by Sammie Grace
He said, “Sure. I just never bring the same girl more than once. If I brought a girl back a second time for Paisano Sunday, my mother would be booking the church, and my aunts would be freezing meatballs and gravy for the reception.”
I laughed, “You’re kidding.”
He said, “My mother’s been hounding me for years to get married. I’m an only child, and she wants grandchildren in a bad way. She can’t wait until I give her some little Maronis. She goes to church every day and lights candles.”
I said, “What do you say to her?”
“I give her a kiss and tell her when I find someone as beautiful as she is, I’ll get married.”
Helen said, “What does she say to that?”
“She smacks me in the head and says a bunch of stuff in Italian that I don’t understand.”
I asked, “So, you grew up on Federal Hill?”
He said, “Only until I went to high school. Then we moved to Lincoln. I’ll take you girls on a tour of Federal Hill before we go to my parents’. It’s on the way.”
Tony exited off I-95 onto Atwells Avenue. We passed under a huge arched gateway with a bronzed pinecone in the center. Tony told us this landmark is the entrance to Federal Hill, and the pinecone is an Italian symbol of abundance and quality. He then started pointing out all his favorite restaurants and bakeries, which lined both sides of the street. He also pointed out where some of the famous Mafia hits took place. At the end of the restaurant district, he hung a left and took us in a neighborhood that consisted mostly of old triple-decker homes. He pulled up in front of one of them and parked.
He said, “This is my old house. Most of my relatives still live on the Hill. I think I’m related to most of the people up here. When we lived here, we had the top two floors of this house; my grandparents, my mother’s parents, lived on the bottom floor. My grandmother is still alive, but my grandfather died about fifteen years ago. My grandmother lives with my parents in Lincoln now. My mother is the youngest of nine. I have five aunts and three uncles, and that’s just on my mother’s side. My father has six brothers. We rent a hall for our family Christmas party.”
He then drove us to Lincoln. We pulled up to a huge house that sat on about two acres of land. The driveway was full, and more cars were lined up on the street. We got out of the car and walked up to the house. Tony opened the front door and ushered us in. It was a hot day, and the first thing that hit us was the smell of garlic and sounds of Frank Sinatra. The house was comfortably air-conditioned, which was a nice change from the humidity we’d been experiencing. We entered a big two-story foyer. The living room was on the left, and off to the right was the biggest dining room I’d ever seen in a house. The dining room table was covered with food. The living room had three card tables surrounded by older men playing cards. When we walked in, they all looked up at once.
In unison they shouted, “Hey, Tony.” Then all twelve of them slowly looked Helen and me up and down. Tony escorted us into the living room.
He introduced me. “Everyone, this is my friend, Meggie. Her grandmother owns the marina where I keep my boat.” He then put his arm around Helen’s shoulder and with great fanfare said, “And, this is Helen, my Polish Princess.”
Tony then introduced us to his uncles. There was Leo, Marco, Louie, Joey, Paulie, Nando, two Uncle Tonys, Mario, Dominic, Nick, and the ass-pinching Uncle Guido.
At that point, Tony’s dad, Al, came in, and Tony introduced us. He was a tall, barrel-chested man. He gave each of us girls a big bear hug and welcomed us to his home.
He said, “Tony, you’ve gotta fatten these skinny girls up.” He turned toward the other guys, put up his hands, and said, “Girls these days, they think men want skinny women. We like curves on our girls, don’t we, guys?”
They all nodded. One said, “Love curves. Somethin’ to hold on to when you’re doin’ the rumba.”
Al told his son, “Tony, take these two beauties and get them something to eat and drink. You girls like cannolis? My wife makes the best.” He lifted his right arm, kissed his fingers, and threw them in the air.
Helen and I nodded.
Tony said, “Okay, Dad, I’ll take them out to meet Ma and get them something to eat.”
Tony’s dad told him, “Make sure they get some antipasto. Aunt Loretta made it special for today.”
