by Tara Brown
His face draws in. He looks worse. I lift my hand to his cheek and run it down it slowly. “But there is nothing I would rather be doing than seeing that mountainside and that valley and that girl with you. There is nowhere I would rather be. I’m tired of looking at the things I can’t have. I won’t ever have Marcus and he won’t ever have me. But I can have other things and other experiences. We save people. It’s what we do. We save the world while it’s sleeping and that's an experience ain’t none of them other people are gonna have. Not ever.”
He smiles and I swear he has a soul for half a second. “And that is why Lorri chose you.”
“And I see why she chose you. You are the least smarmy of the smarmy guys.”
He bends and kisses my cheek before he steps back and winks himself away.
“You act all high and mighty, and here you are cavorting with my brother?”
I turn to see Marcus on the road in front of the house.
It makes me snap and shout back at him like a crazed woman in a toga. “I never acted high and mighty. I acted sanely. You are stalking a girl who can make you feel again because you broke me. Don't change things up.” I point. “And me and Dorian are friends. We ain’t never been anything but.”
He paces in front of the drive but doesn't come down it.
I don't think he can cross the guard so I walk down the drive to him, tauntingly. “You are a sick bastard and I’m done.”
He points at me. “You gave me your heart, it’s mine. I refuse to give it back. You are done when I say you are.”
“No.”
He paces, pointing at the ground. “Come home with me. I want to show you something.”
“What? The obsidian room with the devil’s rock? I saw that room already.”
He winces, knowing exactly what I’m talking about. “How sorry I am.”
“I don't want to play. I want off the crazy train, Marcus.”
“Please. Don't give up on me. Please.” He means it, but I have to choose myself. He is a mess, even more so than I am.
“I won’t ever give up on you. I will always be your friend, but that's it.” I step back from him. “You keep that heart though. I don't need it.”
He starts his rage. His screams and horrors begin. He’s a baby when he loses. I feel sorry for the red-haired girl. But I need to go home.
When I get inside a guy with dark hair and green eyes meets me in the front entry. He smiles and raises an eyebrow. “You smell interesting.”
Brandon Green walks up behind him. “Interesting isn’t the right word.” He hugs me, scooping me into him. I let the hug block out the raving psycho on the road who is still having his fit. “That Marcus?” he asks.
I roll my eyes. “When isn’t the raving lunatic on the side of the road Marcus?”
“He’s pretty hung up on you.” He chuckles.
I hold a hand up. “I don't even want to talk about it.”
“Fair enough.” Brandon motions his hand at the guy with the green eyes. “This is Luke.”
Luke gives me the cutest grin I have ever seen. I walk away. “Why are all y’all hot? Why can’t we ever find some ugly supernatural beings to befriend?”
I go right for my room and my bed. I need a bath and I don't want to talk about the fact every word he screams on the road makes me want to buckle. I want his display of madness to be because he loves me as much as I love him.
I want a lot of things. That don’t mean I’ll get any of them.
Chapter 24
Em pours me a tea. She is agile for her age. She looks far better than Greg, but she loves him so much she doesn't see it. “The kids wanted to take a ride in the boat after dinner.”
“Y’all go on, I’m tired.” I nod.
“I’ll stay with you. Greg can take them. Though I will say, his eyesight is getting worse. We have to let Gregory Junior steer the boat. That man is falling apart. I keep telling him I got at least twenty more in me and he best not die before I turn ninety.” She sips her sweet tea and cracks a grin. “Lord, Momma and Daddy are almost ninety and they’re both going strong.”
“That is true.” I sip mine, almost gagging. Real food tastes a bit like death now. My hot cocoa with Annabelle hasn't exactly been amazing either. It's sort of like punishment for being dead.
Em offers me a lemon biscuit. I shake my head and she giggles. “That's how you stay so fit. No cookies.”
I gaze down and realize I always age myself but never make things sag. I mutter, “Boob job.”
She snaps her fingers. “I knew it. I told Greg you did, but he was all devastated I made him look.”
I swat at her, giggling along. I don't have a single thing in common with her. She must think I’m a narcissistic dipshit. I fix my hair and drink my tea and ask her about the kids and grandkids. She shows me pictures and we reminisce. I make myself come because one day she will be gone and I will be alone. I dread that day.
“Did Daddy tell you he and Momma are taking a cruise? I don't know where they get the energy.”
I smile, knowing exactly where they get the energy. When she gets up to grab her iPad to show me something, I stir magic into her tea to help her. Greg comes in the house giving me a brother-in-law sort of smile. I have always liked that I am not a female to him. I am an unknown but I am not something he gives anything but a simple smile to. Like you would a cat or a dog.
I get up and grab the pitcher of tea. “A drink?”
“Yes, please. I’d love some. Em makes the best.” I stir in some magic and hand him the glass. “She sure does.”
He drinks it back fast and sighs, no doubt starting to feel the magic. He taps his cap at me and walks back into the backyard.
Em comes and holds the iPad so I can see the pictures of their last vacation to Palm Springs. I can’t help myself. I nudge her slightly and whisper, “Has it been enough, Em? Was it enough to marry and have kids and be a mom and a wife and work in the library?”
