Crazy, Undercover, Love

by Nikki Moore

  ‘How exactly?’

  Shrugging, he stretched his arms above his head as if totally relaxed. ‘Maybe if you worked at another casino?’

  I stared at him in disbelief, wanting to wind his arms round his neck and throttle him with them. Anger sent tingles along my skin. I couldn’t comprehend what he’d said. Inappropriate didn’t begin to cover it. It was so bloody arrogant. I should give up a job earned through hard work just to have the opportunity to sleep with him? What alternate reality was he lodged in?

  Going into hyper-formal mode, I straightened in my seat, squaring my shoulders. ‘I’m surprised at the suggestion, Tony. I’m very happy here and have no desire to transfer. And I have no desire for us to be involved. If you’re going to stay you’ll need to respect that. Can you work as my assistant on those grounds?’

  ‘Sure.’ He tried to look indifferent but a muscle ticked at the corner of his mouth. ‘It was just a thought. And after the way we talked, and you smiled at me—’

  ‘I was being polite.’ But guilt nagged at me. Had I encouraged him? Been too friendly?

  ‘It was just a thought, as I said,’ he reiterated stiffly.

  ‘Good. Then I think we should regard the topic as closed.’

  ‘Good,’ he repeated. ‘Everything you need is waiting in your in-tray. Goodnight.’ Standing abruptly, he stalked out.

  After he left, I was unnerved enough to rush through the door onto the casino floor for a walk around. I needed to be around people, try and forget I’d just been propositioned by my assistant.

  After sleeping on it, I hoped for the best and that he’d have abandoned his weird ideas. I was conducting staff appraisals for front-of-house staff the following morning so didn’t see him until lunchtime. There was no mention of the previous night’s conversation and I didn’t get an apology, but for a while it was better. The invasion of my space stopped and so did the inappropriate comments.

  Then one evening I was working on a head office project on rolling out succession planning across the London region. Tony had stayed on to pull data off the system, but was tense, motions jerky, not making direct eye contact.

  ‘Tony, we’re all right aren’t we?’ I asked, pouring us coffee. We were at the meeting table in my office, papers spread out around us, other staff either down on the casino floor or in the security or cash offices.

  ‘What do you mean?’ He looked over, frowning

  ‘Our conversation the other week—’

  ‘Sure,’ he shrugged but his expression had gone hard, the planes of his face standing out starkly. There was a gleam in his eye which made me uncomfortable.

  ‘I just thought … you don’t have to be embarrassed. We can—’

  ‘Forget it,’ he ground. Holding the milk jug up: ‘White or black tonight?’

  ‘Black, thanks.’ I stared at him but he ignored me, hypnotically stirring sugar into his coffee. He was upset, so trying to pursue the conversation would obviously fall on deaf ears. I let it go, thinking he was having an off day.

  ‘Has your brother got married yet?’ I prodded, to change the subject.

  ‘Yes. Big wedding last weekend. He’s all settled with his perfect blonde princess and Mercedes and new partnership at his law firm now.’

  The bitter tone and twisted expression told me more than the words did how competitive the sibling rivalry was. ‘Ok–ay.’ Clearing my throat, I turned a printed spreadsheet over. ‘Shall we look at this one now then?’

  ‘Yes,’ he agreed, yanking it towards him.

  I remember thinking: He’ll get over whatever he thought might be happening between us. He’s got other things going on.

  Then odd things started happening.

  Staff meetings mysteriously moved so I’d miss them, appointments were changed in the shared diary so I didn’t know when corporate clients would be arriving, making me look and feel hopelessly inept. Deadlines were altered, making me prioritise work in the wrong order and have to ask for extensions or face the embarrassment of sending it in late. I started keeping a paper diary so I could track deadlines accurately, make sure I wasn’t going mad. If I was out of the office, Tony would get everyone looking for me as if I’d gone AWOL, and would apologise quietly after the fact, saying he hadn’t seen the external appointments in my diary. When I asked what was going on he’d express innocence, saying he’d been confused.

