INK: Sketches (Book 0 - parts 1 & 2)

by Bella Roccaforte

  In the distance I hear a panicked voice yelling. "Jack, down boy!"

  I turn toward the voice, still getting my face licked profusely by the dog. There is a man running toward me with a leash in his hands that has a red collar on the end of it. "I'm so sorry, he's very crafty and weaseled out of his collar again." I'm instantly captivated by his haunting gray eyes. He's wearing running shorts and a tank top revealing a well-toned body. He brushes his golden hair out of his eyes then reaches out to take the dog from my arms.

  When I push the dog toward him he sees my face for the first time. He drains of all color. "Whoa, you're back." He puts the dog down and pulls me into a tight embrace. "I've missed you so much."

  He somehow smells familiar, woodsy like Aiden and sweet like Eli. That's just weird. It's a dream, right? Go with it. Maybe I'm finally harnessing the power of lucid dreaming. Wouldn't that be amazing?

  He pulls back hesitantly and gazes into my eyes. "There's something different about you." He studies me for a moment too long. "Did you change something?"

  "Nothing really." I try to fake it like you do at a party when you can't remember someone's name. In the dream state, though, I'm starting to feel as though I really have an idea what's happening. Familiarity sinks in and I know him, who he is, where I am. I'm in Central Park, New York City, and it feels like I've lived here my whole life.

  Tilting my head to the side I take in this gorgeous man standing in front of me.. A smile blooms on my lips.

  "Let's get Jack home and see about having some fun." He steps into my space like he's done it a thousand times and raises his eyebrows as if in challenge.

  I bite my bottom lip and give his shirt a tug. "Gabriel, are you feeling naughty?"

  He slides his hand down my arm, pressing into my fingers, and leads me away down the path.

  Nodding my head triumphantly walking by I give the thumbs up to the mermaid who now sits alone. She nods knowingly back. Oddly enough she looks just like me. Inspecting the other women in the dream, they all look just like me. I'm not really troubled by this. I've had some really weird dreams, and this one is going to be no exception. I don't think I've ever had a sexy dream. But I'm open to new possibilities.

  Chapter Five

  Going Through the Motions

  Eli breathes rhythmically while the room turns from dark to gray hues. Watching as the sun trudges over the horizon has become a ritual for me. The weeks since the funeral have been droning on. Sometimes it feels like a struggle just to get out of bed. Having Eli here with me has been helpful. Even with his busy schedule as an assistant district attorney he's been available to me on a pretty constant basis. It's likely that Dad asked Preston to make sure Eli can look after me.

  We've been to the dojo most days; Sifu Adams is very pleased with the amount of time I'm putting in. Eli thinks I should focus on finding peace, so we mostly practice Wing Chun when we go together. When I go alone, Sifu is happy to spar with me or assign a partner in Kali. Sifu is a very powerful man, stocky. He's only about thirty years old, but he seems so wise. When I told him sparring is helpful with the crazy amount of anger I'm feeling, he gave me a very interesting speech.

  "Tou dai, a flowing brook is beautiful to look at and can bring peace just by listening to the water run over the earth. But water that has burst from a dam is destructive and can be painful to everyone and everything in its path." Pretty profound coming from a white boy with blond hair and blue eyes.

  I haven't even been able get any work done; it feels like somehow if I go into my studio I'll have to really confront how I feel about Elise. It’s bad enough that Mom has hung every picture ever taken of Elise on the walls at the house as if to will her back to life.

  Mom's not getting any better; as a matter of fact I think she may have lost the will to fight. But we can't talk about it. We can't seem to talk about anything really. At every visit, it seems as though her mind is becoming more far gone. She isn't that old, but she's starting to sound as though dementia is taking hold. Just yesterday she started calling me Elise.

  Dad's going a little stir crazy, I knew retiring wasn't the best idea for him. You can't just go from eighty-hour work weeks to sitting home playing caretaker to my mom, who seems to have rejected everything he has to say. He's been spending a lot of time in his office. I suspect he's doing some consulting work again. He closes and locks the door. That would normally be something that would concern a family. But Dad's work requires that he be alone without interruption. It's always been that way.

