The Disappearance of Ember Crow

by Ambelin Kwaymullina

  THE MEMORY

  Rain sprinkled down, pattering over the lake and misting the air above the wildflowers, carpeting the surrounding hills in pink and white. Everlastings. That’s what those flowers were called. An appropriate memorial for Dominic. He had loved flowers, along with every other tiny thing about this world and all of the people in it.

  I stepped towards the man standing at the water’s edge. “Dad?”

  “Ember.”

  I winced at the coldness in his tone, and did not speak again. Instead I stared out over Lake Remembrance, thinking, as I knew he must be, of the bodies submerged in the depths. Twenty-six people, drowned fifty-four years ago.

  “Are you sorry, Ember?”

  The asking of that question had become a ritual between us. For as long as I had been meeting my father in this place on this day, I had always given the same answer. They deserved to die.

  I didn’t know what my answer would be today, so I didn’t give him one, not yet. “Terence isn’t very happy about the virus you introduced into our systems. The one that stops us from doing violence.”

  “Yes, I imagine it will rather cramp his style. What do you think of it?”

  “I don’t know, Dad. I’m not sure I know about anything any more.”

  He studied my face with fiercely intelligent hazel eyes that had always seen too much, and too little. “Ah.”

  I delivered my defence. “We didn’t hurt the animals or children. Only the adults, the ones who participated in Dominic’s death. They deserved to die.”

  But my voice lacked conviction, and he heard it. “Tell me why, Ember.”

  I recited all the reasons I’d told him, and myself, a thousand times before. Reasons founded in the awful, wrenching details that Terence had extracted from Dominic’s killers. “It wasn’t just that they murdered him when he’d done nothing but care for them. It was the way they did it. They voted, Dad. The heads of all the families in Vale City held a meeting and voted.”

  “It was a conspiracy.”

  “Yes! And it makes me crazy that Dominic saw them after that meeting, and they smiled at him. As if nothing was wrong. When they knew that in a few hours, they were going to take him apart with the tools he’d made! Tools that were supposed to build, not destroy.”

  “It was an evil thing, Ember. Done simply because he was different, and they were afraid of that difference. I am not denying it.”

  “And he suffered, Dad. What the Nullifier did, the way she suspended the connections in his brain, it would have made him helpless, not numb. He would have felt every cut they made in his body.” I stared grimly at the water. “Drowning was a far kinder death for them than what they did to Dominic.”

  “And what of the girl? The girl your brother loved so much that he told her what he was?”

  “She hated what he was. She couldn’t stand to be loved by a machine. She used her ability to paralyse him. And besides,” I snapped, “we didn’t kill her.”

  “No. You dealt her a crueller fate. Forcing her to watch as you drowned the city. Telling the world that she was the Skychanger who’d caused the flood. And changing her memories so she thought it herself.”

  “I didn’t know I couldn’t permanently hide a memory someone wanted to hold onto. I didn’t realise it would drive her mad.”

  “But it did. It was no surprise that she took her own life.”

  “She still died more quickly than Dominic!”

  My father rounded on me. “Do you truly think that I did not love my son as much as any of you?”

  “No.” I answered in a subdued voice. “I know you did. You loved him best. We all loved him best.”

  “Then why am I standing here telling you that you should not have done what you did?”

  I sighed. “You’d say it was vengeance, not justice. You’d tell me that you can’t defeat evil by doing evil. That … that all life matters, or none does. Even if that life belongs to those who have harmed us.”

  “Yes.”

  “You could have told us all those things at the time.” I pointed out rebelliously. “If you’d been here.”

  “I may have miscalculated in leaving you all alone,” he conceded. “I didn’t expect that one of these ‘abilities’ could be used to destroy you.”

  “You always think you know everything, Dad, but you don’t. We had to do the best we could to protect ourselves.”

  “And what, precisely, do the Citizenship Accords protect you from, Ember?”

