by Alexis Anne
“Good luck.”
I didn’t need luck. I needed perseverance and she needed to believe in me. I slowly made my way through the crowded restaurant and to the bar. They were seated in the middle with their backs to me. Grace glanced back and caught my eye, she gave me a quick nod and then a moment later she stood up and headed toward the bathrooms.
Poor girl was always hiding in the bathroom for me. I needed to send her a gift or something to make up for it.
“She’s in a good mood and a little tipsy. Good luck,” she murmured as she passed me by.
Well, if everyone was gonna keep wishing me luck, I was gonna start storing it up. Couldn’t hurt, right? I took a deep breath, cracked my neck, and sat down beside Marie.
“This seat is taken,” she said putting out her hand. Then she saw me. “What the fuck?”
I grinned. I loved that reaction. Marie was a little easier to deal with when she was feeling feisty.
“Deja vu?” I said. “Or maybe you’re just eating at my favorite restaurant again. Are you following me?”
It was a stupid psychological tactic to throw it back on her, but it worked. Her cheeks turned red and she sputtered. “Of course not. How am I supposed to know you would be here tonight?” Then her face relaxed and she gave me the stink eye. “Oh, you’re just riling me up.”
I grinned, feeling cocky and suddenly very natural. “You make it easy.”
Then she looked me up and down and I couldn’t quite read the expression in her eyes, but if I didn’t know better I’d say she was up to something.
“You seriously ate dinner here tonight and just happened to see me up here at the bar?” she asked.
I flagged down the bartender and ordered us both a Templeton Rye, just like the first time. “I seriously just ate dinner. With Jake.” I nodded at him as he walked toward the entrance. He gave us a casual wave and an easy smile.
“Hmmm.” She waved back. “Looks like your ride is leaving. You should go. Wouldn’t want to miss him.”
“I drove separate.”
“Of course you did.” She looked me right in the eye. It felt damn good to have her eyes on me again, even if it was a skeptical appraisal.
“How’ve you been?” I asked.
The bartender delivered our drinks and I handed him the cash.
She picked up the whiskey and took a tiny sip. “Very good.”
“You or the whiskey?”
She grinned, but didn’t look up at me. “Both.”
“And Natalie?”
She took another sip and then set the glass down, turning to look up at me. Her eyes were hypnotic. So blue and intense. “She’s wonderful.” Then she frowned. “She’s trying to talk me into a year in France.”
“Both of you?” It was going to complicate things if they moved.
“Just her. Brandon showed her some amazing school. She’s in love and wants to live with her dad next year.”
“What are you going to do?”
She shrugged. “I haven’t figured that out yet. You know how she is. What do you think I should do?”
I shouldn’t have been surprised by her question, but I was. I guess when it came to Natalie I was still considered a friend. “I’m sure it would be an interesting experience for her. She’s probably at an age where she’s wanting more from her dad and well…the kid loves travel, history, reading…I can’t imagine it would be a bad idea to give her some latitude.”
Marie frowned. “I know. I was thinking the same thing.”
I reached out and squeezed her hand without thinking. It was just pure instinct to want to comfort her when she looked like that. We both stared at my hand on hers.
“I know this must be hard,” I said, “but something like this won’t change your relationship.”
I took my hand back and she nodded slowly. “I’ll keep thinking about it and talking with her. Applications are due soon, that’s why it came up.”
I shrugged. “Apply, see where it all goes. You don’t have to decide for a while.”
She took another sip and forced a smile onto her face. “Thanks for the advice.”
“Anytime.” I leaned down and lowered my voice, knowing it would have a significant effect on her. “When it comes to you and Natalie, I am always available and I will drop anything to help.”
I watched her neck as she swallowed. It was so delicate, and yet so telling. A flush crept up her chest and I loved seeing that she was affected just as intensely as I was.
“Marie?”
She glanced up at me. “Yes?”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” she whispered.
“I went back to Hargrove.”
My heartbeat thudded in my ears while I waited to see what she did with that. Maybe she already knew from Eve, or even Grace, but either way, she didn’t really react.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” she asked when I didn’t say anything.
“Yes and no.” I looked up at the ceiling and took a breath. “I got the closure I needed, but I got something else I wasn’t expecting.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “And what was that?”
“A kick in the pants.”
“Excuse me?” an adorable smile turned up the corners of her lips. I think she might have been amused by the image of me getting my ass beaten.
“You got a minute? I’ve got a convoluted way of explaining things.”
“Interesting. Usually you’re blunt to the point of pain,” she batted her eyelashes.
Oh God, how I missed her. “You do have a point there. But this isn’t something I want to get wrong. Extra words are needed.”
I waited for her to nod before I dove in.
“Jenn’s family made it very clear that I am my own biggest enemy and they’d really appreciate it if stopped being a sorry shit.”
Her mouth fell open.
“I know. Crazy, right?”
She nodded and closed her mouth.
