If Only Forever

by Sophie Love

  She glanced all around, searching, then noticed him through the partly open door to the living room. He was hunched over a copy of the Sunset Gazette. His job hunting had already commenced, Emily realized, and though she admired him for getting right on it, she couldn’t help but project her mind into a future where he was never available, and that caused her anguish.

  “Sorry, what?” Emily said, realizing she hadn’t listened to a word of the voice on the other end of the line. “Oh, no, I’m perfectly happy with my current Wi-Fi provider.”

  She hung up, her gaze still focused on Daniel and the intensity of his job hunting. Just then Lois emerged, coming down the staircase in a fluster.

  “There you are,” Emily said.

  “I’m so sorry,” Lois stammered. “I was helping Marnie fold the bedding.”

  Marnie was the new housekeeper. Emily loved the fact that her staff were becoming good friends, that they were helping one another out, and in her mind she immediately forgave Lois for straying from her duties.

  “That’s okay,” Emily told the young woman. “Just remember it’s important to keep the desk attended whenever possible.”

  With Lois finally located, Emily clocked off and went into the living room to see Daniel. He was sitting at the table in the bay window, chewing the end of his pen, the newspaper spread out in front of him and covered in red circles.

  “Looks like you’ve had some luck there,” Emily said, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

  “Yeah, I’ve found a couple of things,” Daniel said distractedly. “Handyman jobs mostly. But they’re all just the same kind of casual work I do here. Nothing permanent.”

  Emily thought he sounded a little despondent.

  “You can’t expect to find the perfect job the first time you open a newspaper,” she said. “I’m sure you’ll find something soon.” She kissed the crown of his head and looked up at the clock. “We need to go and pick Chantelle up from school.”

  Daniel looked up from the paper, shocked. “It’s that time already?” He looked back down at the newspaper and then up at Emily with a slightly pained expression. “I’ve got a ton of calls to make. Is it okay if I stay here and plow on with the job hunt?”

  “Sure,” Emily said, faltering.

  Daniel had never missed a drop-off or collection of Chantelle. The school run was one of the times he seemed most energized, most like the father he was learning to become. Was this the beginning of him taking Emily for granted? Her feelings were so conflicted. This whole adoption thing was her doing. She couldn’t have it both ways. Perhaps Daniel was treating her like Chantelle’s mother because that’s what she was asking to be?

  She went out to her car and realized there was no car seat for Chantelle. Had she really not driven in her own car since Chantelle had arrived? They’d so easily fallen into the habit of taking Daniel’s pickup truck everywhere, traveling everywhere as a family.

  After grabbing the car seat from the truck and fixing it into her own car, Emily felt a sudden surge of reminiscent independence. This was the car that had transported her to her new life in Maine, after all.

  She turned the key in the ignition and took a moment to listen to the thrum of the engine as it turned over, still spluttering and struggling just as it had done all those months ago. Then, with a confident exhalation, Emily headed along the drive and out onto West Street.

  As she passed Trevor’s house she wondered what was going on behind his closed curtains. Remembering her resolve to visit him more often, she decided to do so this afternoon. Maybe Chantelle would want to accompany her. The child had such a caring side and she knew her presence would really help lift Trevor’s spirits. And anyway, Daniel was too preoccupied to entertain Chantelle after school, so she may as well tag along with Emily.

  Emily turned onto the coastal path, following the roads of Sunset Harbor toward Chantelle’s school. As she drove, she tried to sift through all her thoughts, to organize the jumble of events into something coherent. Adoption, Trevor, her father, Daniel, the wedding; it wasn’t like she was short on things to ruminate over.

  So absorbed in her thoughts was Emily that the drive to school went by in a flash. Before she knew it, she’d reached the busy parking lot, where the familiar cars of her new parent friends crawled into spaces. Being in her own unfamiliar car gained her glances from the other parents, and reminded Emily that this was her first solo trip collecting Chantelle. But she always found the school gates to be a place of support, so she swallowed her flutter of nerves as she parked and headed to the school gates with her head held high.

