Complicated Creatures: Part One

by Alexi Lawless

  “I’ve—I’ve done so many things, Bear,” she sobbed as ragged sounds tore out like they’d been flayed from her. “I’ve done too many things. I can’t go back. I can’t go back,” she gasped. The noises coming from her made her gasp with their strength—ugly and rearing after so many years being tamped down.

  “We all have, baby girl. We all have,” he murmured, rocking her now. Mumbling comforting things, soothing things.

  She realized distantly she wasn’t crying over Wes. She’d done that as a girl, years ago. He was just a trigger. She was crying for everything that was, that had been—that tender, innocent time when she’d spend hours riding the ranch with her father, playing cards with her brother at the kitchen table, making love to Wes on lazy sunlit afternoons. She mourned the person she’d been before life had warped and shaped her… before it had given her the weapons and the will to use them. The hurt vibrated in her chest—only more painful this time because the scar tissue was thick and subcutaneous. That final awful ending with Wes had been the gateway. And he’d pushed her through it when she thought he’d be her lifeline; the one thing God had left for her when he took everyone else…

  “I’m here. I’m here,” Carey promised, his murmured reassurances accompanying the gentle pressure of his hand wiping tears from her face.

  She registered Carey picking her up and carrying her the short distance to her couch, cradling her in his arms the way he would a child. Her head throbbed. As the crying jag slowed, Sam was left with the hollowed out dullness of emotional exertion. Her body was wracked with exhaustion, quaking with occasional tremors as she quieted against Carey. He was so gentle, so careful with her; it ached all the more.

  Sam tucked her damp, flushed face against his neck, a mixture of shame and relief soaking up what was left of her grief. They were both silent for a long time. She watched the sun set, casting long, distorted shadows against her walls.

  “You’re the toughest person I know,” Carey told her in the cool quiet, his voice a rumble under her cheek. “But there’s no reproach in needing somebody every now and then.”

  Sam spread the fingers she’d wrapped around his dress shirt, her fingers sore from clasping at him like her life had depended on it. She smoothed the wrinkles in his dress shirt absently. Her face stung a little from the salt of her dried tears.

  Carey rubbed her cheek with the rough pad of his thumb. “We’ve done and seen terrible things, baby girl. That changes you,” he continued. “But you’ve chosen to protect people for a living. You can say whatever you want, but that’s the bare truth. And you may have had many reasons to do what you did in the military, but fact is, you saved countless lives with the intel you got. I don’t know what you did to think of yourself this way, but I know you aren’t evil. I know evil. You’re just hurt.” He sighed. “Hell, honey. We all are. You just happen to hide it better than most.”

  “Apparently, not well enough,” she whispered.

  “Don’t you know, Sammy girl?” he whispered back with a gentle smile. “I know all your tells.”

  Carey held her for a long time, both of them lost in thought and memories. And as nightfall blanketed her office, Sam felt safe enough to tell him; to tell him what had happened to her all those years ago after her dad and Ryland died; what made her so good at her job in the military.

  And how she’d come by the nickname Poppy…

  Chapter 22

  December—Saturday afternoon

  Jaime’s house in Oak Park, Illinois

  J A C K

  “You’re not doing it right, Uncle Jack,” Maddie huffed, squirming on the bar stool.

  Jack concentrated, tying the ribbon around her pigtail like he was looking for the right wire to diffuse a bomb. “I’m trying, micina cara. Quit moving around.”

  Jaime walked into the kitchen, took one look at the lopsided pigtail and sighed. “You’re doing it wrong.”

  “Well, Madre de Dio, Jaime,” Jack said, exasperated. “I didn’t know there was a right and wrong way to tie a ribbon!” Maddie and Jaime twisted around and glared at him in such an identical fashion he nearly laughed aloud.

  Jaime put Maddie’s suitcase and backpack down by the kitchen door and swung back around, slapping Jack out of the way. “Here,” he stated calmly. “I’ll show you how to do her hair. You might want to video this, you idiot. Little girls take their hair very seriously,” he informed his brother archly.