  I was so frustrated. His behaviour was unreasonable, but I wasn’t sure what to do. It all seemed so intangible and I wasn’t sure I could prove the ‘confusion’ was anything other than genuine human error. So I looked at our policies and procedures, researched sexual harassment online, went onto forums for research. It didn’t feel like he was bullying me as such and he was the junior employee. When I read all the horrifying true stories on the message boards and chat rooms of how people had ended up going off sick with work-related stress and falling into depression, even losing their jobs, houses and marriages, it made my own fears seem silly.

  I settled for making notes of the date, time, location and content of any worrying conversations or events in my moleskin notebook, and called Human Resources. I didn’t name myself or Tony, wanting to guard my privacy and in hindsight, my pride. The HR Manager advised me to try and resolve the issues with my staff member informally and if it didn’t work to raise a formal complaint under the grievance procedure or take him through a disciplinary process, which would be taken seriously by the company. She took pains to ask if I felt physically threatened in any way but I couldn’t honestly say yes at that point.

  Coming off the phone feeling better, I was determined to have a clear, minuted conversation with Tony, where I’d tell him I knew he was trying to undermine me and wouldn’t stand for it. That it’d be regarded as insubordination and a potential conduct issue. But before I had a chance, one awful evening cut my time at the casino short.

  I never saw it coming, not what happened. Despite the storm warnings on the horizon I should have noticed.

  Chapter Five

  Now

  ‘Miss?’ The air hostess pops up next to me.

  ‘Argh!’ I jump, wrenched from the past, hand jerking around the glass on the tray. A wave of cold water sloshes over the rim into my lap. Yelping, I make an ‘ah–ah–ah’ sound as the icy liquid soaks through my trousers. It can only be this freezing because all the ice has melted. How long was I brooding for?

  Alex frowns at me and I fall silent with a self-conscious grimace, standing to mop up the mess.

  The stewardess shakes her head, pointing out the window. ‘Sorry, you’ll have to wait until we’ve landed. I’ll bring you a towel to sit on. Can you fasten your seatbelt please?’

  ‘Huh?’ I glance out the narrow cabin window, gobsmacked to see it’s night time, thousands of twinkling lights appearing as the plane banks to the right.

  She brings me a thick navy towel. ‘Thanks,’ I murmur, tucking it under me. I watch as she takes a seat by the emergency exit, trying to ignore the flutter of panic in my stomach. I absolutely hate landing, always worrying the plane won’t brake in time and will overshoot the runway or that despite being strapped in I’ll get tossed around the cabin somehow. I may have watched too many disaster movies but it’s the first episode of Lost I blame, when the plane crashes on the mysterious tropical island and the beach is awash with broken fuselage and torn bodies.

  Compared to the stress of being near destitute, landing should be easy, but rationalising doesn’t stop me moulding my body into the damp seat, or my short bitten nails from digging into the slick leather armrests.

  ‘Once we’ve disembarked it’s a twenty minute drive to the hotel,’ Alex says curtly, powering down his laptop.

  I nod, staring at the headrest of the opposite chair and smarting from his tone. I don’t know what his problem is but he’s going to have to get over it. And I’m going to act like the strong independent woman I was before Tony bowled into my life. I will deal with Alex head-on … if I get off the flight alive.
>
  The plane begins its descent. Screwing up my eyes, I start counting inside my head. The engines slow and my breathing comes in short sharp bursts through my nose, jaw clamped tight. We hit an air pocket, dipping down then up, and I let out a quiet squeak, ears popping. Please don’t crash, please don’t crash, please do not crash.

  There’s a muffled protesting squawk from the stewardess and I sense movement but dare not open my eyes. What if the crew are preparing for an emergency landing? I’ll freak out completely. Better to stay in blissful ignorance.

  I get a shock as long warm fingers curve round mine in silent comfort. I tilt my head and squint out of one eye and find Alex beside me, a serious expression on his face.

  ‘We’ll be fine,’ he whispers close to my ear and I shiver. ‘Just keep breathing.’

  I didn’t have him down as the compassionate sort, but the thoughtfulness and his comment make me smile. Does he think I’m so scared I’ll stop breathing? That’d be a great front page headline. Woman hyperventilates to death on plane, too wimpy to cope!

  ‘Okay,’ I murmur, ‘I’ll try.’

  ‘Good.’

  His deep blue long-lashed eyes stare into mine. My chest squeezes my heart into my throat, or at least that’s what it feels like. The connection of our hands brings us close enough that our arms are aligned, his shoulder against mine.