“Okay, Dad.”
We walked into the kitchen, which was full of women. He stopped to introduce us to his cousins Jeanne, Mary, and Mary Lynn and then went off to find us some drinks.
Jeanne said to us, “It’s always nice to meet Tony’s friends. Is one of you dating him?”
Helen and I looked at each other and said at the same time, “We’re just friends of his.”
Jeanne said, “Well, our Tony’s a good catch. He’s the smart one in the family. He went to Brown, you know. The only one in the family that went Ivy League.”
Helen and I had no idea that Tony had gone to Brown. This was going to be an interesting evening.
Mary Lynn asked, “What do you girls do?”
I told her, “I’m a teacher.”
Helen said, “I’m an engineer.”
Lynn said, “An engineer. Wow. I haven’t met too many women engineers.”
Helen got her back up and said, “I know quite a few women engineers.”
Jeanne said, “Well, this a first. Most of the women Tony brings around are a bit different from the two of you.” The three cousins looked at each other conspiratorially.
A small, attractive, older woman came into the kitchen and immediately rushed up to us. “Are you the girls my Tony brought?” she asked.
We said, “Yes.”
She folded her arms and asked, “So, which one of you girls is going to be the mother of my grandchildren?”
We both looked at her and shrugged our shoulders in unison.
She looked us over from head to toe and said, “Well, you are both beauties. Either one of you would make beautiful babies with my Tony.”
I blushed and handed her the flowers. “Thank you for having us to your home Mrs. Maroni.”
She looked at Jeanne, Mary, and Mary Lynn and said, “Classy girls, too.”
They smiled and nodded their approval.
Helen and I were relieved when Tony walked in the kitchen carrying a glass of wine for each of us. “Ma, I brought my girls some of Uncle Mario’s homemade wine.”
She smiled at us and said, “My brother makes his own wine.” She patted our cheeks. “You girls enjoy.”
Tony laughed and gestured us toward the back door. “Let’s go out back, and you can meet the rest of the family.”
We walked out into the yard. It was big and full of people. Three barbeques were going, and there were at least thirty kids of various ages running around. Everyone came to a complete stop when we walked out and looked at us. Tony announced, “Everyone, I would like you to meet my friend Meggie and my Polish Princess, Helen.”
Everyone said, “Hello.” Tony found us a couple of seats at a table near the back door. One of the guys beckoned Tony over. Helen and I sat enjoying our wine, taking in the festive atmosphere. A little girl about five, with curly dark hair and big brown eyes, shyly walked our way.
She came to a stop in front of Helen and sweetly asked, “Can I sit in your lap?”
Helen said, “Sure.” She reached down, picked the girl up, and set her across her lap. The little girl looked up at her adoringly and asked reverently, “Are you really a princess?”
Helen said, “Sweetheart, all girls are princesses.”
The little girl said, “My dad says I’m a princess and my mom’s the Queen of All Things.”
Helen looked at me, winked, and said, “Your daddy is a smart man.”
The little girl introduced h
erself. “My name is Christina.”
Helen said, “That’s a beautiful name.”
Christina asked, “Are you from the land of Polish?”
Helen laughed and said, “I’m from Pennsylvania.”
Christina said, “My dad said most of Tony’s girlfriends come from a town called Hooters.”
Helen and I looked at each other and smiled.
Helen said, “I think there’s a town called Hooters in every state.”
“I think you should be the one to marry Tony,” Christina said.
Helen smiled at her and asked, “Why do you think that?”
She said, “Well, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen him with.”
Helen gave her a hug and said, “Well, I’ll think about it, sweetheart.”
We suddenly heard a voice yell, “Christina, you come here and finish your dinner.”
Christina said, “I’ve gotta go. Bye, Princess Helen; bye, Meggie.”
She hurried over on her little legs back to her mother.
