If Only Forever

by Sophie Love

  She looked at Daniel and Chantelle, both now slipping into slumber. The sight overjoyed Emily. In that moment, she doubled her resolve to look into legal proceedings. The sooner the better. She wanted them to be a proper family more than anything she’d ever wanted in the world. With the ring sparkling on her finger, she felt closer than ever to making that dream a reality.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Emily woke the morning after Thanksgiving to a feeling of elation. She had never felt so happy. The beautiful winter sunshine was streaming in through the lace curtains, adding to her already amazed, excited state. After a brief second of doubt, Emily concluded that she wasn’t dreaming; Daniel had indeed proposed, and they were really getting married.

  Suddenly aware of all the things she had to do, she leapt out of bed. She had people to call! How had she forgotten to call Jayne and Amy to break the news? And what about her mom? She’d been so wrapped up in the moment, in her own joy and the celebration of her friends, it hadn’t even crossed her mind.

  She quickly showered and dressed, then ran down to the porch with her cell phone. Water from her still-wet hair dripped onto her shirt as she scrolled through her contacts. Her thumb hovered over her mom’s number and began to tremble. She just couldn’t find the courage to dial it. She knew her mom wouldn’t give her the sort of response she wanted; she’d been suspicious about Chantelle and would assume that Daniel was only marrying Emily to turn her into a mother to his kid. So she decided to test the water with Jayne. Her best friend always told it to her straight, but it never came with the same air of disappointment her mom exuded.

  She dialed Jayne’s cell and listened to the ring tone. Then the call connected.

  “Em!” Jayne cried. “You’re on speaker.”

  Emily paused. “Why am I on speaker?”

  “We’re in the conference room. Me and Ames.”

  “Hi, Emily!” Amy called brightly. “Is this about the job offer?”

  It took Emily a moment to work out what they were talking about. The candle business that Amy had started from her bedroom at college was, over a decade later, suddenly flourishing. She’d employed Jayne and had been trying so hard to get Emily into the fold. Neither could really understand why Emily would want to live in a small town rather than New York, why she’d want to run an inn instead of work in a swanky office with her two best friends, and they certainly couldn’t work out why she’d want to take on another man’s child (a man with a beard no less!) without any reassurance that he’d give her her own children one day.

  “Actually no,” Emily said. “It’s about…” She faltered, suddenly losing her resolve. Then she checked herself. She had nothing to be ashamed of. Even if her life was going in a different trajectory to her best friends’, it was still valid; her choices were still her own and they should be respected. “Daniel and I are getting married.”

  There was a moment of silence, followed by shrill screaming. Emily winced. She could imagine her friends with their perfectly manicured nails, their moisturized skin that smelled of rose and camellia, their shiny hair flailing as they jumped up and down in their seats.

  Through the noise, Emily made out Jayne shouting, “Oh my god!” and Amy shouting, “Congratulations!”

  She let out a sigh of relief. Her friends were on board. Another hurdle had been overcome.

  The incomprehensible screeching finally died down.

  “He hasn’t knocked you up, has he?” Jayne asked, as inappropriate as ever.

  “No!” Emily cried, laughing.

  “Jayne, shut up,” Amy scolded. “Tell us everything. How did he do it? What’s the ring like?”

  Emily recounted the story of the beach, of the declarations of love in the snow, of the gorgeous pearl ring. Her friends cooed at all the right moments. Emily could tell they were ecstatic for her.

  “Are you taking his name?” Jayne probed further. “Or double barreling? Mitchell Morey is a bit of a mouthful. Or would it be Morey Mitchell? Emily Jane Morey Mitchell. Hmm. I don’t know if I like it. Maybe you should stick with your own name, you know? It’s the strong, empowered, feminist thing to do, after all.”

  Emily’s mind whirled as Jayne spoke in her characteristically fast over-caffeinated way, barely pausing to give her time to answer any of the questions.

  “We’re going to be your bridesmaids, right?” Jayne finished, in her typically blunt, straight-talking way.

