With the First Goodbye (Thirty-Eight Book 5)

by Len Webster

  “And you’re surprised?”

  Josie’s eyes fell to the square note as she began to write something down. “Yeah. I was in class today when I got it. Can you read it and tell me what you think?”

  The hopes of talking about them would be put on hold.

  He had to take care of her needs, and she needed his advice.

  Max nodded then began to read Josie’s stepmother’s email. In it, Johanna Faulkner wrote of how her daughters wanted to meet Josie. She even wrote of how Josie’s father spoke about her and how her sisters had followed in Josie’s footsteps by doing ballet. Johanna sounded sweet, apologetic, and genuine in her email to Josie, and Max knew that this email confused her.

  He craned his neck to find her staring at him as that unsureness swept the features of her face, her lips even pursing.

  “I’m torn,” she admitted. “I want to know them. Heidi and Angelika, I mean. But I feel like if I do, I might be betraying my mum or something.”

  “It’s okay to feel that way. It’s been just you and your mum for a long time. You love her and don’t want to hurt her.”

  Josie’s eyes glazed over. “But I don’t want Heidi and Angelika to someday message me about how much they hate me for abandoning them, too.”

  Tears now rolled down her cheeks, and Max instantly set the laptop next to him and shuffled closer to Josie. He wrapped his arms around her, and she settled her ear to his chest.

  “Hey,” he said as he rubbed her back.

  “I just … What if I did agree to meet them, and then they pull a stunt like my father always does and don’t show up? What if my mother feels betrayed? What if this is just a stupid trick to get me to talk to my dad? I … I don’t know what to do, Max.”

  “It’s okay,” he whispered.

  Josie sniffled and moved in his arms. Her chin rested on his chest as she gazed up at him. “Do you think it would be extremely selfish of me not to email her back?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t think so. It’s your choice, Josie. No one is forcing you to get to know them. And I know you want my advice, so I’m going to tell you that you need some time to think it over. I know you don’t want those girls to feel the disappointment you’ve felt, but they live in Germany, and you live here in Australia. It would be hard. But one email saying hello isn’t going to make your mother think you’re choosing them over her. I know you’ll do what’s right for you.”

  Her bottom lip trembled as she blinked her tears to fall. “I knew you’d say the right thing.” She splayed her hands on his chest and pushed him to sit herself up. “Can you pass me my laptop?”

  Max reached up and brushed the moisture off her cheeks. When the tears were gone, he reached over to pick up her laptop and handed it to her. The sticky note pad in her lap caught his attention, and he picked it up and laughed.

  “‘Fräulein emailed me!’?”

  Josie grinned. “It’s for Stella for when she comes home tomorrow. We don’t like saying her name in this apartment, so Stella just calls her ‘Fräulein.’”

  Max set the pad and pen on the coffee table as Josie placed the laptop in her lap. “And are you going to reply to her?”

  “Umm … yeah. I think I will. My mum said I needed a lot more love in my life than just hers. That I deserve more love. So maybe Heidi and Angelika could love me like a proper sister. None of this was their fault. And if I turn out nothing like my father said I was, then I know I tried. If I write a reply, can you read it before I send it?”

  He leant over and kissed her temple. “You write that email, and I’ll stick that note on Stella’s bedroom door for you.” He got off the couch and picked up the sticky note pad and pen. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Josie nodded and took a deep breath as she set her fingertips to the letters of the keyboard.

  He was incredibly proud of her.

  Max knew it wasn’t easy for her to be so open to the chance of being burned by those in Germany. He knew she didn’t count them as family, but he heard the tiredness in her voice. She wanted a resolution to her problematic family life. And Max would be by her side, offering his support. Upon reaching Stella’s bedroom door, Max peeled the note off the pad and stuck it on her bedroom door with a smile. He tapped the Sharpie on the pad as he spun around and made his way back into the lounge room. When he was behind the couch, he noticed Josie still typing away. She had paused for a moment, groaned, and then he heard her press a button several times. He presumed it was the delete button from the way she attacked it.

  Glancing down at the yellow Post-it pad, he smiled, knowing just what he had to do. Max rounded the couch and sat back down. Then he used his free hand and took the laptop from her, setting it on the coffee table before he faced her.

  Josie raised her brow, and he saw the humour reach her eyes.

  “We’ve gotta discuss something.”

  She turned her body to his and crossed her legs. “Okay.”

  Max took in the curiosity in her eyes. She surprised him. He had no idea he needed someone like her until she left him wanting more. She understood him within seconds of talking to him. She gave him a chance. She opened her heart to him.

  She was everything and more.

  She was the woman he was sure he could love forever.

  Josephine Faulkner was the woman he wanted to love forever.

  “I like you, Josephine,” he breathed as he removed the cap from the marker.

  The smile on her face softened, and she was even more beautiful than before. “I like you, Max.”

  “And I’m right for you?”

  “You’re right for me,” she confirmed. Then she got on her knees and set her fingertips on his jaw. “You’re so right for me, Maxwell.”