Tony came back and escorted us in to get something to eat. The spread was unbelievable. There were four different kinds of pasta salads, squid salad, Aunt Loretta’s antipasto, which looked delicious, four different kinds of sausage, meatballs, barbequed chicken, steak, and stuffed olives. I could go on and on. It was a feast. We all filled our plates and went out back again. I finished my plate, while Helen and Tony went back for a refill. Helen can eat like a horse and not gain a pound. They came back, sat, and shoveled in their food. Three older gentlemen were setting up to play music. Four more guys came around the corner from the side of house with a portable dance floor. It was starting to get dark, and a couple of women were lighting torches that surrounded the yard. The smell of citronella permeated the air.
One of the men announced on the microphone that dessert was being served in the dining room. I had no room left for dessert, but Helen and Tony jumped right up and went into the house. They each came back with three different desserts.
Tony bragged, “My cousin Jeanne makes the best lemon cake. What do you think, Hel?”
Helen swallowed and nodded yes.
At that point, an old woman dressed from head to toe in black came to our table. Tony introduced her as his grandmother, Josephine. She was even shorter than Tony’s mother, who barely reached five feet.
After Tony did the introductions, she pointed her finger at Helen and said, “You eat good.” She then gave me a scary look and walked away.
Tony looked flabbergasted.
Helen asked him, “What’s wrong?”
He said, “I can’t believe she spoke to you. I’ve been bringing people home for years, and she’s never spoken to any of them.”
Helen looked at me and shrugged her shoulders.
After dessert, the band started to play and the fun really started. Tony explained they always play two sets. The first one is Dean Martin hits and the second set, of course, is Old Blue Eyes. All the card players came out to the yard, and people started to dance. Tony got us more of Uncle Mario’s homemade wine. I don’t know what Uncle Mario put in it, but I was feeling no pain. Tony grabbed Helen to dance. Lucky me, I got to dance with Uncle Guido. He pinched my ass at least three times. The band struck up Dean’s pizza pie song, and everyone in the yard sang. During the second set, Tony and Helen were dancing to Frank’s “The Way You Look Tonight” and a drop-dead gorgeous guy came over to me.
He smiled and with a strong Italian accent said, “Hi, my name is Bond, James Bond. Make my day,” and held out his hand. I thought, what the hell, and we hit the dance floor. He was a smooth dancer. When the song was over, he took me back to Helen and Tony.
Tony said, “I see you met my cousin Maurizio. He just came from Italy, and doesn’t speak any English. The only English he knows is what he’s learned from the movies.”
Maurizio smiled at me and said “Hasta la vista, baby,” and walked away.
By the end of the night, I had danced with Uncle Frank, Cousin Joey, Uncle Nick, Cousin Sonny, and a little old man named Harry the Hammer. After the band played their last song, I turned to Tony.
I said, “Tony, I hate to be a party pooper, but I’ve got to get up at 4:00.”
He nodded, “We’ll go. Let’s just say goodbye to my parents.”
We went and found the Maronis, who were sitting at a table with Tony’s grandmother and some of his aunts.
I said, “Mr. and Mrs. Maroni, thank you for a wonderful evening.”
Helen patted her stomach and said, “That was the best food I ever ate.”
Mrs. Maroni said, “You girls come back anytime. My Tony is a good boy. He’d make a great father.”
Tony said, “Okay, Ma, I think they got the message.” He kissed his mother, and she smacked him on the head. He shook hands with his dad, and his dad gave us girls both a hug.
On the way home, I was half-asleep in the backseat when Helen told Tony, “I’m so full I have to unbutton my skirt.”
Tony glanced at her and said, “Babe, don’t say things like that when I’m drivin’ the Beamer.”
I woke up when the car stopped outside Gram’s cottage. I told them I would go open the door and turn on the lights. I wanted them to have a chance to say goodnight in private. Ten minutes later, Helen walked in.
She threw open her arms and said, “Was that fun or what?”
“I had a great time. Uncle Guido pinched my ass three times, and I didn’t even care. Did he get you?”
“Oh, yeah. When I went to the bathroom, he got me in the hallway.”
