Kane Richards Must Die

by Williams, Shanice

  Whatever they did, it would be an experience. One they would cherish and remember throughout their lives.

  For me?

  It would be a reminder of everything I had lost.

  And everything that I would never gain again.

  I sat there, thinking about everything, forcing myself to remember every detail, picking it apart and studying it closely. I didn’t want to ever forget.

  I thought about the first time I had ever laid eyes on Kane. How the whole class had fallen silent upon his entrance, how I was transfixed with his good looks. The way every girl greeted him as he stalked closer and closer to my desk, a man on a mission.

  I felt my lips tug up into a tiny, sad smile as I thought about our first conversation. His condescending, cocky attitude, his soft voice as he spoke about how he was ‘The best’, and how I had basically insulted what he had in his pants.

  Of course, now I knew my statement then was completely innacurate.

  I thought back to how I had summed up his psychological problems about his commitment to women during lunch. A laugh escaped me at how much I had actually despised him back then. Hated how he was impossibly gorgeous and yet so frustratingly cocky and irritating.

  And yet through all that, I had managed to fall deeply and completely in love with him. The smile still held its place on my lips as I dissected every single memory, reminding myself over and over of what we had.

  The tears still fell, tainting the edges of each thought and reminding me of what was lost.

  Our first kiss, at two in the morning outside my house.

  I smiled when I thought of the morning after, and how he had sauntered down the hallway with his arm over that other girl. I couldn’t regret it. If he had never done that, I probably never would’ve found out about the tragic loss of his father. Remembering that caused me to think about how my being on a plane—the very same machine that had caused Kane such loss—would possibly be affecting him even worse.

  A watery laugh bubbled through my lips as I thought about our semi-picnic in the park. Our argument about Beethoven and the meanings underlying the piece.

  That brought about the memory of the first time he played the piano for me. The burning emotion in his eyes afterwards, and how it led to such a passionate afternoon, giving me feelings I never even knew were possible.

  Did I know that I loved him then?

  I had definitely felt something.

  I forced myself to think about the darker times. My feelings of doubt when I found about his history with Kate. The guilt when I had decided to leave with her instead of him.

  That dark night, the anniversary of his father’s death. The unfamiliar look in his eyes that had instilled such fear within me. Yet I had stayed until my declaration of love for him wasn’t returned.

  That thought only spurred me to remember when it finally was returned. How the setting had been so perfect, the song, the history of the building, and the feel of his warm arms around my waist as we swayed to the music.

  And of course, the tie.

  I had to laugh at his common use of expletives, remembering how he would randomly swear about such inconsequential things. I remembered how I used to tease him about his short temper and impatience with inanimate objects. How he would shrug, as if it was just the way things were.

  A wistful sigh escaped my chest as I finally lifted my hand; wiping at the tears as the flight attendant announced our depature.

  I felt the gentle vibration of the plane moving; there was no going back. The runway passed by outside the window, the airport separating itself from me with every second.

  I couldn’t see the end of the runway, but I could feel it disappearing behind us, every inch of the grey tarmac tearing away at me, removing itself from my presence and everything that I had achieved here. And then we were airborne; the final string connecting me to this country, to the grass and the road and the school, was cut loose as soon as the wheels folded beneath the large machine and it relied on its wings and engines to lift itself into the air, mingling with the dark clouds and sky.

  I whispered a final goodbye as I saw the runway become smaller, the airport decrease in size, removing itself further from my grasp. A final goodbye to my aunt, to my home for the last three months, to the school, to Kate, to Lawrence . . .

  The tears made a silent appearance once again.

  Closing my eyes, I rested my head back against the seat and whispered a final goodbye to Kane Richards—and the love I would probably never see again . . .

  39. EPILOGUE

  Kane

  Two months.

  Two fucking months.

  I took a deep breath and grimaced as the familiar, aching pain still burned in my chest. But that shit was nothing new. I’d been having that goddamn pain for two long, shitty months now. I was used to it. I almost embraced it. It proved to me that I was not going to forget her. That I still loved her, and that she was real.

  A light knock brought my attention to the here and now, and I stared at the door, waiting for it to open. I knew it would; they never bothered waiting for a response from me anymore. They knew they would be waiting forever if they did.

  My mom poked her head through and smiled sadly at me.

  “Hey, honey,” she murmured softly. I gave her a halfhearted nod and stared back at the blue screen on my TV. It had been like that for about a week. I couldn’t be bothered with turning it off. It was a miracle I even left my damn room at all. In fact, I only ever did when my stomach screamed out in protest, demanding that I feed myself.

