Sarah and the Single Dad

by Deanne Anders

  “I don’t know if it’s the magic of tonight or something more, but I won’t cross that line if you don’t want me to,” David said as once more he rubbed the back of his neck.

  Sarah couldn’t believe what David was saying. Did he feel it too? This connection that seemed to flicker to life every time they touched. His touch had sent her hormones into overdrive today, but she had thought it was only her feeling that way. How was she supposed to keep ignoring the desire she felt whenever he was close now that he had admitted his attraction for her?

  “It’s okay, Sarah, if you’re not interested in taking things between us any further,” David said as he slid away from her.

  Deep inside her a desire that had lain dormant protested against his withdrawal. She felt torn between what her body wanted and what her heart was telling her. She hadn’t been kissed since the morning she had kissed her husband goodbye for the last time as she had left for work. Even now with her body driving her to say yes, she felt the fear of the unknown bearing down on her.

  But it’s only a kiss...one kiss. Would it be so bad to let yourself feel what it’s like to be alive for just one moment?

  “Yes,” she said, the word coming out loud as it seemed to echo across the park. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Yes, I’d like you to kiss me.”

  She felt stupid as she knotted her hands together in her lap. Could she feel any more awkward? She’d shared kisses only with Kolton and she wasn’t sure what it was that she was supposed to do right now. Then David moved in closer to her, closer than he had been earlier and everything suddenly felt okay. This was David, a man who she knew she could trust.

  He hesitated a moment, then bent down and brushed his lips across hers before pulling back from her. His eyes opened and suddenly her own body was lit with the same fire she saw reflected in David’s eyes. The force of the desire that claimed her body had her wanting to take a step back, but the need that David had kindled with just one small kiss held her in place.

  He pressed his lips against hers again, this time teasing until they parted for him. His tongue met hers and her breath caught. When his arms came up around her, she instinctively moved into them. She forgot the park, the water, the night sky that surrounded them now. There were only the two of them, their bodies straining to be closer. What had started as a simple kiss was quickly turning into much more.

  Then she remembered why she’d brought him here.

  Pulling away from him, she straightened her clothes. What had just happened? It had been a long time since she had been kissed, but even that couldn’t explain the way that kiss had made her feel. She had come here to tell David of her memory of that night in the waiting room and about her donating Cody’s organs and now instead, she had just complicated things even more. She couldn’t let things continue like this—but, oh, how she would have liked that kiss to continue. She had to set things right between the two of them.

  “I need to tell you something. Something that I should have told you a long time ago,” she said, then cleared her throat. “It’s about the first time we met, well that’s where it starts, I guess.”

  “At the hospital?” David asked, his eyes searching hers.

  “Yes, but no,” she said, and then held her hand up a moment before he could speak. “Well, actually we didn’t meet exactly. I’m doing this all wrong. Let me start again.”

  “Okay,” he said. She watched as his hand started toward his neck, then following her eyes he lowered it back down to the bench.

  “That day in the hospital when Dr. Benton introduced you wasn’t the first time I had seen you.” She forced her eyes away from his troubled ones. She was doing such a bad job of this.

  “No?” he asked. “Where could you have seen me? At another conference?”

  “No, it was at the hospital, just not that day. It was earlier. Over three years earlier. The night before Davey’s transplant.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t really remember a lot of the people that night. Were you part of the team then? Dr. Benton told me you’d only been working with the cardiac group for a couple years,” he said. She could see a trust in his eyes now that she was going to shatter.

  “That’s right. It wasn’t till after I lost my family, after that night I saw you that I decided I wanted to change my focus to the transplant team.”

  “I don’t understand,” he said as he moved closer to her. She felt the heat of his body before he took her hand in his. The night was turning cool and she turned into him, finding comfort in his touch as he placed his other arm around her. Even through her nervousness she could feel that connection to him that had begun to form. He’d known she needed his touch even though he hadn’t understood why.

  She took a deep breath, and then let it out. A cleansing breath they had taught her in birthing classes and that was exactly what she needed. She needed to be cleansed from this secret she had been carrying around with her since he had come back into her life. There was something changing between the two of them, something that scared her as much as it fascinated her, but this had to be dealt with first. Suddenly she knew where to start the story that had changed all her life and maybe David’s too.

  “I was at work on the surgical hall of the hospital when I got the call from the emergency room that my husband had been in a car accident and they needed me to come as soon as possible. Of course I didn’t believe them at first. No one wants to believe that something like that can happen to them. They’d taken Kolton to another hospital, a hospital closer to the accident, so I had a friend drive me. I knew it was bad. I’d given bad news to family members enough myself that I knew, but I didn’t think he’d be gone. Not like that. He was so young and alive. And there he was lying so still on the stretcher.” She wiped a tear that had streaked down her face. She’d never shared the whole story of that day with anyone, not even Jack.

