Rising from the Ashes

by Jessica Prince

  We went back to the whole hugging and crying thing like we were back in high school.

  “So when did this happen?”

  The happiness was still evident on her face, but something else was there, something I wasn’t sure I recognized.

  “It was only a week ago. It kind of…came unexpectedly, you could say.”

  “Well, I hope he didn’t spoil the surprise of proposing to you,” I replied.

  “No, I mean, we weren’t really planning on getting engaged just yet.”

  “Really? What changed?” The minute the question left my mouth, it hit me. Considering the unexpected engagement, I suddenly understood what the strange look on her face was. It was fear. “Holy shit, Emmy. You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

  A smile spread on her face so wide that it made my own cheeks hurt.

  She began to nod her head frantically. “Yeah.”

  Standing in the middle of Lizzy’s driveway, I let out an excited squeal and grabbed a hold of her, jumping up and down with my arms around her. “Oh my God! I can’t believe it! This is so fantastic.”

  I pulled away, holding her at arm’s length, so I could look her up and down, just in case there was any way I could notice a little baby bump. Of course, I couldn’t. Her stomach was still as flat as always, but I just couldn’t help myself.

  “I’m so happy for you, Emmy.”

  That fear crept back into her eyes. “I’m scared, Savvy. What if…” She couldn’t even bring herself to finish the sentence.

  “Don’t think like that, Emmy. This is going to be fine, just focus on that. This baby is going to be a blessing,” I told her, placing my hands on her flat stomach and smiling reassuringly. “This one is going to be different. I can feel it.”

  “You think so?”

  I placed my hands on her cheeks and gave a confident nod. “I know so. This is a good thing, babe, a very good thing.”

  Stacia opened the door and hollered out for us to get our asses inside. I turned to head that way when Emmy grabbed my arm and stopped me.

  “No one else knows about this right now. Luke and I kind of want to keep it under wraps until we’re in the clear, you know?”

  The fact that she’d told me before anyone else showed me exactly how close we were to getting back to the way we used to be.

  “Of course. My lips are sealed. And when I promise you that I won’t tell everybody, I don’t mean that in a Luke Allen sort of way. I mean I promise not to tell anybody.”

  We both laughed as we made our way into the house.

  Lizzy had been right. Maybe this weekend back in Cloverleaf was what I needed to figure everything out.

  With a few hours to kill before the wedding rehearsal, the girls and I decided on getting manicures and pedicures. The pale pink I’d chosen was going to look great with the pastel yellow of the bridesmaid dresses. I was sitting in the massaging pedicure chair with my head back and eyes closed, feeling more relaxed than I had in months. I was seconds from dozing off when I felt a jab in my side.

  “Savvy, wake up.”

  My eyes popped open, and I glanced over to see Emmy looking in the direction of the door with narrowed eyes and a clenched jaw. When I turned to see what could possibly have her so pissed off, everything in my body froze. My mother was standing at the front counter of the spa with a couple of her country club cronies in tow. She’d spotted me before I saw her, and just stood there staring.

  “You want me to toss the bitch out on her ass? I’ll totally do it,” Emmy whispered in my ear.

  I looked at her and smiled without any apprehension. My parents had stopped having an effect on me the moment I’d stopped allowing them to have a hold on me.

  “Nah, I’m good. Just let her and her band of bitches get their Botox or whatever it is they’re here for.” I closed my eyes again and rested my head back against the chair.

  “Uh…Savvy? I don’t think ignoring her is going to work.”

  “And why’s that?”

  Emmy wasn’t the one who answered.

  “Hello, Savannah.”

  I opened one eye. I was sure my ears were playing tricks on me. It wasn’t that I was surprised that she’d addressed me in public because that was what a classy Southern woman did. She couldn’t let her friends know that she and her daughter were estranged. It was what I’d heard in her voice that confused me the most. She sounded nervous, which was something that I wasn’t used to at all. She’d always sounded so sure of herself. I didn’t even know that she was capable of feeling anything other than superiority.

  “Mother,” I responded skeptically, waiting to see what she had up her sleeve.

  She looked around at my friends, who were eyeing her like they were waiting for her to strike. I’d eventually told them what had happened that night at the country club, and needless to say, they hadn’t taken it well.

  “You look lovely. Austin must be good for you.”

  I looked at my friends with wide eyes, each of them shrugging their shoulders as if they were having just as much trouble as I was figuring her out.

  “Um…I wasn’t aware you knew about the move.”

  She bit her bottom lip, and then looked down and began to wring her hands in front of her. For the first time, it hit me just how similar our mannerisms were when we were both nervous.

  “Yes, well…” She cleared her throat before finally looking back up and meeting my eyes. “I’ve been kind of keeping up with what’s been going on in your life.”

  I looked at her in astonishment. “You have?”

  She gave a slight nod and a small smile. “I have. Look, Savannah, I know that you’re busy, but do you think you’d have the time to join me for a cup of coffee? I won’t keep you too long. I know the rehearsal is tonight.”

  She does?

  I looked over at Stacia to make sure she was okay with me leaving for a bit. She smiled at me reassuringly and nodded.