  “Pretty big day today, huh?” she asked. I frowned as I remembered she was in my room. Recently, I had developed some kind of short-term memory loss; sometimes going to the toilet and not even remembering getting up, or even needing to go in the first place. If I was at school, which I hadn’t been lately, I would be listening to one of my teachers droning on one minute, and then the next I would be in the cafeteria, sitting at the same table I’d sat at when she was here. Except now, it held only one.

  “Yeah,” I rasped, my voice rough from the lack of use. To be honest I really didn’t give a shit about today. I hadn’t given a shit about any day recently. There was only one thing I wanted. One thing I needed, and guess what?

  She was thousands of miles away. Tucked up in London, doing everything that made her beautiful when she was around me. The last we talked, she told me that her mom was doing better. It was good just hearing the sound of her voice, but that didn’t change the fact that she’d left.

  “Kane,” I heard my mom sigh as she crossed the room and sat on the end of my bed. “This has to stop, baby. I know you miss h—”

  I threw my palm up to stop her.

  “Don’t even mention her name,” I hissed sharply. I didn’t want her name to pass my mother’s lips. I didn’t want her name to be spoken by anyone except me. She was mine and no matter what, she always would be. I tightly shut my eyes, imagining myself years from now without her. Would I still have this same shitty ache? Would I still be dreaming of her endlessly at night? Would I ever be the same again without her?

  For some reason I couldn’t picture myself in the future alone. The images just wouldn’t come, and after a while I just gave up with a frustrated and weary sigh.

  My mom once again reminded me that she was still in my damn room. I flinched when she rested her hand on my knee, not used to having anyone touch me. I brought my hands up to tug at my hair.

  Today was graduation, and regardless of how messed up I was, I needed to go.

  I cleared my throat and rubbed a palm over my face roughly. “Let me get dressed,” I mumbled digging the heel of my hands into my eyes.

  “OK,” my mom replied, and squeezed my knee gently before getting up to leave my room. I watched her sadly; she still hadn’t touched a drink and she deserved to be told how proud I was of her, like I had done before. But after all the shit that had been going down, I just hadn’t really thought about it.

  My
mom turned around just before she reached for the door. “I know you’re hurting right now. I’m sorry.” She smiled warmly and was about to shut the door behind her before I called out to her,

  “Mom, I . . .” I sighed and turned my face back to the blue TV screen. “I’m proud of you,” I muttered into the silent space between us. I didn’t feel the need to look back at her, and after a moment, I heard the soft click of my door closing, signaling she had left.

  ***

  “Hey man, wait up!”

  I recognized that voice and closed my eyes. I just wanted to get this over and done with, didn’t want to have congratulatory conversations or ‘no hard feeling’ talks. In the past few months, I thought people had understood in this damn school not to approach me. It was weird how my status had completely changed. Girls would still give me side glances, sometimes being brave enough to approach me, trying to “ease my pain.”

  I would tell them to back the hell off.

  Apart from that, the whole time at school had passed in a mind-numbingly plain blur. A month ago was my eighteenth birthday.

  Something that, before Suranne had come into my life, I had planned to be a huge event.

  That plan went to shit.

  I stayed in my room that night, drinking Grey Goose straight and holding my head in my hands, begging for just five minutes of calmness, just five minutes where I wouldn’t have to deal with the image of her constantly burning behind my eyelids. Just five minutes away from the damn stinging tears.

  It never happened. That night, and every night after that, I curled up in the same position, sighing in relief when the burn of the alcohol and the blank numbing mask it provided finally pulled over my body and carried me toward bittersweet nothingness.

  “Yo! Kane! Wait up!” Lawrence’s out-of-breath voice brought me back to the school, the crowd of students, shrouded in our stupid-ass robes and hats and our proud parents finding chairs anticipating their child’s five seconds of fame when they would step up on that stage. They would shake the valedictorian’s sweaty hand before climbing back down those steps, blending back into the sea of plain faces, each one carrying a different future, a different path leading them on to the next chapter of their life.

  I knew because pretty soon, I would be one of those students.

  I turned with a weary sigh to face Lawrence only a few feet away from me, his arm slung firmly over a slender unfamiliar girl with a bronze complexion and dark hair.

  I raised an eyebrow at Lawrence questioningly. Apparently I had missed quite a bit these couple of months.

  He picked up on my questioning stare and smiled proudly down at the girl as she clutched at his waist tightly. She looked at me appraisingly, her eyes raking over my form, but surprised me when she just turned back to Lawrence, kissing him on the cheek and whispering something in his ear.

