Alone on Earth

by Susan Fanetti

  She wondered, too, if she was being naïve to make the distinction herself.

  The people in this waiting room with her, though—they weren’t dangerous. They were scared and sad, and they had turned to each other for strength. She knew that they would be dangerous to those who had hurt them—but that made her feel safe, too.

  It was a lot to think about. A lot to try to understand. She wanted to understand—because the man holding her hand right now, holding it hard, who was scared and sad himself, and who had turned to her? She loved him. She was sure now. It was crazy and stupid and probably every possible kind of wrong. But she did. She thought he felt something like love for her, too. She’d felt it in his touch before, but never so strongly as when he’d kissed her forehead after he’d come back to his room for her. That was crazy and stupid, too, some ridiculous kind of Disney-romance notion, but it was what her heart said.

  She had no idea what it meant. She couldn’t very well give up her life in Los Angeles and park her butt in Bart’s dorm room. A lot of people counted on her in L.A., and she couldn’t let them down. More than that, she didn’t want to. She loved being an actor. She didn’t love being a celebrity, and she needed to make some changes and take control over her own life, but the work she did—she loved it.

  And Bart was Horde. It was his life; he’d said as much. They did not travel the same road. They were two thousand miles apart, and that distance wasn’t simply geographical. She couldn’t see him as a guy who’d walk red carpets with her, who’d tolerate her filming love scenes with other men, who’d understand that sometimes her work took her away from home for weeks at a time. He wasn’t the alpha caveman that some of the other guys seemed to be, but he didn’t seem to be the kind of guy who’d be comfortable with his woman being the center of attention.

  He didn’t seem to be that kind of guy. Could she really love him if she didn’t know for sure whether or not he was that kind of guy? Even after the things she’d learned too late about Devon, after she was in love with him—could she fall that fast again?

  Yeah. She could. It wasn’t smart, but it was true.

  Her phone buzzed again in her pocket. She’d been ignoring it, but it had been quiet for a while, and she knew that soon she’d have to deal with frantic people wondering why she hadn’t come home. Shortly after she’d left the airport, she’d gotten texts from Pru, Tanner, and Doug. She’d returned Doug’s text, and she’d called Pru. Tanner she’d ignored.

  Still holding Bart’s hand, she shifted and pulled her phone from her pocket. Pru: At layover. Need to talk.

  She brought Bart’s hand to her lips. He turned at her touch and smiled a little. “Hey. You okay?”

  “Yeah. I need to call Pru, so I’m going to step away. Okay? You need me to bring anything back? Coffee or anything?”

  “No. Just you.” He kissed her cheek and released her hand.

  She found a quiet corner down the hall a little and tucked herself into it as she dialed. Pru answered right away.

  “You still okay?”

  Riley didn’t want to go into everything that was going on, so she said, “Yeah. Everything okay with you?”

  “You delayed our flight, walking away after your bags were checked, but we worked it out. I don’t know how you’ll get those bags back, or when, but otherwise, it’s worked out. I already told Eleanor you decided to stay back for a few days. She’s not happy, and she’s super pissed at me for not staying with you, thank you very much.”

  “I’m sorry, Prudie. Really. I just…I had to come back.”

  “You are eventually coming home, though, right?”

  “I am. Soon. I just couldn’t leave everything so…confused.”

  There was a long silence on Pru’s end. Then she said, “Ri, be careful. You’re not in a place to be making decisions about a guy right now. I shouldn’t have let you spend so much time with him.”

  A spike of anger shot through Riley’s head. “Let me? Let me? See, Pru, that’s the problem. Everybody in my life thinks they have say over what I do. I’m not a child. I’m not deficient. I don’t know why people think I can’t control my own life.”

  “You’ve never wanted to.”

  For a second, Riley was even angrier, and then that righteousness simply deflated. Pru was right. Other people had always run Riley’s life, and for years now, she’d hated it. Yet this was the first time it had really occurred to her to take over. In fact, she was so used to her life being other people’s job, sometimes it didn’t even occur to her that she had a decision to make.