  “I haven’t thought about it yet,” Emily admitted. Jayne and Amy may indeed be her oldest friends, but she had made so many more since moving to Sunset Harbor; Serena, Yvonne, Suzanna, Karen, Cynthia. And what about Chantelle? It was important to Emily that she played a pivotal role in the whole thing.

  “Well, where’s the venue, then?” Jayne asked, sounding a little grumpy that Emily was even considering other people as her bridesmaids.

  “I don’t know that yet either,” Emily said.

  It suddenly hit her how enormous the task ahead of her was. There was so much to organize. So much to pay for. She suddenly felt very overwhelmed by the whole thing.

  “Do you think you’ll have a big wedding or small one?” Amy asked. Her questions were less loaded than Jayne’s but she still had an air of judgment about her. Emily wondered whether Amy was still upset about her own failed engagement to Fraser. Maybe she resented Emily for having a ring and fiancé when she herself had lost both.

  “We haven’t worked out any of the details yet,” Emily said. “It’s brand new.”

  “But you’ve been dreaming about this for years,” Amy added.

  Emily frowned. Marriage, yes. That had been something she’d wanted for a long time. But she’d never pictured the way her life would go. The love she had with Daniel was unique and unexpected. Their wedding ought to be the same. She needed to rethink everything to make it perfect for them, for this specific relationship, this life.

  “Can you at least tell us the date?” Jayne asked. “Our calendar is packed.”

  Emily stammered. “I don’t know.”

  “Just the month will do for now,” Jayne pressed.

  “I don’t know that either.”

  Jayne sighed with exasperation. “What about the year?”

  Emily grew frustrated. “I don’t know!” she cried. “I haven’t worked any of this out yet!”

  Silence fell. Emily could just imagine the scene: her friends exchanging a glance, sitting in leather office chairs at a huge glass table, the sound of her outburst emanating from the phone in between them and echoing around the vast conference room. She cringed with embarrassment.

  Jayne broke the silence. “Well, just make sure it doesn’t turn into one of those engagements that goes on forever,” she said in a matter-of-fact way. “You know what some men are like; it’s like they didn’t realize that once they proposed you’d be expecting an actual wedding. They do the whole overblown engagement thing and then once they’ve lured you in with a fancy ring they think they can rest on their laurels and never actually sign on the dotted line.”

  “It’s not like that,” Emily said tersely.

  “Sure,” Jayne said flippantly. “But to be certain, you should tie him down to an actual date. If it looks like he’s going to drag the engagement out, run.”

  Emily squeezed her hand into a fist. She knew she shouldn’t let Jayne—a commitment-phobe who’d never even had a proper long-term relationship—dictate the way she ought to feel about the situation, but her friend had a talent for putting doubt into her mind. As ridiculous as they were, Emily could already tell she was going to ruminate on Jayne’s words for days to come.

  “I have an idea,” Amy broke in, playing the diplomat. “Why don’t we come up to toast you? Have a visit? Help you plan a few things?”

  Despite her irritation with Jayne, Emily liked the idea of her friends coming to stay and getting involved with the wedding preparations. Once they were here, on her turf and in her domain, they’d be able to see the love she and Daniel shared with their own eye
s. They’d see how happy she was and start being a little bit more supportive.

  “That would be really great actually,” Emily said.

  They found a date that worked for everyone and Emily ended the call. But thanks to Jayne, her head was swimming and the flame of excitement inside of her dulled just a little. Her feelings were compounded by the fact she still needed to make the dreaded call to her mom, which would certainly go less well. She’d tried to invite her mom to Thanksgiving but the woman had acted like it was an insult. Nothing Emily did was ever good enough for Patricia Mitchell. If she’d felt grilled by Amy and Jayne, she would feel downright set upon by her mom.

  And that was just her family! When she added Daniel’s into the mix, her niggling fears intensified. Why did the rest of the world have to exist? Everything in Sunset Harbor felt perfect for Emily. But outside there were disapproving friends and problematic moms. There were absent fathers.