  ‘You’ve already dropped your end of the deal,’ he remarks.

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Oh good, you are still breathing. For a second there I wasn’t sure.’

  Smart-arse, I think and can’t stop another smile from erupting. I shift away a bit. Maybe if we’re not so close … ‘Landing might present a challenge but I’m pretty sure I can cope with drawing breath.’ Is the shadow of stubble on his jaw getting darker? God, he’s sexy.

  He cocks an eyebrow, a bit Sean Connery as James Bond. ‘From the shade of white you’re currently sporting I wondered how much oxygen was making it to your brain.’

  ‘Gee, thanks!’ Mouth dropping open, I go to wrench my hand away.

  His fingers tighten, stopping me. ‘Relax! I’m kidding. You really are anxious about flying aren’t you?’ He nods to the towel peeking out from under my legs. ‘Is that why you spilt your water?’

  ‘Yes.’ No, it’s because I’m clumsy as hell when I forget to pay due care and attention. ‘It’s not the flying though, it’s the landing bit. I really don’t like the transition from air to ground.’

  ‘Why didn’t you say something earlier?’

  ‘I need this assignment.’ I pause. ‘And we couldn’t exactly boat across.’

  He’s not quick enough to hide his smile. ‘No, but I would have tried to make it easier for you if I’d known.’

  An automatic response would you really have cared? almost breaks free but he’s showing he cares now. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ I say lightly, ‘but thank you.’

  ‘So how do you usually cope?’ he asks after a moment, a deep line appearing between his dark eyebrows. ‘When you go on holiday?’

  'Er.' I glance around the spacious cabin, avoiding eye contact. Then peek at him. ‘Don’t laugh.’

  ‘It can’t be that bad. What is it?’

  ‘I drink.’

  ‘So? Other people drink to calm their nerves.’

  ‘No, I mean, I drink. Three or four vodkas usually help achieve the right sort of numbness.’

  ‘Three or four? Over the course of the flight?’

  ‘Um, not exactly.’ Please don’t let him think I’m an alcoholic. ‘First one is when the seatbelt lights blink on.’ Does he know he’s stroking my knuckles? It’s making my insides go hot and funny. ‘Second one is when the plane starts banking for approach. Third is usually as we start our descent and I might slip a fourth in during descent.’

  ‘How do you get away with it?’

  ‘Miniature bottles,’ I admit shakily, as the stroking of my fingers gets faster and a waft of his sexy aftershave invades my nose. ‘I swig them quickly and discreetly.’

  ‘I see,’ he deadpans. ‘Well, it’s medicinal I suppose.’ He pauses. ‘It, ah, must be interesting for your boyfriend trying to get you off the plane standing upright.’

  ‘I don’t go on holidays with boyfriends, only friends,’ I blurt. Why did I tell him that? ‘And I’m usually a little relaxed, but they know the score and help me through passport control. It takes about twenty minutes to really hit anyway. By that time we’re on the coach and I nap until we get to the hotel.’ Does he know our knees are touching? My leg feels like it’s on fire. I edge it away discreetly.

  ‘Sounds like you have it all figured out.’ He squeezes my fingers, looking concerned. ‘But why not just ask your doctor for sedatives if it’s that bad?’

  ‘Like I said, I’m okay with taking off and being in the air, it’s the end part. I don't see any point in being knocked out for the whole flight.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. Why would I want to waste my time asleep when I could be doing something else instead?’

  He tilts his head towards mine, getting so close I start going cross-eyed. ‘Like what?’

  ‘Reading, watching a film, talking to my friends. You know, normal leisure stuff.’

  ‘Right.’

  He says it like I’m talking about a foreign concept. Doesn’t he get any time off at all?

  He shakes his head. ‘Interesting.’

  ‘What? You did ask.’

  ‘Not that.’ He leans over and points out the window. I can feel his warm breath on my cheek and shiver. ‘We’ve landed.’

  ‘Really?’ I look out the Perspex. He’s right. There’s a vast expanse of tarmac visible in the night outside, peppered with landing lights and a control tower. ‘Oh, yes.’ So involved in our conversation, I hadn’t noticed. It’s a first – the earth and I reacquainting ourselves without the benefit of alcohol. ‘Thank you so much,’ I beam.

