Crazy, Undercover, Love

by Nikki Moore

  ‘Here. Now,’ he mutters gruffly into my neck.

  In that instant I almost say Oh, yes please. I don’t care as long as this feeling carries on. I don’t give a monkey’s if someone sees us.

  Huh? Hang on a second.

  I freeze as the extent of my desperation hits, like a bucket of ice cubes has been tipped down my back. This is so wrong. How would it look if I was caught on the table with the boss? More importantly, what will Alex think? If I do this with him, he might believe I did the same with Tony.

  What on earth am I thinking? What happened to asking Alex to help me out of a hole? Getting my life back? That’s the problem. I wasn’t thinking.

  I wrench my mouth from his, tug my hands from his hair. ‘No,’ I croak and my body, the traitor, is screaming to stop being so stupid, to get back in there, to strip his shirt off and unzip his trousers and enjoy this one mad moment. ‘I said no.’ I’m talking as much to myself as him.

  ‘No?’ Alex stares at me, luscious mouth damp and red from our kisses, hair standing up in spikes from my passionate tugging.

  ‘No.’ Pressing his chest, I slide off the table and smooth my skirt down. I swear it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But necessary. ‘You’re my boss.’ Grabbing the band from his hand, I twist my curls into a bun.

  The dazed look in his blue eyes lifts, replaced by something else. Backing away, he stalks across the room and slides his suit jacket on. ‘The fact I’m your boss,’ he coolly does the buttons up, ‘didn’t seem to present a problem when you were hanging on to me and whimpering.’

  I gape at him. Arrogant sod. ‘I was not whimpering.’ Was I? ‘You took me by surprise, that’s all.’

  'Did I also take you by surprise this morning by the pool? Is that why you tried to kiss me then?’

  Anger ignites from a spark to a raging fire. ‘I told you the reason that happened. Is this what you’re like when you don’t get your own way, you go on the attack?’

  He laughs, ‘Attack? You’re giving me too much credit. I’m just pointing out the truth.’

  When he moves to his laptop and carelessly starts shutting it down, the dismissal drives me over the edge. Humiliation mixes with fury in a whoosh of adrenalin along with a healthy dose of bitterness and regret. If it wasn’t for one of his employees, I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in now.

  ‘I can take the truth! So you should be able to as well. The truth is it was inappropriate for you to kiss me. You made,’ a move on me first, is the intended sentence but his head jerks back.

  ‘That’s enough.’ His eyes are dark, flat like a shark’s, generous lips compressed.

  I don’t like the way he’s looking at me. The anger and disappointment, the raw contempt making me shudder. Shit.

  He picks up the laptop. ‘I suggest you think carefully before you finish your accusation, if you’re building up to a sexual harassment claim. I shouldn’t have kissed you, you’re right. I wish I hadn’t. But let’s not lie. The heat was mutual. And I won’t let anyone say I’d make any woman do anything she wouldn’t want to. Especially a member of staff.’

  Dismay hits. It’s the worst thing he could think. Cringing, 'I don’t mean that, I’d never—’

  ‘Save it,’ he interrupts, ‘I’m not interested.’

  God, what a mess. He actually thinks I’m trying to build a case when I’m trying to do the opposite. As he sails to the door, I rush after him. ‘No. No way. You’re not just going to walk out. I did not accuse you of sexual harassment and I wasn’t about to. Okay?’ I grab his arm. ‘Alex. Alex! Look at me!’

  He glances over his shoulder, hand on the door handle.

  ‘I want to be completely clear. It was mutual. But I was going to say you made a move on me first. Not that you made me do something I didn’t want to. I just can’t get involved, all right? I can’t.’ I lower my voice, ‘It’s not about you.’

  ‘It’s not you, it’s me?’ he says sarcastically. ‘How original.’

  ‘I know it’s a cliché, but yes. Believe it. You said yourself I’m honest with you, tell you what I think, so why I would I lie about this?’

  He stares at my face, eyes softening. Blows out a hard, fast breath. ‘Okay, I’m sorry I jumped on you about it. And you’re right, I shouldn’t have ignored my own policy. Truce. Let’s forget it ever happened. I will.' He yanks open the door, gives me a shadow of a smile. ‘I’ll see you at the party.’

  After he leaves, I stand in the middle of the room, recalling his knowing touch, his incredible kissing, his hot hard body. But it’s his words that keep boomeranging back on me the most. I wish I hadn’t kissed you.

