by Nella Tyler
He gestured toward a security guard, spoke softly to him, and then the security guard quickly spoke into the shoulder microphone he wore on his uniform, requesting another dealer to come and take my place. At my table, I apologized to the players and just told them that I was feeling ill and that another dealer would be approaching shortly to take over the game.
In a matter of minutes, another girl replaced me. I knew her by appearance, but I wasn't quite sure of her name. I nodded my thanks and then quickly took myself to the break and locker room. I felt like my knees were about ready to give way and I sat down on the long bench in front of the lockers. I had to find Ben. I thought up about calling his phone, but realized that he was probably still up in the offices with security and God knows who else. If his phone rang and security had it, they would know it was me calling.
I was suddenly overcome with a sense of self-preservation. I felt terrible for Ben and wondered what kind of trouble and how deep of trouble he was in, but I didn't want to tip my hand and even hint at a relationship between us by calling him or asking about him. I couldn't imagine what was happening, but I knew it probably wasn't good. Anyone who was even suspected of cheating could get into a lot of trouble. Not many people took those elevator doors, either. Those went up to the upper management offices.
Still unsure what to do, I made my way out to the parking lot, trying to act calm. I still felt so sick I thought I was going to throw up. If they suspected Ben, did they suspect me, as well? After all, he played at my table every night. My heart began to pound. This couldn't be happening…this couldn't be happening! I didn't know what to do.
Should I go back to my apartment or go to Ben's house? Wait for him there? I didn't want to go to my apartment because if I was suspected of cheating or helping someone else cheat, someone from the casino might be there waiting for me. I drove around for a while, even parked my car at the park for about an hour, trying to get my thoughts under control. Finally, I decided that since I didn't want to risk going back to my apartment, I would go to Ben's house. After that, I didn't know.
That settled it. I decided to make my way to Ben's mansion. I was pretty sure I could find my way. Eventually, I spotted the long, winding driveway that rose from the street up to his estate. I turned onto it and slowly drove up the winding driveway. I was shaking now, not sure what to expect. I pulled up to the front steps, got out, and nervously made my way toward the door. Would I be turned away? After all, I had never seen any of the household employees and they probably didn't even know me.
I rang the doorbell and waited, clutching my purse tightly between my hands. I was so scared I didn't know what to do. The door answered. My heart thundered in my chest. A middle-aged man wearing khaki pants and a dark blue polo shirt answered the door.
"Hello, my name is Maggie-"
The door opened wider. "Yes, Ben said he was expecting you."
"He's here?" I asked, surprised.
The butler, valet, or whatever he was called, nodded and stepped back, gesturing for me to enter. "I'll let him know that you are here. Please wait in this room," he said, gesturing toward the living room.
I sank down on the couch as the butler or whatever he was asked if I wanted anything, and I shook my head. My insides were a jumble of anxiety. I found myself holding my breath several times, thankful that he was at least home, but wondering, and somewhat fearful, of what had happened and what still might happen to him.
From my position on the couch, I was just able to see the bottom half of the stairs. I watched him come down. He looked perfectly normal, as if nothing untoward had occurred. He smiled, but the smile seemed a little stiff as he crossed the foyer and entered the living room. He sat down next to me on the couch.
"Why aren’t you at work?" he asked.
For a moment, I didn't know how to answer the question. "When I saw them take you upstairs, which as I know where management is located, I got scared."
He chuckled and that caused me to frown. There was nothing funny about this. I had just spent the last couple of hours in a tizzy. "What happened? What did they want?"
He merely shrugged. "I've been banned from the casino – blacklisted," he shrugged again. "Other than that, nothing." He smiled again. "What, did you think that someone was going to shoot my kneecaps or break my fingers or something?"
My erratic emotions caused me to snap. I shot to my feet, glaring down at him. "This isn't funny, Ben! This is serious! I’ve just spent the last few hours worried sick, and here you are making jokes. You've been blacklisted! I left work because I felt sick to my stomach and I was so worried about you."
