If Only Forever

by Sophie Love

  “You got us presents?” Daniel asked, choking up.

  “When did you do all this?” Emily added with surprise.

  Chantelle tapped her nose but Emily guessed that Yvonne had had something to do with it. If she could hide sparkly white cat suits from them she could certainly hide this! She smiled to herself, grateful to have made such a wonderful friend.

  “These are for Mogsy and Rain,” Chantelle said, putting two gifts aside. “And I got one for Lola and Lolly to share, which I hope they won’t mind.”

  Emily felt tears spring into her eyes. Chantelle was such a sweet, gentle child. She’d even gotten gifts for the chickens!

  Then Chantelle handed them each a gift. Emily’s was wrapped in pages from a glossy Barbie magazine. Daniel’s looked like pages from a local phone book. Emily couldn’t help but laugh at Chantelle’s attempts to theme the gift wrap.

  Lost for words, she began to unwrap her gift. To her utter delight, it was an antique broach, a slightly gaudy owl made from tiny crystals. Not something Emily would usually wear but the thought Chantelle had put into getting it made it extra special.

  “I love it,” Emily said, clutching it to her chest. “It will look beautiful on my jacket.”

  Chantelle grinned happily. Then Emily looked over at Daniel to see what the little girl had gotten him. It was a small porcelain figurine of a dark-haired man holding a fishing rod in one hand, his other hand slipped into the hand of a blond-haired girl in an oversized fishing hat.

  “It’s us,” Chantelle exclaimed. “We’re going fishing.”

  “I can see that,” Daniel said, emotional. “It’s just… uncanny. Isn’t it, Emily?” He held it up to her so she could get a better look.

  “What does uncanny mean?” Chantelle asked. “Is it bad?”

  Emily peered at the statue. It really was a remarkable likeness. She wondered where Chantelle could have found something so utterly perfect. Daniel was so clearly touched.

  “Do you like it?” Chantelle asked, frowning.

  Daniel reached for her and hugged her tightly. “I love it.”

  Emily looked on at the happy scene, of the fire glowing and her beautiful family embracing one another. It was the best sight her eyes could have been graced with.

  “My turn,” Emily said to Chantelle and Daniel.

  She went over to the tree and grabbed a box for Daniel. Then she took out not one, not two, not three, but four different gifts for Chantelle. The little girl looked shocked.

  “All for me?” she asked, surprised.

  Clearly she’d never had so many gifts in her life. It made Emily sad to think of the child’s neglectful past.

  Chantelle opened the first gift, taking care as she removed the wrapping, which she then folded beside her neatly. It was a set of pastel pencils and a sketchbook.

  “I love it!” she cried.

  Emily smiled, relieved. “Keep going,” she encouraged.

  Chantelle opened the next present with the same level of care. She gasped with delight as she saw the ten-piece set of Beatrix Potter books. Emily remembered her commenting once on the illustrations and how much she loved them, and Emily herself had adored the books when she was younger. She couldn’t wait to read them to Chantelle.

  Chantelle carefully placed the books beside her and moved onto the next gift. This was larger than the last two, and Emily realized that Chantelle was opening them in size order, which was so typical of the highly organized child.

  “Boots!” Chantelle cried, as she pulled out the cute leather animal-designed boots. They were from the same collection as Bailey’s, although her friend had a frog design and Chantelle’s was a fox. But she’d always remarked on how much she loved Bailey’s boots, and now they could be like twins.

  “They’re sooooo soooo nice!” Chantelle added. She slid the boots right on there and then, even though she was in her pajamas. It was a funny sight to behold.

  “And your final gift,” Emily said, nodding to the largest one of them all.

  Chantelle’s fingers moved slowly as she unwrapped the gift, almost as though she were savoring the moment and didn’t want it to end.

  “Oh wow!” Chantelle cried as she removed from the paper a Polaroid camera complete with film refills. “A camera?”

  Emily nodded. “You enjoyed taking pictures so much when we went sledding I thought you might like to have your own camera. And since your dad loved photography when he was young I figured there might be some kind of genetic talent, an inherited flair.”