  “Yeah, okay,” I said, turning back to my mother. “I can meet you at Virgie May’s in about half an hour, if that works for you.” I wasn’t sure if she’d ever even been to Emmy’s diner, but if I was going to deal with my mother, I wanted to be somewhere comfortable.

  “That’s perfect. I’ll see you there.” She turned to walk away but then paused. “And congratulations on the wedding, Stacia. I’m sure you’ll be a beautiful bride.”

  With that, she walked away, leaving me and my friends in shock.

  We finished up at the spa, and I headed over to the diner after convincing Emmy that I didn’t need her to come with me as backup. When I walked in, I spotted my mother sitting in a high backed booth over by the front window with a cup of coffee and a slice of apple pie in front of her. I’d never in my life seen my mother consume anything with carbohydrates and sugar.

  I walked over to the table and took a seat across from her. “Hi,” I said when she looked up.

  “Hello, darling. Would you like something to eat? The pie here is simply to die for.”

  I coughed to cover up the laugh that came out. “I know, Mom. This is Emmy’s place. The food here is pretty amazing.”

  Her eyes widened in surprise. “Really? Well, she certainly has an amazing place here. I’m a little disappointed that I’ve never been in here before now.”

  I couldn’t hold back the snide comment that wanted to come out. “I’m not surprised. You were always above anything having to do with my white trash, redneck friends,” I spit out, throwing her words back in her face.

  She placed her fork down on the plate and pushed it to the side. She clasped her hands together and placed them on the table. “I deserved that,” she admitted.

  Um…what?

  She let out an exhausted sigh and continued, “I’ve been a horrible mother to you, and I don’t know if I can ever earn your forgiveness for the things I did in the past. But I can try to make things right now.” Her eyes brimmed with tears as she spoke.

  I was completely overwhelmed by her words. I’d waited
my whole life for my mother to show me that she loved me. Sitting with her now, having the conversation I’d longed to have for years, was almost too much for me to handle.

  She reached across the table and took my hands in hers. “I’m not going to make excuses for how I treated you. I was unhappy with my life, and I took it out on you. When I think about all of the awful things I said to you…”

  Seeing her choke up and watching the tears fall down her cheeks put a major crack in the walls I’d worked so hard to put up to protect myself from my parents. I turned my hands over in hers and entwined our fingers.

  “I left your father, Savannah.”

  She couldn’t have shocked me more if she’d stripped naked and streaked down Main Street.

  “What?”

  “After you walked out of that dinner, I couldn’t stop thinking of everything you said to those men. It made me stop and take a good long look at myself. Sweetie, you have no idea how awful it is to hate who’s looking back at you in the mirror.”

  “You’d be surprised at just how much I can relate,” I mumbled.

  “You see? That’s what I’m talking about right here. If I’d been the mother you needed, you wouldn’t have ever reached the point where you didn’t like yourself. It’s my fault. I allowed your father to make me miserable for so many years. I was blinded by stupid materialistic things. None of that matters. You’re my daughter, and I don’t give a damn about any of that if I don’t have you in my life.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t even sure if I could speak. I felt like the wind had just been knocked out of me.

  “Mom,” I choked out on a sob. I was so thankful to hear her say those things. I hadn’t even realized just how much I needed to hear those words until she’d said them.

  “I went to your house, but you’d already left. That boyfriend of yours was there, and believe me, he had some pretty harsh words for me.”

  “Wait—what boyfriend?”

  “Jeremy—you know, the boy you’ve dated since you were a child.”

  “Mom, Jeremy and I aren’t together.”

  She gave me a knowing grin and asked, “Are you sure about that?”

  “I’m absolutely positive. Things didn’t end well between us. That was one of the reasons why I moved.”

  “Well, for someone who’s not your boyfriend, he sure is protective of you. For a good five minutes, he laid into me about how I’d failed as a mother and let you down when I should have been protecting you.” A tear escaped and ran down her cheek before she lowered her head and wiped it away with a napkin. “He told me about the abortion and why you felt you couldn’t be a mother”

  I was stunned speechless, but she wasn’t finished. I take full blame for the decision you made, Savannah. If you’d grown up in a loving household, you never would have questioned your ability to be a mother.”

  “Mom, you can’t blame yourself—”

  “I can and I will,” she interrupted. “You listen to me. You are going to be a fantastic mother.” Her voice was so full of certainty. “I know this for a fact because I see how much love you have for those around you. Any child would be lucky to call you Mother, and any man blessed to have you.”

  Who is this woman? The surprises just kept on coming with every word she spoke.

  “If you ask me, that Jeremy boy loves you more than life itself. He told me that if I hurt you again, he’d spend the rest of his life making sure I felt the same pain I’d caused you. Then, he slammed the door in my face. It wasn’t the easiest lecture call to receive, but if that’s the kind of passion he has for you, I have to tell you, I totally approve.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “I don’t understand. What was he doing at the house?”

  “I don’t know, honey. He didn’t really let me get a word in, so I didn’t have the chance to ask.”

  The whole conversation with my mother was completely surreal. I never thought I’d be sitting where I was right then, the two of us pouring our hearts out to each other, but I was so glad that we were able to get to that place even if it had taken all those years.

