Letting Misery Go

by Michelle Larks

  “Let’s not go there at all,” Ruth warned, placing colorful floral paper napkins on the table. She looked around the kitchen, checking to see if she had forgotten anything else.

  The women sat down at the table and clasped hands, while Ruth blessed the food. Then they picked up forks and knives and began eating.

  “The meat tastes good,” Alice remarked after she chewed and swallowed a sliver of chicken.

  “Thank you,” Ruth replied. “Since you don’t care to tell me what happened with your doctor, I have some news of my own to tell you. There’s been drama in the Wilcox family.” She looked at Alice with a mischievous look on her face.

  “With whom? Don’t tell me, it was Naomi.” Alice wiped her mouth with the napkin.

  “Not this time,” Ruth said serenely. “Lenora left Daniel.” After dropping that bombshell, she scooped rice onto her fork and into her mouth.

  “Oh, my God! You’ve got to be kidding.” Alice’s mouth sagged open, and her fork clattered to the table.

  “I kid you not,” Ruth replied smugly. “And while you’re at it, pick your mouth up off the table,” she laughingly instructed her friend. “Naomi called me in the wee hours of the morning, and Sarah gave me another update before I went to visit Queen.”

  “That’s some news.” Alice cut her eyes quickly at Ruth. She picked up her fork and laid it on the side of her plate. “How do you feel about that?” she queried her friend.

  “I don’t feel anything,” Ruth answered quickly. Her eyes dropped to the table, then back at Alice. “I’m going to tell you as I told Naomi—we have to keep Daniel and Lenora in our prayers.”

  “Pleeze.” Alice held her hand up. “Don’t get holier-than-thou on me. Hello? This is Alice you’re talking to.” She pursed her lips together. “I repeat, what are you really thinking?”

  “Truthfully, I’m thinking Daniel has his work cut out for him. Not only did Lenora leave him, but she left the children with him. So now Daniel has to raise those children alone. It’s a sad state of affairs. Sarah said Lenora nearly cleaned out all their joint bank accounts.” Ruth shook her head from side to side, looking pensive. She cut another piece of chicken and ate it.

  “You got that right.” Alice nodded her head, agreeing with Ruth. “It’s not like he did the best job in the world with your three. Are you sure you don’t feel a small sense of redemption? We all knew that marriage was doomed from the start. That is, everyone except for Daniel,” she remarked candidly. She put another forkful of food into her mouth.

  “You’re right. I think we all knew that, but Daniel didn’t. One part of me believes that Daniel knew he was in over his head when he married her. And, God forgive me, I feel like telling Daniel, ‘I told you so.’ But, most of all, I’m stunned that Lenora left the children with him. What in God’s name was she thinking?”

  “She probably got tired of taking care of an older man,” Alice remarked candidly. “God don’t like ugly, and Daniel Wilcox has done some terrible things to people over the years.” She picked up and bit into the homemade roll.

  “Be that as it may, God still forgives all of us, and that includes Daniel,” Ruth said in her Sunday pulpit voice.

  The women burst into loud laughter together. Their bodies shook with glee. Tears streamed down Ruth’s face. Alice handed her a napkin. They shared a moment of silence.

  Alice cleared her throat. “Tell me you aren’t going to do something foolish, like try and get back with Daniel?” She looked at her friend somberly.

  Ruth’s cheeks warmed as she waved her hand airily. “Now, you know I’m not the one who goes back to former loves. I have no interest whatsoever in Daniel Wilcox, other than where it concerns our children. I promise you, we are over.” She put her hand over her heart.

  “We’ll see.” Alice sighed. She then looked across the table at Ruth, and fear flashed momentarily across her face. “Anyway, the reason for my appointment with Dr. Shapiro was because I found a lump in my breast last month. I had a second mammogram performed this morning, and the results were the same. There’s definitely a growth. I just don’t know if it’s cancerous yet.” She folded her trembling hands together.

  “Alice! Oh, no,” Ruth wailed. “What happens next? How are you feeling? Oh, Lord, this is too much.”