  “You liked taking photos?” Chantelle asked Daniel.

  “When I was younger,” he said, looking a little embarrassed.

  “Here, look,” Emily said, reaching out for the camera. “Say cheese!”

  Chantelle grinned and Emily snapped a picture. Then it popped out of the top and Chantelle exclaimed. She grabbed the Polaroid.

  “What’s this?” she said, staring at the gray shiny square in her hands.

  “That’s the photo,” Emily explained.

  “But I can’t see anything.”

  “Just wait,” Emily said. “It’s like magic.”

  Chantelle sat on her knees, her elbows propped onto the rug, staring at the picture as it developed. She looked utterly delighted as her image emerged before her.

  Chantelle threw her arms around Emily’s neck. “That’s amazing!” she exclaimed. “I can take pictures of you and Daddy and Bailey and Toby and the dogs and chickens and decorate my walls.”

  Her neck thoroughly squeezed by Chantelle’s vise-like hug, Emily was delighted that she’d managed to find Chantelle gifts that she could enjoy.

  “My gift is nowhere as good as Emily’s,” Daniel said, looking coy as he produced a gift from behind his back.

  It was poorly wrapped, but Chantelle didn’t notice. She took the gift eagerly and unwrapped it gently.

  “What is it?” Chantelle asked, holding up a telescope.

  “It’s for looking at the stars,” Daniel explained. “You can set it up in your window and then when the sky gets dark you can look at the stars. If you’re lucky you might even see a shooting star.”

  Chantelle’s mouth dropped open. “Really?”

  Daniel nodded, looking a little relieved that Chantelle seemed so interested in the gift he’d gotten her. “You can even see the craters of the moon.”

  Chantelle looked at the telescope in her hands like it was a magic wand. “Wow,” she gasped.

  Daniel looked over at Emily and gave a sheepish grin. She smiled at him reassuringly. They’d done an excellent job of gifting on their first ever Christmas, and they had one happy kid on their hands.

  “It’s still dark now,” Chantelle said, looking up, eyes wide and eager. “Can we go and look for shooting stars?”

  Daniel nodded and stood, just as enthusiastic by Chantelle’s excitement. Emily smiled as she watched them run off, hand in hand, Chantelle in her cute little nightdress and boot combo, the telescope tucked under her arm, and thought about how much she loved them, how she really had struck gold.

  *

  Emily was exhausted by the time day turned into evening and the dinner guests were due. Chantelle had kept her and Daniel on their toes all day, running round with excitement, snapping photos.

  But it was with renewed energy that she opened the door to Suzanna and Wesley that evening. Toby was with them and he rushed off to find Chantelle.

  “This way,” Emily said, leading them into the dining room.

  “Oh, it looks fab in here,” Suzanna said, glancing at the beautiful fairy lights and snowflake decorations.

  More and more guests arrived, until the table was heaving with guests, neighbors, and friends alike, from Owen to the Canadian family staying at the inn. Listening to their loud, happy chatter, Emily felt overwhelmed with gratitude and love.

  Dinner was a loud, warm, and happy affair, and the food Matthew had prepared was utterly delicious.

  Allison, who sat beside Emily, leaned in to
her. “I noticed the menorah,” she said. “Are you Jewish?”

  “Daniel is,” Emily explained. “He was lapsed but having Chantelle now has made him remember all the traditions and how much he loved them. They lit the menorah together last night, and again today. It’s been really lovely to watch.”

  “We’re Jewish too,” Allison explained, gesturing to her husband, Saul, who sat across from her. “That’s why I was so pleased to see a menorah. And sufganoit.” She winked, holding up a little ball of fried donut.

  Emily laughed. “I had no idea.”

  Allison nodded. “That’s one of the lovely things about Sunset Harbor. The whole spectrum is represented.”

  “What do you mean?” Emily asked. She knew Raj and Sunita Patel were Hindu, and her close friend Serena was Sikh, but other than that she’d just assumed everyone was Christian.