"Sit down, Maggie…it's okay."
I sat down, still angry.
"It wasn't necessary for you to leave work. In fact, I wish you hadn't."
I didn't understand. What difference did it make to Ben if I left work or not? I looked at him, thinking there was something about him that seemed distracted. He seemed a little distant, a little cool. Arrogance, smugness? Was he angry? Was he making light of a serious situation and just trying to keep it from me? I couldn't tell.
"Are you sure you're okay? That everything is alright?"
He nodded. "Everything is just fine, Maggie," he said.
I didn't believe it for a minute. There was something about the look in his eyes that made me doubt him. Finally, after several moments of him watching me, his eyes casting about my face, as if trying to look deep into my mind, I began to feel an inkling of unease. A cold sensation swept through me. I was beginning to understand why he seemed different, while his attitude seemed so cool and lackadaisical. I sat straighter, leaned back slightly from his focused gaze.
"Wait a minute," I finally said. My breath caught in my throat, my tone rife with disbelief. "Do you think I told them about your counting cards?"
To my surprise, he didn't deny it, but simply narrowed his eyes and spoke in a contemplative tone. "Well, apparently you knew and didn't care to share that fact with me until the other evening, so what exactly am I supposed to think?"
My blood boiled. "How dare you!" I gasped, my back stiff as a ramrod. "Who the hell do you think I'm going to blab to? The pit bosses? Security? Management? You think I want to lose my job?" I shook my head, disbelieving. How could even think such a thing of me?
"Well, it's not like I go around advertising it, after all," he said.
"Well, I can assure you that I didn't say a word to anyone about it," I told him. I gazed around at the fancy furniture and the big house and once again had to ask why. "Why, Ben? Why do you feel the need to cheat? It's not like you need any money. You've got enough, don't you?"
He sighed. "That's just it, Maggie, I have everything I could possibly want. Where is the excitement in my life? I need something to get my adrenaline pumping, my blood rushing through my veins. That's the thrill of gambling, don’t you know?"
"No, I don't know," I snapped. "I wouldn't know what it's like to have so much money I was bored with it all! And, that's another reason why I wouldn't go blabbing to anyone about it, Ben, because I need this job. I don't need to lose it. It was hard enough finding a job as it was, and the thought of not having one scares the living shit out of me. Not that you could understand any such concept!"
He said nothing for a moment, and if possible, I grew even angrier. Especially after what he said next.
"Are you sure you didn't say anything to anyone? To get back at me for asking you to help me?"
I stood up again, stunned, my mouth open in shock and dismay. To think I had allowed him to make love to me, to have sex with me…was this all I could expect from him? Betrayal? Deceit? Accusations? What the hell? I knew it! I knew I shouldn't have allowed myself to get involved with Ben, but no, I convinced myself that he was a decent human being. Showed you how much I knew.
I put my hands on my hips. My voice trembling with emotion, I responded to the accusation. "I would never do anything like that, Ben, and if you think I would, then you don't know me, you don't re
spect me, and you certainly don't deserve me!"
I waited for him to respond. He still didn't take back the accusation. He merely stared up at me, as if he were bored. For him to think I had blabbed to someone about him counting cards was unthinkable and, to be blunt, terribly insulting. I wasn't a blabbermouth, nor was I a gossip. For him to think that I did something like that – something I knew would get him into trouble – was ridiculous. I knew what some casino owners did to cheaters, and even if I were mad at Ben, I certainly wouldn't want anything like that to happen to him. Never. No matter how angry I was with him.
When it was clear that he had nothing else to say nothing, that we were at an impasse, I decided that it was time to go. "Well, it's been nice knowing you, Ben. Or it was, anyway. To say I'm disappointed in you is an understatement-"
"You disappointed in me?" he scoffed. "Why?"