  “I have to go, Pru. I’ll be home soon. In the meantime, don’t sweat the tabloids or whatever. They’ll do what they’ll do, and eventually they’ll find something more interesting than me.”

  Pru laughed; the exhaled breath of it was loud on Riley’s end. “You know how many times I’ve said almost that exact thing to you?” She laughed again. “Anyway. Are you still ducking your mother? I’d like to know what awaits me in L.A.”

  “No. I’ll take her calls as they come. She’ll have to learn to deal.”

  “Yeah. Like that’s gonna happen. Okay. Keep me posted, alright? And let me know what you need from me.”

  “Okay. Thanks, Pru. I love you.”

  Another silence. Riley knew why. She couldn’t remember the last time either of them had said those words. They were true; at least for Riley, they’d always been. But they hadn’t been said.

  “I love you, too, Ri. Be safe.”

  ~oOo~

  When she got back to the waiting room, Show and Lilli were standing in the middle of the room. Bart, Len, Havoc, and Badger were standing, too, but a few feet back. Show and Lilli were talking to a cop. She’d have figured he was a cop even without the uniform and the gun belt. He was on the short side and stocky, with a greying blond crew cut and a sunburnt face. He looked exactly like a cop.

  Lilli’s arms were wrapped around her body, and Riley was struck by that stance. It looked wrong on Lilli, too vulnerable. Riley hadn’t known her long, but the word ‘vulnerable’ was not one she’d ever have thought to use to describe her.

  Knowing that she had no place getting closer to whatever was going on across the room, Riley headed back to sit where they’d been sitting. But then Shannon came up, a tote bag on her shoulder. She was leading a toddling Gia by the hand.

  “I’m going to take Gia down and get her something to eat. You want to come with me?”

  Riley looked toward Bart, reluctant to leave without letting him know. As if he sensed her, he turned. She tipped her head toward the elevators. He smiled a little and nodded.

  “Okay, sure.”

  Shannon picked Gia up, and they went down to the cafeteria.

  They didn’t talk much as they rode the elevator, or went through the line, collecting fruit, milk, and a small box of Cheerios for Gia. Shannon asked if Riley wanted something, too, but she didn’t. Once they had Gia in a high chair and were settled at a table, Shannon helping Gia drink milk from the little bottle, she turned to Riley and asked, “How are you doing with all this?”

  Riley shrugged. “I don’t know. Is there a way I’m supposed to be handling it?”

  “I don’t really know.” Shannon laughed and slid a disposable bowl of dry Cheerios to Gia, who dug in with both hands. “This is a first for me, too. But Show warned me that things got violent around the club sometimes. I guess it depends on what Bart means to you, and how you feel about the Horde.”

  It felt to Riley like an opportunity was presenting itself, a chance for her to try out her feelings and explore what they could mean. So she decided to be open with Shannon, even though they hardly knew each other. “I think he means a lot. I’m trying to understand what that means. But I think he means a lot. And I like the Horde. I feel good around them.”

  “That’s good. Then follow Bart’s lead. That’s what I’m trying to do—let Show tell me what’s right for me to do. Trust my man. And be there for my friend.”

  That seemed l
ike exactly the thing Riley was beginning to fight against—the idea of someone else telling her what to do. But here, in this case, she knew Shannon was right. Nothing that was happening was anywhere in the realm of her own experience. “Doesn’t all this scare you? Are you okay with this in your life?”

  Shannon plucked several grapes from their stems and dropped them into Gia’s bowl. Gia clapped and said, “Bapes!”

  “Like I said, this is new for me, too. I’m feeling my way. And yeah, it scares me. As for whether I’m okay with it in my life, no—of course not. But I love Show. I want him in my life. If he brings this, then I guess, in a way, I am okay with it. I’d rather this in my life than Show not. If that makes sense.”

  It did, and Riley nodded. She wasn’t sure she felt the same, though. Only a week. Her head kept bringing that up. Only a week. Eight days ago, she had not known Bart. This should be a warning—a bright red flag telling her to get on a plane and put this fling behind her. If she went forward, if there was even a forward to go, she did so knowing that he could bring more of this into her life at any time. He was an outlaw. He was an ex-con. The tabloids would have a field day.