  The clock is staring back at me telling me I have to get up soon. I have an appointment with Oliver Roth today. Eli talked me into taking the job Oliver offered. It will be good money, and doing artwork of wildlife for the lobby and conference rooms of the law firm isn't so bad.

  Eli's alarm cuts through the silence. He absently reaches over, slamming the top of the clock radio to stifle the incessant beeping. His arm still outstretched, resting on the clock, I can't help but notice how well-defined he's become over the years. I remember when we were just little kids, even though he was always so much taller than me, he was such a bean pole. Eli's older than Aiden and I, but we were always best friends. My dad used to call us the "troublesome trio," but I didn't happen to think things were nearly as bad as he was making us out to be. We were pretty decent kids.

  A laugh escapes me thinking of some of our crazy adventures. Eli rolls over and greets me with a warm smile. "Good morning, beautiful."

  I can't help but smile back, knowing how lucky I am to have him. "Mornin'."

  "Aren't you all smiles this morning." He leans up on his elbow to get a better look at me.

  Gazing at him with a touch of mischief in my eyes, running my finger down the center of his solid chest, I say in the sultriest tone I can, "I have a lot to smile about."

  Eli affords a glance at the clock and rolls quickly over onto me with a playful expression and growls, "I can make you smile some more."

  My face reddens instantly and an undeniable heat courses through me from the tips of my toes to directly between my legs. I bite down hard on my lip knowing I have no intention of refusing his advances. His raven black hair disheveled from sleep brushes down to his amazing icy blue eyes penetrating me with their hungry stare. The muscles in his arms are rippling and flexed, holding his weight carefully over me. I run my hands over his chest and around his neck to pull him into a kiss. Eli's kisses are always sweet and gentle, and the way he touches me as though I were fragile has always sent sparks of electricity through me. We feel like we belong.

  ***

  Eli and I leave the house together. I know I'm still glowing. It’s the first time we've made love since I got the news about Elise. Life is starting to normalize. For a while I wondered if it was ever going to feel that way again.

  "Do you want me to drive you over there?" Eli stops just short of my car.

  "No, I don't want to be stuck there, and you have to go get the bad guys today." I tug him in by the collar of his suit jacket and playfully land a kiss on his lips.

  "You'd better be careful, young lady, or I'll have to tell Preston I need another day." He puts his briefcase down on the walk and loops his arms around my waist.

  I kiss him again and take in his gorgeous features. He has his hair slicked back neatly and his eyes are such an amazing blue that I could lose myself in them forever and be perfectly happy there. "No, I have a life to get back to and today is as good as any."

  "Spoil sport." He holds me with his gaze for a moment before leaning down and softly kissing my neck, trailing up to my ear. "Are you sure I can't convince you?"

  I pull away from him with a scolding look. "I have to go."

  Eli's forlorn but gives in pretty easily. He opens the door to my ancient Honda Civic and helps me in. "Meet me for lunch?"

  "As long as the meeting doesn't go too long with Oliver." I smile up at him.

  "I'll look forward to it." With that he closes my door and gets into his own car.

>   ***

  There’s plenty of time before my meeting with Oliver, so I take the long way. It'll be nice to drive along the river on US1. Take a moment to wrangle my brain into some semblance of order.

  My thoughts vacillate between Eli and me this morning and the weird dreams I've been having with Gabriel. It's so bizarre, and it feels so real, so good. Gabriel makes me feel so excited that I worry a little about my sanity; it somehow feels like I'm cheating on Eli with someone from my dreams. He's just something that my mind made up, probably to cope with all the loss.

  One Harbor Place, the building that houses the Law Offices of Roth, Carmichael, Eddins and Brunner. I always laugh at how this is one of the tallest buildings in Melbourne, Florida. A whopping eight stories, it is a very prestigious building and I spent a lot of time here as a child.

