The Cities

by K. A Knight

  Erik steps forward. “Take a minute and read the letter. They can wait,” he advises, then he turns to my people and starts shouting orders.

  I wish I could, but I have a feeling the letter will destroy me, so instead I head for the room we had The Summit in…the room Major died in. It’s time to brief the other leaders. This time, there is no peace treaty or Summit. They will either join us or leave, the time for peace and discussions is over.

  The doors to the building that holds the meeting room are thrown open. On my way here I spotted the increase of people—there are more than ever. The place is filled to the brim and they all stop what they are doing as I pass. Murmurs start up, and before I know it, they are chanting my name. I hold my head high and stride into the building, heading for the doors at the back. I hear them before I see them and a smile of longing curls my lips at Nan’s voice.

  “Shut ye fuckin' trap ya old bastard!” she yells.

  Sniggering, I open the doors and slide in. “Any way to greet me, you old bitch?” I call.

  “Who ya callin’ bitch, girly?” she shouts, turning to see me at the door, but a smile twists her old lips before they flatten and she points at me. “‘Bout fuckin’ time ya got here, where tha fuck ya been?”

  “Sit down before you fall down,” I tease, walking around the table, purposely not looking over the other side of the room so I don’t have to remember how he died here.

  “I’ll fuckin’ teach ya some manners,” she grumbles, but sits down anyway. “Bloody kids, thinkin’ they are all that!”

  I hesitate at the seat before sliding into it, not looking at the one to my right where Major sat. Dray takes the chair to my left again, and everyone else is in the same exact seats. It makes it obvious he is missing, and my heart pangs again, but I clear my throat and sit back.

  “Fill me in, what’s happened?” I order.

  “Heard you are a queen now?” Priest asks, his eyes gleaming.

  “You hear a lot,” I counter.

  Nan snorts. “Fuckin’ whoop-de-doo, a fuckin’ queen.”

  “I will shoot you, I don’t care that you are old.” I grin at her and she laughs, making Reeves laugh.

  “Just checkin ya still got that fire, ya gonna need it,” she says sadly.

  “Ivar is dead,” I confirm.

  Reeves whoops, Nan grins, and Priest just nods like he expected this. “Now, tell me what has been happening.”

  “They started arriving soon after the Cities left. We tracked your men and the Cities’ men all the way past The Rim, back to where they fucking came from. We have spies outside, waiting to inform us in case they send out any more raiding parties,” Reeves tells me, and I nod.

  “Then you know why I’m here.” I look at the table then sigh. “Dray, get the booze, we are going to need it.”

  He grabs a bottle and some glasses and passes them around. I pour a shot and throw it back before pouring a bigger amount and handing the bottle around. “We don’t stop them now, they will keep coming. They want the North, and they want Paradise and whatever hides there. We have to stop them. They will kill us all to get it. Apart we are weak, together we are stronger. I have a plan, but you all play a part. I need to know if you will?” I inquire, sipping at the amber drink, watching them.

  “Sounds like we are going to war. The deaths shall be magnificent, and the angels and demons will walk among us,” Priest muses.

  “Well fuck,” Reeves groans, and throws back his shot.

  “I’ll get me shotgun,” Nan calls, stealing the bottle from Reeves and sipping from it. “Tell us the plan then, girlie.”

  Nodding, I throw back the rest of my drink, and start to outline what is going to happen and what I need from them. No one interrupts me, and when I am done, Nan throws back half the bottle and looks at me with respect on her face. “Ya got some big ole balls, girlie. Let’s hope ya make it through this.”

  “I’ll drink to that.” I grin. Now that I am implementing the plan, a cool calmness is filling me. Either it works or it doesn’t, and my worry won’t change it, so why bother?

  “We are with you,” Reeves states, nodding.

  “As are we, so bright is the cry of war,” Priest agrees.

  “What tha loons said,” Nan declares and laughs. “Take ya a few days to get to The Rim, we will stop at the old man’s on the way so he can grab his men, then stop at The Rim. I have some things that might help ya, girlie. To us, let’s fuck some shit up!” she toasts, holding up the bottle.