  “I didn’t think about Cody, at least not at first. Kolton was to drop him off at day care that morning on his way to work. I’d assumed the accident had taken place afterward. And then a police officer came into the room and told me that my son had been taken to the children’s hospital. The one I’d just left. I don’t remember much after that. I think it was the police officer who drove me back, I’m not sure.

  “The next thing I remember was seeing Cody lying in the hospital crib. He was so quiet, so still. Just like Kolton. The doctors and nurses were great, but there wasn’t a lot they could do. The car had been T-boned by someone who had tried to make the yellow light. I guess Kolton didn’t see them when the light turned green. It was a useless accident that shouldn’t have happened.” She stopped and paused for a second trying to gather her thoughts. “And that’s how I ended up in the hospital waiting room the night that I saw you there.”

  “You’re the woman who almost passed out,” he said, his voice a little shaky. Was it possible he had figured out where her story was going?

  “Yes. I’m not surprised you didn’t recognize me. I’d been at the hospital for three days by then and they’d just told me that Cody was brain-dead.” Oh, God, it hurt to say those words. Even after all this time it physically hurt. Her stomach churned with the pain that griped her and she fought against the nausea.

  “Sarah, stop. You don’t need to put yourself through this,” David said as he pulled her even closer till her back rested against his chest and both of his arms.

  “No, I want to tell you. I need to tell you so that you’ll know,” she said as she willed her stomach to relax so she could continue.

  “Like I said, I had just been told that Cody...was gone. I knew of course, but I didn’t have to face the reality of it until the doctors had run all the tests. I’d held out for a miracle, but I didn’t get one.”

  “Of course I knew the people from Organ Procurement would be notified by the staff and then they’d want to talk to me about donation and even if I didn’t want to
donate, the doctors were going to want to talk about the next step. I already knew the next step. They were going to talk about taking my son off life support. I did the only thing I could do. I ran and hid.” It had been useless, but at the time it had seemed that it was the only thing she could do. Jack had been waiting for her in the trauma waiting room with her parents and she couldn’t face them. She had needed some time alone, so she’d found the waiting room as far away from the trauma unit as she could.

  “And that’s when you saw me?” he said, his voice low and soft now.

  Night had fallen as she’d been talking and the stars were starting to come out, adding their sparkle to the lights that reflected off the waterfall in front of them.

  “Yes, you were talking with one of the transplant case managers. I shouldn’t have stayed there listening, but I couldn’t make myself face my family. Jack had already lost his son and now I had to tell him his grandson was gone too. I couldn’t do it, not yet, so I stayed where I was and then I heard her talking to you about Davey’s chance at a heart.”

  “She said that it was just a possibility, nothing for sure, just that there was a possible donor that they believed was the right blood type. I remember. It was the first good news I’d had in a long time,” David said.

  “It was the first piece of good news I had heard in days too. I remember feeling happy for just a few seconds as I thought of your child being saved. At least there was one family that wouldn’t have to suffer the pain of losing a child. It wasn’t until later that I started to think that maybe the two of us had become connected that night. That maybe I was in the right place at the right time as I considered what to do about my dying son while I thought of other children, like your son, that Cody could help save.” She felt David tense against her. “Hearing about how much your son needed a donation helped me make my decision to donate my son’s organs.”

  * * *

  “What are you saying, Sarah? Do you think there’s a possibility that Davey got Cody’s heart?” David asked.

  Running his hands through his hair he moved away from Sarah. He needed to think about this more rationally. This whole conversation had taken a turn that he hadn’t seen coming. One minute he had been sharing what had to be the best kiss of his life, then suddenly Sarah was talking about how she had been in the waiting room the night he had learned that there was still hope for his son.

  If he’d known the story, the timing of the death of Sarah’s family, maybe he would have put things together, but he hadn’t. Not that he blamed Sarah for not talking about the death of her husband and son. She was certainly due the right to keep that to herself and he could see the pain it caused her to talk about that time in her life. But why hadn’t she come to him with this information earlier?

  “I don’t know for sure, but I think that it’s a possibility. We both know that by the time the neurologist told me about the brain death determination, Organ Procurement had already been involved in the background. The nurses that took care of Cody would have been required to call them when Cody had first come in unresponsive and ventilated,” Sarah said.

  “What was Cody’s blood type?” David asked.

  “O positive,” she said shakily, then looked up at him. “Davey?”

  “O positive,” he said. Like he’d told Sarah earlier, he hadn’t given Davey’s donor family a lot of thought since those few months after the transplant. And he’d thought of them only abstractly. The idea of it being Sarah’s family seemed surreal. “It’s just a start, but there definitely is a chance, a good chance, that Cody could have been Davey’s donor. I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me? Why wouldn’t you have told me about this as soon as you remembered?” If it had involved his son, he had the right to know.