  Emily wasn’t sure whether people were talking about her or whether she was just paranoid, but she felt great relief when she spotted her friend Yvonne. She was alone as well, stood with her back resting against the fence, completely engrossed in her cell phone. Emily made a beeline for her.

  Yvonne looked up and, blushing, shoved her phone into her pocket.

  “These games are so addictive,” she laughed, reaching for Emily and embracing her.

  Emily felt instantly more comfortable standing beside Yvonne. Yvonne never seemed to care what other people thought of her and it was something Emily admired in her friend. She wished she could be as confident.

  “No Kieran today?” Emily asked.

  “His flying schedule at the moment is crazy,” Yvonne explained with a shake of the head. “He’s doing the ten-day transatlantic route, back and forth between Hawaii and Japan. Then he’s straight off to Paris to vacation with his other kids. I won’t see him for three weeks!”

  Emily couldn’t help but project her own feelings onto Yvonne’s situation. Like her, Yvonne had responsibilities beyond her own family, namely Kieran’s children from his prior marriage. Yvonne was also juggling that fine line between being accommodating and being a doormat. Emily wondered if that would be her soon, picking Chantelle up alone with Daniel never to be seen, torn from the family by a job their legal situation demanded he take. The thought troubled her.

  Just then the school doors opened and Bailey and Chantelle came running out, bounding down the steps. When Chantelle had first started here she’d been timid, following the firecracker that was Bailey, always in her shadow. Now she held her own. She was confident, animated. Since moving to Sunset Harbor the child had really come to life. Seeing her smile was just the antidote Emily needed for her worries. Everything was worth it for Chantelle.

  Chantelle rushed up to Emily excitedly and threw her arms around her. Emily bundled her up in her arms, noting the incongruity of the situation. Just a few hours earlier she’d been discussing court cases and legal battles, but for the girl it had just been another carefree day at school, chatting with friends, painting pictures and reading books. The contrast between her role as a comforting mom and a hard-nosed appellant was somewhat jarring.

  “Right, we’re off to ballet practice,” Yvonne said, kissing Emily goodbye.

  The little girls also bid their farewells, and then Emily and Chantelle headed hand in hand to the parking lot.

  When Chantelle saw Emily’s beat up car instead of Daniel’s pickup truck she frowned.

  “Where’s Daddy?” she asked in her sweet, innocent voice.

  “He’s just doing some work at the inn,” Emily explained as calmly as she could, though the question triggered a flutter in her chest. “I was wondering if you wanted to go and see Trevor?” she said quickly, changing the subject before Chantelle could probe further into Daniel’s absence.

  “Okay,” Chantelle said as she climbed into her car seat and buckled up. “But we’ll have to stop by a store so we can bring him some fruit.”

  Emily hadn’t explained the graveness of Trevor’s situation to Chantelle. She’d just told her that he was very unwell. Fruit wouldn’t take away Trevor’s brain tumor but Emily didn’t have the heart to tell Chantelle that.

  “Great idea,” she said with a smile.

  She got into her own seat, whereby she
turned the car on and drove them to the grocery store. Chantelle chose some shiny red apples, a bunch of grapes, and several bananas. She also added hot chocolate packets to the basket, microwavable popcorn, and some sparkly stickers, the sort of things that made her happy when she was sick. Satisfied that their care package was complete, they headed off in the car again and pulled up in front of Trevor’s house.

  Emily went ahead and rang his doorbell. When he answered the door, he looked terrible.

  “Oh, Trevor,” Emily gasped, her heart clenching with sorrow. The grocery bag filled with fruit and snacks seemed suddenly juvenile.

  “Emily,” Trevor replied, smiling thinly. “I’m glad to see you. Chantelle, you’re here too.”

  Chantelle handed him the paper bag. “For you,” she said, grinning.

  Trevor took the bag and peered over the top at the sparkly stickers. Though he smiled, Emily could see the emotion in his eyes. He was holding something back.