  I should be relieved.

  Instead I feel lost, when I have absolutely no right to.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘You kissed him?’ Jess shrieks down the phone. ‘And it was amazing?’

  Sometimes a girl needs her best friend, even if the bill is going to be astronomical and you might have to sell possessions to pay for it. Oh, God. This is going to give her so much ammunition. ‘He kissed me first but yes, amazing, like you wouldn’t believe.’ I can’t stop thinking about that kiss. Ironic, given Alex wants to forget all about it. But I’ve never felt that intense rolling need and heat in the pit of my stomach before, which even now won’t go away. A need that’s making me twitchy and restless. ‘But I had to stop,’ I sigh. ‘It’s just too complicated. I mean, what is it with me and this guy? It wasn’t bad enough he overheard me on the phone to you yesterday? That I’m deceiving him? I’m a disaster zone. What’s wrong with me?’

  Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I grab hold of the floor-length hem of my electric blue dress to make sure it doesn’t get caught in my strappy black stilettos.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with you,’ she chuckles. ‘This is an area you’re understandably sensitive about. Before you say it, I know he doesn’t know that yet, but he will, and he’ll get it, I’m sure. And the other thing, well, it’s obvious isn’t it? Like I said last night, you fancy him. But not just that.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘You like him,’ she says in a sing-song voice. ‘It’s the fireworks they talk about in films and books. Chemistry.’ The last remark holds the shadow of regret but neither of us says anything. We both know she’s thinking about Tom. ‘Think about your reaction,’ she picks up the thread. ‘How often do you get so mega clumsy and mess up so much around a guy? How often do you go against your sensible side and kiss someone you hardly know? Never.’

  I can’t argue. She’s right.

  ‘Uh-huh,’ I answer miserably. ‘So what do I do? And why aren’t you using the opportunity to lecture me about it after you told me not to do this?’

  ‘It’s a bit late for that now, and as you pointed out yesterday, I love you.’ Her tone becomes brisk. ‘Now, get some perspective. Take a step back and think it through. You can either ignore the chemistry, or do something about it.’

  ‘I guess so.’

  ‘You just have to be prepared to accept the consequences of whichever one you go with,’ she finishes.

  ‘All right, I get it! I’m not one of your key-stage-three kids. Honestly, why I put up with you.’ We both know my grumbling is good-natured. Her directness always comes from a kind place and I value it. It’s funny Alex thinks I’m opinionated. If he met Jess, he’d think me practically mute in comparison. Argh, why does it always go back to him? I shake my head, smooth my hand over the bed covers, spreading out the wrinkles.

  ‘Well?’ she demands.

  ‘Don’t worry, oh wise one. I will humbly follow in your enlightened footsteps.’

  ‘Very funny. So now I’ve shared my wisdom what are you going to do?’

  ‘I’m going to do what he wants –forget about it. Then try and lay my hands on a padlocked chastity belt.'

  ‘Well, good luck with that,’ Jess laughs. ‘Whilst you wrestle with your libido I’ll be on another date with Jake, and I’m thinking it’s going to be a late night.’


  I smile. Jess has always been able to pull me from the blackest of moods, even when we were teenagers and mood swings were a daily battle. ‘Okay, I’ll let you go then. See you Monday evening?’

  ‘Maybe, maybe not. It depends. I might see Jake on Monday night. If he manages to keep me entertained sufficiently for the next thirty-six hours.’

  I shake my head. ‘Just do me a favour, text me on Monday so I know what your plans are, that you’re safe?’

  ‘Yes, Mum.’

  I huff. ‘Just promise you’ll take care of yourself.’

  ‘I will.’

  Ten minutes later I stride into the lobby, searching for Alex. I’m running a little behind, on the phone with Jess longer than planned. I can’t see him, and wait around for a while before going to the reception desk and asking if he’s left a message for me.

  ‘There was a gentleman here a while ago, Señorita,’ the moustached man says in a heavy Spanish accent, straightening a pile of papers on the desk, ‘but he left. Maybe he has gone to the function room in the basement?’

  ‘Thank you. If he comes looking for me can you tell him where I’ve gone please?’ The basement? Sounds interesting.

  ‘Of course.’ He nods.

  ‘Thanks.’