  Maxwell.

  No one had ever called him Maxwell except for his parents.

  “You’re so unbelievably right for me,” he stated, and then she pressed a light kiss on his lips.

  It was the lightest of kisses, yet he still wanted more with her.

  He could never get enough of her.

  Josie brushed her thumb along his bottom lip and whispered, “But?”

  “You think there’s a but?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t want there to be.”

  “There’s not,” he said.

  Suddenly, his heart clenched in a pain he had never known.

  He had lied to her.

  It was the first.

  There was a but.

  And her name …

  Andrea Wallace.

  “Then what do you have planned for that Sharpie?” she asked, pulling him away from the heat in his chest.

  The tenderness in her eyes was breathtaking. He would be worthy of this woman. He promised himself that he would.

  He would tell her about Andrea’s emails.

  But it wasn’t the right time.

  “I want us to never forget how right this is between us,” he said. “I want us to write our initials on our own sticky notes so that no matter where we are, we know we are right for each other.”

  “Max,” she breathed as her hands fell from his face.

  He smiled as he brought the sticky note to the tip of the pen. “We’ll do it like in Gilmore Girls. We’ll write our initials in reverse like Lorelai wanted to do on Rory’s graduation day.”

  “Okay, but you write mine, and I’ll write yours,” she said.

  Max nodded and then got to work and wrote:

  S M & F J

  He peeled off the sticky note and handed it to her. Josie held it between her thumbs and index fingers and stared at it. She peeked up at him through her lashes and smiled. Then she got off the couch and stuck the note on her laptop. When she returned, she took the pad and pen from him.

  “You can’t change yours, okay?” she instructed.

  Then she wrote on her note, peeled it off, and handed it to him.

  Max looked down at the square piece of paper, and his heart throbbed at what she had written.

&nb
sp; You’re my La Vie En Rose.

  Although she might not realise this meant everything to him, he knew this was her way of telling him that she could love him.

  That her heart, soul, and love would be his.

  Max glanced up from the note, and he saw the truth in her eyes.

  He reached over and set his palm on the back of her neck. Pulling her lips to his, he stifled her small gasp with his kiss.

  Because he might be her La Vie En Rose.

  But she was the love of his life.

  “And you didn’t have sex with him?” Stella asked in disbelief.

  Josie set her legal practice and ethics textbook down and noticed that her best friend was no longer sitting at the dining table. Instead, she was standing, staring at Josie as if she had said no to a small pox vaccination.

  “I did not have sex with Max last night,” she confirmed.

  Though it did cross her mind how much she wanted to be with him. Feel things no man had ever given her. The way he kissed her made her breathless, so she could only imagine what it would feel like to be intimate with Max. When he had her lying on the couch with his body covering hers, she thought maybe they’d go further than just the touch of their lips against each other. But his ringing phone had him cursing against her mouth. He had apologised as he got off her and answered it.

  It had been his father.

  Max needed to head back to the office because the police had made an arrest in connection with the Walsh case his father had been representing in court. Max apologised and said he had to go. Josie didn’t mind. There was no way she’d let Max stay with her when he was assisting on the trial of the decade. This morning, it was all over the news. However, the media wasn’t allowed to say who exactly was arrested in relation to the case. Max had wished her a good day this morning by text. Josie had wished him an exciting day and had desperately wanted to trade shoes so she could sit in that courtroom.

  “But you told him you loved him, right?” Stella asked.

  Josie pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I didn’t. I mean, not really.”

  Stella set her hands on her hips. “What does ‘not really’ even mean?”

  “It means …” She trailed off as she played the memory back in her head. That awe-like expression that consumed his face when he had read the sticky note she had written to him.

  “Don’t leave me hanging like that! What did you say?” Stella sounded desperate, and that had Josie laughing at her.

  “It means I told him that he’s my La Vie En Rose.”

  Stella’s eyes widened. “Holy shit,” she breathed.

  “Yeah.”

  Her best friend appeared bewildered as she blinked rapidly at her. “Josie, that’s more than just love to you.”

  Stella didn’t have to tell her twice.

  She knew what it meant the moment she wrote ‘La Vie En Rose’ on that sticky note and gave it to Max. She gave him her love and her whole heart.

  It was ‘I love you’ and more.

  It was ‘my life is yours to love with all your beautiful might.’

  “Josie, you’re in love with Maxwell Sheridan.” Stella sat back down on her seat. “He’s your La Vie En Rose.”

  “But—”

  “But?”

  Josie nervously chewed her bottom lip. “We haven’t really spoken about what our feelings meant for well … us.”

  Stella’s mouth dropped. “You didn’t discuss actually being in a relationship?” Her best friend sounded horrified.

  “No. He had to go before we could actually put a label on it.”

  “Do me a favour?”

  “And what’s that?”

  Stella set her hand on Josie’s arm. “Define it. For God’s sake, define it. Make Max yours already, Josie.” Then her best friend got up from the chair and made her way out of the dining room and into the kitchen. “So what do you want for dinner?”