  “Chantelle, why don’t you run home now? Go and see Daddy,” Emily suggested, suddenly concerned for Trevor. “Mogsy and Rain need a walk. And Owen’s coming over for your singing lessons so have a snack,” she added. “Remind Daddy, okay?”

  But the little girl was already halfway across the lawn, skipping and looking carefree. “Okay!” she called back.

  Once Emily had watched Chantelle safely enter the house, she turned her full attention to Trevor.

  “Trevor, is everything okay?” she asked tenderly. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

  Silently, Trevor gestured for Emily to come inside. She stepped over the threshold into his house, the antiseptic smell now familiar to her. They went and sat together in his living room, which was decorated sparsely, almost clinically. Trevor had no photographs up on the mantel or shelves. He said he preferred his living space to be uncluttered, but Emily wondered whether it was because he actually had no one left to put pictures up of. The thought pained Emily.

  They settled into his comfortable, crisp white sofa.

  “I had another appointment today,” Trevor explained in his calm, dignified way.

  “And?” Emily asked, encouraging him to continue.

  Trevor did not meet her eye as he spoke.

  “My prognosis has been reduced. They’ve given me three to six months.”

  Emily pressed a hand to her gaping mouth with shock. Three months? It was so little! She quickly calculated it in her head and realized there was a chance that Trevor might only just make it a little past the new year. She couldn’t comprehend it.

  “I’m… I’m so sorry,” Emily said breathlessly.

  Trevor just shook his head. “Apologies won’t keep me alive,” he said, sighing.

  Emily felt mute, dumb, useless. There was nothing to be done. Trevor’s death was imminent. No amount of popcorn or stickers could stop it.

  “Let me fix you some dinner,” Emily said.

  She could tell he hadn’t been eating properly because of the amount of weight he’d lost recently. Again, it didn’t feel like enough, but it was something.

  “Emily, you don’t need to do that,” Trevor protested.

  But Emily insisted. She knew it was only his pride that made him refuse her offer of help.

  “I’m not going to allow you to neglect yourself,” came her rebuke.

  Finally Trevor relented.

  They went into the kitchen, which was as immaculately clean as ever. Emily made them coffee first, then began cooking dinner.

  “You can always take your meals at the inn,” she told him as she chopped peppers.

  “I couldn’t.”

  “Why ever not?” Emily replied. “It’s not like you’d be the only person in Sunset Harbor to do so!” She laughed, thinking of how she’d started collecting all the waifs and strays of the town, how they’d begun congregating at the inn like it were some kind of meeting place. The thought warmed her.

  “I’m not an invalid,” Trevor said with dry sarcasm, smoothing his moustache. “Not quite yet anyway.”

  Emily just shrugged and turned back to her chopping. “Well, Parker will be cooking an extra dish each day anyway so you may as well…” She looked over her shoulder and grinned mischievously.

  “Fine,” Trevor relented. “But only because I hate the thought of it going to waste.”

  Once the food was cooked, Emily served it up to Trevor and then sat at the table with him so he had company while he ate. She caught a glance at the clock and realized Owen would soon be arriving for Chantelle’s singing lesson. She wondered whether she ought to be heading home, whether Daniel had remembered to give Chantelle her snack. But then she found her focus drawn back to Trevor, away from the mess of her life. Having some distance from the inn gave her a brief respite from wedding woes and adoption anxiety. For the first time in a long time she felt a sense of peace. To think she’d find that in Trevor Mann’s company! She vowed to spend as much time as she could spare with Trevor, to be a good neighbor, a good person, to make sure his last few months on this earth were not spent alone.

  It was dark by the time she left Trevor’s house. The lights were on in the carriage house, and as she passed she could just make out Colin through the windows as he paced back and forth holding a paper before him, gesticulating wildly and talking to himself. Emily wondered if perhaps he was a Shakespearean actor. Or a madman. Either way it wasn’t her business.

  Lolly and Lola the chickens had tucked themselves away in their coop for the night and were out of sight as Emily made her way up the back path. As she opened the back door, Rain and Mogsy rushed for her, leaping up for pats and licks. She wondered if Daniel had remembered to walk them in her absence.

