Live Free

by Shyla Colt

  “Understood, Prez.” She nodded.

  “Look at this shit, already sounding like one of us. That shit done, we need to have real church. We’ll get your cut made up, Firecracker.” Tiny smirked.

  Evonne ducked her head, shuffling off with a look toward Rocky who was beaming like an idiot. When she left the room and the door shut behind her—reality hit. Her friends would want answers. As her thoughts drifted back to what she’d done, she immediately thought of her mom. Shit. With all the members in the room behind her, she had no choice but to face the girls head-on.

  Fuck, this day was never ending. Smirking at her very Rocky-like thoughts, she reminded herself she’d just done far worse. She walked into the main room and the girls descended in a pack.

  “What the fuck were you thinking?”

  “How could you do this?”

  “You scared the hell out of us!”

  The words blended together and she held up her hands. “I know you have a lot of questions, and I’ll answer them, but right now I have to get a hold of my mom. I don’t know how she is or what they’re doing with Paul. I need to know they’re okay.” That I didn’t do this for nothing. She didn’t say the words out loud, but she saw the understanding in their eyes.

  “Fine.” Joey pointed at her. “But then…we talk.”

  “Jesus, you got this mommy thing down,” Evonne muttered.

  “Flattery will get you nowhere,” Joey huffed. She dug a phone out of her purse and handed it to her.

  “Thank you.” She took the phone and walked to the opposite side of the room. Her heart raced as she waited for an answer. Evonne knew her father had spies everywhere. Was his reach this far?

  “H-hello?” her mother’s voice whispered.

  “Mom, it’s me. My phone got broken, so I’ve been out of the loop. Are you okay?”

  “We’re going to bury your brother Friday. His command is sending some folks out.” Her voice shook.

  Okay, so in two days. “Can you tell me the time and place?” Evonne asked, careful to keep her voice gentle. Her mother sounded as if a strong breeze would topple her. She listened carefully as her mother gave her the information in a monotone voice that reminded her of the annoying robots who replaced people for most customer service calls. “Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to come over?”

  “No! Your father isn’t taking the news well. I think that would make things worse.”

  “Are we just going to ignore the things he said in the hospital? Because I can tell you, that won’t work forever.”

  “Right now.”

  “You realize I just learned my entire life is a lie, right? It didn’t stop weighing heavily on me because the rest of our home life is in the crapper.”

  Her mother huffed. “So vulgar. A few months with that group and I barely recognize you.”

  “You never knew me, Mother; you know the role I learned to play to please you. Parents who’ve lied to me from the day I was born, and you…you’re worse than him. This whole thing started with you. What I want to know is why you sat on it so long? Taken every bit of verbal abuse he’s laid on you and watched as he tore me down time and time again. What kind of mother can do that?”

  “One with no other options. You might not have had the love you deserved in this household. But you were always fed, clothed and given every opportunity possible to succeed.”

  “Oh, bullshit! Success is more than numbers and college certificates! You let him push me to the breaking point while I killed myself to gain approval I would never receive.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

  “Well, tough shit. You come at me with a counterargument like that, and I’m going to come back at you swinging.”

  “I don’t have any easy answers. I was young, scared and he promised to take care of you. He wasn’t always like that. The first few years were wonderful, and then—he changed. By then I was pregnant with your brother with no means to take care of us. I had no degree and my family would never back me if I chose to get a divorce. Back then, it wasn’t commonplace—”

  “I don’t care,” Evonne cut in. “You were the parent. It’s your job to protect your child by any means necessary. If that meant getting out there and working two menial jobs to support us in a happy environment, that’s what you should have done.”

  “So easy to throw stones. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore, Evonne.”

  “No, Mother. I’m the one who never knew you. I’ll be at the funeral to pay my respects, greet his friends and the rest of the family. After that, I’ll give you some time to grieve and then I’m coming back for the whole story…uncensored, so get your mind right. You owe me that much at the very least.” Evonne disconnected before her mother could say anything else. Disgusted and furious, she took a moment to calm herself before she walked out into the lion’s den. She handed the phone back to Joey and sighed. “Paul’s funeral is Friday.”