  Clicking straight from the lift into a massive nightclub, I pause. What a place. I’m impressed by the modern art-deco mirrors and spinning lights, red and black paintings and sofas contrasting with the white moulded walls, red cushioned stools at the long bar. Nice. There’s a table heaving with food in the far corner and pink cocktails are being held aloft by waiters and given out indiscriminately. Moving closer, I smile at a brunette waitress and scoop one up. Taking a sip, ‘Mmm, Cosmo,’ I murmur, savouring the sweetness of fruit rounded off by the citrus tang. Perfect.

  It’s two hours before I spot Alex in the heaving mass and by then the food’s been tidied away, I’ve had three cocktails and have shouted-talked at loads of people I don’t know. The party is pounding. It’s in the drunken dancing (mostly out of time with the throbbing beat), the squash of people at the bar, the yelled conversations above the music and the stuffiness of the room caused by shared body heat.

  ‘Ooh, there's Alex,’ I blurt to the woman I’m talking to, a pretty girl with a beauty spot on her cheekbone, wearing a short black dress. I don’t know who she is nor does it matter. We’ve spent the last twenty minutes admiring each other’s shoes and dresses.

  ‘That gorgeous creature?’ she yells in my ear. ‘Go get him.’

  Grimacing, ‘It’s not really like that.’ But sweat prickles along my upper lip as I take in how tall, dark and knicker-meltingly handsome he is in his tux. What is it about men in tuxes? The James Bond effect?

  She stares at me, arching a well-plucked eyebrow. ‘No. Of course it isn’t,’ she breathes into my ear in an amused tone.

  I laugh. ‘Have a good night. Nice to meet you.’

  ‘You too.’ The woman is forgotten as I hotfoot it across the room, staring at Alex. Dodging damp, bouncing bodies, I pray no one will step on the hem of my dress.

  ‘Alex, there you are,’ I shout above the music, reeling when he turns and a wave of alcohol fumes hit full force, nearly taking me out. I move closer to hear him.

  ‘Charley. Where’ve you been? You’re late,’ he growls, the sugary sweet smell of drink wafting off him. How much has he had? I thought he’d stay sober for company social events. He’s mentioned his reputation and what people think often enough.

  ‘I don’t care, I’d wait for her,’ a short round guy to Alex’s right laughs, leering at me.

  ‘Yeah, me too,’ another colleague, a tall sharp-faced red-haired man agrees. ‘What’s your name love?’

  Alex glares at both of them. ‘This is Charley, my temporary PA.’

  ‘I was only a bit late. I went to the lobby but you’d already come down here. I’ve been socialising for the last couple of hours,’ I explain, ignoring the way the men with him are openly checking me out.

  The shorter man elbows the other and turns to me. ‘We all know Alex usually has male assistants. You must be special.’ Leaning forward, he waggles his eyebrows, holding out his hand for me to shake, almost falling into the cleavage displayed by my halter neck.

  ‘I’m up here,’ I say sweetly, pointing to my face. ‘And that’s right, I am special.’ Grabbing his hand, I shake it firmly and apply pressure to a particularly sensitive spot Jess once showed me and am gratified to see his eyes widen. Releasing his hand, I step back. ‘I wonder if you might excuse us for a few minutes? I need to talk to Mr Demetrio about an urgent business matter.’

  ‘Sure sweetheart, whatever you say.’ Backing away, flexing his hand with a slight nod to convey he got my point, he winks at Alex, ‘I like this one, she’s got balls.’

  ‘Enough,’ Alex barks at them and they both mumble a sorry before sloping off.

  I roll my eyes and turn to find Alex staring down at me, ‘What?’ I ask self-consciously.

  ‘Nothing.’ Nodding, respect shines in his gaze. ‘Sorry. They’re senior employees but can be a bit silly with a drink inside them.’ Frowning, I w–would have inter– interven– stepped in if necessary y’know.’

  I look up at him. How far gone is he? His blood alcohol content appears to be climbing by the minute. ‘I know that, thanks. They’re okay.’ I wave after them. ‘But I don’t need anyone fighting my battles for me.’ I pause as a cheer goes up for the cheesy seventies pop song that comes on. ‘Before anyone collars you, can we talk?’

  He moves closer. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘Huh?’ I shiver. His warm breath on my neck is like heaven, barely there stubble grazing my cheek.

  ‘What do you want t’talk about?’

  ‘Let’s go somewhere,’ I suggest.

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Hotel bar?’

  He casts an I don't think so look at the mass of people between us and the lift. ‘Too far. Need to be here. ’Vailable for people. And I don’t think I sh–should go anywhere with you.’ He sways. ‘Need to protect myself.’