  “Well, he wants to do a biopsy. Dr. Shapiro seems to feel it’s a benign tumor, because postmenopausal women are prone to benign tumors. He’s a little concerned that breast cancer runs in my family. Since I had a mammogram done six months ago, he thinks this situation would qualify as early detection. I’m going to Christ Hospital in a few days to have the biopsy done, and we’ll take it from there,” Alice said.

  Ruth’s brain quickly processed all the information Alice had imparted. “Well, I agree with Dr. Shapiro, the signs are good. Thank God, you get your mammograms done yearly. I wish you had told me what was going on, Alice. You didn’t have to suffer alone. I would have been there for you.” She glared at Alice.

  Alice looked chastened. “I know, Ruth, and I apologize for not telling you sooner. I just didn’t want to worry you needlessly. I was praying the second mammogram would be normal, but that wasn’t the case.”

  “How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?” Ruth inquired solicitously.

  “Actually, I’m not in any pain. Girl, finding that lump scared me to death.” Alice shook her head. “I think I was in denial for a day or two. Then my brain kicked in, and I decided to go see Dr. Shapiro.”

  “I’m glad you did. I’ll forgive you for not telling me what was going on with you. But I’m accompanying you to the hospital, that’s not up for debate,” Ruth proclaimed staunchly.

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Alice nodded as Ruth reached across the table and clasped her friend’s hand in her own. “My appointment is at ten o’clock Wednesday morning at Christ Hospital. If you can’t get away from work, I can go by myself, or call my cousin Phyllis and ask her to go with me.”

  “Are you crazy?” Ruth’s feelings were hurt. “Of course, I’m going with you. I will check my calendar tonight. I think I have a meeting with Brother Duncan. If so, I’ll reschedule it,” she said firmly as she folded her arms across her chest.

  “I figured you’d say that. And, of course, I want you to come with me.”

  “How are you feeling? Are you having any symptoms?”

  “The suspense is killing me ... just kidding.” She smiled at Ruth. “Overall, I feel good, sometimes a little tired. Then I remind myself that I’m a woman in my sixties, and I’m entitled to feel a little tired sometimes.”

  “You’re right.” Ruth bobbed her head up and down. “Sometimes when I come home, my feet hurt and my bones ache. Like you, I attribute my aches and pains to aging.”

  “How did your visit with Queen go? I know you said earlier it went well, overall,” Alice inquired. She stood up and put the dishes and silverware in the sink, and then she began rinsing them off.

  Ruth stood, walked to the cabinet, took out a few bowls, and put the leftover food inside them. “Today was one of Queen’s good days. I was fearful of how she would be when I arrived. When I walked inside her apartment, I knew immediately that she didn’t know who I was. Again, she thought I was her mother. But later she realized who I was. It really breaks my heart when that happens.”

  “I know it does. But she’s still here, and you have a parent alive, unlike quite a few of us baby boomers.” Alice tried to comfort Ruth. She took a paper towel from the holder and dried her hands.

  Ruth crinkled her nose, then walked to the refrigerator and opened it up. She put the bowls inside.

  “Queen asked for Daddy and Ezra. It always breaks my heart when she asks for them. Again, I had to explain how they had passed.” She pointed to the counter. “Do you want dessert? I bought a low-fat pound cake.”

  “I’ll take a teeny, tiny piece,” Alice answered. She sat back on the chair.

  “I’ll get it. I have coffee left from this morning, if you d
on’t mind it being warmed up.” Ruth turned on the coffeemaker.

  “That’s fine with me. I’m not choosy,” Alice quipped back. “It seems like we have a lot going on in our lives. Did you have a chance to speak to Queen’s doctor about changing her medication?”

  Ruth sliced two pieces of cake. She slid them onto saucers and put them on the table. She took two forks out of the drawer and set them on the table.

  “He wasn’t available today. If Naomi comes home this weekend, then I’m going to request a weekend pass for Queen. I’ll also talk to the doctor then,” Ruth said.

  “So, do you think Daniel will call you?” Alice asked Ruth after her friend sat back down on her chair.