  She entered the kitchen and found Parker and Matthew washing dishes.

  “Is dinner over already?” she asked, shocked by how much time had passed.

  “The last guests finished at nine p.m.,” Parker said. “Everyone’s either out in town or up in their rooms already.”

  Emily couldn’t believe it was so late. She’d gotten completely lost in her visit with Trevor and hadn’t realized how much time had passed.

  From the living room she could hear the sound of Chantelle singing, accompanied by Owen on the piano. He must have been here for two hours already! It was almost Chantelle’s bedtime!

  She rushed into the living room.

  “I’m sorry I’m so late,” she said, bustling in.

  It was only then that she noticed Serena sitting on the sofa. For a brief moment Emily felt confused—Serena didn’t have a shift tonight. But then she noticed the way her friend was gazing adoringly at Owen on the piano and she smiled to herself, happy to know that affection was growing between them. Perhaps they would begin dating soon, if Owen ever got the guts up to ask Serena out.

  “You must have been playing for hours!” Emily said with a gasp.

  “Yes, but I don’t mind,” Owen replied, smiling, his fingers not stopping for a second. “Playing this beautiful instrument is an honor, really. And hearing Chantelle sing, of course. She’s really improving. I didn’t know such a thing could be possible.”

  Chantelle beamed. Emily was glad to see her confidence growing. She’d been so terrified to sing in front of an audience, yet here she was now looking more than comfortable with Serena watching on.

  “That’s wonderful,” Emily said. “But I’m afraid we’ll have to call it a night now. Chantelle has school in the morning. It’s time for bed.”

  Owen’s haunting piano playing stopped abruptly. He went to stand.

  “Not you,” Emily smirked. “You can stay as long as you like!”

  As she led Chantelle out of the room, she winked at Serena. Her friend blushed, clearly embarrassed by just how transparent she was making her feelings.

  “Where’s your dad?” Emily asked Chantelle as she led her upstairs.

  She’d been expecting to see Daniel in the living room during Chantelle’s singing lesson, but once again he’d made himself invisible. She worried
that their meeting with Richard had something to do with it, that perhaps he was having second thoughts.

  But then she noticed the look on Chantelle’s face—a naughty kind of smirk—and she could tell the little girl knew something that she wasn’t letting on. Her stomach sunk at the thought she was about to be the brunt of a prank.

  “Chantelle,” Emily said in a somewhat warning tone. “Tell me where your dad is and what he’s up to.”

  Chantelle shook her head. “Not telling you. But you’ll find out soon.”

  They reached the landing and Emily braced herself, expecting Daniel to leap out and scare her, or a face full of silly string. Instead, the only thing that Emily noticed that was out of place was the dancing light of candles coming through the crack under her bedroom door, and the perfumey smell that permeated the air.

  “What is that?” she said, confused.

  Chantelle giggled. Just then, the bedroom door flew open and there stood Daniel. Not dressed as a ghoul or with a plate filled with whipped cream, but in his pajamas.

  “This way,” he said, gesturing for Emily to enter the room.

  She frowned, bemused. “But Chantelle needs a story before bed and—”

  Chantelle cut her off by giving her a little shove. “Serena’s going to put me to bed. It’s all settled. Don’t worry.”

  Emily shook her head, confused. “It’s all settled? What’s all settled?”

  “Your date!” Chantelle announced.

  Just then, Serena appeared behind her, having crept up the stairs silently.

  “You were in on this?” Emily laughed.

  Serena just held a finger to her lips. She whisked Chantelle away into her room, leaving Emily standing alone in the corridor, with Daniel before her.

  He held out his hand, palm up. Emily smiled and placed her hand in his.

  He led her silently through the master bedroom and into their en suite. There, Emily saw that he was running a bubble bath. Lined around the outside were scented candles. There was a bowl of fresh strawberries and two glasses of champagne.

  “What’s all this?” Emily asked, touched.

  “I thought we needed a bit of time just the two of us,” Daniel said. “To relax and not think about any of the heavy stuff.”