  “Oh, honey, we are so, so sorry,” Juliette said, pulling her into a hug.

  “If you were having problems dealing, you could’ve come to any of us,” Joey added, joining the hug.

  “You know we always have your back, Evonne.” Hilary wrapped her arms around Joey, completing the group.

  Evonne closed her eyes and allowed herself to bask in the positive energy and pure love they exuded. “There’s so much you guys don’t know.”

  “How about we start with why you went deep throat, infiltrated the enemy camp and obliterated Levi like you were a member of the mob,” Hilary whispered.

  “Damn it, Hilary, way to be sensitive,” Joey reprimanded.

  “Oh, ’cause you were waiting to give her candy and flowers?” Hilary snapped, stepping back.

  They all separated and Evonne sighed, shoving her hands into her pockets. The realization that she’d killed a man made her still.

  “Evonne.”

  She glanced up at Juliette. “Yeah, I’m here. I just—really need to get out of these clothes. Can you show me where my clothes are?”

  “Yeah.” Juliette nodded. “Come on, it’s down this way.”

  “Thank you. I know you guys are expecting some sort of long explanation, but the truth is I don’t even know when I truly decided to go after Levi. Paul died, my father dropped a bombshell and Levi called, telling me he would kill everyone I cared about, one by one. Something broke inside me.”

  They stopped outside a door.

  “This is the place you guys were set up. We’re all in the same hallway,” Joey explained.

  “Please come in with me. I don’t want to be alone right now,” Evonne admitted.

  “Girl, of course, you didn’t even have to ask,” Hilary replied.

  Evonne turned the knob, opened the door and turned on the light. The sight of her and Rocky’s things comingled and the lingering smell of leather soothed her battered soul. She strode over to her duffle bag and hefted it up onto the bed.

  The door clicked shut and the girls moved to sit down on the bed.

  “You guys know my dad and I never got along too well. I made you think it was because we were so different. Free-spirited artist versus the conservative military man. The truth is the man never liked me and nothing I did changed that. He blamed me for a lot of the hardships that followed my family after the accident. I finally learned why.” She pulled out her favorite pair of jeans, toed off her sneakers and quickly stripped out of the pair she was wearing, kicking them across the room. Tugging on the jeans, she kept trying to draw comfort from the familiar, so she opted to keep Rocky’s shirt on and sank down on the bed. “Apparently, they don’t know if I’m his child.”

  “Wait—what?” Hilary looked stunned.

  “Yeah, exactly.” Evonne snorted. “Dad went to boot camp, he and my mom had a falling-out, and she dated someone else, a white guy, which explains his extreme dislike for interracial dating. The guy was some sort of rebel, I guess. I don’t know all the details. Needless to say, they didn’t las
t, she got back with my dad, they got married and discovered…hello, baby. Evonne is on her way! Question is. Who’s the baby-daddy?”

  “Holy fuck,” Joey whispered.

  “Yeah…and he never bothered to get a test, just drove himself crazy wondering, and projected his ire for the situation on me. Real winner, my maybe father.”

  “I don’t even know what to say,” Juliette said quietly.

  “Me either. There’s more to it, I’m sure. Mom said he wasn’t always like that. I’m not sure what changed. Haven’t really had the chance for a sit-down.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us? All the time we never knew it was this bad,” Hilary said.

  “Because I didn’t want the pity. You guys were my sanity. The one place I belonged where I could be myself and find complete acceptance. I couldn’t risk ruining that. So I watered everything down and pretended like it didn’t bother me.”

  “How could she stay if he treated you that way?” Joey asked, clearly horrified.