  Her heart wasn’t sure it cared.

  ~oOo~

  They waited in that waiting room for hours. The whole day. Shannon had eventually arranged for food to be delivered to them, because none of the Horde would leave. They ate some, but not much.

  Riley sat with Bart and held his hand. They talked a little—mostly, he asked questions about how her coming back had affected things in L.A. Show went down the hall a couple of times, his phone in his hand. But otherwise, everybody was just quiet. For the whole day.

  Finally, as the afternoon was becoming evening, two doctors came into the room. One, an older man, was in scrubs, his head still covered in the green scrub hat. The other, a tall, slim, redheaded woman, wore scrubs, too, but a white coat over them. She didn’t look like she’d been in the operating room. But it did look like everybody knew her.

  Bart and the other Horde stood. Riley stayed where she was, not wanting to intrude. But she watched. The doctors sat on either side of Lilli. The redhead took her hand. Show went over and squatted in front of her, taking her other hand.

  Lilli had never washed up. She’d worn Isaac’s blood on her body the entire day.

  Riley couldn’t hear, but she watched. She couldn’t help watching. Her eyes filled with tears when she saw Lilli’s head bend down. Show lifted her hand to his face and held it there.

  Oh, God. Was he dead? That huge, strong, mountain of a man. Was he gone?

  She looked over at Bart. He was watching the same scene unfold, and she could tell that he was feeling what she was—only much more acutely.

  Both doctors stood, and Show and Lilli did as well. The redheaded doctor said something and rubbed Lilli’s arm. Lilli nodded. Show pulled her into his arms. She let him hold her, but her arms stayed straight at her sides. When he released her, he kissed her cheek. Then she went with the doctors, and Show turned to his brothers.

  Shannon, Riley noticed, stayed sitting where she was. Gia was asleep in her lap. But Shannon was sitting ramrod straight, paying keen attention. Riley understood that it was right to stay back and wait for Bart to come to her.

  When Show had said what he’d had to say, they all embraced each other. Len and Bart said something, and Show answered. Riley wished she understood what was going on. Or maybe she didn’t want to. She thought she might, and it scared her. She didn’t know Isaac well, either, or any of these people. But the thought that he was dead rent her heart.

  At last, Bart turned back and came to her. He looked stricken, and he sat and took her hand. But he said nothing. He just stared at her hand in his.

  “Bart, what? Can I ask? Is he gone?”

  He shook his head. “No. They don’t know if he’ll make it. There’s a chance, though, and he’s strong. He’s so strong. But the buckshot tore his spine up. If he does make it, they don’t think he’ll walk again. They’re not sure he’ll be able to move at all.”

  He laid his head on her shoulder, and she put her hand on his face and held him there.

  ~oOo~

  It was dark when Bart pulled up at the bed and breakfast. As he always did, he held out his arm to help Riley dismount. Then he swung his leg over, too. He took her hand, and they went inside. The rental car was still at the clubhouse. She’d only rented it for a day; she wasn’t sure how to handle it if she stayed longer, but she’d figure it out.

  The place was quiet—the actors had booked it for two weeks, and they were all gone. Vicki was there; she came through the swinging kitchen door as Riley and Bart came through the front door.

  “Hi, Miss Chase.” She’d never gotten comfortable calling Riley by her name. “Shannon told me to expect you back tonight. Your room’s been turned down. It’s all ready. Steve isn’t here, but can I help you with your bag?” She handed Riley a key.

  She didn’t have a bag, except for the one on her shoulder. “No thanks, Vicki. I’ve got it. Good night.”

  “Good night, Miss Chase. Breakfast tomorrow?”

  Bart answered that. “I’ll take her to Marie’s, Vicki. No need for Beth to come in and put out a spread.”

  Vicki nodded. She looked like she wanted to say more, and Riley understood that she wanted to know what had happened. But Bart put his hand on her back and led her to the staircase, leaving Vicki unsatisfied.

