woman lived to be 106, raised four children, had eleven grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren.” She eyed the woman’s name in the headline—Lucille McAdams. “How wonderful that must feel to have lived such a long and full life, surrounded by such a big family.”

  Daniel leaned back and stared at her. “We can have a full life too.”

  Charlotte looked down for a few seconds. When she looked up, she said, “You know how I feel about you, right?”

  Daniel nodded once. “Ya.”

  “And I’ve been making lots of progress with my new therapist, though I don’t see her as often as I probably should.” She bit her bottom lip as he nodded again. “I told you that I needed to be right in the head before I can be good for someone else. And I am better each day.” She shook her head, grinning. “That makes me sound crazy, but you know what I mean. I want to put my childhood, Ethan’s death, my parents, and everything else I’ve been carrying around to rest so I can feel peace. It just takes time.”

  Daniel scratched his forehead, avoiding her gaze. “I know.”

  Charlotte had sworn off lying a long time ago, and she did her best to tell the truth, but right now, she was avoiding a big chunk of truth. Fear of commitment to Daniel—and to God—kept her from taking the next step. She tried to live by God’s laws, and she considered herself to be a daughter of the promise. But marriage to an Amish man would require baptism into the faith, and that seemed overwhelming.

  “The bishop is putting a little pressure on me.” Daniel rubbed his chin as his eyes continued to avoid hers.

  Was he telling her the truth? But Dani
el had never lied to her; it’s not how he was raised. “What kind of pressure? I didn’t think Bishop Miller put pressure on anyone. Hannah said he’s the youngest and most lenient bishop you’ve ever had.”

  “He is. But he feels like you are living a semi-Amish life by attending our worship service and not having electricity. Yet you drive and aren’t baptized.” Daniel looked down as his cheeks flushed. “And everyone knows we are seeing each other. He wants to know what our intentions are.” He finally locked eyes with her. “I’d like to know too.”

  “I don’t think he should be putting any pressure on us. We’ve only been seeing each other a few months.” She took another long swig of her drink.

  “Charlotte . . .” He sighed. “It’s not our way to be involved with someone who hasn’t committed to our faith, and at the very least, that person should be thinking about being baptized. You brush off the conversation every time I bring it up.”

  A toned-down version of the truth was in order. “I’m just nervous. What if I’m like the rest of my family?” And incapable of being a good wife and mother?

  “Nee. You are who you are meant to be in God’s eyes.”

  They both got quiet when the waitress showed up, and Charlotte used the time to think up a response that would satisfy Daniel. After they’d ordered a pepperoni pizza and a side of bread sticks, she said, “Can’t we just keep things the way they are awhile longer, before we make any huge commitments to each other?”

  Daniel gazed at her long and hard. “I am already committed to you.”

  Charlotte couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, but in her heart, she wondered if she was worthy of someone like Daniel. She stayed quiet.

  He leaned back against the seat, keeping his gaze on her.

  She just whispered, “I need more time.”

  He looked over her shoulder, then waited for two people to pass by their table. “Ya, okay.”

  She doubted he was really okay, but it was her cue to change the subject. “Hey, Hannah came by my office to deliver a cookbook I’d ordered, and she said your aunt Faye moved in.” Charlotte brought a hand to her chest, grinning, as she recalled meeting Daniel and Annie’s eccentric great-aunt last year, when Annie was staying with their aunt following a fight with her parents. When Daniel had tried to get Annie to return home, Aunt Faye went after him with a baseball bat. “How’s that going?”

  Daniel let out a soft chuckle, which was nice to hear finally. “We might have starved the past few days if Daed hadn’t brought home some store-bought cooked chicken and snuck it to me and Annie.”

  “Is she trying to feed you pickled oysters?” Charlotte remembered trying one of the offerings at Faye’s house. She cringed.

  “Ya, pickled oysters and all kinds of strange stuff. Annie snuck Mamm some chicken, too, and put some snacks in the drawer by her bed.” Daniel frowned. “But Mamm isn’t eating much. She looks miserable all curled up in bed with the blinds drawn. Like it’s nighttime all the time.”

  “She’s due in a couple of weeks so I’m sure she’s miserable, especially being put on bed rest.” Charlotte raised her eyebrows. “And she’s probably worried about all of you. Why did your father agree to let your aunt stay there?”

  “I guess because she’ll help Annie with the washing, mending, and pulling in her vegetables from the garden. They’re ready to harvest, and it’s a big garden. Annie was picking a few things per day, but she needs help. Between my job and helping Daed run the farm, it’s hard for us to offer her much help in the evenings. Besides, Aenti Faye is a gut housekeeper. She can’t cook but the place is clean, and Daed seems to think that’s important to Mamm and best for when the boppli comes.”

  The lines on his forehead deepened as he scowled. “Do you remember Aunt Faye’s cemetery room at her house?”

  Charlotte giggled, then waited while the waitress set the pizza and bread sticks in front of them. “Yeah, I remember. A room that she kept keepsakes and pictures in, memories of people who had passed.”

  “Well, our laundry room is now Aunt Faye’s cemetery room. There are pictures of dead people taped to the walls, crosses everywhere, and a bunch of other stuff.” He shook his head. “Mamm wouldn’t approve, but Daed said to ignore it.”