“So basically they told me the only way to make them happy would be if I was happy. They told me to stop throwing away my life and start talking about Jenn again. Apparently you can’t keep someone’s memory alive if you keep it to yourself.”
Marie was very still as she sat there waiting for my next sentence. I didn’t know how it was going to feel to say it, or how Marie was going to react to it.
“I’ve been frozen. I thought punishing myself and hiding out was the best way to hold on to her. I owed it to Jenn to stop living, right along with her.” I took a breath. “But I was wrong. I did the exact opposite of what I was trying to do. If I want to celebrate who she was and what we had, then I need to live a good life that honors the gift it was to know and love her.”
I kind of expected Marie to run for the door. I mean, I was professing my undying love for another woman. I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to look at me again. But she surprised the hell out of me by taking my hand.
“I understand. I’m not going to insult you by saying I know how you feel, because I don’t. But I understand. Well, sort of.” She frowned. “I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.” Then she took a long deep breath and blew it out. It was cute the way her hair fluttered around her face when she did that. I reached out and brushed it back because I wanted to touch her more than anything else, and I thought maybe her hair was still safe territory.
“I’m listening,” I murmured.
She sighed. “I get what you’re saying about being frozen. I really get that part. Like on a fundamental level of understanding. I even get what you mean about punishing yourself. Greg, I don’t blame you for any of that. I might have done the same thing in your position.”
I studied every inch of her face, just in case she walked away and I never saw her again. I wanted to remember exactly how she looked right now. “I love you.” She needed to hear that now and every day for the rest of her life. “I honestly, truly, love you with everything I have. I hope you can understand that, too.”
She nodded and nibbled on her lip. “Sometimes I get confused, but I also know you love me.”
And then it struck me how comfortable she was with me. “Marie?”
“Yeah?”
“Why are you here?” She was just sitting across from me, touching me, talking to me, like we were still together—except we weren’t. She’d been avoiding me for weeks.
She fought the smile on her lips. She fought really hard, but she lost. “Eating dinner with Grace?”
“And where’s Grace?”
“Hiding in the bathroom.”
Okay, so now I was smiling. “Hiding?”
Marie nodded quickly. “You know, so you and I can talk. Just like you wanted.”
“You knew I was going to be here?” I almost missed the little tells. Hope wasn’t lost—in fact it was looking kind of good at the moment.
“Yeah, I knew. Actually, everyone knew I knew, but you.”
I glanced around the bar half expecting to see our friends eavesdropping from a hightop, but I didn’t recognize anyone. “What exactly are your intentions, young lady?”
She shrugged and took a long sip of her whiskey, looking every bit as confident and seductive as the night I met her. Now that I was out of my head and really looking at her, I realized she looked good. Not just beautiful and sexy, the way I always saw her, but happy and vibrant, the way I knew she could be.
“My intentions were to hear you out, then tell you I love you.”
It was a damn good thing I was sitting, otherwise I would have fallen on my ass.
She nodded and smiled. “Oh yeah, you heard me right. I love you, Greg Hamilton. Swear words, dirty mouth, asshole attitude and all.”
And just like that, no assholes, doubts, or mistakes mattered anymore. I had the one and only thing I truly needed.
“I fucking love you,” I murmured as I stood up and put myself around her crossed legs, wrapped my hands around her face, and kissed the shit out of her.
She kissed me back and I wished we were alone instead of in a bar so I could feel her skin against mine.
“Greg?”
“Yeah?” I didn’t want to talk anymore. No more talking, only kissing.
“I love you, but I do have questions.”
And that cooled me right off. She was right. There were things that needed to be said. I kissed her lightly on the lips and then sat back down—this time six inches closer and her hands locked inside mine. I wasn’t letting go again. Not ever.
“Fire away. I am an open book.”
Then she smiled and cocked her head to the side. “Um, this may be forward of me, but…can we take this back to my place in case we feel like celebrating?”
The last thing I heard was a yelp as I grabbed her hand and ran out of that restaurant as fast as I could.
Chapter Thirty-Six
I took a deep breath as I sat on the couch looking at Greg. It was quiet here. I could hear myself think and, most importantly, feel the very special vibration Greg always had in the air around him. It was intoxicating and I kind of got high on it.
“So you went home.” I was stating the obvious, but it was a place to start.
“It’s not home anymore.”
Oh…shit.
I took the glass of water off the coffee table and drowned myself in it—anything to give me a second or two.
“My home is here. With you.”
I stopped drinking before I actually drowned. “Good. This is where you belong.”
He smiled.
I set down the water.
I was doing this. I wanted Greg and he wanted me.
“Marie?”
“Yeah?” My heart was beating at Mach Three.
“No more maybes. Not from me. I’m all in.”
I nodded. I knew he was all in—it was in his eyes. There was still a little pain in there, and I was sure it would probably always be there.
But everything else had been replaced. Instead of the darkness that used to haunt him, there was a glint. A sexy, confident, happy glint.
“Me, too. I’m all in.”