  After ironing out a few more details, the others file out, all intent on drinking and enjoying their last night here. I stay behind, and once the door slams shut, my eyes automatically go to the other corner of the room. Gripping the edge of the table hard, I fight back the memories—the feel of Major’s warm blood pumping into my hands, watching the light die from his eyes. There is still a bloodstain on the carpet, but it feels right, it shouldn’t be clean after. It should be painted on every floor and wall in this place, his memory, his death.

  This was his world, his house, and now he’s gone.

  I miss him.

  “I’m sorry,” he gasps, blood bubbling on his lips as his breathing turns erratic and his face pales.

  Slumping back into my chair, I try to drag my eyes away from the bloodstain, but I can’t as more and more memories swim through my mind and pain fractures my heart, aching for the man I loved. For the man who taught me to save myself.

  “Again, or do you want to die in that pit?” he yells, watching me from the side.

  Shouting, I get back to my feet, shaking and stumbling from all the pain and tiredness ricocheting through my body.

  “You can do it, pain is temporary. Fucking fight!”

  Wheezing, I choke on a sob, my mind crushing under the weight.

  Gritting my teeth, I stare at his upturned face as he stiches the gash on my stomach closed. When he is done, he looks up at me with a soft smile curling his lips, his suit jacket tossed behind him and covered in blood from where he picked me up and carried me in here.

  “There, all done, good as new,” he says.

  “I’m not, I’m so fucking broken,” I whisper, looking down at the floor.

  He presses my chin up. “Never lower your head for anyone, kid, you are worth double of everybody in this world. You aren’t broken, you’re a survivor, a warrior, and that is what this world needs. They just don’t know it yet.”

  My chest is cut to ribbons from my breaking heart, and my body is weak and shaking with pain.

  “Soulmate,” Dray growls, and my eyes drag away to see him by my side, crouching next to my chair and looking up at me. I didn’t even hear him move, I feel like I am trapped in the past with my body still in the present.

  “Make it stop, make the pain stop,” I beg, looking at Dray with pain and tears swimming in my eyes.

  He grabs my face, filling my vision, not allowing me to look anywhere but into his artic cold eyes. “Look at me, just me,” he demands, his voice harsh and jolting. The memories stop, calming in my head as if they wouldn’t dare defy him. “You’re here, only here.”

  Though I can hear his voice, I’m still stuck between as the pain tears me apart. A gasp leaves my mouth as I pulled back to the present. Pain, real pain, stems from a cut he just made on my arm. I blink down at it as blood wells, his knife waiting there like he wasn’t sure if he would have to do it again. My eyes rise slowly, locking back on his. My whole world becomes him and the sanctuary he offers.

  “Feel that pain, let it wash the other away,” he orders, pressing his thumb on the cut. Everything else fades, my focus solely on his hand against my skin. “Are you with me, soulmate?”

  I nod, but his eyes narrow. “Words,” he snaps.

  “I’m here.” My voice is weak and cracked, but there.

  “Name, what’s my name?” he demands.

  “Dray,” I say, stronger this time.

  Blinking, I calm my breathing, and my heart slows as well as I stare into
his eyes. He nods, lets go of the cut, and leans down and kisses it gently before looking up at me. “You’re okay, you just got lost for a moment, but you’re back now.”

  Swallowing, I blink back tears. “You brought me back.”

  “Always, when you can’t bring yourself back, I always will,” he promises softly, wiping the blood on my arm away. The cut is tiny in comparison to the others on my arm, but it did the trick.

  Leaning forward, I frame his face and flicker my eyes to each of his eyes. “I’m so fucking lucky. I love you, you crazy bastard.”

  Before he can reply and melt my heart even further, I seal my lips to his, showing him how much it means to me that he is here right now, facing down my demons with me and keeping me from that edge. He deepens the kiss, but keeps it slow and sweet, neither of us in a hurry to break away. I have other demons to face, so for now I lose myself in the taste of him. Pulling back, I rest my forehead on his.