  This is where Aiden's dad works. After his mom died when he was ten, he was relegated to spending quite a bit of time at the office with his dad. Eli's mother was a paralegal here for years. Many days I would beg Mom to let me come with the boys after school so we could go across the street and watch the manatees in the lagoon. Mom usually said yes because she knew Genie would look after us. We were all just one big happy family until puberty struck and ruined everything.

  Pushing one of the heavy glass doors open wide enough to fit my portfolio case through, I trip into the lobby, embarrassing myself terribly. When I recover I'm relieved to see that the lobby is empty. Genie comes whipping around the corner with a full coffee cup.

  Her face lights up genuinely. “Well good morning, sweetheart.” Genie’s southern accent always makes me smile and reminds me of sipping sweet tea on the front porch in the summer. She hurriedly puts the cup on her desk and comes to hug me. "How are you, darlin'?"

  "I'm fine, how you doing?" I reciprocate the niceties then squirm my way out of her hold, trying to balance my over-sized case.

  "You know me, I'm doing just fine like always." She looks at me quizzically. "So what brings you down here?"

  Odd, Genie usually knows everything that happens in this place long before it does. That's why Eli, Aiden and I hardly got away with anything with her on the job. "I'm here to see Mr. Roth."

  "Oh, okay." She is still puzzled. "I'll see if he's ready for you." She walks back behind the reception desk and calls his office. "Mr. Roth, Shay Baynes is here to see you."

  She hangs up the phone and comes back around the desk. "So, are you holding up okay?"

  "Yeah, it's time to get back to the grind."

  "It's terrible what happened; I'm worried about your mom though." Her tone is riddled with warning.

  "I know, she's really losing it." I share my concerns with her.

  "I saw her last week after, and I talked with your dad. I guess she won't see a grief counselor or the person her oncologist recommended she talk to." Genie rubs my shoulder.

  "I know, I've been staying away." I hesitate a moment before continuing. "When she looks at me, she sees Elise. It's too painful for her."

  "Sweetheart, I'm sure she's thrilled to have you around. You should go see her." Genie consoles me a bit more.

  "Is Mr. Roth ready for me?" I ask, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence.

  "Yeah, honey, he's ready. You remember where he is?" she asks.

  "I've played enough hide and seek in here that I probably know the place better than you." I wink.

  Genie laughs at the memory and heads toward another attorney’s office after picking up a stack of files.

  The door opens when I knock lightly. Oliver sits behind the huge mahogany desk with his head down, working. He's average height, a little taller than Aiden, with a full head of dark hair neatly trimmed above the ears. His eyes are the same honey color as Aiden's, but his smile is more sincere; aside from the smile, Aiden is the spitting image of his dad. "Shay, I'm so glad you came." He stands and walks around the desk, offering a hug.

  "Hey Mr. Roth." I return the hug, somehow hoping to find the faint familiarity of Aiden in him. Maybe his scent or just that he and Aiden are both card carrying members of the Roth family.

  "Now Shay, how many times have I told you to stop calling me that?" he scolds lightly.

  Smiling, my cheeks flush. "Old habits die hard."

  "Well, please call me Oliver." He leans back in his leather chair and releases a heavy sigh. "I was hoping one day you could call me Dad if my son would get his head out of his ass."

  And there it is, proof that this is just Oliver's way of making up for Aiden being an asshole. All I can say is, "Well you know Aiden." I want to stop talking about him and try to pretend, if only for a minute, that he hasn't deserted me again.

  “I do.” The aggravation in his tone isn’t masked. “Well, as much as I hate to say it, I think we all know you are with the better man.”

  This whole line of conversation is very uncomfortable for me, like I should be defending Aiden. The corners of my lips curve upwards. Oliver is a figure of authority, and someone I also happen to think of like a second father. I will always treat him with respect and try not to disagree with him. “I’d like to think so.”

  “I know so.” He leans forward confidently with a smug smile. “Besides, I know you’ll be able to talk some sense into him and get him to come to work here, with me.”

  “I don’t know about that. Eli has a mind of his own.” The thought of Eli and his mind raises a smile.