  And for the first time ever I saw Lawrence blush.

  She walked off then, leaving just the two of us. He stared at me, with a newfound maturity and an expression of mild concern.

  “What is it?” I asked simply, my voice scratchy and devoid of emotion.

  Lawrence sighed and looked down at the ground as he toed the grass with his shoe before lifting his head back up to face me. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it just as quickly; copying the same movement over and over, until I felt irritation flare within me.

  “Will you just spit it out already?”

  “It’s nothing,” he sighed and turned to walk away, but stopped himself short to face me again, his face determined. “I just wanted to say . . . Good luck, y’know. With everything, and whatever you decide to do after . . . this.” He waved his hand around us, and I followed it, noticing my Mom watching me warily from her seat.

  I nodded and sighed, turning to walk away towards Mom, but he stopped me again.

  “Kane, also . . . I’m sorry.” He looked at me firmly; his apology was genuine and I knew he was apologizing for everything with her.

  “Thanks,” I muttered, nodding my head again. He gave a small smile and turned, walking towards the girl waiting for him by the chairs. I watched her curiously, noticed how her face brightened and a smile graced her lips as she saw him approaching her.

  “Lawrence!” I called out to him, and he paused, turning around with a curious expression on his face.

  “Congratulations,” I nodded my head towards the girl, admitting to actually being happy that he had found someone. His face morphed into a grin, and he nodded back at me before going back to his girl.

  I wished I could go back to mine.

  Graduation thankfully passed fairly quickly. Girls were crying and hugging each other, guys were clapping each other’s shoulders in congratulations while their parents mingled and gushed about how proud they were of their kids.

  My mom being one of them.

  I watched her silently, focusing on her reactions and facial expressions. She talked with a bright glint in her eyes, and her soft feminine laugh carried out into the hall and warmed me every time. I could feel my resolve hardening, solidifying in my brain and putting itself into action.

  I carried on watching her silently, until my eyes found Ashley. She lifted her head and looked at me, her gaze warming as her face split into the wide grin that I loved, her eyes bright and gleaming. I savored her smile, keeping it firmly locking in my memory as I slipped out of the hall. An eerie calm washed over my body, flowing through my blood as it began repairing my heart and gearing it back into action. I drove home in silence, watching the road thoughtfully, studying each line of the pavement and other cars as they passed me and turned off onto different roads, wondering where they would take them.

  I turned into my driveway and entered the living area. As I approached the stairs, I brushed my hand along the soft wood of the railings before walking into my room and sitting on my bed. I looked at the piano thoughtfully, admiring the sleek black exterior and the gold-outlined planes.

  The next hour passed in a blur, my body so calm and my movements so fluid that I hardly registered what I was doing before I finished. I walked to the door of my room and turned, remembering the space. I continued to smile as I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, placing the necessary things on the table for when Mom got home. A short time later, I walked out the front door and settled into the smooth leather seat of my car. I sighed at the purr of the engine and drove, my lips still turned upward into that calm smile, my body completely relaxed and at ease with acceptance.

  And then I was there, walking into the building with all those memories, I squinted at the bright lights but carried on walking, never wavering till I reached the appropriate area.

  I stopped, my body at a standstill, as a woman watched me curiously, her eyebrow quirked and her lips set into a tight line. I felt a flicker of hesitation, but it passed quickly and I was flooded once again with unwavering calmness as I carried on moving forward. The woman’s face changed into the polite smile required to greet everyone. That was, after all, her job.

  “Good afternoon, Sir. What can I help you with today?”

  I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath, nodding to myself, knowing this was the right thing to do.

  Because after two months of pain, I still loved Suranne more than ever. And because wherever the hell she went, I would damn well make sure that I would follow.

  Opening my eyes, I gazed at the woman and smiled politely back at her, opening my mouth and giving the one sentence that would change my future entirely.

  “First class, one-way ticket to Gatwick, London.”

  Acknowledgements

  There are a lot of people without whose help and support this book wouldn't have been possible. I would like to thank my copyeditor, Kelly Lenox, and my book designer, Kimberly Martin, for their awesome work on my book.

  I want to thank my family and friends for their support and constant praise, especially my brothers and my Mum. I'd also like to thank Lisa Paul, my publisher. She had faith in my st
ory when I thought no one else would.

  And of course, the fans, which I gained through the early stage of writing this book. Also, I'd like to thank you, the reader, for taking an interest in my book. It means a lot!