At this point, my emotions were all over the map. "If you can't figure that out by now, then I'm not going to stand here and try and explain it to you. Goodbye, Ben." I turned around and headed for the front door.
"Maggie, wait-"
I paused and turned around. "Why? What could you possibly say that would change things? You think that I turned you in, and if you think that I would do something like that… Well, it doesn't say much for the kind of trust we have in each other, does it?"
I glanced around, made sure that no one could hear me. "You know what, Ben? I'll be honest and say that the sex was great and I was beginning to have feelings for you. But if this is the way we think about each other, then there's no point in continuing this relationship, or whatever the hell it is, because it would be pointless."
I turned around, reached for the door, stepped outside, and only barely managed to keep from slamming the door behind me. So furious I could spit, I quickly made my way to my car and climbed in. One glance through the rearview mirror assured me that he wasn't standing in the doorway, beckoning me back. Besides, even if he had been, what was there left to say? He was a cheater. He wanted me to cheat with him and that was something I wasn't willing to do for anyone.
Blinking back tears, I started the engine and pulled out of his driveway. I was still a little afraid to go home, but decided that if the casino figured I was involved, I would have to face the music sooner or later. At this point, I just wanted to get it over with, put it behind me, and move on, if possible. If I had to, I would start looking for another job, although I had no idea what I would do.
All the way home, the only thing I could think about was my disappointment in Ben. I had really thought, no, hoped, that we had something together. Silly me. Stupid Maggie, always wishing for the impossible. When was I going to get it through my thick skull that my luck in men was less than stellar? Things had moved too fast with Ben. I had been influenced by his good looks, his charm, and his blatant pursuit of me.
Then again, now that I knew the real reason for the pursuit in the first place, it left me feeling even more discouraged. By the time I got home, I was crying and there was no point in my trying to stop the tears. I parked in my space, looked around, but didn't see anyone waiting around. No one had left a message on my phone, either, so I began to believe that maybe the casino didn't suspect me of holding back information, after all.
Nevertheless, by the time I walked into my apartment and immediately got ready for bed, I was emotionally exhausted. Once again, I found myself crying myself to sleep, something I hadn't done since those dramatic times with my ex-husband. Just when I thought that I had my life together, everything turned upside down. I had been nothing but tense and anxious over the last week, and to say it was catching up with me was an understatement.
Who needed this shit? I certainly didn't. To hell with Ben. I don't care how charming and handsome he was, he was turning out to be more trouble than he was worth, and that went for his damned money, too.
I was determined from this moment forward to try and put Ben out of my mind. I would enjoy the memory of the good times we had shared, but it was time for me to focus on myself, on doing my job, keeping my nose clean, minding my own business, and certainly not getting involved with any man. Period.
Chapter 2
I slept rather fitfully, even had a nightmare, thankfully, from which I was able to wake myself up from before it got too carried away. However, early the next morning, just before the sun rose, a disturbing thought began to niggle at the back of my mind. I couldn't quite place my finger on what was bothering me, but then all of a sudden I realized. My eyes flashed open. I found myself staring up at my ceiling, my heart pounding, and my mind reeling with the repercussions.
Oh my God, I had told an untruth to Ben yesterday. I hadn't meant to, but I had completely forgotten. It was true that I hadn't said anything to any of my pit bosses, security, or anyone official at the casino about my suspicion that he was counting cards, but I had said something to my friend Savannah.
Oh my God. The moment I thought it, I began to question myself. Had I really said something to her? I couldn’t remember! I kept trying to replay our prior couple of conversations in my head. Yes, I had been peeved and annoyed with Ben, and I knew that I had told her that I was upset that he had asked something so callous of me, but had I come right out and told her that he had asked me to cheat? Had I told her that I suspected that Ben was counting cards? Dammit, I couldn’t remember!