  For the first time since the proposal, Emily thought of her dad, who’d been missing for twenty years. She’d recently discovered a stash of letters in the home that proved he was still alive. Then Trevor Mann, her next door neighbor, had confirmed seeing Roy at the house just a few years earlier. Her dad was alive, yet even with that knowledge nothing had changed. Emily still had no way of contacting him. The chances of him being there to walk her down the aisle were practically nonexistent.

  Emily felt her emotions crowding in on her, threatening to extinguish the joy she’d been feeling. She looked down at the screen of her cell phone, where she’d selected her mom’s number but hadn’t yet plucked up the courage to dial it.

  Before Emily had the chance to take the plunge and call her mom, she heard the sound of footsteps coming from the stairs behind her. She spun around and saw Daniel and Chantelle trotting down toward her. Daniel had dressed the little girl in one of her gorgeous vintage outfits—a rust-colored corduroy pinafore dress with a black-and-white floral print cardigan and matching tights. She looked adorable. He himself was in his usual scruffy jeans and shirt, his dark hair shaggy, his stubble framing his strong jawline.

  “We wanted to go out for breakfast,” Daniel said. “Do something special. A celebration breakfast.”

  Emily stashed her cell phone back in her pocket. “Great idea.”

  Saved by the bell. The call to her mom would have to wait. But Emily knew she wouldn’t be able to put it off forever. Sooner or later she would be on the receiving end of the sharp tongue of Patricia Mitchell.

  *

  The smell of syrup permeated the warm air in Joe’s Diner. The family slid into one of the red plastic booths, noticing the glances and whispers as they did so.

  “Everyone already knows,” Emily said in a hushed voice to Daniel.

  He rolled his eyes. “Of course they do.” He added, sarcastically, “In fact, I’m surprised it took so long. We broke the news a whole half day ago, after all, and I’m sure it only takes Cynthia Jones an hour or two to cycle through town and spread her latest bit of gossip.”

  Chantelle giggled.

  At least the whispers and glances were cheery ones, Emily thought. Everyone seemed pleased for them. But Emily felt a little embarrassed to be the center of attention. It wasn’t every day you walked into a waffle house and made every head turn. Her own mind was still swimming with questions following her call with Amy and Jayne and she wondered if now would be an appropriate time to broach some of them with Daniel.

  Gray-haired Joe came over to the table, holding his pad in his wizened hands.

  “I hear congratulations are in order,” he said, smiling, clapping Daniel on the back. “When’s the big day?”

  Emily watched Daniel falter. He seemed just as bemused as she felt. Everyone wanted answers to questions they hadn’t even asked themselves.

  “Not sure yet,” Daniel stammered. “We haven’t ironed out any of the specifics.”

  They ordered their waffles and pancakes and once Joe had left in order to prepare their breakfasts for them, Emily got her nerve up to ask Daniel some questions.

  “When do you think we should set a date for?” Emily asked.

  Daniel looked at her with wide eyes. “Oh. I don’t know. You want to do that already?”

  Jayne’s warning echoed in Emily’s mind. “We don’t need to fix the specific date but are we thinking of months or next year? Do you want a summer wedding? Or fall, since we are in Maine?”

  She smiled but it felt strained. By the look on Daniel’s face, she could tell he hadn’t even thought that far ahead.

  “I need to think about it,” he said noncommittally.

  “I want a summer wedding,” Chantelle said. “By the harbor. With Daddy’s boat.”

  “Think about what?” Emily said, ignoring Chantelle and focusing on Daniel. “There are only four options. Sunshine, blustery wind, snowfall, or warm breezes. Which one do you prefer?”

  Daniel looked a little taken aback by Emily’s somewhat snappy tone. Chantelle, too, seemed confused.

  “I don’t know,” Daniel stammered. “There are pros and cons to all of them.”

  Emily felt her emotions swirling inside of her. Was Jayne right? Had Daniel proposed without even thinking about the fact that there was supposed to be a wedding at the end of it?

  “Have you told anyone?” Emily probed further.

  Creases of frustration appeared across Daniel’s forehead. “It’s been less than twenty-four hours,” he stated plainly, hiding the irritation Emily knew she’d stoked in him. Between his teeth he added, “Can’t we just enjoy the moment?”