  “One of the many questions I’ve always wanted to ask her. Now even more so.” Evonne shook her head. “I think that made me turn off my emotions. I couldn’t handle it. Not on top of the guilt over what happened to Paul, then Levi called and I channeled everything onto him. I couldn’t bring Paul back or take back the years I wasted with my father, but I could end Levi. I was ready to die. To spill my blood, so the people I loved could be safe. I think it was what I needed to do. Maybe a cry to God, begging him to show me I was worth something, to show I was put here to bring more than just misery or strife.”

  “Evonne, honey. You have to know this is bullshit.” Juliette grabbed her hand.

  Evonne glanced down at her lap. “In that moment, no. You have to understand these are things I’ve heard my entire life. This—was a way to make it go away.” She shook her head. “My Dad insisted I train with him. I knew how to shoot guns by the time I was ten. They were pellet shooters at first, but as I got older they progressed. The .22 was the only gift I think came from his heart. Because he said some men didn’t know the meaning of no.” She laughed. “Even saying it out loud and hearing it sounds crazy.” She shook her head. “Once it got into my head it became like a worm infecting every thought I had until it was the only thing I could see. When we got the order to move it was like a sign. I knew I could slip away in the chaos, so I did.”

  “Evonne—I have a hard time believing you’re just okay after something like that,” Hilary said.

  “Oh no, I never said that.” She laughed. “I’m a fucking wreck in here.” Evonne tapped her temple. “The scene keeps replaying in my head. The numbness is wearing off and I’m barely holding it all together. It’s going to be a long time until I’m okay. But if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s manage fucked-up emotions. After all my father did, I’m a fucking pro.”

  Evonne could almost hear their minds at work as stillness fell over the room.

  “I don’t think we know what to say,” Juliette whispered.

  Always the one to try to smooth things over. Evonne cleared her throat. “I’m going to put this out there and I’m only going to talk about it freely this one time. I shot Levi point blank, filled his body full of lead and watched him take his last breath. That shit will live with me forever, but I’ll never be sorry. If you saw the sick shit littering his jack-off room with my head posted over images to turn me into the leading lady. You’d feel the same.”

  “Oh my God.” Hilary covered her mouth.

  “I lucked out, you guys. This story could’ve ended so much worse. I just wish I could have saved that poor girl. All I can do is count my blessings and get the fuck over it. ‘Cause after the shit I’ve lived through, I want my happy ending.”

  “And that’s with Rocky?” Joey asked. “‘Cause we were never really filled in on that.”

  The devilish gleam in Joey’s brown eyes made Evonne laugh. “It’s definitely with Rocco.”

  “Boom! Using the given name. Fuck you, bitches, I want my twenty dollars. I told you there was way more than sexing going on between them,” Hil exclaimed, wiggling her finger.

  Her reaction made Evonne laugh, happy to leave the trail of tears she knew she would probably revisit time and time again. “You were actually betting on this?”

  “Yes, we had to do something to keep from pestering the hell out of you about it,” Joey scoffed, rolling her eyes.

  “What she means to say is, we were concerned and so we took a—vested interest in the change in roles happening between the two of you,” Juliette explained.

  “Well, maybe now would be a good time to mention I gained an honorary cut. And since we’re putting it all out there. What’s going on, Hil?” Evonne asked. Amazing how life-altering situations made you bold all of a sudden.

  “What, me?” Hilary placed a hand on her chest.

  “Yes you. Don’t play coy. We’ve all noticed,” Joey added.

  Hil shook her head. “Just wondering where I fit in. I mean you guys are all someone’s old lady or well on your way to the title, and I’m just some hanger-on.”

  “No, you’re family. There’s a huge difference.” Juliette nodded.

  “I know. It’s just difficult. The thought of love scares the fuck out of me right now. But seeing what you’ve all discovered on your own terms makes me crave it.”

  “Hil, you can have that too. What’s happening with your parents bears no reflection on you. It’s bullshit to think your picker is flawed. People change, they grow apart and get tired of fighting. It’s not fate dealing hands of cards that we can’t change,” Juliette countered.

  “Do you really believe that?” Hilary asked.

