What if I Fall: The Pocket Watch Chronicles

by Ceci Giltenan

  “You know, I’ve always been more of a numbers guy. I’m working at a brokerage in Silver Spring.”

  “Geez, this is a long way to come for lunch. Were you visiting your Mom and Dad?”

  Jack shook his head. “No, my folks moved south after my dad retired. But my sister still lives up here. She had to have her wisdom teeth pulled this morning and needed someone to take her, so I took the day off.”

  “That’s nice of you.”

  Jack shrugged. “She has a boyfriend who offered to go with her, but I was uncomfortable with that.”

  Mark frowned. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. She hasn’t been dating him very long and he doesn’t seem to take many things seriously. I knew she’d be a little gorked out from the stuff they gave her. I guess I was just a little worried he’d take advantage of that and do something stupid—you know, thinking it would be funny. I didn’t want to take a chance.”

  “You are definitely one of the good guys, Jack.”

  “Speaking of which though, I have to get back. After the surgery, I took her home and tucked her in. She’s resting now. I thought I’d pop out, grab some lunch for me and soup for her.” He motioned to the carry-out bag on the table beside him.

  “Well, it was great seeing you, Jack. If you’re ever in the market for a pre-owned luxury car, come see me. I’ll give you a sweet deal.”

  Jack handed Mark his business card as they stood to leave. “Always the salesman, Mark. If you ever need a new broker to invest your millions with, call me.”

  As they left the restaurant, Mark realized that while he’d been engrossed in conversation with Jack, he’d stopped watching for Sara. He glanced to where her car had been parked and it was gone. It had only been about fifteen minutes, so she wasn’t far ahead of him. It might even be better this way. There was no chance she’d notice him following her.

  He drove back to her apartment complex and, as expected, her car was once again parked in the lot. He drove to another lot, parked in the shade, rolled his windows down, and pulled out the newspaper. He would wait here for an hour or so before going back to Sara’s apartment.

  He tried to read the paper but he couldn’t focus. It had been great to see Jack again. Mark’s mind kept drifting back to their conversation. Mark might take him on as his personal broker. Not only was he smart, he’d always been decent. No, that wasn’t a strong enough word. Honorable. He’d always been honorable. What kind of guy takes a day off from work to go with his sister to have her wisdom teeth removed? Especially when she had a boyfriend who’d have done it. And why? Because she’d be under the influence of strong drugs and Jack didn’t trust her boyfriend not to “take advantage of that and do something stupid.” That was genuine love.

  With that thought, the image of himself sneaking into Sara’s apartment popped into his head. He had purposefully drugged her coffee with every intention of taking advantage of the situation and doing something stupid.

  “Holy shit. What the hell am I doing?”

  He’d told himself as he left her apartment that he wasn’t a criminal, but that was exactly what he was. A man who loves a woman doesn’t drug her to take embarrassing, incriminating photographs. Christ all-fucking-mighty.

  His cellphone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the display. Damn it all. It was Daphne and he’d been supposed to call her when Sara returned to her apartment.

  “Hey Daphne—”

  “Is she still not back to her apartment?”

  “No, she’s back but—”

  “You fucking forgot to call me? How long has she been back?”

  “Not long, but—”

  “I’m on my way.”

  “No, listen, Daphne. This is a bad idea. A really bad idea. We can’t do this.”

  “The hell we can’t.”

  “I mean it. This is seriously wrong. I can’t go through with it.”

  “You already have. You snuck into to drug her right?”

  “Yeah, but I can just leave. She’ll get sleepy, take a nap and sleep it off. No one will be the wiser.”

  “Come on, Mark. We agreed. This is the best way. I may not even have to use the pictures if Benjamin doesn’t remember what happened. No harm, no foul. Besides, it’s dangerous to leave her alone. What if the apartment catches on fire, or something else happens. If we’re there, we can protect her. And if we’re there to keep her safe, why not just snap a few photos?”

  “Fuck. You’re right.”

  “I know I’m right. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  “No, Daphne, that’s not what I meant. I have to get back in there and make sure she doesn’t drink it in the first place.”

  “Mark, baby—”

  He didn’t have time to listen to her so he snapped his phone shut, jumped out of his car, and jogged toward the building. It felt as if the elevator took forever. He’d nearly decided to run up the stairs when the door opened. He reached her apartment and knocked before he’d thought it all out, but he’d use the “I’m returning my key” excuse to get her to let him in and then he’d have to improvise from there.

  She didn’t answer. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. What if she was already out cold? Should he let himself in, or just leave and hope for the best? He knocked again. This time he heard movement inside.

  When she opened the door, she had a towel over her head but she was wearing a sundress. That was odd—she didn’t usually dress up to work the afternoon away. But the important thing was that she was still on her feet and appeared to have just finished her shower.

  “Mark? What are you doing here?”

  “Hey, Sara. It’s good to see you. You look great. I…uh…I miss you.”

  She started to close the door in his face. He put his hand up to stop it. “No, Sara, please. I just stopped by to return your key, and…uh…apologize.”

  Although her hand still gripped the door handle, she stopped pushing it against him and simply stared for a moment. Finally, she put one hand out. “Fine. Thank you for returning my key.”

