by Kara Dalkey
When we finally stopped to catch our breath, I asked Dento, "Why were the spirits so angry with us? Were we disturbing them by summoning Jizo over their burial place? The spirits in the Land of the Dead also were disturbed by my being there, but surely it is not the same in this world."
"I do not think," said Dento, huffing and puffing, "that the spirits were angry. I think they were warning us. I think they know what is happening. If they were formerly vassals of Lord Chomigoto, they may understand what he can do."
"Then perhaps we should not have run so soon. We should have stayed and asked them what we should beware of."
Dento shook his head. "If they had wanted to tell us, they would have. Perhaps they are constrained in some way."
"But why," I said with some fear, "should Lord Chomigoto be angry? He is getting what he wants, neh?"
"He may somehow know you are trying to avoid Lord Emma-O's judgment. You told me he wished vengeance against the Nakatomi, and that may be more important to him than the grave goods or the shrine. Come, let us hurry to your sister's house before he decides to do more than buffet us with his wind."
I was not certain we were doing the best thing, for I did not wish to bring danger to Sotoko. But I had no wish to argue with Dento and did not know what else to suggest.
The sky was so dark with clouds by the time we reached the gate of Sotoko's house that I no longer knew the time of day. I was nearly faint with exhaustion, such that I could barely stand. Dento pounded on the gate, but the guards would not open it.
"Stay out, mountain wizard!" they cried. "Bring no more bad fortune to this house!"
"Bad fortune?" I gasped.
"Alas, among some people, ubasoku have as bad a reputation as tengu. You must remember this if you wish to become like me."
After we both did much pounding on the gate and shouting, at last Sotoko met us at the gate herself. "Come in! Come in! Hurry! I will have Riko dismiss those awful guardsmen as soon as he returns."
We ran up the steps and into the main house as a great bolt of lightning flashed above us and thunder rolled louder than the lashing of Kai-Lung's tail. In its bright light, I thought I saw a dark shape on the veranda. I blinked, and it was gone.
Sotoko guided us to the centermost room of the house, where there was the best protection against the wind. The lodge was so drafty, one could not keep all of the breezes out, so the servants were constantly relighting the lamps. Sotoko had cushions put out for us and sewed us warm broth. She seemed to be carefully not asking any questions.
A servant rushed in and bowed low. "Great Lady, there is an Imperial courtier on the veranda! He begs you to give him shelter from the storm!"
"A nobleman? Let me see this personage." Sotoko hurried after the servant.
A thousand fears descended on me. Could Lord Chomigoto have arrived to threaten me and my sister? Perhaps Lord Tsubushima is here, angry that I have caused his family's shame to be revealed. What if my father has come all the way from Heian Kyo to take me back? The storm had upset me so, I could not imagine this visitation could bode well.
Sotoko returned, followed by a courtly gentleman in the billowing black robes and tall hat of the First Rank. He was pleasant in appearance, but I did not recognize him. "I thank you, Kind Lady, for your hospitality," he was saying to Sotoko in a bland and cultured voice. "I fear I have become separated from my retinue, and my horse was frightened by the lightning and threw me. I am most glad your house was here and you proved to be so kind to a stranger."
"I am glad this lowly house may receive and shelter so eminent a visitor," said Sotoko. "Please excuse our rough furnishings and manners. This is but a simple mountain lodge, and my husband and I are not of great wealth."
"It is no matter," said the gentleman. "I do not expect to find the Golden Pavilion everywhere I travel." He looked at me, and I was suddenly quite aware that I was not behind a kicho. Belatedly, I held my sleeves up in front of my face. There was amusement in his eyes at that, which seemed somehow familiar.
Dento tilted his head and regarded the gentleman with curiosity, but said nothing.
"If I may ask, what brings you all this way, Most Noble Lord?" asked Sotoko.
"I have come up the Western Road on what may be a foolish chase, I fear," said the gentleman. "I come urgently seeking a noble girl, Fujiwara no Mitsuko by name. I was told she might be in this region. I have an important message for her."