  “Your aunt and uncle were shunned before your uncle died. What does the bishop think about Faye staying with ya’ll?”

  “There’s that Texas slang that slips out every now and then.” Daniel grinned. “Aenti Faye said that she spoke to the bishop, saying it was a medical emergency.” He chuckled as he reached for a slice of pizza. “And she also told him that a herd of wild buffaloes couldn’t keep her from tending to her niece, much less a snappy, new bishop who was still green around the gills.”

  Charlotte laughed. “Good ol’ Aunt Faye.”

  She took a bite of pizza as her cell phone chirped in her purse beside her. By the time she swallowed and sipped her drink, she heard her voice mail chime, but she finished eating first. When she finally listened to her voice mail, she brought a hand to her chest, hoping to calm her racing heart.

  “What is it?” Daniel set his piece of pizza on his plate. “What’s wrong?”

  She set the phone on the table. “It was Andrea. She said she got my phone number from the rehab facility where Janell had been.” Unsure how she felt about the staff giving out her phone number, Charlotte wasn’t going to worry about it now.

  “Uh-oh. What did your sister want?”

  “She wants to come see me tomorrow.” She paused, staring at him. “And to introduce me to . . . my niece.” She blinked a few times in disbelief. “Andrea has a child.”

  Daniel reached across the table and latched on to her hand. “That’s gut. She’s making an effort, ya?”

  Charlotte nodded, blinking back tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. The baby she remembered being yanked from Janell’s arms now had a baby of her own.

  She let the news sink in for a few moments before she squeezed Daniel’s hand and smiled. “Maybe there is hope for Andrea and me.”

  A baby? What had Andrea named her? Did she look like Andrea? Maybe she even looked a little like Charlotte. She smiled. Tomorrow wouldn’t get here soon enough. But why Andrea’s sudden change of heart?

  Four

  Daniel stared at the pork on his plate, hopeful that Aunt Faye had prepared a normal meal, but when he cut into the slab of meat, pink juice pooled and flowed into the mess of pickled oysters nearby, then found its way to a slice of homemade bread. Annie had made the bread that was soaking up the blood like a sponge.

  He looked across the table at his father, who had been cutting his meat since they all sat down. Lucas Byler was a man who usually voiced his opinion, but he was quiet about the meal, even though Daniel hadn’t seen him take a bite. Annie had been wise enough to move her bread far away from the pork chop before she cut into the meat, so she was happily slathering butter on her slice.

  Aunt Faye wasn’t eating at all, mostly moving food around her plate. Daniel feared they’d hurt her feelings, so he stuffed a large bite of oysters into his mouth, forced himself to chew, and swallowed the slimy critters. “We’re blessed to have you here, Aenti Faye.” It was the best he could do. He didn’t want to lie, but to be truthful about the oysters would hurt his aunt’s feelings.

  But Aunt Faye didn’t look up from her plate right away. When she finally raised her chin, she stared at Daniel’s father.

  “Lucas . . .” Aunt Faye sighed, her lip trembling a little. “I think something is wrong with Eve. I should cart her to the doctor tomorrow.”

  Daed stopped cutting the meat and lifted his gaze to hers. “She’s supposed to be on bed rest, and she is doing that. What do you think is wrong? Is the boppli going to come early?”

  Daniel’s aunt set her mouth in a fine line. “I thought she was looking a little puny, and she said she wasn’t hungry. I felt her forehead, and she was warm. So I took her temperature. She has a low-grade fever. I also took her blood pressure like
the doctor instructed. And that’s what has me the most concerned. Her blood pressure is way too high.”

  Daed’s eyebrows drew inward as a pained expression filled his face. He nodded. “Ya. I would be grateful if you can take us both to the city tomorrow. I wonder if the doctor is in on Saturday.”

  “I’ll call first thing in the morning. I’m sure there is a backup or emergency number if the office is closed.” Aunt Faye’s forehead wrinkled.

  They were all quiet for a while, and Daniel was sure everyone was silently praying, as he was, that everything would be okay. Annie excused herself, crossed through the living room, and knocked on her parents’ door.

  Annie had been gone a few minutes when Aunt Faye looked around the table and smiled, her gaze landing on Daniel. “More oysters?”

  He glanced at his father, whose head was down, then back at his aunt. “Ya. Sure.” He looked at the napkin in his lap, a handy tool to catch food for disposal, if need be. He hated wasting food. But he disliked his aunt’s oysters even more.

  After struggling to finish supper, he went to check on his mother. She was sleeping, so he went upstairs to shower. On his way back to his bedroom, he heard Annie talking to someone. He wasn’t normally one to eavesdrop, but he slowed his steps and listened.

  “I don’t know what to do to help you, Jacob. We need to tell someone what is going on, though.”

  Annie’s voice was barely above a whisper, so Daniel pressed his ear against the door so he could at least hear her side of the conversation. Everyone in the community still worried about Jacob, and as far as Daniel knew, Jacob wasn’t keeping in touch with anyone. Except Annie.

  “I don’t have that much money,” she said, followed by a long silence. “But I’ll figure something out.” Annie sniffled a little. “I need to tell you something. It’s about your mudder.” She paused for a few moments. “Her cancer is back.”