  ‘What?’ I frown. ‘Why?’

  He shrugs, gazing over my shoulder.

  ‘For God's sake,’ I exclaim, ‘what do you think I’m going to do to you?’ Grabbing his sleeve, I jerk him over to the quietest corner of the room, away from the bar and dance floor. I’m sure if he was less under the influence of whatever alcohol he’s necked he’d resist more. Instead, he settles for a mutinous expression, marred by the fact he can’t focus his eyes properly. I prop him up against the wall with a hand on one shoulder, worried he’ll slide to the floor if I don’t.

  A slow song comes on and the calmer melody means I don’t need to shout to be heard. ‘I just need to make sure,’ I say, ‘that you really understood me earlier. About what you thought I said. About—’

  ‘The kiss?’

  ‘Yeah.’ I bite my lip. ‘It was—’

  ‘Incredible,’ he sighs, looking dreamy.

  ‘What?’

  ‘What?’ he repeats sharply, drawing himself up a few inches. ‘Nothing.’

  I frown up at him. ‘Alex, are you okay?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’ He nods but it’s skew-eyed, like his head isn’t on straight.

  Still, pinning him to the wall wearing a tux is giving my fizzing hormones all sorts of naughty ideas. What I’d like to do to him …

  We’re jostled by the crowd as they dance past us in a conga. My boobs brush up against his jacket and I hear him breathe deeply.

  ‘You have to leave,’ he orders, glancing round the room furtively as if afraid someone’s watching us.

  I follow his eyes but only see a bunch of people having a good time. ‘I’ll go up to my room shortly.’ As soon as I’ve made sure there’s someone to look after you.

  ‘No.’ He shakes his head. ‘I mean you have to leave Barcelona. I can’t work with you.’

  No! I need this. Dismayed, I start firing out words. ‘Alex I’m sorry, I am. The bits I’m respon
sible for anyway. You kissed me, I kissed you, but I realised it was a bad idea and I lost my temper because of your reaction. I wasn’t thinking when I said what I did, but you misunderstood. I thought you got that. I thought– I want to stay,’ I argue. ‘Let me stay. You need me. For work, I mean.’ Alex stares over the top of my head, not replying to my comments. ‘God, can’t you even look at me? And are you drunk?’

  He drops his gaze to where my chest meets his, to my clenched hands gripping his upper arms. His jaw is working, eyes hazy and unfocused.

  ‘Are you even listening to me?’

  ‘Listening seems to be a bit of a challenge at the moment,’ he mutters, ‘and yes, I am sh–slightly intoxicated.’ His eyes cross. ‘Happy?’

  ‘Not really. And why can’t you listen? Have you gone deaf from the noise?’

  ‘My ears are perfectly fine, along with other parts of me,’ he laughs ironically.

  What’s he on about? Maybe drinking isn’t a regular thing, perhaps he can’t handle his alcohol. As CEO running a massive organisation, and with his work ethic, he probably doesn’t get much time to kick back and relax. ‘Sorry, I’m still not getting it. Why are you having problems listening?’

  ‘For the same reason Bob’s eyes almost fell out of his head.’ Putting space between us, he looks me up and down. ‘That dress.' He points at it like it’s a living thing that’s done wrong.

  ‘What about it?’ It’s ankle length with no high splits and it’s not that low cut so I don’t see what the issue is.

  ‘It’s clingy,’ his voice rolls out in a slur. ‘It shows off every gorgeous curve.’ He bangs his forehead with a fist. ‘No. Inappropriate Alex.’

  Wow, Mr Stern CEO really has left the building. ‘And now you’re talking to yourself,’ I sigh. ‘Look, I’ll forgive you if you forgive me. So can I stay until Monday?’

  ‘Nope. Going home t’mrrow. Mind made up. Sh–sorry.’

  ‘But why?’ I cry.

  ‘Just too difficult.’

  ‘That’s not fair, I’ve worked hard for you today! And I flew even though I was afraid to.’ I’m horrified by his comment. I’ve been so difficult he’d rather do without me, even though he has one-to-one meetings tomorrow he needs support for. He thinks I’m unprofessional. Tears scorch my eyes. It’s what I was accused of at the awful disciplinary hearing. Unprofessionalism. Inappropriate conduct. Even though it wasn’t true, it still stings. I won’t let myself give into those dark thoughts though. I have to fight. ‘You can’t do this Alex!’