  Josie brought her laptop closer to her and lifted the screen. She smiled at the sticky note stuck next to the trackpad of her MacBook.

  Her fingers traced their initials he had written.

  S M & F J

  “Just like in Gilmore Girls,” she whispered.

  Max: Did you get your legal practice and ethics assignment in?

  It was Wednesday, almost two days since she and Max had expressed their feelings. And in those two days, they had only exchanged text messages between clients and her classes. Josie actually wanted to discuss where their relationship was heading, but she felt it was a conversation to have in person rather than through texts.

  Josie grabbed the water bottle from the man behind the counter and smiled. She thanked him and made her way to a free table in the food court of her university’s student centre. She had just finished her evidence seminar and was happy to get out of there and relax before her next tutorial. Josie sat on the chair, set her phone on the table, twisted the cap off the bottle, and swallowed several mouthfuls of water. Then she put the cap back on and set the bottle on the table. Picking up her phone, she smiled at the text message Max had sent her.

  Josie: Handed it in this morning. How’s work going?

  Max: I’m back at the office for a few hours to meet a client before I go back to the Supreme court. How are classes?

  Josie: How’s the case going? Evidence seminar was … well … *eye roll*

  Max: Josie, I’m not going to tell you about who was arrested. You know I can’t. Can I see you tonight?

  Josie: I have a study group for evidence tonight. Tomorrow?

  Max: Court all day and then a dinner with the clients I’m representing in an arbitration case.

  Josie: Ugh. Friday?

  Max: Court all day. Firm dinner that night.

  Josie: This. Officially. Sucks. I thought you were done in court with this case?

  Max: Yeah, I thought so, too. But my dad wants me there. This weekend?

  Josie: Too full-on. I have work, seeing Mum, and assignments. Plus, I have exams coming up, so I’ve gotta work on prepping for them. Next week?

  Max: I have court all next week, too.

  Josie: It seems as if we might surpass fifteen days without seeing each other.

  Max: Don’t say that. I’ll move things around so I can see you.

  Her chest tightened at his determination. He wanted to see her as desperately as she wanted to see him.

  But if he were to cancel on clients and dinners for her, she’d feel horrible for getting in the way of his life. In the way of his career. And Josie would not let that happen.

  Josie: Don’t move things around for me. You have work, and I have uni. The moment you’re free, let me know. I’ve gotta get to my next class. Have a good rest of your day.

  Max: Josephine, you’re much more important to me than some pointless, redundant dinners. I’ll make time for you. I’ll let you know when I can get out of this court case and see you. Just so we’re clear, and no misunderstandings occur, I miss you. I miss that smile of yours. I miss the way your lips taste when they’re on mine. And I miss the way you breathlessly say my name. I miss the way your body felt on mine. I miss all of you.

  Oh.

  If Josie was unsure of Max’s feelings towards her, she wasn’t anymore.

  She felt her heart warm at his message.

  It was intimate.

  And sweet.

  She could almost hear him whisper it to her.

  Josie shoved her bottle in her bag as she got up, ready to head over to her next tutorial.

  Josie: I miss everything about you, too, Maxwell.

  Max: It’s been an entire week since I last saw you. This is torture. I’m sitting here in my office waiting for my father before we go to court. How does this week look?

  Josie: CRAP! Crap, crap, crap!!! I’m running late for my lecture. I slept in. I spent all night reading cases for contracts. I have another memo of advice due this week. What about you? Court all week?

  Max sighed.

  Seven days of not
seeing her frustrated him more.

  Add that to the amount of pressure he felt with his father’s case and his own clients, and Max was losing it. All he wanted to do was see Josie even if it was just for a minute. Her messages weren’t enough. But Max wasn’t going to pull her away from her assignments just to feel her lips on his once more.

  He couldn’t be selfish.

  Not when Josie’s degree was at stake.

  Max knew how tough law school was, and he didn’t want to add any more strain on her.

  Max: Clients this week. A lot of contracts I have to read and go through.

  Josie: So maybe next week?

  Max: That means three weeks. No, that can’t happen. I need to see you. Even if it’s for a minute.

  Josie: Just for a minute?

  Max: Yes.

  The moment he had pressed send, his glass door opened and in stepped Josie, cheeks bright red and breathing heavily. Max dropped his phone on his desk as he got out of his chair.

  “What are you—?”

  She held the box he hadn’t noticed higher. “Cupcakes …” she said between her panting. “Made … last … night …”

  Max went around his desk and approached her. He shook his head unbelievably as he cupped her cheeks.

  “I only have a minute.” She took a deep breath. “Have only a minute. Super late.”

  I love you.

  It was on the tip of his tongue as he watched her struggle to inhale more breaths.

  “Did you run to my office?” he asked, finding it comical that she had.

  Josie nodded. “Asked Ruby. I really have to go.”

  “Okay,” he said, and then he kissed her. Deeply and passionately. He controlled this kiss. He dominated her under the coercion of his lips, telling her he missed her in such an intimate way than just with words.