  “Yes, honey, you’ve been busting your ass for a long time to get where you are now. Is it impossible to think you’re settled and ready to entertain the concept of love?” Joey asked.

  “No, not really.”

  “Good, just think about it, open your mind to the possibility. That’s all we’re asking,” Evonne interjected. “Right now, shit is totally fucked, but as we can attest, love don’t care.”

  “If you start quoting me lyrics from, What’s Love Got to Do With It, I will slap you,” Hil cautioned.

  “What!” Their stunned expressions coaxed a genuine laugh and she knew everything would be all right.

  * * * * *

  Rocky watched Evonne dress for the funeral. She hadn’t gotten a decent night’s rest since they brought her back. Nightmares made her toss and turn, occasionally waking her from slumber completely. He hoped the funeral would give her some sort of closure. They had their official patch in and party to announce her as his old lady. Prez hoped it would lift morale and help her get back on track.

  There had yet to be backlash about Levi’s…disappearance, but the club was giving it time. Whoever he kept contact with probably hadn’t noticed his absence yet. They’d scoured the house and his mansion with a fine-tooth comb, bringing back anything of interest and setting up their own surveillance in his lairs. They were hoping for a break in the case. How cops did this shit all day long, he would never know. Such tedious and annoying work at best.

  She zipped up the side of her black dress and stepped into heels. “I’m ready.”

  “Okay.” Rocky tugged at the collar of his crisp white button-up. He niced up, including slacks and black dress shoes with his ensemble. He wouldn’t change who he was, but disrespect at a man’s funeral was lower than he’d sink. The man hadn’t wronged him really. Just tried to look out for his sister, best way he could. A part of Rocky could respect that. He rose from the bed and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close. Letting her out of his sight had become harder to do since she pulled her Billy the Kid act. It was an unspoken agreement between them for her to check in every so often. He’d lost too many things in his life to be comfortable this soon after the fallout.

  “You know you don’t have to wait there the entire time, right? Lots of people respected Paul. They’ll want to pay their respects.”


  “Forget it. I’m not leaving you to do this alone.” He squeezed her waist. “We’re a fucking unit now, right?”

  She peered up at him, and her hair moved back from her face, giving him a clear view of the beauty who held his heart. Her eyes were puffy and red rimmed, looking kind of dull from the inner pain she battled. It made him want to wrap her up in his arms, take her back to the bedroom and fuck away the sadness.

  “Right. We get through this and then we have tonight to remember we’re alive.”

  “Exactly. Come on.” He led her out of the complex and Magic fell into line behind them. The kid seemed smart enough to keep his mouth shut, thank God. That was one of the things he hated most about prospects. They always wanted to chat your damn ears off. Magic got into the front seat and Rocky opened the back door to the black sedan. He helped Evonne in and prayed for her sake this went off without a hitch. The last thing she needed was her goodbye interrupted and forever tainted.

  The ride seemed tense, despite the rock music coming out of the speakers. Mayhem had positioned themselves around the funeral home, ready at a moment’s notice but out of sight. It gave him a measure of comfort. You should never underestimate people this demented. Levi’s crew would cause them problems again. “You wait here and be ready to leave immediately after you see us come out,” Rocky instructed.

  “I gotcha,” Magic replied. The serious expression in his dark eyes said it all. The kid got how important his role might end up being.

  “Good.” Rocky opened the door and helped Evonne out. He’d sit in the second row behind her while she played the role of dutiful daughter one last time. They walked inside the church and he spotted her parents standing side by side in front of the casket.

  Her father opened his mouth as if he intended to say something.

  Rock paused and narrowed his gaze at him.

  The man clamped his lips shut. His jaw ticked, but the peace held.

  Evonne stopped a few feet away from them. “I came here to help. For one last time, we can be that family everyone believes us to be. We owe Paul at least that much. Rocky’s not leaving me, so don’t ask. He’ll sit in the second row nicely enough if you keep yourself in check.”