Her eyes glisten and I swear she’s gonna say no. But she sits across from me and nods. “It was more, Lorelei. I don't know how to explain it but it was more. My heart is so filled with joy. I don't know where all the years went or where all the wrinkles came from, but it was more than I ever hoped for. You must feel the same?”
I force my lips into a smile and nod. “Of course I do. We are lucky to have such wonderful lives.”
She laughs. “I remember when I was gonna work and be a newspaper woman or something like that. I swear, I was so crazy.”
“We both were.”
“You and Angie were worse than crazy.” Her eyes go dark. She remembers things about that day. They aren’t clear but I know she does. That day was the worst for me.
I reach over and hug her. I don't say why. I don't know why. I just do it. She hugs back, doing the thing humans do when they pat you on the back ‘cause they’re nervous of a hug. They don't know how lucky they are.
I stand and nod at the door. “I am gonna get going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She turns the iPad off and nods. “I’ll go and see if anyone else is staying or if they’re all going for a boat ride.” She kisses me on the cheek and walks to the backyard to shout at Greg.
I enter the spare room and lie there. A thousand images dance behind my eyes as I relive everything. All my years as a Rose, all three times I lived it. All the times Marcus and I made love and broke everything in the room. All the things I wish I’d done with the people I loved and didn't because of the sun.
That still makes me laugh.
I stay one more day at my sister’s house and then meet Dorian in the bayou. He doesn't like Grandmamma Holt’s house normally but now he wants to see her. He seems weird, weirder than normal.
When I arrive, Ramón is waving and smiling. He’s younger than Em. He uses the magic, prolonging his life. But he’s still older than me. “Cher, I was just telling Grandmamma about you seeing Em. Come sit a spell.” I walk down to the swamp that now feels empty. Th
e ancients no longer roam the waters, staining the cypress trees with their blood. Now they are inside me, seeing and feeling with me. Getting a second chance at a type of freedom. I let Ramón wrap his arm around my shoulders. He nudges me and darts his eyes to where Dorian and Grandmamma Holt are talking in the doorway of the house.
“What are they talking about?”
He wrinkles his nose. “Mr. Fancy pants met some girl. He just wants to know what happens when one of dem falls in love.”
We sit on the bank and I dip my toes in the cold water. I still don't get how it’s cold. The bayou is so warm.
The water tingles my feet but it’s just the bayou magic, not the black water. I have all of that except what is still in the living.
“How you doing?”
“I think I’m having my mid-life crisis. I know what I am. I know what I do. But I feel like I’ll never plug that hole in my chest where my dead heart sits. I’m unfinished and incomplete without love.”
“What about Mr. Marcus?”
“I haven’t seen him in a while. We had a fight and I walked away again.”
He puts his hands up. “You and I both know, you love him.”
I sigh and glance back at the bayou. “I do. But he’s the devil. Lorri is like the fake devil and Marcus is the real McCoy. He makes Lorri look like Santa.” I don't want to tell him the rest but I can’t help it. He knows me better than I know myself. “He broke my heart. My blood no longer makes him feel alive so he has found a new girl who does. He just wants to feel alive, he doesn't want to love. So I wasted all my heart on the wrong guy.”
Ramón wraps his arm around my shoulders. “He ain’t da wrong guy. He da one, cher. I see it with my magic. He da one.”
I don't believe it anymore but my heart does. My heart won’t give up on him. Even through my head has fully.
“How’s things down here?”
He nudges me. “Oh, you know. Dat Martin Ryan guy your daddy wanted you ta date, he killed himself. About a month ago. They found him a couple of weeks ago in his house. He lived alone, no family. So no one knew he was dead for a week. Sad to die alone.”
I shrug. “Even more sad to be a sadistic creep.” The memory of that night makes me smile in my own sadistic way.
I had such high hopes on how things was gonna be.
We stare at the swamp, watching the black water sit so calm it reflects the trees around it perfectly.
Dorian walks over, clearing his throat. He still looks weird. “She wants to speak with you.”
I get up and saunter over. I know I’m in trouble, I can feel it. She puts her big hands on her wide hips. “Why ya gots ta make dat one so angry? Why ya gots to ruin da love ya found?”
I look back at Dorian. He avoids my stare. “I didn't. He doesn't love me.”
“He love ya, cher. He love ya in his way. Ya break two hearts when ya break one. Now ya go on and make it better. And stop using ya magic to make ya sister live forever. Ain’t nobody wanna live forever but ya momma and ya see how dat turn out.” She closes the door in my face. I turn and scowl at Dorian and Ramón and they stroll over, acting like they didn't just both sell me down the river to the lowest bidder.
Ramón finally tilts his head. “Ya needed a little pep talk. Ya been down, cher.”
I hug him. “Everyone needs to mind their business.”
Dorian rolls his eyes and grabs my hand. Ramón waves and suddenly we are standing outside Marcus’ castle. I squeeze Dorian’s hand but he shoves me and winks away.
“SHIT!”