I rose, troubled. I took my shower and got dressed, but didn't have much of an appetite. I fixed a pot of coffee, poured myself a cup, and then took it to the couch, where I sat while staring out the window, trying to remember everything Savannah and I had talked about. Even if I had said something to her, would she have turned around and told it to the staff at the casino? I didn't believe she would do that. After all, why would she? She knew as well as I that I could have been fired for keeping something like that to myself. Savannah and I had worked together for a long time. I trusted her implicitly. I sipped my coffee, shaking my head. No, she couldn't possibly have said something to one of the pit bosses or security, much less upper management.
However, I began to wonder how someone had found out that Ben might be cheating. If they had proof and believed one of the dealers, myself or Savannah, had been involved in any way, I was sure I would have been dragged upstairs to answer some hard questions. No one had even glanced at me. So what the hell? What was going on?
Ben had been banished from the casino, that much I knew. But if it weren’t for counting cards or the suspicion that he was, what would have caused him to be banned? Was he winning too much from the casino and they told him to move along to another? I knew that happened on occasion, but it was rare. After all, the point was to get people inside, not throw them outside.
The only trouble was Ben’s accusation from the evening before kept flying through my mind. Why in the world would he have accused me of saying something if rumors or accusations hadn't been discussed when security had taken him upstairs? I knew I should've asked him more. Still, his attitude yesterday, his comments, and my own annoyance had prevented me from talking further. Should I call him? Try to find out what had been discussed upstairs with the management? No, I couldn't do that. There was no way I was going to purposely cast suspicion on myself by trying to figure out a way to ask about what had happened with Ben yesterday. I had to maintain a professional distance. If management caught wind of the fact that Ben and I had a personal relationship, tenuous as it was, it could be grounds for dismissal.
I thought of calling Savannah, but how to bring it up? If I hadn't said anything to her about my suspicion that Ben was counting cards, how could I mention it and find out whether I had actually said anything about it? I didn't want to tip my hand, especially if she didn't know anything.
However, I did want to talk to her. Maybe just by talking, she might mention something about it. After all, gossip ran through the casino staff like wildfire. Everyone who worked there was bound to know by now that Ben had been requested upstairs. We all knew what that meant.
>
After I finished my third cup of coffee, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Savannah’s number. Even though I knew she should have been up at least an hour ago, she didn't answer. I didn't think anything of it and figured I would just try in a little while.
I tried to keep myself busy doing chores around the apartment: washing the dishes, dusting, vacuuming. About an hour or so later I tried Savannah’s cell phone again. Again no answer. I left her a text message and a voicemail. I lounged around on the couch for a while, watching TV without really paying attention to what I was watching. I was depressed, discouraged, and to be honest, wallowing in quite a pit of self-pity. By the time early afternoon rolled around and I hadn’t heard back from Savannah, I called her again, and then left her another text message. She still didn't answer.
What the heck was wrong? Had she been in an accident? I was her contact person, so that was doubtful. Did I forget she had a couple of days off? No. Had she hooked up with a guy? She would have texted me all the details if she had. No, I got the feeling that she was avoiding me.
I had no idea why, but then again, Savannah had her own life, her own problems, and her own issues to deal with. I figured I would just see her at work this evening. While I was kind of relieved to know that Ben wouldn't be playing at the casino anymore, I still found the thought depressing. I had gotten used to seeing him saunter into the casino every evening, and that smile of his had always lifted my spirits. From seeing him every night to the thought that he had been cast out of my life left me not only confused, but angry. If only he hadn't been trying to cheat. If only he hadn't asked me to cheat for him. If only… I could say that until the cows came home and it wouldn't change a thing.
Realizing I just had to give myself time and allow myself to get over him, I knew that I would eventually land on my own two feet again and be able to concentrate on what I needed to do for me. I had to quit worrying about what was going to happen to Ben. He hadn't seemed at all concerned about being requested upstairs. I knew that it was no laughing matter, but he had shrugged it off as if he had been called to the principal's office.