  I hunched my shoulders, saying nothing, and he added, “The Nullifer ability appears to be the only one that could ever be used to permanently harm you. And it’s apparently an extremely rare talent.”

  “It isn’t only about abilities. They said Dominic was an offence against nature. So I gave them something else unnatural to persecute instead.” I swallowed. “We were terrified that they’d come for all of us, and we don’t know what happens when we die. We don’t know if we go to the Balance, because we’re not … not …”

  He shook his head. “Ah, Ember. You are as human as any organic being, though you are made from different materials. Think of your brother. Do you really doubt Dominic had all the best qualities of humanity?”

  I thought of my little brother, and smiled a painful smile. “No.”

  “And those that killed him embodied the worst. Don’t you see? Whether we are organic or synthetic, whether we walk on two legs or four, whether we are creatures of claw or hoof or wing or feet – it matters not. Composition does not determine character. Or greatness of soul.” He was quiet for a moment, then added, “The governments of the world are building more detention centres. Increasing the scope of the Accords. Locking up children now.”

  “I know.”

  “Are you sorry, Ember?”

  No. I’m not sorry. I don’t want to be sorry. “Yes.”

  “Tell me why.”

  “For all the reasons you would tell me to be,” I answered quietly. “But most of all because, if Dominic was still here, or if he’s out there somewhere in the Balance, he’d be so … disappointed in me.”

  “Yes. He would.”

  I bowed my head. “Dad? I’m sad.”

  My father put his arm around me for the first time in over fifty years, and said in a satisfied tone of voice, “Good. That is a beginning.”

  THE BREAK

  The memory dissolved into mist, and the world returned. I was lying on the floor with Ember crouched at my side. Delta was standing behind her. I couldn’t see Terence. Probably still sitting in his chair, hoping I’ll quietly die.

  “Ash?” Ember asked. “Are you all right?”

  I croaked, “My head hurts.” And closed my eyes.

  The truth was, my head wasn’t hurting any more. But I needed some time to absorb what I’d seen and to control my heaving stomach. I felt sick over Dominic’s death, and over what Ember had done afterwards. Except I understood the reason she’d done it; a reason that my foolish, wounded best friend obviously hadn’t been going to share with me. I know what it is to feel what you felt, Em. I’d wanted to do something terrible to everyone I blamed for my little sister’s death. Only I’d had someone to stand in my way. The one person who could have stood in Ember’s way hadn’t been there when she needed him. Alexander Hoffman really wasn’t the guy I’d thought he was.

  Lucky she had me.

  I opened my eyes again. I needed to get Em to break Terence and Delta apart, and I didn’t want to give either of them a chance to stop her. We had to take them by surprise. Which meant I needed to let Ember know I wouldn’t abandon her, without letting Delta and Terence know it as well.

  Reaching up, I clutched at her arm, and hissed, “You’re a machine.”

  She flinched, and I continued, “I can’t believe I tried to save you! You really are just a collection of circuits. No one who truly understands what you are would ever try to save you!” Jules called you a collection of circuits, and he came here for you. Listen to what I’m saying, Em.r />
  I hauled myself to my feet, dragging Ember up with me. “I understand what you are, Ember Crow, and there will never be a place in the Firstwood for a machine. I will never give a home to a machine.”

  Realisation dawned in her odd-coloured eyes. Because I had brought a machine into the Firstwood. I’d brought Ember the black box when I’d fled Detention Centre 3, and asked her to build a body for the dog-spirit I’d seen at its core.

  “You really mean that,” she whispered.

  “Yes,” I answered steadily. “I do.”

  The corners of her mouth crept up. She nodded, and I let her go.

  Ember swung around, pushing me behind her. Terence rose to his feet, looking supremely satisfied. “Are you ready to begin altering her memories?”

  “No,” Ember replied. “I’d like to ask you something, Terence. About Dominic, and what you did with his remains.”

  The triumph in Terence’s face shifted into alarm. Delta directed a curious glance at him. “Terence? What does she mean?”