  Chantelle looked from Emily to Daniel with concern in her eyes. It wasn’t often they bickered and the sight clearly alarmed her.

  Seeing the little girl looking worried struck a chord inside Emily. Whatever concerns she herself may have, it wasn’t fair to let Chantelle get caught up in them. This matter was for her and Daniel to resolve.

  “You’re right,” Emily said, exhaling.

  She reached out for Chantelle and took her hand for reassurance. Just then, Joe arrived with stacks of pancakes. Everyone began to eat silently.

  Emily felt frustrated with herself for letting Jayne’s and Amy’s words ruin her high. It wasn’t fair. Just yesterday she’d been on cloud nine.

  “Will you let Bailey be the flower girl?” Chantelle asked. “And me be a bridesmaid?”

  “We don’t know yet,” Emily explained, keeping her emotions in check.

  “But I want to walk down the aisle with you,” Chantelle added. “There will be an aisle, won’t there? Are you getting married in a church?” The little girl rummaged in her backpack and pulled out a pink notepad and sparkly pen. “Let’s write a list,” she said.

  Despite her underlying anguish, Emily couldn’t help but feel cheered by the sight of Chantelle in organizer mode. She always looked so serious, so grown up and beyond her years.

  “The first thing you need to arrange is the venue,” Chantelle said in a very efficient voice that made Emily picture her running the inn one day.

  “You’re right,” Emily said, looking at Daniel. “Let’s think about the venue first then work from there.” She felt determined not to let her high be ruined. “Let’s not rush any decisions. “

  For the first time since she’d pestered him for answers, Daniel seemed to relax. The frown lines on his forehead disappeared. Emily felt relieved.

  Out the window of the diner, Emily could see that a tree was being raised in the center of town. In all the excitement she’d completely forgotten about the town Christmas tree; it was raised the day after Thanksgiving every year. She’d gone to watch it as a child whenever the family had been in Sunset Harbor for a winter vacation. She recalled that there was also an annual tree lighting that took place in the evening.

  “We should go and see the tree being lit tonight,” Emily said.

  Chantelle looked up from her notepad, which was now filled with a long bullet point list written in her scrawling handwriting. “Can we?” She
looked excited.

  “Of course,” Emily said. “But first we should get our own tree. If the town has one, the inn ought to have one as well. What do you think about that, Chantelle?”

  Emily felt her own excitement grow as she realized that the inn would accommodate an enormous Christmas tree. As a child their father had only ever gotten a small one for the living room, since they were only ever vacationing in the house. But now that it was her home she could put an enormous ten-foot tree in the foyer. Maybe even fifteen-foot! She and Chantelle could decorate it together, using a stepladder to reach the top branches. The thought filled her with childish anticipation.

  “Can we, Daddy?” Chantelle asked Daniel, who was sitting rather quietly as he munched on his pancakes. “Can we get a Christmas tree?”

  Daniel nodded. “Sure.”

  “And then go to the tree lighting in town?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Emily frowned, wondering what Daniel was thinking, why the thought of such a delightful family outing wasn’t filling him with joy like it did her and Chantelle. Daniel was as much a mystery to her as ever, even though she now had a ring on her finger and was more than ready to commit to him forever. She wondered if she’d ever really know what was going on in his head, or if even, when she became Mrs. Daniel Morey, she’d still be left wondering.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Dory’s Christmas Tree Farm was a short drive away on the outskirts of Sunset Harbor. The family drove together in Daniel’s rusty red pickup truck. There were still patches of Thanksgiving Day’s snow on the banks, and as they drove past Emily touched the ring on her finger, remembering the snow that had fallen around her as Daniel proposed.

  They pulled up into the makeshift parking lot and all hopped out of the truck. There were many families here; clearly everyone had the same idea. Parents milled around while their children ran excitedly about the place, threading through the lines of trees.

  Instead of Dory, it was a young girl on the cusp of teenagehood who greeted them. She introduced herself as Grace, Dory’s daughter, and she had the same wispy blond hair as Chantelle. She was wearing a fanny pack stuffed with dollar bills and a paper pad to write receipts.