  “Well, Suzanna and Wesley are Buddhist, aren’t they?” Allison said, nodding at the couple.

  “They are?” Emily exclaimed. She’d had no idea. How could something like that have not come up in conversation?

  “Oh yes. Suzanna’s parents are from Thailand originally. I think Wesley is Sri Lankan. But you should check with them, I might be wrong.”

  Emily shook her head, surprised. Despite knowing Suzanna and Wesley for several months, somehow this information had passed her by. She felt like a terrible friend for not knowing. At the same time she was even more touched than before that they’d come to her Christmas dinner, since neither of them celebrated the festival themselves!

  And at the same time she thought about how welcome everyone was at the inn, and how much she loved the way the space had become so inclusive for everyone.

  But as Emily glanced around the table, a moment of sadness overcame her. She hadn’t heard anything from her dad. Perhaps it had been wishful thinking on her part, but she’d really thought that if he’d read her email, if he knew he was forgiven, then today of all days he’d be in touch. Emily found herself discreetly checking her phone throughout the meal to see if there were any new messages but there never were.

  Likewise, Sheila hadn’t been in touch either. And though Chantelle hadn’t asked after her mother aloud Emily knew she’d be wishing for contact deep down, that when the thrill of Christmas faded she’d be wondering why she hadn’t heard anything for her own mother.

  Emily felt suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. She excused herself from the table and ventured outside onto the porch, wrapping herself in her jacket where she’d pinned the diamond owl. The sight of it was enough to reduce her to tears.

  Emily sat on the swinging chair and tucked her legs up under her, gazing up at the moon. As she did so, she felt the now familiar sensation of being sucked into the past.

  In this memory she was with Charlotte again. They were on a swing that her father had made out of a piece of wood and rope, which he’d strung up between two trees. They were sat together because the swing was just big enough to accommodate them both, and their arms were linked.

  “I love my dolly,” Charlotte said.

  They’d both been gifted rag dolls, which were sitting upon each of their knees. Charlotte’s wore a gorgeous patchwork dress and had hair made of ginger wool. She’d immediately decided to call hers Michelle. Emily hadn’t named her own doll yet. She was taking her time with the decision because she wanted it to be perfect. Her own rag doll was more delicate, with blond hair and a pale blue dress. She had pink cheeks which were made of felt circles sewn onto her face with big woolen stitches. She needed an elegant name, like one of the girls in those books about Victorian British orphans that Emily loved to read.

  “It’s midnight,” Emily told Charlotte, as she looked down at the face of her new pink watch. “That means Christmas is over.”

  “It was the best Christmas ever,” Charlotte replied.

  Emily nodded. “Yes. It was.”

  The two girls hugged their dollies tightly, swinging back and forth between the branches of the tall, strong oak tree.

  Then suddenly Emily was back on the seat on the porch. No dollies. No Charlotte beside her. Just herself, swinging alone twenty-five years later. She didn’t even try to stop her tears from falling.

  The sound of footsteps from behind startled her out of her upset. Daniel came and sat beside her.

  “You’re sad,” he stated.

  Without explanation, Emily just nodded and rested her head against his shoulder. No words were forthcoming and so she said nothing at all. But Daniel held her tightly, reminding Emily that she wasn’t alone, that although things changed, time passed, and the people around her were not the same as they had been all those years ago, she was certainly not alone.

  “I have an idea,” Daniel said.

  Emily moved out of his one-armed hug and looked up at him. “What’s that?”

  “The New Year’s party,” he said. “How about we throw a Prohibition theme? I’ll get the bar fixed up as a speakeasy.”

  He smiled encouragingly. Emily knew he was trying to cheer her up and greatly appreciated the effort. Maybe he was right. Having something to plan over the next week would certainly keep her preoccupied, and the Christmas party had been a resounding success after all, as had the Thanksgiving party just a month earlier.

  “We’ll start getting a reputation,” Emily laughed.

  “Isn’t that a good thing?” Daniel replied.