My heart nearly stopped. So he has come from Father after all. What will I tell him? I fervently hoped that Sotoko would not point me out, but of course she could not know that I wished such a thing.
Sotoko smiled. "Why, good fortune smiles upon you, Noble Sir. The lady you seek is my own sister, and there she sits. Your search was not so foolish after all."
"Indeed? How wondrous! A helpful kami must have guided me here." He turned to me and inclined his head. "Great Lady Mitsuko, I am glad to have found you. I am Lord Atamasaru, of the Yin-Yang Office of the Hour of the Monkey. I bring news from the Court, which you will doubtless find interesting."
I coughed, then, into my sleeves to keep myself from laughing with joy and relief, for I now knew who he was.
Sotoko frowned at me with concern, "I am sorry, Mitsuko, are you uncomfortable? Shall I get you a curtain of modesty?"
"Please do not trouble yourself," I replied. "I am sure the good gentleman understands the circumstances. What news does the Esteemed Lord of the Monkey bring?"
Sotoko stared, somewhat scandalized.
The black-robed gentleman slid gracefully to his knees before me and said, "I bring news of your family, some of which may be pleasing to you and some of which may not. Your father has isolated himself in mourning concerning your disappearance, though he continues to hire men to search for you."
Sotoko asked, "Did he not receive my letter? We told him she was with us."
"As to that, I cannot say," replied the gentleman. "But to continue. Naturally the planned meeting and betrothal between you and Prince Komakai was not possible. However, it may interest you to know that there is another Fujiwara who has caught the prince's eye, whom it would serve your family well to send in your stead."
"Oh?" I said. "Who might this be?"
"As it happens, the charming Fujiwara no Kiwako has enticed his interest."
"Kiwako!" Sotoko and I cried in unison.
"But she suffers from a… questionable reputation," I said.
"So it is said," the gentleman murmured, "and that is why the young prince finds her interesting."
Again, I had to stifle my laughter. "I will admit this is pleasant to hear, Good Sir," I said. "But surely you did not come all this way simply to amuse me?" Although, considering his tengu nature, perhaps he had.
The gentleman turned to Sotoko and said, "If you please, Good Hostess, I would like some plum wine. And a dish of grated daikon and carrot, if it is possible."
Sotoko said, "I regret that our house is ill-prepared for visitors. We may not have such things."
"Will you do me the kindness of going to look? I do find I am quite thirsty."
Sotoko was clearly aware she was being dismissed from our presence, and in her own house, but because it was a nobleman of the First Rank asking, she could not say no. I realized then how strange the manners of Good People are, and how based on illusion. Particularly in this instance, for the gentleman was not really a gentleman at all.
Reluctantly, Sotoko bowed and left the room.
The nobleman eyed Dento a moment but did not ask the ubasoku to leave. A few moments after Sotoko had gone, the gentleman-in a very Goranu-like gesture-leaned forward, elbows on floor and head in hands. "Well, Little Puddle, I thought that, since you have an interest in maintaining the fortunes of your family, you might have use for this news. You can set up Kiwako in your place so you don't have to marry a boy- child. The only problem is, your father and other relatives don't quite trust her and so aren't yet willing to present her formally to the prince. If we can thi
nk of a way to convince them to do so, the Fujiwara fortunes may yet be preserved, and you will be free of that idiotic obligation."
I smiled sadly at him and said, "I thank you for this information, Noble Sir, but I regret there is little I can do. Very soon, if all goes well, I will be a Fujiwara no longer."
"What?" He sat bolt upright, Goranu-nature shining through his astonishment. "You are not going to marry someone else, are you?"
"You misunderstand, sir," I said patiently. "I once was taught that sometimes to avoid trouble one must become a different person. I fear this now applies very well to my situation."
The gentleman rubbed his face, eyes wide with uncertainty. "Surely the person who taught you that did not mean you should change permanently."
"Perhaps not, but I fear that is what is required."
The gentleman got up and started to pace the room. It seemed that black feathers were beginning to sprout from his robe. "Why? And what manner of change is this?"