  “Not really, I don’t see why he would. Our communication has been limited to family matters only. We didn’t become chummy friends after the divorce. Daniel and I see each other on some holidays, and that’s about it. I can’t think of a single reason for him to call me,” Ruth said.

  “I’m going to play devil’s advocate and ask what you would do if he did call you. What if Daniel wants to get back with you?” Alice remarked after she finished eating a bite of cake.

  “It’s nothing that I would waste my time considering,” Ruth replied evasively. Her eyes dropped to the saucer, where she had cut the slice of cake into square pieces. “I mean, a part of me had a fantasy where he’d declare his undying love and ask if we could reunite. But, realistically, I know that’s not going to happen. And, for your information, if he asked me, the answer would be no. Daniel put me through hoops that no woman should have to go through.”

  “Good answer. Both of us are what you could call ‘over-the-hill.’ Sharing life with a companion could be a good thing,” Alice mused. She stood up. “Since you’re eating, I’ll pour the coffee.”

  “I agree. I miss male companionship sometimes,” Ruth admitted. “If that’s what God has chosen for me, then I’m okay with it. Both of us have been married, and the only difference between us is that I had children whom I gratefully share with you. Overall, despite the highs and lows of life, I think both of us have had good ones.”

  “I agree with you.” Alice passed Ruth a cup of coffee. “Not that I’m looking for a husband or anything, but I think knowing I might have cancer has forced me to take stock of my life.”

  “That’s normal under the circumstances,” Ruth said. “Every year after January first, I try to take stock of my life, and focus on what I call areas of improvement. I think it was two years after Daniel and I divorced that I gave up the fantasy that we would ever reconcile. It finally sank into my brain that he was Lenora’s husband, and no longer mine.”

  “I think I was so traumatized by my marriage to Martin that I never entertained the idea of marrying again. Male companionship is good, if you can find the right man. Every now and then, Phyllis will set me up on a blind date. But nothing good comes of it,” Alice said, looking down at the table. She didn’t want Ruth to see her reddened face. “I just hope that my life isn’t almost over, because I haven’t been able to accomplish a few more things that I’d like to.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” Ruth chided Alice. “God has got this situation, and you know that. I wouldn’t be me if I couldn’t try to comfort you with a scripture. What comes to mind is Isaiah 58:11, ‘The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.’”

  “I appreciate the scripture. I will be okay. Just bear with me,” Alice implored her friend.

  Ruth took Alice’s hands in her own. The women bowed their heads. Ruth prayed, “Father on high, I ask you to stop by here tonight, because someone needs you. My sister Alice is in need of your reassurance. She is facing the unknown. I delight in knowing that you will heal my sister and stand by her side. You promised never to leave us, Father, and I know that you won’t. You are with us always, and you will be with us during Alice’s procedure. Give us strength, Lord, to face the outcome, and I know you will. I have faith that you will make it all right. Amen.”

  “Thank you, Ruth. I know you meant every word of that prayer, and I appreciate you praying for me. I think I’m ready to call it a day, so I’m going to head home,” Alice said, rising from the chair.

  Ruth stood up and followed her friend to the foyer. She hugged Alice before she opened the door. “If you need me for anything, I’ll be here. Or you can spend the night, if you feel that you don’t want to be alone,” Ruth said.

  “I’m good,” Alice said as she walked out the door. “Do you want to drive to the hospital Wednesday?”

  “Of course, I will. That’s no problem. Don’t worry, and hold on to your faith. God will see you through.”

  “I know, girl. I don’t want you to worry either. Have a good evening. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Ruth watched Alice walk to her apartment next door. When she heard Alice lock her door, she did the same. Then she walked into her living room, on trembling legs, and sat heavily upon the sofa, where she reflected on Alice’s plight.

  Minutes later, Ruth dimmed the lights; then she returned to the sofa and meditated. She closed her eyes, bowed her head and spoke. “Father, from whom all blessings flow, thank you for allowing me to rise and greet another day. I hope everything that I did was pleasing in your sight. It seems like a lot is happening with Alice and Daniel. I also feel like something is going on with Naomi. She’s keeping something from me, although I don’t have a clue as to what yet. Father, how could I be a minister and not ask for blessings for Daniel? Hold him and comfort him in his hour of need.