  “The circuits, Del,” Ember said. “The last pieces of Dominic. He gave them to a human.”

  Terence came striding hastily towards us. “Don’t listen to her! She’s trying to–”

  Ember shouted over the top of him. “Ask him, Del. Ask him about how he handed Dominic over to Neville Rose, the former head of Detent–”

  Terence lunged. I grabbed hold of Ember’s shoulder, spinning her out of the way just as Delta sprang into the space between them. He stopped still, shooting a hate-filled gaze at Em but obviously unwilling to provoke Del further. Ha! Gotcha!

  “Terence?” Delta sounded very young. “You didn’t do that, did you? You wouldn’t.”

  “He did,” Ember snapped. “And Rose used the circuits to build an interrogation device.”

  The machine? I blinked, reeling, as connections cascaded through my brain. A black box. A black dog.

  She’d built the body after all.

  I’d met Ember’s baby brother. I’d gazed into his eyes and seen his bright spirit. I should have recognised him. How could I have failed to notice the similarities between the goofy, graceless hound who’d once bounded through my head in Detention Centre 3 and the dog I’d met in real life? The one who’d remembered me, even when I hadn’t remembered him. And, somehow, he could still connect to my mind, just as he’d done when he’d been the machine. Dominic.

  Nicky.

  “That device was in the centre when the fire started,” Ember continued. “All that was left of Dominic …” She broke off, shaking her head. Not actually telling a lie, but allowing her sister to jump to the wrong conclusion.

  Delta turned an accusing gaze on Terence. He held out a placating hand. “Let us be clear what we are talking about. Those circuits weren’t really Dominic, any more than a few skin cells constitute an organic being. It–”

  She leaped, clawing at him, and the two of them went staggering across the room. He fended her off and she grabbed a vase from a table, smashing it onto the top of his head. Terence backhanded her across the face, knocking her to the ground. It didn’t slow Delta down. She flung herself into his legs, sending him sprawling. Then she sank her teeth into his calf.

  Terence yelped. I caught Ember’s arm. “Let’s go!”

  The two of us ran out into the long hall. We were about halfway down it when Ember stopped abruptly. “We’re going to need something to get past the guards outside. Come on.”

  She dragged me through a doorway and into a bedroom. Every available surface was covered with bits of electronic equipment. “Del’s room, huh?”

  “Yep.” Ember hurried about, gathering bits of machinery. Then she sat down on the bed and began connecting things together. When she was done she had a small, messy tangle of wires and circuits.

  “What does that do?” I asked.

  “If it works right, it’ll help us get through the back gate. Let’s just try to avoid getting caught on the way there.”

  The two of us raced through the house, moving as fast and as quietly as we could. When we reached the door, I eased it open and peered out into the darkness. No one there, at least not on this side of the back wall. Ember bent over her little device, fiddling with it. Then she dashed outside and lobbed it over the top of the gate.

  “Shut your eyes, Ash. Now!”

  I did. There were shouts. A popping sound. And the night was lit up with a flash so bright I caught the edge of it even with my eyes closed.

  Ember seized hold of me. “Come on!”

  We charged past the guards, who were tottering around blindly, and pelted into the night.

  “Where are we going?” Ember panted.

  Good question. “Jules has this trader pod, only I’m not sure I can find the way there. It’s near the taffa market though. Do you know where that is?”

  “Yes. Follow me.”

  We sprinted along the well-lit streets. It wouldn’t be hard for any pursuers to locate us. I cast a worried glance over my shoulder.

  “Those guards won’t be able to see again for another hour,” Ember puffed, “and everyone … will be waiting for Terence … to give them orders. He won’t be doing that for a while. I think we’re okay.”

  “What about Delta? Do we have to worry about her chasing after us?”

  Ember shook her head. “I’ve been working on her … reminding her … of all the things she didn’t like about Dad. She was already … losing enthusiasm … for bringing him back. Besides, she’s going to be … too busy making Terence suffer … to think about anything else … for quite some time.”