I did not know if I should continue speaking circumspectly, for I did not know if Sotoko might be listening. I decided it would be too difficult, so I stated things directly. "As it happens, both strictures of my debt to Lord Emma-O are now fulfilled. Lord Chomigoto's tomb is replenished, and the last surviving descendant of his village has been found." I indicated Dento, who had been sitting in silence all this time.
"You!" Goranu turned and glared accusatorily at the monk.
Dento shrugged. "Alas, Noble Sir, I did not know the nature of her debt when I revealed my parentage. It appears my very existence spells the noble Mitsuko's doom. The only way to save her is to take her on as my acolyte and teach her to be an ubasoku, so that she may cut all ties to her previous existence and be Fujiwara no Mitsuko no more."
"Jizo-bosatsu," I explained, "is presenting my offer to Lord Emma-O, and it is my hope that the Lord of Death will accept."
Goranu scratched his chin. His nose seemed to be growing longer. "Well. I see. Well. I suppose you had no choice, then. Change or die. So. Going to become an ubasoku, are you?"
"That is my hope," I said. I gazed down at the patterns on the reed mat beneath me. "It is the only hope I have left."
"Well," Goranu said, returning to pacing back and forth. His sandals seemed to be sprouting talons. "I see. No more Fujiwara no Mitsuko. Well. But that is all right. Perhaps all is not lost. Every ubasoku needs a tengu teacher, neh?"
"So I have heard," I said.
"And it takes years of training before an ubasoku becomes a full monk or nun, taking on all the strictures, neh?" His voice had become a caw, for his mouth and nose were now nearly a beak.
"So it does," said Dento, with a wry smile.
"Then, then… at least, I can still be near you. As a teacher, that is. For a while." The robes on his back fluttered and became great black wings.
"For a while, perhaps," I said, though I truly did not know if I should encourage his hopes. And mine.
"Then, perhaps," Goranu went on, "there will still be time. Time to consider other… things. You know."
"So there may," I said, though it tore at my heart to think I might be lying.
Sotoko bustled in carrying a tray with a cup, a bowl, and a small ceramic bottle. "Ai!" she exclaimed upon seeing Goranu, and she dropped the tray with a crash.
"What is the matter with you, woman?" cawed Goranu.
"A tengu!" Sotoko cried. She turned to Dento. "Can you not shoo it away? What has he done with our noble guest?"
"Why, as it happens, this is our noble guest," Dento said mildly. "If I am not mistaken, this is Goranu, prince of the tengu in this region. And the information he has brought us may be of great service to Lady Mitsuko. I see no reason to rudely chase him from our company."
"It is all right, Sotoko," I said. "I know this one well. He will do no mischief here."
"Tempting as it might be," added Goranu.
"Stop it," I said, but gently.
"But she has wasted good plum wine!"
"I… I will get you another cup. Highness," said Sotoko, and she ran from the room.
"I wager we won't see her again this evening," muttered Goranu.
"Goranu-san," I said. "I thank you for trying to help, and I wish there were something I could do for Kiwako and my family, but my life-if I will still have one-will be following a different path. One that requires I cut myself off from the world I knew."
"Not necessarily," said Dento. "There is a possible good use for the information your friend has been so diligent to bring us. You may yet be able to save your family's fortunes, even after giving up your family name. In fact, especially so, and especially if you begin training as an ubasoku."
"But as my teacher, shouldn't you advise me to forget my family's troubles?"
"I cannot expect my student to properly concentrate upon her studies if she is full of guilt and worry about her relatives. Besides, if you agree to what I have in mind, we may consider it a test of your willingness and determination to enter the sort of life I live. For it will require great concentration and restraint upon your part."
"How? What must I do?" I asked.
Dento described his idea, and when he had finished, Goranu said, "That is extremely clever. Are you sure, old man, that you were not a tengu in a previous life?"
"As certain as you are," Dento replied, "that you were not once a monk."
"Pah!"
To forestall an argument, I said, "Listen! It would seem the strange storm outside has stopped."
