Daughter of Twin Oaks

by Lauraine Snelling

  Jesselynn took the ten-dollar gold piece and, hefting it once, dropped it into her pocket to mingle with the change there. That would help them for a while, but the winter stretched ahead like a painter about to pounce.

  Barnabas set his boot on the ground and tried to stuff his foot in it, but the force sent him nearly tumbling over the side of the wagon tongue. Jesselynn jumped just in time to brace him. His head rested against her chest until between them, they got him upright again.

  The look he gave her made her step back. “What?”

  “Marse Jesse?” His voice came thick and hoarse.

  “Yes.” She took another step back.

  “Okay, if that is what you say.”

  He knows. No, he doesn’t. He can’t. He knows.

  But his gray eyes twinkled just the tiniest bit, and a smile quirked the side of his mouth, barely discernible with his beard but there nevertheless.

  That night around the fire, Jesselynn clasped her hands, her elbows resting on her knees. She’d already told everyone what had happened in town, so continued. “Now the way I see it, we need to find a good warm cave to hole up in until we can go back home in the spring. Surely the war will be done by then.” Dreamer. She ignored the accusing voice in her head to add, “Maybe Meshach can find work in town. Places are always in need of a good blacksmith.” She studied the calluses on her hands. “We’ll just have to live off the land.” Glancing over at Jane Ellen, who sat wherever Ophelia put her, and down at the two boys, one sleeping on Ophelia’s lap and Thaddeus leaning against her own side, she sighed. So many mouths to feed.

  “I kin watch the young’uns.” Sergeant White smiled at her across the campfire. “And I was a right good cook. So I’m sure losin’ part of my leg won’t change that once I learn to hobble better so’s I don’t tip over in the fire.”

  Meshach and Benjamin chuckled at that. “We save his hide mor’n once.”

  “So, tomorrow we’re off to the hills to spy out a cave.” They all nodded.

  “I kin still shoot, you know. If y’all want to leave me here with Ophelia and the young’uns.”

  Meshach and Jesselynn exchanged glances, then both nodded.

  It took the four of them searching for two days to find a cave sufficiently large for them all and far enough away from any farms or main roads. It lay on the south face of a steep hollow several hours south and west of Springfield. There was plenty of pasture close by and not many farms, due to the roughness of the terrain.

  Once they were settled in, Jesselynn took time to write letters, one to those at Twin Oaks, the other to her sisters in Richmond. After describing their journey so far, she asked if they had heard anything from Twin Oaks. She had really expected a letter from Lucinda to be waiting at the post office, but when Benjamin went in to check, there had been nothing for them.

  Please write soon. I must know how you are. Have you heard anything from Zachary? I keep telling myself that no news is good news, and I am grateful every time I read a casualty list and his name is not on it.

  Louisa, with all your gifts for healing broken creatures, I wish you were here to help us with Jane Ellen. She has not made a peep since that terrible scream when Meshach took her brother away to be buried. Sergeant White is healing up fine, getting around better on his crutch every day. I am as ever. Someday you’ll have to try wearing britches. It’s hard to think that I will ever have to go back to skirts and dresses.

  She thought of telling Louisa of her suspicions that the sergeant realized she is a woman, but the possibility of even a long-distance diatribe from Aunt Sylvania made her wish she hadn’t said the latter.

  She signed her name and, after waiting for the ink to dry, folded the letter and addressed the envelope. Daniel could take it into town in the morning. On a whim, she took her writing folder out to where Sergeant White was whittling on something and keeping an eye on Sammy and Thaddeus as they played in the sunshine.

  “You want to write a letter home?” She extended the leatherbound case. “Perhaps your girl would like to know if you’re alive or not too.”

  He took the case. “Don’t have no girl.” He paused and stared up into her eyes. “Yet.”

  Jesselynn felt a flash of heat from her heels to her head. He knows. She thought of challenging him on it but decided letting sleeping dogs lie might be wiser. He was comely, not handsome in the truest sense, but a fine figure of a man in spite of the crutch. Surely there was some young woman down in Arkansas who would be glad to hear from him.

