Resistance is Futile

by Jenny T. Colgan

  ‘Yes, but you’ve been here for years,’ pointed out Ranjit. ‘And it’s not like the world has a great pizza shortage. God, that would be awful if they came and took away our pizza. That would be absolutely the worst thing.’

  ‘Yes, Ranjit,’ said Arnold. ‘The worst thing. Absolutely.’

  Luke shrugged. ‘I don’t know. It just always looked like something too big for a human to eat.’

  Everyone studiously avoided looking at Arnold’s impressive stomach.

  ‘Anyway, shut up,’ said Arnold.

  ‘Okay,’ said Luke.

  He looked longingly at the last cold slice of pizza in the box.

  ‘You never take the last slice,’ said Evelyn sternly.

  ‘No, I know,’ said Luke, giving it a last glance. Then he looked again at the pile of papers and let out a heavy sigh.

  ‘What does it say?’ said Connie. She touched him gently on the arm. She could tell from his face how worried he was.

  Luke picked them up. Arnold, conscious of the cameras, picked up a pile of papers too and shook them officiously. Then he said loudly,’We’re not discussing this out loud so some spoddy intern can tape it and leave the tapes in the back of a taxi. We’re taking the mikes out now, and we’ll report back later, and if you don’t like it, unleash the hounds or the smoke guns, or any other hilarious things you’ve got planned.’

  He unceremoniously unplugged the two mikes he’d uncovered, hoping against hope that any other recording equipment he couldn’t find would be too far away to pick them up. There was a general sigh of relief in the room.

  ‘Fuck every single fucking asshole last one of you,’ said Arnold loudly, then paused.

  ‘You know, Arnold, you were actually holding up your middle fingers,’ said Connie. ‘Which they can probably see.’

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Arnold, putting his hands behind his back.

  ‘You cock-sucking bunch of motherfucking pricks,’ he whispered into his beard. Then he straightened up.

  ‘Good to get that out of my system,’ he said. ‘Pricks.’

  ‘Also,’ he continued, looking round the room, ‘is any of us wearing a wire? I mean, is anyone trying to grass anyone else up?’

  ‘If I was going to grass anyone up,’ said Evelyn, ‘I’d have at least made sure they sent in the good pizza.’

  ‘Not in a million years,’ said Connie defiantly.

  ‘I didn’t understand the question,’ said Luke. Connie explained.

  ‘Why would I want to turn myself in?’ Luke asked, perplexed.

  ‘We assume you wouldn’t,’ said Arnold. ‘It was a general question.’

  ‘I have no idea what’s going on,’ said Ranjit.

  They looked at Sé.

  ‘What?’ said Sé. ‘I don’t think we should be doing this project alone because it’s patently crazy, and I’m worried we have an alien murderer in our midst. Why does that make me the bad guy? Can no one else see what a risk we’re all taking? Am I the only grown-up?’

  Evelyn shook her head. ‘But are you… are you going to report back what we’re saying?’

  Sé looked at her levelly. ‘I hope we all are. Or are we going to cope with an alien threat on our own? Is that the plan?’

  ‘Yes, but when we’ve decided… what’s best for all of us.’

  ‘I don’t see an “us”,’ said Sé. ‘I see some humans, and I see something else.’

  Arnold sighed.

  ‘Well, are you relaying what we’re saying right now?’

  Sé shook his head. ‘Of course not. I’m not a spy. Or a twat.’

  ‘I loved that film,’ said Ranjit. ‘Spy Twats. Hang on, was it Spy Twats?’

  Arnold blinked.

  ‘But you won’t promise to stick with us afterwards.’

  Sé looked pained and glanced at Luke, who was staring at the papers in total misery.

  ‘I don’t think this is about us all being best buddies, do you?’

  ‘I think that might be all it’s about,’ said Arnold. ‘In the end.’

  There was a long silence. Finally Sé shrugged.

  ‘I can’t promise,’ he said. ‘But I will listen.’

  ‘That’s all we ask.’

  Luke’s heavy eyelids closed briefly as he lifted up the papers, tilting them slightly to the side so he could read them more easily.

  ‘Well,’ he said tentatively. ‘It’s quite a long message, with various polite expressions of solidarity and welcome.’

  ‘How many intelligent planets are there?’ said Ranjit suddenly. ‘I mean, it can’t just be you guys and us guys. I mean, if it’s you guys and us guys, that must mean there’s a billion guys. Stands to reason. Like if you see two cockroaches that means you’ve got a million cockroaches.’

  Luke lifted his head.

  ‘Of course,’ he said briefly. ‘Not many as odd as you lot.’

  ‘We’re not odd,’ said Arnold. ‘You’re the one that can’t do buttons.’

  Luke’s face took on a wounded expression.

  ‘Evelyn doesn’t mind doing my buttons,’ he said quietly.

  ‘I do not mind doing his buttons,’ confirmed Evelyn.