He moved very slowly and deliberately, placing his hands on either side of my face. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” I really was. It was terrifying to put so much of myself in someone else’s hands, but when we were together I forgot about that because all I could feel was a love so intense it blotted everything else out.
Doubts included.
“Kiss me.”
He didn’t hesitate for a second. He kissed me tenderly and then deeply, just the way I liked it.
“It’s okay to be scared, you know?” He nipped at my lower lip. “I’ll work it out of your system.”
“Oh really?” I growled back.
“Oh yeah. One kiss at a time. I’m not going anywhere ever again. You’re stuck with me.”
I let him kiss me some more. I found a little more peace in every one. Every moment we were apart had felt wrong—like the fabric of my life was being slowly torn apart. Now that he was back, everything was falling into place.
“Don’t ever hide from me again. We’re a team,” I whispered.
He looked deep into my eyes and nodded. “I promise. I understand that now.”
I bit my lip because I had one more question and it was the hardest one of the bunch. “You’re not frozen anymore?”
He swallowed and shook his head. “Nope.” He ran his fingers down my face and pulled me in for another quick kiss. “Going back finally taught me that moving forward doesn’t mean what I had with Jenn is over. I’ll always love her and what we had will always be important and special, but if I really want to remember her, I have to make new memories with new people who will know how special she was, too.”
He pressed his forehead against mine and squeezed his eyes shut. I closed my eyes and took all of him in—every vibration and scent. The feel of his hands and the sound of voice.
“Marie, I love you. This man in front of you isn’t the same man I used to be. Life changed me—for better or worse.”
“Not worse,” I whispered.
“And that’s why I’m not frozen anymore. Whoever I am now, for some reason you love me for me. And I don’t know if you understand this or not, but I love every inch of you just the way you are.”
I think I was always going to be a tiny bit jealous that a piece of his heart would always belong to someone else, but I finally understood that it didn’t change what we had. We had a special kind of love and Greg loved me with every ounce of his soul, just like I loved him.
“I want to give some of Jenn’s books to Natalie, if that’s okay with you.”
I nodded quickly. “She’ll love that.”
He kissed me again. “I love you, Marie. I was meant to love you. Just like you were meant to love me. You are a part of me and you always will be.”
I crawled into his lap, wrapped myself around his hard body, and tugged on his hair. “I’ve waited to meet you for a very long time, Greg Hamilton. Let’s not waste another minute.” He rolled me underneath him and promptly reminded me how good we were together—and how dirty his mouth could be.
“I want to be inside you all the time. Every day. Every minute of every day.”
“That would get awkward,” I gasped as I rocked my hips up to meet his.
“Maybe, but who cares?”
I moaned as he thrust inside me over and over. His kisses were fire on my neck. “Not me. Nope. Don’t care. We can eat takeout and live in my bed.” I wondered how many times we would have this exact conversation over the years.
“Excellent. Fuck. You are like heaven for my cock.”
He slid deep and I gasped, the lightning of an impending orgasm igniting inside me. I threaded my fingers through his hair. “And you make me feel so good.”
He groaned as my orgasm took over. “I’ll make you happy, Marie. I promise.”
*****
A week later, we packed up Greg’s condo. I didn’t want to waste ano
ther minute sleeping in separate homes. Greg was family now and his home was with us. He didn’t have too much stuff, which made me both happy and sad. It made moving him in a heck of a lot easier, but realizing how little attachment Greg had to anything was hard to swallow.
Of course, there were a few funny things I learned in the packing process. “Where are your sheets?”
He didn’t look up from the DVD’s he was packing, but I noticed that he hesitated before answering. “I don’t have any.”
His hall closet was barren. One extra towel. One spare washcloth. And a bucket.
“That’s very frugal of you.” But something was nagging at me. Some little memory that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
“Yeah, Sally washes my sheets once a week while she cleans the condo. No need for a second set. Just takes up space.”
We were moving Greg’s bed in to replace my guest bed. Natalie infected all of us with a stomach bug earlier in the week and Grace had come over to bring us food and cleaning supplies. She ended up staying in the guest room one night and discovered that she absolutely loved my guest bed—so I gave it to her.
And then it hit me. “Wait…you only have one set of sheets?”
He froze with five DVD’s in his hand. “Yes…”
“Then why do I remember a different set of sheets? The first night you had one set, and then the next night there was this set.”
He stayed frozen, his back to me. Then he slowly put the DVD’s in the box, stood up and walked over. He had a funny look on his face and I couldn’t quite tell what it was—but it was somewhere in the neighborhood of mischievous.
“You’re right. I did have two different sets of sheets that weekend.”
“Why does this sound like a big deal?”
“Because it is,” he said with a grin. He tucked a stray hair behind my ear and then grabbed my chin lightly between his thumb and forefinger. “That first night we spent together changed everything and it scared the piss out of me. You rocked me to my core and threw my whole world out of balance. And as a kicker, my bed smelled like you. You were everywhere. I woke up dreaming you were still in bed with me and I couldn’t take it. I freaked out and bought new sheets.”