  “I know he does, I consider that boy just as much of a son to me as Aiden. Even though he is as stubborn as I am.” He rubs his chin as though he were looking for a beard. “If not more so. You’re smart, Shay, and you’re making a good decision.”

  Oliver and I get down to business discussing what he would like for the office. By the end of the conversation he has convinced himself to hire an interior decorator that I am to work very closely with in the office make-over. Its fine by me, this sort of thing is kind of fun and Oliver is paying me a ridiculous amount of money.

  He always complains about how ‘you kids’ are so bent on doing it yourself that you won’t take a helping hand. Of course, he’s referring to Eli and me. Aiden hasn’t worked a day in his life, unless you consider spending his father’s money work.

  Chapter Six

  Barbecue

  My disappointment with Eli being stuck in court this afternoon bled through on the voice mail I left him. No matter, it gives me some time to handle my own wandering mind without interference. Now I just have to see if I can keep my thoughts from drifting back to the images of Elise's body.

  To help find my inner peace, beating the shit out of something seems like a good solution. I go to the dojo for an hour and then head home. I'm contemplating going to see my mom, but I talked myself out of it and am already halfway home.

  Just because I know seeing her would be for the best it doesn't mean I'm really smart enough to do it. It’s really more my selfishness, but I'm having trouble dealing with everything, too. We’ve both experienced the loss of Elise, and I’ll be losing my mom. Yeah, I'm selfish, sweaty and tired. I have to learn to deal with things on my own.

  When put in perspective, spending the evening by myself is a way for me to confront how I hate being alone. Spending some time with just me is good for me, better than sitting with Mom while she pretends that I'm someone else.

  Thoughts that don’t feel like my own wander in and out. “You are better alone; you are strong, beautiful and capable.”It’s weird, like I’ve been listening to some sort of subliminal messages in my sleep. What’s stranger is I’m starting to believe it.

  It's still pretty early and I don't expect Eli for another few hours. Perfect, I have enough time to take a shower and figure out what I'll be burning for dinner. Poor Eli, I have no idea how he tolerates my terrible cooking.

  Right away I notice the note and single red rose on my bed when I walk into my bedroom. How does he do that? My memories tug me back to this morning and I can't help but release the smile pulling at my lips. I close my eyes while I
fall backwards on the bed, opening the note.

  Shay,

  Snuck out hoping to catch you here. Sorry I only had a few minutes. I'll see you tonight and don't worry about dinner, I'll pick something up.

  Love,

  Eli

  A laugh bubbles up from inside me. "Oh yeah, that's how he copes with my cooking, we live on takeout." I clasp the note to my chest, wishing it were him. My body relaxes into the bed. It won't hurt to take a few minutes, I justify to myself as I drift off to sleep.

  ***

  My consciousness returns and I can see that I'm in New York City again. It's going to be another one of those dreams, I think to myself, trying to conceal my excitement. My feet guide me down the street; its dark out and there's a cold drizzle coming down. The light raindrops sting my face as I walk toward where I think I'll find Gabriel.

  With every step, my excitement grows. I love talking to him about everything, and I have something with him that I feel has been taken from me. Even though I totally love and adore Eli, we've been friends and together for so long that we hardly have that excitement when we touch. We fell into comfortable way too fast. Well at least that's what Trish says. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's always very exciting with Eli, but there's something different about being with Gabriel. There's intrigue and I can really let myself go, because it is after all just a dream. No brakes!

  The fog finally makes way to the steps up to the brownstone. Gabriel is standing in the doorway looking incredibly resplendent in a long black trench coat and fedora. He doesn't see me, but I know he's looking for me. His eyes are such a piercing gray. They seem to set the color of the fog; he looks like an ethereal being. Something that beautiful can't possibly be real.

  I quiet my footsteps leading to the stoop, but to no avail. His expression transforms immediately from dark and heavy to relieved. He moves down the steps and grabs me up into his arms and I lean into his warmth, which I'm thankful for. His warm breath glides along my neck until his lips brush against my ear. "I've been waiting for you." He pauses, allowing his lips to linger lightly on my ear. "Forever."