  ‘Go on, Luke,’ said Connie. She could see he was not relishing what he had to read. Her heart quickened at the thought that what he held in his hands might be a death warrant.

  ‘“Salutations, etc.”,’ Luke went on, glancing across. ‘“Normally, planets with interplanetary contact politely await contact from non-interplanetary neighbours, etc.”.’

  He looked at the others over the tops of his glasses.

  ‘Which puts you guys about fifty years behind. At least.’

  Arnold scowled.

  ‘Don’t be species-ist.’

  ‘“… but in this instance we must make an exception. It is believed you have among you someone who is of interest to us. He is known as…”’

  Here Luke voice tailed off.

  ‘Oh my!’ said Ranjit. ‘What’s your real name. It isn’t Luke, is it? That would be, like, a totally weird coincidence if your space name was the same as your Earth name. Or Skywalker. Obviously. What’s your name? Is it, like, Zod? I hope it’s Zod. Please be Zod. Zod Skywalker.’

  Luke was embarrassed and rubbed his throat.

  ‘I can’t,’ he said. ‘Well, I can’t make the noise with… these stupid neck vibrating things. They aren’t very useful. I don’t know how you manage.’

  ‘I can make a lion noise,’ said Ranjit, and did so. ‘Can’t you make an alien noise?’

  Luke shook his head.

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Go on, have a shot,’ said Ranjit.

  Luke shook his head again.

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘If there is some way people could still hear us…’

  Connie nodded.

  ‘Please, just go on,’ she said, glancing at her watch. The sun was up outside; it was the beginning of another working day. Soon someone would be down to see how they were getting on: possibly that awful MI5 guy in the suit. Luke nodded hastily.

  ‘If I am found – which is one thing. They don’t know who I am.’

  ‘Except you’re exactly in the place where we found the message,’ said Evelyn.

  ‘Yes,’ said Luke. ‘Where I have always been. To stop you finding it. Thank you for reminding me of my failure to do so on this occasion.’

  Connie flushed.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Yeah, well, stop calling us backward, jellyfish boy,’ said Arnold.

  ‘“… deal with him as our laws demand and we shall leave you in peace to continue your spiritual journey towards the universe alone. Keep this a secret from your populations if you can; uncertainty and fear are not the enemy of technological advance, but peace is better.”’

  Luke did something very uncharacteristic: he hit his fist heavily on the table, which shook underneath his force.

  ‘They say that,’ he said. ‘They would cause war among their own people at any time they could.’
r />   ‘What’s the rest of it?’

  ‘Coordinates, schematics, how they think I can be found.’

  ‘How do they think you can be found?’

  ‘They suggest freezing the world and seeing who turns transparent. I’m not sure they’re very up on current world technologies.’

  He turned over another page.

  ‘Or taking everyone into custody. Politics either.’

  ‘What on earth is it like on your planet?’

  ‘Efficient,’ said Luke. ‘Past your first twenty billion, you have to be, really. That’s why they’re trying to stop the…’

  He twisted his mouth trying to think of a translation.

  ‘The wets mixing with the dries, I suppose. Hence the wall.’

  His face grew steely.

  ‘There is no longer a wall.’

  ‘What else is in the papers?’

  Luke glanced down.

  ‘They talk about the consequences of what I did.’

  He went very silent and very still as the others looked at him.

  ‘I do not want to talk about the consequences of what I did.’

  ‘Well, I think you’d better start,’ said Sé. ‘Because do you want to know what you sound like to me? You sound like a terrorist.’

  ‘I think… the collateral damage was still better than the separation would have been,’ said Luke. ‘I am not the power that murders citizens for no other reason than the bad luck to be working next to them.’

  He cast his eyes down on the page.

  ‘Oh,’ he said. His hand went to his mouth. Connie went to him. ‘My friend,’ said Luke. ‘My friend, my brother; there is no distinction. Who gave me his ship. Who when I told him what I had done offered me his only ship, his pride and joy, without question, without even the faintest hesitation in doing so, who gave everything for me to escape. He did not escape.’

  He swallowed.

  ‘Saying it is harder than reading it. I could skip over the words when I read them.’

  Connie nodded.

  ‘We were…’

  ‘Did you seriously think you could blow up a wall and take a spaceship and run away and everyone else would be totally all right?’ said Sé. ‘Great planning.’

  Luke stared straight at him.

  ‘And I would do it again,’ he said quietly. ‘Because I believe all people should be free. Not just the wet or the dry. Not just the rich or the not-rich. You don’t think it too? Your world is full of the oppressed. It is full of barriers and walls to keep people apart, to keep them oppressed. Or maybe you didn’t notice?’

  ‘There’s pizza,’ said Ranjit. ‘There are consolations.’

  Sé turned on Luke suddenly.

  ‘Don’t you dare talk to me about oppression. Don’t you dare. Don’t you DARE. My father was accused of betraying the Tamils when he was nineteen years old. They took two fingers from each hand so he could not work. Those are what rebels and freedom fighters do. That is what they do. You decide you’re giving people freedoms that they may not even want.’