  I stayed at the diner for as long as I could, catching up and bonding with my mother, before I had to leave to get ready for the rehearsal. We parted with tight hugs and promises to stay in touch.

  Things were finally starting to look up. I had my best friend back, and I’d gotten to a place with my mom where I’d never thought I would be. Two large weights had been lifted off my chest. I just wasn’t sure I could do anything to ease the weight of the one that remained.

  “You ready for this?” Luke asked as we walked into the venue where the wedding was going to take place.

  “I’ve been ready for this from the moment she moved away,” I replied with a confidence I certainly wasn’t feeling.

  “Then why do you look like you’re about to piss yourself?”

  “You know, I’m having trouble remembering why we’re friends,” I told him as I pulled the door open.

  We walked into the large open space where Gavin and Stacia were going to say their vows in just less than twenty-four hours.

  “Uh…because I contain the awesomeness that you’ve always striven for but could never quite live up to.”

  “And modest to boot, huh?”

  The truth was that I was absolutely terrified about seeing Savvy again. I’d counted down the hours until she was back in Cloverleaf, and now that she was here, just some feet away from me, I felt the unmistakable need to hurl. I didn’t know how I was going to get through the evening or the following day without losing it.

  It had taken everything I had not to call her every day and beg her to come home because I knew she needed to come to the decision on her own. She had to decide for herself, not for me. That was what I had told myself every day. That was the reason I had kept our interactions so impersonal. I had to let her do what was right for herself, no matter how badly I wanted her back.

  But that didn’t mean I hadn’t planned for the best possible outcome. Everything was in order. I just had to have faith that it would all work out.

  Stacia was an evil bitch. There was no question about it. If she wasn’t getting married the following day, I might have seriously kicked her ass for putting me in such an awkward situation. She’d sworn up and down that Jeremy and I had been paired together for the wedding procession strictly based on height, but I knew she was full of shit. She’d done it on purpose. If I thought it would do a damn bit of good, I would have pitched a grade-A middle school hissy fit, but I was pretty sure every single one of our so-called friends was in on the little coup.

  “I’m disowning you bitches when this weekend is over. You hear me? Dis. Owned.”

  “Hey, it’s not our fault you’re a midget and have to stand at the end,” Lizzy hissed from next to me, earning a laugh from Emmy and Mickey and an evil glare from Stacia as she and Gavin ran through the motions of what they would be doing at the real ceremony.

  I let out a snort and gave an eye roll. Then I turned back to pay attention to the rest of the rehearsal.

  Before I knew it, it was time for us to do the practice run of walking back up the aisle. I walked from my perch and met Jeremy at the end of the aisle, looping my hand through his arm. I tried to mask the involuntary shiver that shot through my body at his touch, but it was pointless. I was sure he’d felt it.

  We were halfway to our destination when he tilted his head down and whispered in my ear, “You look beautiful, sugar.”

  God, I missed that name, I missed that voice, I missed his scent. There wasn’t anything about him that I didn’t miss like crazy.

  Clearing my throat, I kept my eyes straight ahead. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  I was both relieved and sad when we broke apart at the entrance to the venue. Desperately needing a moment alone so that I could collect myself, I parted from Jeremy and headed straight to the restroom. I grabbed a handful of paper towels and held them under the running water before wri
nging them out and placing them on my forehead.

  “You okay?”

  I looked up to see Lizzy pushing the restroom door closed behind her to maintain privacy. I placed the cold, damp paper towels on the part of my chest that wasn’t covered by my dress in an attempt to cool my flushed skin. Jeremy still had that much of an effect on me.

  “Yeah, I’m okay. Just needed a breather.”

  She narrowed her eyes, really studying my demeanor. “You sure you can handle this?” She walked over to me and took the paper towels out of my hand before tossing them in the trash.

  I faked courage that I certainly wasn’t feeling at the moment. “Of course. I’m fine, I swear. Let’s get back out there before Trevor tracks you down and tries to live out his sex-in-the-women’s-restroom fantasy.”

  Lizzy rolled her eyes and laughed as we went out to join our friends.

  Later in the evening Ben showed up to the dinner as Mickey’s date, and seeing them together just reaffirmed how perfect they were for each other. While I was happy for them, I also felt a pang of envy at what they had.

  As the night progressed, my eyes would unwillingly turn to seek out Jeremy, like I instinctively knew exactly where he was at all times. Every time I looked at him, he would turn to meet my gaze as though he could feel my eyes on him. He would shoot me a little grin, setting my blood on fire every time. It eventually became too much and I decided to call it a night. I hugged everyone good night, including Jeremy, and I left to go back to Lizzy’s house.

  During the past three months of living in a different city, I knew that I missed Cloverleaf. I just hadn’t realized how much until I was back. It was more than just the people that I missed. I missed Virgie May’s, I missed my old job, and I missed my perfect little house.

  Taking a detour on the way to Lizzy’s, I turned and headed toward my old home. Ben had helped take care of the sale, so I wouldn’t have to deal with all the small aspects of it from four hours away. He never told me who had bought it, and I’d never wanted to ask.