  He pauses, staring at my mouth then glancing down at our entwined fingers. A strange look crosses his face and he releases my hand quickly. ‘No problem. Besides, it would hardly be good publicity if a member of staff suffered an anxiety-driven heart attack on my private plane. I also need you fully functioning tonight so we can have a proper briefing session. You can’t do that drunk.’

  ‘But I haven’t had anything to drink! That’s why I was getting anxious.’

  He doesn’t answer, busying himself with straightening his tie and undoing his seatbelt.

  ‘Alex?’

  ‘Time to get off,’ he bites. ‘Come on.’

  ‘Fine,’ I say stiffly. Undoing my belt I bolt from the chair, feeling unexpectedly stung by his briskness. How could I have forgotten who I was talking to? Why was I deluded enough to think he was being sweet and compassionate, even friendly? Why would I even want him to be? He’s not my friend, he’s my temporary boss, ensuring he's upholding his duty of care. I can't make the same mistake again; get too close to someone I work with, even if last time it was accidentally. Been there, done that, got the diamanté t-shirt.

  Grabbing my handbag and coat from under the seat, I stride over to the exit where the crew have gathered.

  ‘Have a pleasant stay in Barcelona.’ The blonde attendant smiles.

  ‘Thank you.’ Doubtful. ‘Bye.’

  Picking my way down the metal stairs, I can’t see a transport bus so set off towards the airport buildings, assuming our luggage will follow. It’s milder than London but an unkind wind still whistles along the concrete so I pull my coat tighter.

  ‘Charlotte,’ Alex calls behind me. I carry on walking. He can tell me what he wants to when he catches up.

  ‘Charley. Charley!’ he yells.

  Stopping with a sigh, ‘Yes?’ I try not to let frost coat my voice.

  He runs up. ‘No. Over there.’ He gestures back over his shoulder to a car I hadn’t noticed parked twenty feet or so behind the plane.

  My eyes widen at the gorgeous lines of the black low-slung sports model. ‘Seri
ously?’ I breathe, skirting round him to start back.

  ‘Yes.’ Falling into step, Alex raises an eyebrow. ‘You like it?’ Frowning, ‘Or is it the status thing?’

  Legs eating up the distance, I stop next to it, running my hand along the smooth bonnet. Something about the car reminds me of Alex. Powerful. Slick. Sexy. ‘Status? No. It’s not that. Cars aren’t my thing but … well, it’s kind of beautiful.’ Like him. No. Stop it!

  ‘My kind of woman,’ he murmurs appreciatively before looking horrified at his comment. ‘I mean, I like the way you think. I mean– Never mind.’

  Smiling inside, I dip my head to study the Maserati badge, amazed to see Mr CEO so uncomfortable. It doesn’t fit with the smooth, self-contained persona. I like the slip, it makes him seem more normal, more approachable.

  I know he’s staring at me but stay silent, waiting for him to unlock the car. A pinging sound erupts from his suit jacket. Taking out his phone, he swipes a tanned finger over the screen and reads something, face tightening and draining to white. Whoever sent him the text should run and hide. Now. He looks dangerous.

  ‘Excuse me.’ Moving away, he touches the screen again and holds the phone to his ear. ‘I need to speak to you,’ he barks. ‘I need some advice.’

  He tilts his head whilst listening to the caller and the sound of something cracking in his neck carries over the space between us. Ouch, tense.

  ‘She just texted me,’ he lowers his voice, ‘saying I need to agree to the latest demand or I can’t see her.’

  Whoever she is, I wonder what her price is. I can’t imagine blackmailing a man to stay with me. Is that how the mega rich run their relationships? Fascinated by the idea, I edge closer. Unfortunately Alex notices and scowls, pointing a beeper at the car and gesturing with his chin for me to get in.

  Flushing, I open the door and slide into the bucket seat. Bugger, caught out.

  Respect the boundaries Charley. Be professional at all times.

  Easier if the man concerned wasn’t so contradictory – and so bloody intriguing.

  He joins me in the glamorous car as I’m sliding my hands over the blue and black interior, fiddling with buttons and admiring the inbuilt SatNav. Caught in the act, I tuck my hands under my legs and bite my lip.