  Jack sighed, stepping back. He fumbled with his phone. That actually wasn’t a bad idea, though he wondered if he could get Samantha to help him. He smiled. He could easily imagine Samantha helping Maddie get dressed in the mornings while explaining the proper way to field strip a pistol.

  “Are you videoing this?” Jaime asked, pulling Maddie’s silky fine hair out of the ridiculous knot Jack had managed.

  “Yeah, il stronzo,”23 Jack muttered. “Just show me.”

  “Okay, step one, make sure you’ve brushed all the tangles out. Step two, make an even part in her hair like this…”

  Jack zoned out while Jaime went on and on about ribbons and plaits and getting the rubber band tight but not too tight. He adored his niece, but he had a strong feeling she’d be learning to do her own hair while she was staying with him this week.

  “Callie will pick her up from Montessori and take her out until you get home. I’ve asked her to pick up the groceries and bring them over the first night so you have all the food you need for Maddie.”

  Jack looked affronted. “I have food, and you know I cook better than you do.”

  Jaime rolled his eyes. “I mean her kid stuff like bologna and fish sticks.”

  Jack recoiled. “Madonne—fish sticks?”

  “She likes them.” Jaime nodded. “Make her dinner, but those are for snacks and stuff.”

  Jack shuddered. “She’s eating like we ate growing up. Fresh fish, homemade pasta, and if she wants crap, I’ll throw a couple hot dogs on the grill, but that’s it.”

  “I like it when you grill, Uncle Jack,” Maddie offered, flipping through one of her coloring books at the kitchen counter.

  “I know you do, baby,” Jack told her tenderly as he lifted a triumphant brow at his brother.

  “Can we grill the fish sticks?” she asked.

  Jaime snort-laughed while Jack rolled his eyes.

  “Maddie, baby, go to your room and look for anything you might want to bring to Uncle Jack’s that Daddy might have missed, okay?” Jaime urged, helping her off the stool. She ran off to her room in a flash of little limbs and pink tulle.

  “Is she wearing a tutu?” Jack asked, feeling a little unsure.

  “Yeah. Ever since we started her in dance class a couple months ago, she’ll wear it after class for a couple hours until she gets tired of it,” Jaime explained as he left the kitchen. Jack trailed after him, typing into his phone. “What are you doing?”

  “Taking notes,” Jack muttered.

  Jaime smirked, shaking his head at his brother. “You’ll figure it out. I know it’s been a little while since she’s stayed with you for more than a couple nights, but you’ll do well.”

  “I feel like every time she stays with me, she has totally different needs,” Jack confessed, his brow creasing as he typed. “It’s diapers and formula, then it’s pull-ups and Velcro shoes, now it’s hairdos and fish sticks. How the fuck do you learn all this?”

  “Stop saying ‘fuck,’ first,” Jaime scolded. “She’s in the repeating-things phase. And it didn’t happen overnight. It’s been years with Mom and Callie, the PTA, parenting handbooks, and a lot of patience and Advil. You gonna be good with this? I can ask Ma to come back if it’s too much.”

  “No.” Jack shook his head. “I got this. Nothing could be scarier than a newborn. At least she can talk now.” He smiled grimly at the memory of Maddie’s seemingly ceaseless midnight wailings as an infant. It had been a good thing he was already an insomniac. “You ready for the trip?” he asked, glancing at Jaime’s open garment bag on the
bed.

  “Yeah,” Jaime shrugged. “Should be good,” he answered, stepping into this closet to pick out clothes. “I’ve been wanting to expand into Latin America. Did you know Brazil is one of the world’s biggest mobile markets? They have something like two hundred and sixty-eight million subscribers nationally. That’s like a penetration rate of more than one point three lines per person,” Jaime stated, holding up ties in the mirror.

  “God, you’re a geek,” Jack teased. “Go with the blue and the yellow ties.”

  Jaime nodded, rolling the ties and tucking them into the bag. “Did Sam tell you she’s sending a couple guys with me?”

  Jack looked up, surprised. “No. Why?”

  “One of the guys on the trip has some shady connections, I guess. You wouldn’t know it, looking at him, but she thinks he could invite some unwanted attention. She says it’s just a precaution.”