  “Can we talk for a minute?”

  “No, Mark, we can’t.”

  “Sweetheart, please. I’m so sorry. I was a total douche. I know that now. I guess I just wanted…well it’s complicated and I want to explain myself. I know what I lost.”

  “And the point of that sentence is that you did lose me.”

  Mark sighed and looked down. He had lost her. He knew that. He’d known it from the minute she’d stepped into the stateroom that morning. He’d been living in a fantasy world thinking that he could ever have a hope of getting her back, much less that this boneheaded move would help. There was no way in hell he could win her back. Why had he been so fucking foolish? “God, Sara, I know I lost you. But can we please just talk for a minute?”

  She huffed, opening the door wide enough for him to enter. “You can talk for as long as it takes me to find your key.” She turned away from him and headed towards the kitchen, dropping the towel on the back of a chair as she passed.

  Perfect. He followed. He gave a quick glance around to see if she’d made her iced coffee yet. The coffee pot was untouched, but a tall plastic cup from a coffee shop sat on the table. It looked like she’d stopped on the way home. She might just throw what was in the pot away, but he couldn’t take the chance.

  She opened a kitchen drawer and began rummaging through the pens, pads, sauce packets, rubber bands, matchbooks and the other miscellaneous detritus it contained.

  Thank God it wasn’t easy to find. Even though he’d given her a key, she’d never used it. He always preferred to come here. Still, he had to work fast. “Sara, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

  “You said that already.” She pulled stuff out of the draw as she continued to search.

  “I know I did. But I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks. I think…I think…well, Benjamin’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. But I think I’ve always felt insecure and inferior.�
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  Sara sighed. Frankly, it surprised her that he’d finally realized that.

  “No, I mean it. I think I’ve always wondered why someone like him would keep me as a friend, but at the same time I had the feeling that he thought I was beneath him.”

  “I told you that he brought out the worst in you.”

  “And you were right. This was a prime example. When Daphne flirted with me—”

  “You thought you were special?” She turned to face him, putting her hands on her hips. “You thought she liked you more than she did Benjamin? That you’d bested him in some way?”

  Mark shrugged and gave her a half smile. “Well, yeah.”

  “But Daphne flirts with everyone.”

  “I guess so. I’d never really noticed.”

  She turned back to the drawer. “Men can be freaking oblivious.”

  “That pretty much sums it up. At least until something wakes us up.”

  “Well, at least you’re awake now. Ah, here it is.” She turned back toward him with his key in her outstretched hand. “I hope you and Daphne will be very happy.”

  “Thanks.” Damn it, he needed to get the coffee. “Uh, Sara, I didn’t really sleep well last night and I’m kind of dragging. Would you mind if I finished off the coffee?” He stepped towards the counter, took out a mug and began to pour the coffee in it before she could react.

  “It’s cold, Mark.”

  “That’s all right. It’s caffeine. I’ll zap it for a minute.” He put the mug in the microwave, and turned it on. He’d fumble with the hot mug and drop it as he got it out of the microwave. Then this nightmare of stupidity would be over.

  “No, you’ve got to leave.” She tugged on his arm, pulling him towards the kitchen door.

  “But I haven’t given you your key yet.” He had to stall. He just needed a little more time.

  “Then please give it to me.”

  He reached in his pocket. “I just have to get it off my keychain.” As he intentionally fumbled to get the key off the split ring, he heard the front door open.

  “Sara, love, are you ready? We have just enough time to get lunch before we go to the courthouse,” came Benjamin’s voice from the front room.

  Mark arched a brow at her. “Benjamin? Really, Sara? You hate Benjamin.”

  Before she could answer, Benjamin stepped into the kitchen and scowled. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I just came to return Sara’s key.” He held up the key he’d finally extricated from the ring and smiled. “The more interesting question is what are you doing here and why are you taking Sara to the courthouse?”

  “It’s none of your business.”

  “Maybe not. But your father’s press release suggested you were seriously injured and recuperating at home. Clearly that’s not the case.” The microwave dinged and almost without thinking Mark retrieved the mug. “So are you hiding the truth from your dad, or is he hiding something?”

  Benjamin looked momentarily speechless.

  “Mark, look, you said you came here to apologize and to return my key. You’ve done that. Can you just drop it and leave?”

  “Not really, no.” He knew he’d behaved like a fool and he’d never win Sara’s affections back, but he cared about her. She was sweet and in many ways naïve. Benjamin Talbot would chew her up, spit her out, and laugh about it when he finally crushed her. “Sara, tell me you haven’t fallen for Benjamin.”

  “You just said he’s been your best friend forever.”

  “Yeah, but Sara, he doesn’t treat women well. He uses them and moves on to the next. He even admits it.”

  Benjamin pulled Sara next to him and put his arm around her in a protective gesture Mark had never seen.

  “Things are different now, Mark. Sara’s different from…uh…the other women.”

  Mark frowned at Sara. “Wait a minute. Did he say the two of you were going to the courthouse?”

  “I have some tickets I need to pay,” she said, obviously lying.