  “I couldn’t save him,” I confess.

  “I know. If you could, he would have been here,” he whispers, looking into my eyes. “But he loved you, sacrificing his life for you is the best way he could have gone.”

  “How do you know he loved me?” I whisper.

  He smirks then. “We recognised one another. That, and he pointed a gun at me when you weren’t looking and told me if I ever hurt you, he would string me from his gates in warning.”

  A sob mixed with a laugh bursts from me. “He didn’t!”

  “Oh, he did. That’s what made me like him, he was willing to risk the wrath of a king to protect you,” he replies seriously, and I close my eyes.

  “I loved him, I didn’t tell him enough or hardly ever. I spent so long being mad at him, avoiding him, and all that time he was protecting me.” I shake my head, keeping my eyes closed to try and stop the tears from falling, but it’s no use, one falls anyway.

  Dray kisses it away, pressing his lips to my cheek. “He knew, but I think you won’t settle until you read that letter. So come on, soulmate, put your brave face on for two more minutes.”

  Nodding again, I keep my eyes closed as I rebuild myself. It takes longer than usual, but when I pull back and give him a small smile, I feel more like myself again and ready to face everyone outside. Dray is right, I need to read that letter, it’s like a cloud hovering over me and I can’t properly grieve with it still waiting for me.

  I know whatever I find between those pages will break me, but sometimes you have to break to rebuild stronger than before.

  Major’s Ghost

  I get lucky. No one is waiting by the room. I can hear them all outside, someone is singing, and there are cheers, which means someone is fighting, yet I have no intent on joining them. No, instead I head to Major’s office, but I hesitate outside the doorway. This was our place, our sanctuary, and although I love Dray, some things shouldn’t be changed just because of love.

  “I need to do this myself,” I tell Dray, turning to him with a weak smile.

  He nods before winking at me. “Figured as much, I’ll wait outside and make sure no one disturbs you. I’ll wait all night if I have to, so take your time, soulmate. Say your goodbyes.” He kisses me on the forehead then, sweet and soft.

  I watch him go before turning to face the office again. Throwing back my shoulders, I push open the doors and let them close behind me. I put the lock in place, not wanting anyone to see me break down. I’m their leader now, they are looking to me for guidance, and they can’t see me weak. Dray is right. This is my goodbye to Major. I won’t forget him and it won’t stop hurting, but maybe I can start to accept his death and his ghost will stop haunting my every waking and sleeping minute with regret and pain. Maybe I can let him go.

  The office looks exactly the same. It shouldn’t, it should look different. Yet it’s the same, even when I am not. I feel like I have grown so much since the last time I have been here, when Major told me about Ivar. I had been so tormented, so worried about him, and he had still held power over me as much as I didn’t want to admit it. Now, I’m free of him, free to finally be me and to grow without his shadow chasing me across the Wastes.

  In this place, I first became Worth. It feels fitting it’s the place I come to when I have finally become more...me. The me Major always knew I could be.

  Running my fingers along the books in the wall, I smile sadly. I remember all the hours we spent in here, talking and reading. Him teaching me as much as he could about everything and anything, regaling me with stories from pre-scorch. Even in a world like this, he still believed in the power of words, and it’s evidenced by his collection here. Turning away, I face the desk where his chair sits empty behind it, while the one I always sat in faces it like it’s ready for another of our meetings. But they will never happen again. He won’t ever tell me another story, he won’t teach me another skill or push me to be better than I was. We won’t ever share a drink as we both lose ourselves in the books.

  This room is filled to the brim with memories of him and I, and it’s only now, in the end, that I realise how lucky I was to have him. He wasn’t perfect, but neither am I, but in this place we found something we had both been searching for—family.

  Swallowing hard, I step around to his chair and sit in it, looking out at his office. It feels wrong sitting here, but I don’t change places. He wouldn’t mind, and I guess now this is my office too, if what the guard said is true. Did he really leave The Ring to me? Why didn’t he ever tell me? Who am I kidding, this is Major, the man had more secrets than even me. Always a plan working in the background, always a scheme ready to go into play without anyone knowing.