  The thought of his leaving gave her a curious hollow feeling. So many people came into her life and then left, one way or another. Each seemed to take a bit of her with them, till pretty soon there might not be anything left. And besides, Sergeant White was right nice to have around.

  “Now, remember, you get the mail, and you be lookin’ out to see if anyone’s watchin’ you.”

  “Then you make sure to lose dem befo’ you come home.” Meshach finished giving Daniel the instructions for her. “An’ you be watchin’ out for bluebellies or sojers of any kind.”

  “Don’t you go gettin’ lost in Springfield either, hear?” After most of the hamlets they’d stopped at on their journey, Springfield seemed about as big as Lexington back home. Not that they’d ever gone there much, but still.

  Jesselynn watched Daniel ride off whistling a tune and wished she were going instead. Surely they would at least hear from Aunt Agatha soon. With Meshach and Benjamin leaving to go hunting, the cave seemed huge. “I’ll take the horses to graze.” She glanced down to see the imploring look Thaddeus gave her. Her heart melted right then, even though time alone had been a prize. “And take Thaddeus along with me. High time he had a riding lesson, I’m thinking.”

  Thaddeus let out a squeal and threw his arms around her leg. “Me ride Ahab.”

  Ophelia giggled behind her hand, and Sergeant White had a hard time keeping a straight face.

  “Thataway, boy. Start right at the top.”

  “You’ll ride Dulcie.” She took his hand. “Now, let’s go.”

  “Bye, Sammy. Bye, Jane Ellen. Bye, ’Phelia. Bye, Sarge White.”

  Once outside the cave, Jesselynn scooped him up and set him astride the oldest mare. “Now you hang on to her mane, and I’ll lead her real slow-like. All right?”

  Thaddeus nodded, his grin so wide, his eyes barely showed.

  Like all of the Highwood children, he seemed to be born to ride, his balance already good and his eyes dancing with delight. Even when the mare put her head down to graze, he stayed on her back, petting her neck and crooning his own version of the language between rider and horse. Dulcie twitched her ears, keeping track of everything going on around her. She raised her head at what sounded like a gunshot. When a second one followed close on the heels of the first, Jesselynn hoped it was Meshach and Benjamin and they’d gotten a deer.

  After a while she lifted Thaddy down and gave him one of the biscuits she’d stuck in her pocket. A third shot some later and farther away sent chills up and down her spine. Was something going on that she wanted no part of? She hustled Thaddeus back up on the mare and, gathering the lead lines, took her charges back to the cave. She’d take them out later when she knew if she should be worried about the shots or not.

  Sergeant White stood at the mouth of the cave, staring off to the southern hills.

  “You heard them too?” Jesselynn lifted Thaddeus down and sent him into the cave.

  “The first one was Meshach with the rifle, and the second was Benjamin with the repeater. Not sure about the third.”

  “It was farther away.”

  “I know.”

  Jesselynn hated playing the waiting game. She’d waited for her father and brothers more times than she liked to count. She’d waited for John and he’d never returned. She’d waited for her father to come home, and he’d died in her arms. Why were women the ones who waited?

  The sun crept farther down the sky and still they waited. Wouldn’t it be easier
to be like Jane Ellen and have no idea of time?

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Richmond, Virginia

  Dear Jesselynn and Thaddeus,

  I suppose I should address you as Marse Jesse, but I cannot seem to do that. I will address the envelope that way as you are already aware I did. First I will bring you up-to-date on the events here. The wedding was beautiful, and our sister was a lovely bride. She and Jefferson are so much in love that one can do nothing but be thrilled for them. Even Aunt Sylvania approves, and you know what a miracle that is. While the wedding wasn’t the social event of the season, which it might have been had not there been deaths in the family, all the family and friends who attended did indeed wish them many blessings. Strange that even though Carrie Mae wasn’t here much of the time, I miss her and know that our lives will never be the same again.