  “You do not. You don’t get tickets. You don’t park where you aren’t supposed to and you never drive more than a couple miles over the limit. And the only other reason I know for a couple to go to the courthouse is to apply for a marriage license or to get married. Jesus, Sara, tell me you aren’t marrying him.”

  “You need to leave now,” said Benjamin.

  “No.” Mark shook his head. “No, I don’t need to leave. You need to explain yourself.”

  Sara tried reasoning with him. “Mark, it’s over between the two of us. You said so yourself.”

  “Sara, honey, I know I’ve lost you. I accept that. And I’ve lost Benjamin as a friend, but even if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t want you to marry him. Please, I’ve known him longer than you. I know what he’s capable of. I wouldn’t want any woman I remotely cared about to marry him. And if I have to go to the press or his father to stop this, I will.”

  Sara took a step towards him. “No, Mark. Please. You can’t.” Tears filled her eyes.

  Mark had expected Benjamin to unleash his temper. What happened instead shocked him.

  Benjamin pulled Sara back into a protective embrace and kissed the top of her head before saying, “My father knows that I love Sara.”

  “Benjamin, I’m your oldest friend, or I was. I know you, man. I know you. You’ve never loved anyone, not even your dad. You’ve told me that yourself. You don’t believe in love and romance. How many times have you quoted Somerset Maugham to me? ‘Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.’”

  Sara shook her head. “You’re wrong, Mark. He’s changed.”

  “No one changes that much.”

  “Mark, you’ve said you care about Sara, and you claim to be my oldest friend.”

  “I do care about her…and you for that matter.”

  “Then I’m going to tell you something and for her sake…and mine…I need you to keep it to yourself.”

  Mark had no idea where this was going but he had to hear it. “Fine.”

  “When Sara told me what happened on the ship, I was livid. I mean, I was ready to kill you. She calmed me down and had talked me out of doing you serious bodily harm by the time you and Daphne arrived. I was still furious, but maybe for the first time ever, I was able to control it. There was no other room available on the ship, so Sara and I were thrown together for a few days. I realized immediately that she had a calming effect on me that no one ever had.”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “I’m very serious. That’s why I decided to stay on the cruise with her.”

  “And you want me to believe you’re a completely changed man solely because of Sara’s influence.”

  “No, that would be ridiculous,” said Sara, a smile flirting at her lips.

  Benjamin kissed her head again. “She underestimates her power but you’re right. Something else happened. We went to Scotland for a week with a couple we met on board. We were hiking in the Highlands and I suffered a bad fall.”

  “And had a head injury. Yeah, I know. Now you’re just quoting your father’s news release.”

  “Nevertheless, it’s true.”

  “The news report said you have amnesia. You seem to remember things pretty well as far as I can see.”

  “While the events of the cruise are perfectly clear, I do have some memory loss, but there’s a bit more to it than that. The injury also resulted in some changes in my personality.”

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “No. Apparently, it can happen with some forms of amnesia.”

  Mark could scarcely believe this. He couldn’t deny that the way in which Benjamin had completely dropped the issue of Daphne’s infidelity and his betrayal while on the ship was also unusual. And since the injury hadn’t happened yet, Sara was the only person who could have tempered Benjamin’s reaction. But calming his anger was one thing and falling in love was something different. Rich, arrogant, unyielding Benjamin Talbot rare
ly had warm feelings for anyone. He tolerated a handful of so-called friends but that was it. Yet here he stood appearing to be a man very much in love. This was drastically out of character for Benjamin.

  “That’s…that’s…amazing. I guess it might be rude to say this, but that injury might have been a blessing.”

  “I think so,” said Benjamin.

  What Mark said had been rude and the old Benjamin would have roared at him. “Wow,” was all that Mark could say. He leaned against the kitchen counter and took a sip of the coffee in his hands. Realizing what he’d done, he spit it back into the cup. “God, that’s awful.” He dumped the rest of it in the sink, relieved to be rid of it.

  “Look, Mark, thanks for bringing the key back.” Sara held her hand out, reminding him that he hadn’t actually given it to her yet.

  “Oh, yeah.” He handed it to her.

  “Thanks.”

  “Uh, listen, I know I fouled all of this up. I owe you both a huge apology. But, by some crazy set of circumstances, it brought you guys together and you seem really happy. Do you think you could find it in your hearts to forgive me? Benjamin, you’re my oldest friend. I really don’t want to lose that.”

  “You should have thought of that before you snuck around behind my back.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. It was stupid to ask.”

  Benjamin shook his head. “It wasn’t stupid. And you’re right, it has ended well for me and Sara. But you betrayed us both and while we can forgive you, that’s a hard thing to forget. But as fate would have it, you have been unwittingly put into a position to demonstrate your trustworthiness again.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, you know a bit more about everything that happened than does the general public. Furthermore, you’re also aware we’re going to the courthouse and not to pay parking tickets.”

  “You don’t want anyone to know you’re getting married? Sara, you’re okay with that?”

  She nodded. “You don’t understand everything, Mark.”

  Benjamin nodded his agreement. “It isn’t that we don’t intend to announce this soon enough and then have a real wedding. But for now, it is better for everyone concerned if we just keep things quiet for a bit longer.”