  “Lord, please give me strength to help Alice through her medical dilemma. I know she will be just fine, and if she isn’t”—Ruth’s body trembled and her voice broke—“then I know it’s your will and I have to accept it. If cancer is in Alice’s body, Lord, I ask that you heal her. She is like a sister to me, and I can’t imagine her not being with me.” Ruth wiped a tear from her eye.

  Later she arose from the sofa and went into her bedroom, where she quickly stripped off her clothes and headed to the shower. When she was done showering, Ruth put on a caftan and sat on the edge of the bed, rechecking the messages from the answering machine.

  There was another message from Aron Reynolds. I wonder what he wants, Ruth thought as she wrote down his telephone number. There were several other messages, and she wrote down the names and phone numbers.

  After she finished writing down her messages, Ruth glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was eight-thirty, so she decided to call Aron the following day.

  The thought of calling Daniel flitted through her mind. Upon further thought, she couldn’t think of a good reason to justify calling her ex-husband. She checked the front and back doors, making sure they were locked. Then Ruth set the burglar alarm system.

  She left the light on over the stove, returned to her bedroom, and retired for the night. After she read her Bible, she said another prayer for Alice. Her theory was that one could never pray enough.

  Chapter Five

  While Ruth and Alice had been sharing dinner, Ruth’s biological daughter, Sarah, was at her father’s house, attempting to help him put the pieces of his life back together.

  Sarah, Brian, and their children, Joshua and Magdalene, known as “Maggie,” had arrived at Daniel’s house after Sarah and Brian finished their workday. After stopping at their house briefly to pick up their children, Sarah prepared dinner for the two families at her dad’s house. Shortly after dining, Brian and the children departed for home.

  Daniel and Lenora’s oldest son, Damon, had been acting out since Sarah and her family arrived at Daniel’s house. Much to Sarah’s chagrin, Daniel never disciplined his sons.

  Darnell, the younger twin by five minutes, had cried off and on most of the day, only stopping when he plopped his thumb in his mouth. He sucked his thumb as a child, the habit returned after Lenora abandoned her family. His twin, Dav
id, was silent. He kept looking at the door, as if expecting his mother to swoop through it any minute.

  Sarah and Brian tried to comfort the boys by explaining their mother had gone on a trip. Sarah reassured her half brothers that their dad would be there for them, along with her and her family. Darnell whined and asked if his mother was coming home tomorrow. Sarah put on a bright face and explained his mother wouldn’t be gone too long.

  After the boys had finally fallen asleep, Sarah returned to the kitchen and turned off the light. Then she walked into the living room and sat down on the forest green suede chair, while her father sat on the couch.

  “Dad, you look so tired,” Sarah observed.

  Daniel’s face was filled with gray stubble, since he hadn’t shaved in a few days. Bags circled his droopy eyes. He ran his trembling hand over his nearly gray head of hair.

  “I’m okay,” Daniel said, his voice dripping with fatigue. His body sagged as he leaned against the back of the couch.

  “I guess you need to make some decisions about what you want to do.” Sarah peered at her father absorbedly. “I can take a week off, two tops, to help,” she said.

  Daniel rubbed his eyes. “I can’t believe Noree walked out on me.” His voice sounded as if he was in a daze.

  “Daddy, I’m so sorry about what happened to you, but there are three little boys upstairs in their rooms, and they don’t understand why their world has been turned upside down. They need a strong parent to lean on right now. I would hate for them to suffer even more behind Lenora’s leaving.”

  “What about me?” Daniel asked his daughter irritably. “I can’t believe she did this to me, considering how good I was to her.”

  Sarah snapped her fingers, and the noise rented the air. Daniel’s head swerved toward his daughter. “Here’s a news flash for you, Daddy, those three little boys need you like they’ve never needed you before. You’ve got to be there for them. Their mother leaving is a devastating blow for them, along with lifelong ramifications, if she doesn’t return home. This is not about you. It’s about being a good father, and making amends for what you couldn’t do for your older children.”