  Not that there has been much sameness lately. Oh, sister, I long so for Twin Oaks and for our family to be together again. Thaddeus is growing up without us all to pet and tease and hug him as we were. Will this wretched war never cease?

  I hope you are all settled at Uncle Hiram’s by now and safe from the marauders I hear so much about. As if regular soldiers weren’t enough.

  Speaking? of? soldiers,? we? have? several? of? the? wounded? from the hospital living here with us. Zachary is ready to use crutches, but? without? the? right? hand,? this? will? take? some? thinking. We are trying so hard to keep him from slipping into a morose state like some of the others who have lost limbs. Like me, he feels he will be so much better when he returns to Twin Oaks. Did you know? that? until? the? war? is? over,? he? cannot? even? do? that,? or? he will be shot? I pray daily for an end to the battles, that we might all go home.

  I have news of my own. You remember the Lieutenant Lessling that I wrote about? He was one of the patients on my ward. He has asked if he might court me and had talked it over with Zachary before informing me. And here I was wondering if he felt the same as I do. Not that I always know what I am feeling, this is all so new and, at times, frightening. I can’t wait for you to meet him. The sad thing is that he announced, nearly in the same breath, that he had been discharged and would be leaving for home in the morning and would return within a fortnight. A fortnight isn’t really that long, I keep telling myself.

  Aunt Sylvania is much improved now that the weather is cooler and she has “her boys” here to mother. She has taken over the reading in the afternoons, and some of the boys tease her until her cheeks are pink.

  That is all from here. Your letters, few though they have been, bring such joy to us all. I commend you to our sovereign Lord’s gracious care.

  Love,

  Louisa

  P.S. Zachary told the surgeon general he didn’t want his “wife” working in the hospital any longer, so I must find something else to do for the war effort.

  My dear Louisa,

  I miss your sweet face already, and I have been on the train for barely more than an hour. I was not able to take the one I had intended, as it was full of troops off to another front. Would that I could go with them, but the army says I am no longer of value. All that training at West Point gone to waste, thanks to an enemy shell. But I keep reminding myself that through the grace of God I am alive, and He has given me something to live for, after all—you. So many things I’ve wanted to say to you, but the time never seemed right, and I still cannot believe you return my feelings.

  As soon as I straighten out things at home, I will return on the earliest train. Please write to me so that I may continue to have smiles in my life, the joy you so willingly share. I will mail this at the next stop, so it doesn’t take so long to get to you.

  Yours truly,

  Lieutenant Gilbert Lessling

  Dear Gilbert,

  As the fortnight has come and gone and there has been no further word from you, I am praying that you are well and only so buried in business that you have no time to write. I treasure your letter and have read it so many times that the creases are working their way through the paper. I do hope you have received my other letters and that you are in better health each day. I ask our God to watch over you and bring you back safely.

  Yours,

  Louisa

  “Can I bring you anything else?” Louisa stopped at the door to the parlor where Zachary and several other officers were visiting amid a cloud of cigar smoke.

  “Nothing, thanks.” Zachary waved his cigar, obviously waiting for her to leave before the conversation could continue.

  What is he up to now? Louisa glanced back at the door that was now closed. “I know they are hatching something,” she said aloud.

  “What dat you say?” Abby stopped to ask on her way to take refreshments out to the men gathered around Aunt Sylvania and her open Shakespeare book.

  “Just grumbling.” Louisa set the tray down on the kitchen table and picked up a cookie to nibble on. While every morning on waking she promised she would leave the lieutenant in God’s strong hands, by afternoon she felt ready to fly apart. Why hadn’t she heard from him again?

  “You know that mail can’t get through much of the time, and you know what God says about worry, so go knit socks or do something helpful.” She took her own advice and her knitting out to the front glider. If only Zachary would let her go back to the hospital where she felt useful.

  After the three men left, tipping their hats to her as they filed past, Zachary called to her from the parlor.