"I guess Old Blowhard has finished celebrating his victory," grumbled Goranu.
"I think," said Dento, "that the storm was not celebration but the work of a sorcerer who is testing his powers. Not the sort of thing a spirit who is contemplating final rest might do."
"What do your fellow tengu say?" I asked Goranu.
"How would I know? I've been away at Court. I haven't seen any of them lately."
Suddenly, the ceiling glowed with a golden light, and Jizo, resplendent in his red cape, stepped down through the air.
"Ai!" cried Goranu. "A bosatsu!" He ran to a far corner of the room and cowered underneath a wing. Dento and I bowed before the bosatsu as he stepped onto the floor.
"Peace, I bring you good news," said Jizo in his beautiful voice. "Lord Emma-O has accepted your offer, provided you begin the change immediately. He asks only that you never again enter his chambers until it is your proper time to do so. That applies to your demon friends, as well." Jizo cast Goranu a sly glance. "Farewell. All blessings be upon you," he said, and ascended back through the ceiling. I watched him go with torn heart, for there was another question I would ask but dared not while others were present. Too quickly, the golden glow vanished.
At last I turned toward Goranu, who still huddled under his wing. I had to keep from laughing at him as I said, "It is all right, Goranu. He is gone."
"You wouldn't be so amused," Goranu grumbled as he unfolded himself, "if your skin itched intensely whenever one of them was near."
"I suppose not," I said. "Forgive me."
"Begging your pardon, Mitsuko-who-is-to-be-Mitsuko-no- more," said Dento. "But we now have much to do in order to obey O-sama's order. And it must be done without observers," he added, looking at the tengu.
"Yes, of course," I said, feeling sadness fall upon me like a dark shadow. "May I at least… say good-bye to him?"
Dento nodded solemnly.
Both Goranu and I stood, and we walked together out to the veranda. We did not touch one another.
The sky was clearing, revealing bright afternoon sunlight. Birds sang cheerfully in the pine boughs. It felt all wrong with my mood, and I wondered if the kami were laughing at me. I could not look at Goranu beside me.
He pretended to be dusting off his feathers. "Your sensei is right, you know. It is better that I go. All that chanting would give me a headache."
"Yes. Surely."
"You know, it does not matter whether your name is Mitsuko. A person is not a name. It onl
y means fourth child, anyway-why should you be just a number?"
"Yes."
"It doesn't matter that you won't be Fujiwara either. Rank is not important to a tengu."
"Yes." I had to hold my hands to my mouth. I wished he would stop talking, for I feared a flood of tears would burst from me any moment. Yet I also wished he would stay and talk forever.
"It doesn't matter that you have to cut your hair-"
"Goranu!" I could stand it no longer and began to weep.
"Oh, so, so, stop that now. I'm sorry. I've made you cry again. Please, pay me no mind. I am just a silly tengu, after all."
"No," I moaned into my hands. "You are not just that. Or I would not cry."
He did not respond for long moments. "It seems the whole world stands between us, neh?" he said softly, at last. "Or we can be as close as a boat and a riverbed… able to see one another but never… together. I do not know if I should hope anymore. Or what I should hope for. I do not know even if it would be kind to be near you. I might keep you from finding the Heavenward Path, after all."
I could hardly speak, for my sorrow. "I do not think… life of any sort would be worthwhile… if I thought that… I would never see you again."
"Well." He sighed loudly and said again, "Well. We cannot have Lord Emma-O get you into his clutches again so soon, neh? He must wait for the proper time, as the bosatsu said. And someone must protect you from Old Blowhard-that ghost won't be appeased so easily, I am sure of that. I don't think old Dento knows enough to keep you entirely from harm. I suppose I had better stay nearby. For a while. Just in case."
Between my sobs, I managed to say, "Thank you." I glanced at him with tear-filled eyes, but I could hardly bear the tenderness of his gaze, and I had to look elsewhere.
Twice, he started to say something and then stopped. I felt his hand gently touch my sleeve. And then he jumped into the air and flew away.
The Buddha tells us
we cannot help but suffer
if we have desires.