  Jack didn’t like the sound of this new information one bit. His brother was naturally laidback, but he felt like he wasn’t saying something. Jack also wondered why Sam hadn’t mentioned anything to him before she left on her business trip. “Define ‘shady.’”

  Jaime shrugged, wandering back into his closet to pull out shirts. “She didn’t say. She just asked me to take a couple guys with me and Carter on the flight and said there’d be a few more there to connect with. Makes sense since I’ll be helping Rush and Talon later this week to test the app I’ve been developing for them.”

  “Is that it?” Jack asked.

  “Well, yeah,” Jaime said, pulling open his sock drawer. “I think so. We’re testing the locaters on me the first few days anyway, so her guys will have a bead on me pretty much all times. Makes sense.” He tossed a few pairs of socks into his bag, looking up at Jack sitting at the edge of the bed. “Stop worrying. It’s fine.”

  “I’m not worried,” Jack replied quickly.

  Jaime smiled smugly. “Yeah. You are. That’s like your side hobby. ‘Worry about Jaime,’” he air-quoted. “I’ll be with a few tech geeks and armed men who work for your girlfriend and staying at the Palace Hotel. The most trouble I’ll get into is ogling girls at Ipanema. What’s to worry about?”

  “You ogling girls at Ipanema,” Jack answered readily. “You’re likely to get your face slapped.”

  “You’re just jealous,” Jaime joked. “Though with Sam by your side, I can’t imagine you really want to look at anyone else. She’s sei figa!”24 He grinned, narrowly ducking Jack’s hand. “Speaking of which, where is she?”

  “She had a trip down to Houston come up. She’ll be back in a day or so.”

  “You’ve got a good one, Jack,” Jaime told him as he rooted around his drawers for tees and jeans.

  “I know it,” he answered, swallowing. The file had continued to weigh on his mind since his dad had given it to him. He thought about shredding it. But it just sat in his safe, secret. He hated the weight of it. The implications. “I could use your advice, actually,” he heard himself say. He hadn’t been planning on telling Jaime, but this felt too big to hold onto.

  Jaime looked up, surprised at Jack’s pained expression. “What’s up?”

  “So, you know how Dad pulled me aside during Thanksgiving?”

  Jaime thought about it. “Yeah?”

  “He gave me a file he had put together on Samantha.”

  Jaime’s brows rose to his hairline.

  Jack ran a hand through his hair. “I know.”

  “Jack, man, tell me you didn’t read it.”

  Jack shook his head. “He told me I should. He said there’s redacted shit in there, but that I should read it if I was getting serious about her. Christ, I know he’s trying to help but—”

  “Shred it,” Jaime interrupted. “Set it on fire. I don’t care what you do, but you need to get rid of it. I know Dad meant well, but seriously, you read it and it could have really harmful implications to this relationship, especially where you both are right now.” Jaime sat down next to him, putting his hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Jack, trust is a huge issue when things are still new like this. If she thinks you’re operating behind her back, she won’t ever look at you the same. There won’t be a way to go back.”

  “You’re right. I know you’re right,” Jack sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

  Jaime paused a beat. “But you’ve been holding onto it. Why?”

  Jack sighed, pushing up from the bed, pacing. Jaime crossed his arms, waiting patiently while Jack tried to verbalize it.

  “She’s amazing. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. Could even imagine,” he admitted. “But she’s so complicated. Everything’s a goddamn mystery, wrapped in an enigma—”

  Jaime let out a huff of laugher, his eyes twinkling. “She’s a woman, bro.”

  Jack rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “No, Jaime. It’s not just that. I know women,” he reminded him. “Sam’s a far more complicated creature. She’s straightforward, but she’s shrouded. She’s open in the moment, but opaque about the past and the future. I know she cares about me, but I know I care about her more.” He paced across Jaime’s room. “I know I’m not seeing the full picture. I know I’m on an uneven playing field. And I need to level it out.” He ran frustrated hands through his hair. “I love being with her, but when we’re not together, it just becomes painfully clear to me that the only thing I really know about this woman is what she likes in bed.”

  “Is that bad? I thought that was kind of like your thing?” Jaime teased.