  He banged his fist hard on the table.

  ‘Don’t you ever talk to me about oppression. Don’t you ever dare.’

  There was a long silence. Sé stormed towards the window; he was tall enough to look out. It was a beautiful day outside; the legs that passed by the basement window were bare, wearing sandals or flip-flops.

  Luke lowered his head.

  ‘It is clear,’ he said, quietly. ‘It is clear what they want me to do, and I will do it.’

  ‘What is it?’ said Connie, her heart pounding. He looked so pale and fragile for such a tall man. Sé looked stern and furious and would not turn round to look at any of them.

  ‘They will take me back. Remove me. Take me home and…’

  His face twisted up. ‘I think the expression is “make an example of me”.’

  ‘They’ll kill you?’ said Connie.

  ‘Eventually,’ said Luke.

  He looked at Connie, then glanced at Sé.

  ‘And I think that is right.’

  ‘No way,’ said Connie. ‘No way, they’re not having you.’

  ‘They should have me,’ said Luke. ‘I… I tried to act against cruelty and unfairness. I didn’t kill anyone… on purpose. Directly. You have to believe me – I would never do that. I’m only a mathematician. A mathematical engineer.’

  ‘Why?’ said Arnold. ‘Seriously, dude, if you’re just a little engineer who knocked down a bridge or a wall, or whatever, like you say… why would they come all this way for you? Why would they break that weird interplanetary outreach code thing? For you? For knocking down a wall? People must do it all the time.’

  ‘Not… not quite like this.’

  ‘You sound quite nails for a jellyfish.’

  ‘With a tail,’ added Ranjit.

  ‘I don’t have a tail,’ said Luke.

  ‘And neither do jellyfish,’ pointed out Evelyn. ‘Please calm down, Ranjit.’

  Connie suddenly couldn’t take it any more.

  ‘SHUT UP EVERYONE!’ she yelled at the top of her lungs. She was trembling. ‘They are not killing you. They are not taking you. You’re not going anywhere.’

  ‘Steady on, Kick-Ass girl’ said Arnold, holding up his hands. Connie turned towards Luke.

  ‘What does it say will happen after that?’

  ‘They promise to leave Earth alone until you’re ready to venture into the universe for yourselves,’ said Luke.

  ‘And if you don’t get found?’

  Luke blinked.

  ‘It translates best as… “consequences”.’

  There was a sharp rap at the door.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Nigel had wanted to knock. He wanted them onside; to believe he was helping them, being polite; doing things properly. Which he was, after a fashion. He glanced at his watch. He’d told DCI Malik to come and interview them in the afternoon. He’d be very interested to see the results.

  ‘Hello,’ he said, trying not to wrinkle his nose. He was a fastidious man. The room looked like a bomb had hit it. Papers and crumbs, empty cups and pencils were strewn everywhere. Under his foot were discarded sharpenings even though there was a bin less than a metre away.

  ‘So much for all your cleaning meetings,’ he murmured.

  ‘Oh, is that what this is about?’ said Arnold, gazing at him with open hostility.

  The rest of them were sitting open-mouthed in a circle, all of them stiffening and falling silent as he walked in. The tension in the room was incredibly thick. Nigel felt his heart rate rise a little. They knew something: that much was obvious. If they hadn’t managed to decode anything, they wouldn’t have immediately stopped what they were doing and frozen in place.

  The weird, gangly, specky one was obviously in the middle of speaking, but stopped abruptly.

  ‘Please don’t stop on my account,’ said Nigel. ‘We completely understood why you turned off the mikes; that’s totally fine. But I can assure you I have the highest clearance.’

  Sé snorted.

  ‘Like that means anything,’ he said. ‘I expect Professor Hirati’s was pretty high too.’

  ‘We’ll plug them back in now though,’ said Arnold getting up. ‘Now you’re here. Just for insurance.’

  He gave Nigel an extremely rude look, which Nigel ignored.

  ‘Please carry on.’

  There was a long, long silence in the room. Nigel let it play itself out. Silences didn’t bother him. Although this one was certainly quickening his interest.

  ‘Don’t,’ said Connie fiercely. ‘Don’t carry on.’

  Evelyn shot her a warning look, then jumped up.

  ‘Because,’ she said, ‘at the moment it’s just gibberish. We’ve barely got anywhere with it. There’s no point in saying anything about it, really; it would just be pure speculation.’

  Ranjit chipped in excitedly.

  ‘Well, the thing is,’ he began, ‘what you do is you start with the collections of
numbers, they say, to start a polynomial. The next number gives the unit term, then x, then y, then x squared, y and y squared. You fill these numbers into a polynomial. Once you have the algebraic structure, you plot it over real numbers – whoa, man, it’s the coolest! Do you see? Normally we can’t do this over algebraically closed fields! Then this gives you a curve on the plane with Cartesian coord…’