  I nodded. Another few blocks and the two of us slowed to a jog; we had to make it all the way across the city and we couldn’t run flat out for the entire distance. We went on, saying nothing as we both concentrated on getting far away from the house.

  It wasn’t difficult to tell when we were approaching the market. The smell of taffa grew stronger, and the streets more crowded. Eventually there were so many people about that we dropped to a walk so we could merge with the masses. Jogging was beginning to make us conspicuous; strolling, we were indistinguishable from the rest.

  “Ash?” Ember leaned closer to me. “Are you sure you want me to come back? I could still–”

  “I know how Dominic died, Em.”

  She stopped dead. I yanked her along. “Keep moving.”

  “How do you know?” she breathed

  “Nicky told me himself. Sort of. I can see him in my head, same as when he was the machine.”

  “You can see him in your head? I don’t even know how he’s doing that!”

  “Well, I’m glad he is. How could you not tell me? You know I get what it’s like to do something crazy when someone you love is murdered!”

  “It was more than crazy. It was unforgiveable, and why I did it makes no difference.”

  “It makes a difference to me. And you’re not the only Tribe member with a past. Yours is just a little more … epic.” A lot of the Tribe hadn’t had the best of times in the cities and towns, and they hadn’t been the best of people either. “You know how it goes, Em. Before is nothing. All that matters is what Tribe members do with their lives once they’ve been given a chance to have a life. And you – you made a bad choice once. But,” I concluded firmly, “you’ve been making good choices for as long as I’ve known you.”

  She was quiet. Then: “Ashala Wolf.” I could hear the affection in her voice, and the awe. “Everyone’s second chance. Even Nicky’s.”

  “You’re the one that built him a body,” I pointed out.

  “A body is nothing without a consciousness, and he didn’t have one. I think you brought him back, Ash.”

  “Pretty sure I can’t do that, Em.”

  “You brought Connor back.”

  “Grandpa brought Connor back.”

  “He still worked through you. And they hooked your brain up to the box in the centre, the same brain that lets you transform reality when you Sleepwalk. You saw the machine as a d
og, and that’s what he became. When I opened up that box, my brother was there. Only not quite as I’d known him.”

  “Did you know the machine was Nicky, before I went into–”

  “I had no idea! Terence must have been funnelling Neville advanced tech to use on Illegals. Neville was always a big supporter of his, when Terence was … um, I guess you know he was the Prime.”

  “Yeah. And that’s number one on the list of things you should have told me, by the way.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  I nodded and let it go. I didn’t have the time to pursue it, and I didn’t want to; not when I had so many other things to think about. Did I really bring Nicky back? I wasn’t sure, but I hoped I had. Because I understood, now, that he’d brought me back – not from the dead, but to myself, when I’d wandered too far from who I was. Those Sleepwalking dreams, back in the Firstwood. The nightmare where people who didn’t love me had been tearing me apart … Nicky had been showing me his death, and the importance of holding on to love when you found it. And the later dream, the one about being a monster who was forced to hunt – that was what had happened to him when he’d been the machine. In the centre, when I’d freed him from Miriam Grey’s control, I’d told him he was a good dog. In my dream, he’d given that same reassurance to me. You are good.

  I’d thought the forest had been reaching out to help me heal my ability. It had been Nicky all along.

  I had to get home to him. I had to get home to everyone.

  “Em, did you know Neville and Grey are coming to the centre? They’re holding the Adjustment there, in less than three weeks time. And I had this horrible dream about Neville. I think it was a taffa dream. A warning.”

  “We’ll be home before the Adjustment,” she said. I recognised her tone of voice; it was her bracing, everything-will-be-okay tone. We were falling into a familiar pattern, of sharing worries and comfort. “And I’m not sure taffa dreams mean anything, Ash. You’ve probably heard about them a lot since you’ve been here, because they’re the particular obsession of someone in this city, only–”

  “You know the Lion?”

  “Of course! Wait, you do?”