  Jack rolled his eyes. “I’m being serious here. I’m one hundred percent into her and she’s like…a friggin’ black box. I’ve got a file I know I shouldn’t look at, but…merda!”25 He looked up, catching Jaime’s grin. “What?”

  “You’re obsessed, man.” Jaime’s grin widened. “Welcome to love. Now, when are you going to marry her?”

  The thought had crossed Jack’s mind on several occasions. That didn’t prevent him from punching his brother’s arm. “Be serious.”

  “Owww!” Jaime glared. “Your goddamn boxing is making you mean and aggressive,” he griped. “And I am being serious. Everyone knows the only way you handle an obsession is to either marry it or get rid of it. Sam has to be the coolest, smartest, not to mention sexiest, woman you’ve ever been with. You’d be a fool to fuck this up. Throw out the fucking file.”

  “Don’t say ‘fuck,’” Jack grumbled, eyeing the doorway. Maddie was playing music in her room down the hall. He could hear her banging away on her little keyboard. God help him, she’d better not bring that infernal thing to his place.

  “Love isn’t level,” Jaime continued. “Whoever sold you that is talking a crock full of shit. There are no accurate measurements. And oftentimes, one person may love the other person more, and sometimes that even switches around. And occasionally, you luck out and you’re both in the same place at the same time. But you holding this file over her isn’t going to make it an even playing field. It’s going to litter it with landmines.”

  “I’m not holding it over her—”

  “Uh, yeah, bro, you are,” Jaime interjected. “There’s redacted shit in there, dude. There’s a reason you don’t know some of that. But more importantly, it’s none of your business until she chooses to make it your business. And she’ll do that on her own time, in her own way, and you need to be okay with that. I know you’re new to this, but that’s a big part of what loving someone is about. Loving all of them, even if you don’t understand it all. And trusting them, even when it’s incredibly hard to do.”

  Jack stopped pacing, staring at his brother. Jaime nodded back at him. Jack sighed, knowing his brother was totally right. He knew it to his core. “How’d you get so smart?” Jack asked gruffly, sitting down next to him.

  Jaime shrugged. “Cassie taught me a lot. Sometimes I think we got married too young. But then I look at the time we got to share, and I don’t regret any of it. But we did a lot of growing up together as a result. We had to learn a lot of this the hard w
ay.”

  “I don’t think there’s an easy way,” Jack responded.

  Jaime grinned at that. “Ain’t that the truth?”

  The music stopped. They both looked expectantly at the doorway when they heard Maddie’s little feet pounding down the hallway. “Daddy, where’s my microphone? I need it for Uncle Jack’s.”

  Jaime chuckled, turning to Jack. “Just remember how much you love my kid this week. Especially when you want to mix barbiturates into her milk.”

  “Dude, I’d take those before I gave them to your daughter,” he joked. “Maddie, I’ve already got a microphone at my place,” Jack blatantly lied, hoping her little mind wouldn’t retain the deception or the desire for the microphone in the first place by the time he got her there.

  “And keyboards?” she asked doubtfully.

  “And keyboards,” he lied smoothly, elbowing Jaime sharply as he opened his mouth.

  “I like to karaoke,” Maddie told him seriously. “I’m gonna be a big singer, Uncle Jack.”

  “I’m sure you will, micina cara,” Jack answered as Jaime gasped, clutching his side. “You can be anything you want.”

  She nodded as if a decision had been made before turning and running back to her room.

  Jaime punched his arm hard in retaliation, parrying back quickly. “You’ll regret that. She’s going to be hounding you for a microphone all week.”

  “I’ll think of something to distract her,” Jack answered. “Now finish packing. Your car will be here in a few minutes.”

  Jaime nodded, tossing a few things into the bag.

  “Jaime?”

  His brother looked up.

  “Thank you,” Jack said quietly.

  Jaime grinned and tossed a pair of socks at him. “Ma non metterla giu’ dura!26 It’s nice to finally be able to help you out for once,” he laughed, leaning down to zip up his bag. “I love you, brother. Now take my daughter to your house, make her fish sticks, and burn that file.”