  “At first I didn’t want to make things awkward between us at work and I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to know myself. Then, when I got to know you, I didn’t want you to think that I was spending time with you and Davey just because of the possibility of the donation,” Sarah said as she wrapped her arms around herself.

  “Is it difficult? Seeing Davey? Knowing that Davey could have Cody’s heart?” he asked. It had to be, didn’t it? It was hard just asking the question.

  “At first it was, at least until I got to know him better and I’d be lying if I said that the possibility that my son’s donation could have made a difference in Davey’s life didn’t make me happy. He’s a very special boy, just like my Cody. When I first saw Davey with Humphrey, I admit that it hurt a bit. Cody had only been two and a half when Jack and Kolton came home with that pony. Cody had loved him immediately and when I saw how taken with Humphrey Davey was, it shocked me that I felt a moment of resentment. But then I saw that smile on Davey’s face and I knew that he loved that pony as much as Cody had.”

  “I’m glad you told me. Whether Davey was the recipient of Cody’s heart or not, I’m glad you shared this with me, but you should have told me sooner.”

  It hadn’t been an easy tale for her to tell, but he still felt as if he had been betrayed.

  The park was deserted now and the walk back to David’s car was quiet, the silence stretching between them. The laughter they had shared earlier that day had been replaced with too many emotions. He was torn between wanting to hold Sarah and tell her he understood why she hadn’t told him and wanting to holler out, Why didn’t you trust me with this before?

  He knew neither of those reactions would help them work through this and no matter what, he knew that was what he wanted. That was what was important for them right now.

  * * *

  David’s mind was full of more questions than answers as he walked Sarah to her hotel room. So much had happened over the last few hours. What would it mean to the two of them if Davey had received Sarah’s son’s heart? There was no way for that not to affect Sarah or her relationship to Davey. And what if it turned out that Cody’s heart had been donated to someone else? Would that make a difference? No, he was sure it wouldn’t. He’d seen how Sarah cared for the other children on the unit, showing them all the love and attention possible.

  “So, what do you want to do?” Sarah asked as they stopped in front of her room.

  Remembering the kiss that the two of them had just shared, there were a lot of things that came to mind with that question. None of which he thought Sarah was speaking of.

  “Did you ever write a note to your donor?” she asked. “The privacy policy of organ procurement states that if a recipient and a donor both want to meet they will contact them.”

  “No, I’m afraid I didn’t. I should have, I’d planned to...” he said.

  “You were busy taking care of a sick child all by yourself. It’s understandable that any family, especially a single parent, wouldn’t have had the time for writing a note,” Sarah interrupted as she turned to insert her key card into the slot. “Would you like to come in?”

  David thought about all the reasons he shouldn’t enter Sarah’s hotel room, none of which seemed important right then. She stopped and turned to him, a look of concern shadowing her face.

  “I don’t mean to pressure you. I know this is a lot to take in,” Sarah said as she opened her door.

  “You’ve had weeks to think about this, Sarah. I’ve only had a few minutes,” he said interrupting her. He would never feel anything but thankfulness for the family that had given his son a new heart, but it was going to take more than a few minutes for him to consider where the two of them went from here, especially if that family was Sarah’s.

  He watched as she slid her shoes off then walked over to the window where the lights of the city shone before her before turning and smiling at him. She had no idea what it did to him seeing her there, memories of their kiss still fresh, her dress still wrinkled from their embrace.

  All that day he had thought of nothing but kissing Sarah, but he had never imagined just how wonderful sharing that
one kiss with her could be. And now that he knew just how sweet those lips of hers tasted all he could think about was tasting her again. But this time he wanted to taste all of her, to feel every part of her against him, but he knew this wasn’t the time for that. He needed to process everything Sarah had told him and he needed to come to terms with the fact that she hadn’t been forthcoming with him. But while his mind might know that he needed to take a step back, unfortunately his libido did not seem to want to take the time that he felt they needed and he knew if he didn’t leave right then, he was going to do something that both of them might regret.

  “I have to go,” he said as he turned away from her, not stopping even when he heard her call his name.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  DAVID STARED OUT the window into the city below him. He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there, but the road in front of the hotel was empty now. Looking out at the building across from him, he had watched the lights go out one at a time and now most of the building was dark. He glanced at his watch. A quarter past eleven. It had only been ten minutes since the last time he had looked.

  He’d called and checked on Davey when he had first returned to his room and had found that his son had already gone to bed. Ms. Duggar had sounded half-asleep herself when she’d answered the phone and had seemed a bit put out when he had questioned her about Davey’s medication. He knew he had a bit of a problem with control as far as Davey was concerned but he’d born all the responsibility in taking care of Davey since almost the day he had been born. Unlike him, Ms. Duggar had seen Davey only as the healthy little boy he was now. He knew that things could change quickly and Davey could be fighting for his life again.