  “I guess. But won’t it be too much work for you? You’re supposed to be having a vacation from Jack Cooper’s! Where will you find the energy?”

  She didn’t want to mention her other concern, that there would be no time left to plan their wedding.

  Daniel cupped her face and kissed her gently. “For you, Emily, I can do it.”

  Despite her upset, Emily felt humbled with gratitude and love. It had been a wonderful Christmas.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Emily woke the next morning to find the other side of the bed empty. Her initial panic that Daniel had left her during the night was quelled when she heard the sound of hammering coming from downstairs. He must have woken early to keep his promise of working on the bar.

  Emily dressed and went to fetch Chantelle for breakfast. When she found the child in her room, she could instantly tell that Chantelle was upset.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked as she held her hand and led her downstairs to the kitchen.

  “Nothing.” Chantelle shrugged. She hopped up onto one of the stools. Then she wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Is Daddy going to be making that noise all day?”

  Emily laughed. “All week, actually.”

  She brought a glass of juice and a bowl of cereal over to Chantelle and set them down in front of her, then took the stool opposite.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked, again.

  Chantelle began pushing cereal around her bowl with her spoon. “I just thought I might get a call from Mom,” she said.

  Emily felt a sinking sensation in her chest. Not just because Chantelle was sad, and that Sheila had disappointed the child again, but because it was the first time in a while she’d heard her express any kind of desire to have contact with her mom. For the first time, Emily felt filled with doubt over whether pursuing adoption was the right course of action after all.

  “Why are you sad?” Chantelle asked.

  Emily looked at the sweet, caring child. “I just have lots of things on my mind,” she said.

  “Is it because your mom didn’t call on Christmas?” Chantelle asked. “Or because your daddy didn’t write back to you?”

  Emily frowned. “How did you know I’d written to him?” she asked.

  “Because you’re always checking your emails,” Chantelle replied. “I figured if it was anyone else you’d just call them.”

  Emily raised her eyebrows, impressed with how astute the child could be.

  “Come on, clever clogs,” she said, “Let’s go draw some invitations for the party.”

  Chantelle jumped down from the br
eakfast bar and they headed down the hallway. The sound of Daniel’s hammering grew louder.

  “Do you really think Daddy will be finished in time for the party?” Chantelle asked as they passed the living room, where a sheet had been hung across to stop anyone from snooping.

  “I do,” Emily said, smiling. “When your dad puts his mind to something, he doesn’t give up.”

  But her smile faded as she realized there was one thing Daniel seemed to have given up on, and that was planning their wedding. She took a breath to calm her mind. There was a week until New Year’s. Then after that, their calendar would be blank once more. No more distractions. Emily made a decision then that she wouldn’t mention a single thing to do with the wedding until New Year’s. That was Daniel’s deadline. After that, it was full steam ahead whether he liked it or not.

  *

  Once the chaos of Christmas began to die down, Emily took the first opportunity she could to visit Trevor. When she reached his front door she found it partly ajar. A bolt of anguish struck her.

  Emily pushed the door fully open and rushed inside, calling, “Trevor! Trevor?”

  A small voice called back. “I’m over here!”

  Emily gave herself a moment to slow her racing heartbeat, then followed the direction Trevor’s voice had come from. She walked through the kitchen, the utility room, then out through the conservatory. No wonder Trevor’s voice had sounded so quiet; he was all the way outside!

  “Trevor, what are you doing out here?” Emily asked as she entered the conservatory and found him sitting in a garden chair wrapped up in blankets.

  “Just admiring at the view,” Trevor replied with a knowing smile.

  Emily looked out the conservatory windows and saw then that Trevor had a clear view into the greenhouse where the four spindly fruit trees stood.

  “You knew it was us?” Emily said.

  Trevor nodded. “And I love it. The most thoughtful gift I could imagine.”

  Emily wasn’t sure, but she thought she might have seen a sparkle of tears in the corner of his eye.

  “Now, if you have the time, come and tell me about your Christmas,” Trevor said. He patted the seat beside him. “How was the choir service? How is the wedding planning going? I want to know everything.”