  Sure, he needs me to help him back to bed but sends me off with a wave of his hand when?… Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself, Louisa Marie Highwood. Others have things so much worse than you do. Put a smile on your face and kill that rapscallion brother of yours with a hearty dose of kindness. She set her knitting back in the basket and stood, smoothing her skirts before she entered the house.

  Zachary didn’t look up when she entered the room; instead he stared out the window. From the look of him he wasn’t seeing the jasmine vine that created a fragrant frame of white blossoms and green leaves beyond the curtains.

  She crossed and opened the window to let the flowers’ fragrance take away that of the cigar smoke.

  “Come, sit here.” He patted the horsehair seat beside him.

  Louisa felt a catch in her heart. She crossed the room, never taking her eyes from his face. “What is it, brother?”

  “I … I’m afraid I have bad news for you.” He took her hand in his and finally looked in her eyes. “We have reason to believe that the train Lieutenant Lessling was riding on was the one blown to smithereens by the Yankees.”

  “Reason to believe? That means you have no proof.” She hung on to his hand with all the power in her.

  “No. No proof, but a certainty.”

  “Without proof, I will not believe it. The lieutenant gave me his word he would come back.” Lord, I cannot bear this. Unless you tell me, I will not believe.

  “Trust me.”

  Louisa got to her feet. “I … I think I need to be alone.”

  Dragging her feet up the stairs, she entered her bedroom and dropped down on the side of the bed. “He can’t be dead, Lord. Wouldn’t I have some sense if he were dead?”

  “Trust me.” The lace curtains moved gently in the air, as if puffed by a whisper.

  “I’ve trusted you with everything, with everyone, but you take them away.” Her eyes burned, the tears refusing to fall to cleanse this mighty trauma from her soul. “What else can I do?”

  “Trust me.”

  The words seemed to hang in the stillness.

  Louisa gritted her teeth and clamped her fingers into a fist until the skin broke. “I will trust you.” Each word was ripped from her heart. “I will trust you, God, Father, S-Savior.” A tear overflowed her now wet eyes and ambled down her cheek. “I will trust you, Jesus, my Lord.”

  The curtains moved again, and this time peace flooded her soul.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Cave in southwestern Missouri

  Novembe
r 1862

  The closer the sun slid to the horizon, the drier Jesselynn’s mouth grew.

  Meshach arrived first, a deer carcass slung over his shoulders. Benjamin trailed him by several hundred yards, the deer on his shoulders heavy enough to make his slighter frame stagger with the weight.

  When she shot Meshach a questioning look, he winked at her and whispered, “I offered to help, but …” His shrug said it all. He swung his burden to the ground.

  Benjamin dropped his next to it with a thwump. The rise to the cave had him panting like a hound after a hunt. His deer sported two-prong antlers.

  “Good, those horns can come in handy.” Sergeant White’s comment brought a wide smile, and Benjamin stood straighter. “And two hides. I see you brought me somethin’ I kin do.”

  “Happy to help you, suh.” Benjamin’s beaming smile had pride written all over it. “Biggest deer I ever shot.”

  “Onliest deer you ever shot.” Meshach clapped the younger manon the shoulder. “Let’s get dem hung, and you can skin ’em.” He looked around. “Where’s Daniel?”

  “Not back yet.” Jesselynn hated saying words that immediately sucked the joy out of the moment.

  “We better go lookin’ for ’im.”

  “I was about to.”

  Meshach saddled one of the mares and Ahab. He slammed his rifle into the scabbard laced to the saddle and swung aboard, the look on his face grim enough to scare Sammy, who clung to Thaddeus. Meshach held an impatient Ahab steady while looking at Sergeant White. “Keep watch.” He nodded to Benjamin. “Give him the rifle while you skin the deer.”

  Jesselynn mounted the mare and followed Meshach up the hill, then once out of the hollow, they nudged the horses into an easy canter that ate up the miles. They rode halfway to Springfield before they saw Daniel limping toward them.

  “What happened,” Jesselynn called, “the mule dump you?”