  Forcing myself to stop stalling, I open the top drawer on the left. Inside are some papers and a book but no letter, so I shut it and open the bottom drawer. This one is a lot deeper and inside is a full, unopened bottle of whiskey, two glasses, and a folded letter with my name on the front. Taking a deep breath, I pull out the whiskey and the glasses, placing them on the desk before carefully picking up the letter and unfolding it. It’s a couple of sheets thick, and when I spot Major’s neat, fancy handwriting, I drop it to the desk and cover my face.

  Fuck, I don’t think I’m strong enough.

  Scrubbing at my face, I reach out with shaking hands, uncork the whiskey, and pour myself a glass. I throw it back and then reach for the letter again. Not focusing on the words, I smooth out the cream sheets against the desk, stalling once mods. Come on, man the fuck up, I tell myself, and force my eyes to the top line.

  Hi, kid, this is going to be a long one, so open that bottle and pour yourself a drink.

  If you are reading this, then I’m gone. I’m sorry. I wish I could have stayed with you forever. I would have liked to have gotten to know this new you and the men at your side.

  There are some things I need to tell you and you need to listen. Don’t stop reading just because it hurts, I know you will pretend like it doesn’t, but it will. That’s what the whiskey is for. Pour me a glass, won’t you?

  You told me once I wasn’t your father or your friend, I didn’t let you see, but that broke my heart. I know you were angry, you have every right to be, because I did let you down. I hope I get a chance to make that right before I die, I hope that I have a chance to win back your trust. You told me today I put my business first, my life first. I wish I could have explained how wrong that is. You were always my first priority and nothing else mattered but you. This place? I built it from the ground up to protect you, made it a safe haven for you. It was the least I could offer while I worked to try and free you.

  I need you to know that in case I don’t get to tell you in person. You were the daughter I lost, you were my destiny.

  She always believed I was made for more, she believed in that spiritual crap but she was right. I survived it all so I could save you, so I could help you. If it’s the only good thing I do in this world, I can live with that.

  I never told you about her, I should have. You would have loved her, she was so beaut
iful and fierce, and when she needed me the most, I wasn’t there. I lost her, kid, I lost her and it broke me. I was never a good man. I did things, things others would shy away from, but after I lost her, I ceased to care. I did whatever I wanted and then you came along and it was like being hit by lightning. In your eyes, I saw that same fierceness, that same fragile beauty, and I knew. I knew why I had carried on fighting—for you.

  By now, you will have heard you are in charge. That was always my plan, I built this place not knowing why, but now I do. It’s for you, it’s your haven. I squandered the peace you found here, but you can make it more. You can make it better. You are the only person I trust in this world, kid.

  It’s yours now. Do with it as you wish, keep it a safe haven for the lost and damned like us, or burn it to the ground, whatever you need to do. I’m sorry I can’t be there to help, leading is hard, I know. The pressure, the responsibility, the having people’s lives in your hands. It’s a job I wish on no one, but I know you can do it. Let me give you some advice to help you on the way.

  I know you’re grown, I know you can make your own choices, but I hope you will at least think about what I have to offer.

  Not every choice you make will be right, I learned that early on, but it’s how you handle the consequences and outcomes that make you a leader.

  You can’t save every life, you just can’t, and sometimes you have to sacrifice a few to save the many. It hurts and you will never forget their names and faces, but it has to be done.

  You make the hard choices, trust in those around you to help, but when it comes down to it, trust yourself.

  Have a safe place, one to retreat to when the questions, the choices, and the pressure get to be too much. Mine? In here with you.

  You thought I was just bringing you here to teach you, to offer you a safe place to hide. but it worked for me as well. Your presence always helped calm me. Helped me realise what really mattered and what I was fighting for. You always asked the best questions and often, in teaching you, I taught myself as well, and found the answers I needed. You were my safe place, kid, still are. I hope this can be yours as well.