  “Okay then. I’ll let her know. Well, good night—I’m staying over, so if you need anything, just press ‘1’!”

  When they got upstairs, Bart took the key from her and opened the door. He put his hand on her lower back again and ushered her into the room. The bed was turned down, as Vicki had advertised, with little mints on the pillows. The lamp at one side of the bed was on. The room felt a little bit like home to Riley, and she took a breath and sighed away a fraction of the stress.

  “You sound tired, babe.”

  She breathed a weak chuckle. “I am. It’s been almost two days since I slept.” Turning to face him and his sad eyes, she said, “You, too. You look exhausted.”

  “Yeah. Rough times.” He slid his hand under her hair, cupping her neck, his thumb over her jaw. “I’m sorry you were here for all this.”

  Hooking her finger through his belt loop, she stepped up against him. “I’m not. I’m glad I was here for you. If I helped at all.”

  “You did.” He bent his head toward hers, his eyes holding hers, and she knew he was going to kiss her. But she put her hand flat on his chest and held him off. He blinked, his brow furrowing.

  “I need to tell you something, Bart. You don’t have to say anything. In fact, it would be easier if you’d just say nothing. I don’t want you to say something because you feel like you have to. So just…just shut up. Okay?”

  His mouth crooked up, so sexily, in the beginning of a smile. “Okay.” He turned his fingers in front of his lips, miming a key in a lock. “Sealed.”

  Her heart began to race wildly, and she could hear her pulse in her ears. This was stupid, her brain said. Nothing good could come of it. But she didn’t care. Watching the Horde today, watching Show and Shannon, and Lilli, she knew. She knew what she wanted. She didn’t know how to have it, and she was pretty sure it wasn’t good for her, but she knew she wanted it. So she took a deep breath and forced herself to let it out slowly. Then she looked Bart, her biker, in the eyes.

  “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Today, nonstop, I think. I don’t know what’s to be done about it. I don’t know if there’s anything that should be done about it. But I know it’s true.” She needed another breath, and she took it, still keeping her eyes on his. “I’m in love with you.”

  Okay, now she maybe needed to throw up. She swallowed and let her eyes close, trying to rein in her galloping pulse.

  He said nothing. Of course, she’d told him not to. But he wasn’t moving, either, and Riley found that extremely unnerving. She opened her eyes and found him still l
ooking down at her, his grey eyes dark and intense.

  “Okay, I know I told you not to say anything, but—”

  He cut her off with his mouth, crashing down on hers, his tongue plunging into her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her hard to his chest, his hands moving down to hold her ass. His erection pushed hard against her, and she moaned. Not talking was good. It was right. She slid her hands to his back and pushed them under his kutte and t-shirt.

  He tore away from her with a gasp. “I need to wash this fucking day away. I need to forget for a minute. Shower with me, babe. I want to fuck you in the shower.”

  She nodded, and he lifted her up. When she looped her legs around his waist, he walked out to the bathroom and closed and locked the doors.

  He set her on her feet, and they undressed themselves. He was naked first, and he got the water ready and stepped in. When she stepped in, he pulled her close and turned the water so that it rained over her head. She tipped her head back and let the water rinse her face, moving her hair back, too. The water was hot but not scalding, and she felt better in it, with his bare, muscular body pressed to hers. His cock was hard and beautiful, and she wrapped her hands around it, sliding back and forth until his head fell back and his hands dug into her shoulders.

  His brows were drawn together and he was thrusting against the movement of her hands when he grabbed her wrists in a hurry. “Hold up, babe. I’m gonna go.”

  “Good. I want you to.”

  “I want to be in you.”

  “We don’t have a condom in here.” She was horny, and she wasn’t being very smart about him, but she wasn’t going to let him come inside her. It was one thing to maybe start a long-distance thing with an outlaw biker. It was another thing entirely to risk having his baby. Not to mention that he slept with the girls at the club that all the guys slept with, so tests would need to happen, too. She sped up her hands, and his hands fell away, then made their way to her shoulders again.