Marcus walks out of the front door, frowning at me. He pauses and stares, like he isn’t certain I’m real.
I scan my eyes around, contemplating my ability to run in the hot sun. It might not sting anymore but it weakens me, big time.
“What game are we playing, love?”
It’s been a month since I saw him last. He looks good. Damn good. He looks like he might be in one of his naughty moods. He has on faded jeans and a tee shirt, but on him it doesn't look casual. He has one of those bodies that makes everything look just right.
He drops the sarcastic act and walks to me. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?”
I nod.
His eyes widen. “Who?”
“You.”
He draws his brows together and wraps his arms around me. “And I have felt sick for weeks. I thought you were done with me forever.”
“And here I thought we were epic.”
He pulls me back. “We are epic. We are more than epic. We are centuries of mistakes and sorrow, yes, but we are also a match. And when you have a match you can go wrong a thousand times, but it only takes one time to go right.” He kisses my cheeks and hovers above my lips, cupping my face in his hands and leaning his forehead against mine. “We need to give it that chance at right.”
“Maybe.” I nod.
He presses his lips on mine but something happens. When I open my heart to him completely I see everything. He lets me and bares his soul to me.
I rifle his brain and his mind. I steal all his thoughts and his worries. I see the way he sees me. He loves me. He loves me more than he is capable of. He worships me. He sees me as his. I am his own. I try to send my love back to him, but there is one image I can’t shake. Amongst all the bad things he’s done there is one I cannot forgive. I step back, seeing the thing Dorian spoke of. The thing Marcus stole. It changes everything.
I pull away from him. “What did you do?”
“Which time?”
“Henry.” There has to be an explanation that is more substantial than petty want of immortality.
He pauses. “Something horrid but I can’t take it back.”
“He’s my grandfather. You did that to my granddaddy?”
“Right, of course he is!” Marcus’ face becomes an emotional mess. “Love, I would fix it but I cannot. It was a mistake made as a boy, a foolish boy. One you didn't know. Not so much. But sometimes when I’m with you I think you might be the only thing in the word that brings back that foolish boy. You make me feel clean again.”
I take a step back. “I know. I see it. I see how much you love me. I love you so much more than I thought I could, but I can’t be with you, not while you have that in there. I can’t love that heart like this.”
He winces, realizing how much I see. He turns his eyes up to the dark sky. “This is my punishment? This is my payment?” He laughs bitterly and I can hear the sobs in it. I don't cry. I don't have the ability to be sad that he loves me more than a single thing in the whole world.
I point at him. “When you fix that, you come find me. You know I’ll be waiting.”
“Lorelei, please. I didn't know this love even existed. Please.”
I turn away and start the long walk to Lorri’s house. I mutter, knowing he’ll hear me, “I can’t look him in the eyes, Marcus. I can’t see him and know that. You can’t ask that of me. He’ll see it in my head and he’ll kill you and I can’t live without you. He will end you because of me.”
I find Dorian at Lydia’s. He asks what is wrong and I should tell but I don’t. I keep Marcus’ cruel secret because I love him more than myself. I understand what Em meant. He is more. He isn’t mine and he may never be but he is still more.
Dorian makes me go to that town again and watch that girl again. She is running. She jogs, listening to Bon Iver. It’s weird. The songs are slow and indie, and yet she is running like she’s listening to rock.
Dorian sighs and looks at me sideways. “What’s the best thing Marcus ever gave you?”
The answer is already there. I am thinking about it before he even asks, so when he does, it slips out, “Insight. He bared his soul and showed me everything. I saw every time he sat outside my house and watched me. He showed me every time he followed me on Roses Academy business to make sure I was safe. The fifty years I was mad at him he was in a car across the street, staring at me laughing with other people.”
“You don't think
that's creepy?”
“No, I do. I think it’s creepy but that’s the part I love. He loves me so much and he has so little control over his emotions that he can’t be normal. He’s willing to risk creepy for me. Then to show me he loved me he let me see behind the curtain to where the creepy was hidden. It’s a messed-up kind of love but I think it’s more. Ya know?”
He nods and watches the girl jogging. “I do.”
And I know he does.
As the girl runs to her house, a beautiful woman with dark hair comes and hugs her. She must be the girl’s mother. She is stunning. She glances out in the yard before closing the door, and I swear I catch a scent of the wolf and hope it’s just a lingering smell in the area.
Epilogue
London, 2013
Dorian is dead.
The world will never know how much of a person he was.
I don't know how to move past his death. I feel like I’ve lost my brother.
I am sitting, staring out the window when Henry shows up. I expect he’s with Marcus but he ain’t. He’s alone, for the first time in my presence. He offers me a hug when I answer the door to his smiling face.
I hug him, getting a warning about Marcus and a vision of Henry getting back the thing Marcus stole from him. He shows me Lydia’s death and how the story has changed.
I crumple but he catches me, holding me as my heart breaks into a thousand pieces.
As black water runs down my cheeks, he shows me a place of great beauty and peace, a garden if you will. Then he holds a hand out to me. When I hugged him, I got the faintest vision of the world on fire and then the garden.