We both laughed and I said, “I’ve got to hit the hay. Come over to the store tomorrow when you wake up. Goodnight, Hel.”
She said, “Nite, Meg, and thanks for having me up.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Today is the Fourth of July, one of the biggest summer events in Cozy Harbor. I rallied myself out of bed, jumped in the shower, and headed over to the store. Helen came over around noon. I sent her over to the Snack Shack to pick us up a couple of sandwiches, since Journey was off and I couldn’t get away. She came back with two southwest chicken wraps and two iced teas. I asked her whom she met over at the Shack.
She said, “Well, of course, I met Mo. She is a riot, Meggie. I also met a woman named Linda and her daughter Allie. Linda’s husband, Harry, owns the Allie E. Allie is a cute four-year-old-redhead. She looks like a mini-me of her mother. I also met an older guy named Joe Turner. He tried to hit on me. I looked over at Mo, Joe’s back was to her, and she shook her head no. Not that I was interested anyway.”
I informed her, “Well, he calls his wife Number One, and his girlfriend Number Two. You would’ve been Number Three.”
Helen said, “You know me, Meggie, I’m the only star of my movie.”
We laughed.
I asked, “Was anyone else there?”
She said, “Yeah, a couple named Jim and Bonnie.
“Bonnie’s the only woman you ever see on B dock where the sport fishing boats are. She’s always down with Jim working on the boat, and she’s the only wife who goes fishing. She catches more fish than the guys. She’s invited me to go tuna fishing anytime I want. I plan on taking her up on her offer before the end of the summer. I’ve always wanted to go offshore fishing and reel in a big tuna.”
Helen said, “Well, she seemed really friendly. I’ll tell you, Meggie, I can really understand why this marina’s been in your family for years; the people are really nice up here.”
I asked, “What do you think of Tony after last night?
She took a bite of her wrap and chewed for a while. Finally she said, “You know me. I usually meet guys who are dumb as a door nail. Either that or they’re pompous asses. They’re so full of themselves, I can’t stand them for more than a minute. Reme
mber that guy from the Main Line I dated a couple of times who was filthy rich. He was such a snob and rude as hell. After two dates, I knew I was smarter than he was, and he knew it, too.
When we went to a restaurant, he would be so obnoxious. I always felt sorry for whoever waited on us. I always tried to be extra nice to make up for him being an asshole. I wanted to make sure they only spit on his food, not mine. Worst of all, he was a lousy tipper, and you know how I feel about that. I’d tell him I had to use the ladies’ room as we left the restaurant. When he went out to get the car, I would hurry back to the waiter and apologize, and give him another twenty. When the valet opened my door, I would slip him another five. That’s why I usually never date any guy more than twice. I want a guy I can respect. If I have no respect for them, they’re history. Plus, most men are intimidated by me.”
“That’s doesn’t answer my question. What about Tony?”
She smiled and said, “He’s definitely on my To Do List. I like what I see so far. He has a hell of a sense of humor; he makes me laugh. He lets his mother slap him in the head, and he dances with old ladies. He’s a lot smarter than he lets on. I especially like that about him. He has a great body and he’s hot handsome. If he’s as good in the sack as I think he will be, I might just have to keep him around for a while.”
“Well, you’d better give me all the details if you get to that point.”
She gave me a sad look and said, “Are you sure you want to hear about it? I know you’ve been having a dry spell.”
“I’ve been living in the Sahara, but it would be good to know somebody isn’t. I want details.”
“Okay. I’ll tell all. By the way, I didn’t get a chance last night to tell you, but Tony invited us out tonight to watch the fireworks. A friend of his lives in Narragansett, and he’s having a bunch of people over for a barbeque.”
I said, “You and Tony go ahead. I’m going to the parade at 6:00. I promised Mac I would come by and watch it with him. I also want to stay close to home and keep an eye on the marina tonight. Everyone will be partying, and I should probably stick around.”