Conflict of Interest

by Jae

  Aiden studied Dawn, who was still trembling slightly. "Wanna tell me about those fears and issues? Maybe it would help to talk about it." She always hesitated to offer this kind of help because she felt ill-prepared to help Dawn emotionally. Dawn's pain paralyzed Aiden. Additionally, she often felt awkward offering psychological help to a psychologist, who was much better at this than she was. On the other hand, she wanted Dawn to know she was there for her despite her own insecurities.

  "It's just so hard to realize that everything has changed," Dawn said with a sigh. "Making love has always been something special, almost sacred to me. It was beautiful and unmarred, but that night... it changed all of that. Suddenly, violence and sexual stimulation are no longer separate. Sex suddenly feels like something uncontrollable that could easily hurt me."

  "I hope you know that I would never hurt you, especially not in that way," Aiden said, her voice rough with emotions.

  "This is not about what you're doing – it's about what I'm feeling," Dawn told her.

  Aiden nodded. "What can I do to help make physical intimacy feel like something beautiful and positive again?"

  "You're already doing everything within your power." Dawn reached out and entangled her fingers with Aiden's. "It just takes some time."

  Aiden stroked her thumb over the back of Dawn's hand. "I know," she said. She studied Dawn's worried expression. "And we have all the time it takes. You never have to worry about me getting impatient or hooking up with someone else because I was sick of waiting for you." She saw Dawn flinch but knew it needed to be said.

  "I didn't..." Dawn began.

  "Yes, you did," Aiden objected gently. She knew it was exactly what had caused Dawn's worried frown.

  Dawn sighed. "I just feel like this isn't really fair to you."

  "Fair?" Aiden repeated. "You being raped, that's what wasn't fair. You didn't choose that, but I chose being with you out of my own free will. Please don't feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick."

  Dawn sighed again, but this time, it sounded almost blissful. "You're so good for me. You should be a recognized therapy," she said with a smile.

  "Doctor Carlisle, huh? I like the sound of that." She tucked a strand of blond hair behind one of Dawn's ears. "Want to try to go to sleep again?"

  Dawn nodded. With her hand still resting in Aiden's, she closed her eyes.

  * * *

  "Dawn?" Aiden called through the closed bathroom door.

  She could hear the shower being shut off, and then Dawn answered, "Yes?"

  "Can I come in for a second? Your cat coughed up a hairball, and I need the cleaning rag that I keep in the bathroom." Aiden expected a teasing answer about her emphasis of "your cat" whenever the litter box or a soiled carpet needed to be cleaned but was greeted by momentary silence instead.

  "Uh... um... could you wait a minute?" Dawn finally answered. "I'll come out as soon as I'm dressed."

  Aiden respectfully stayed in front of the door and tried not to feel hurt. Do you really want to make her uncomfortable just because the cat upchucked all over your carpet? You're not that desperate to see her naked, are you?

  The truth was that the sexual tension between them was increasing. Every time she was near Dawn, she had the desire to touch her, to be close to her. She tried to fight the physical attraction and hold back even if every glance from Dawn made her breath catch and her heart thump. She was determined to let Dawn set the pace, but it was getting harder and harder to stop.

  The bathroom door opened, and Dawn stepped out. She was fully clothed, but the top buttons of her blouse were unfastened, and the fabric was clinging to her hastily dried skin.

  Aiden snatched the cleaning rag from her hand and went to investigate if cleaning up cat puke had a calming effect on her libido.

  It seemed to work. Aiden finally felt calm enough to settle down on the couch and read through the reports she had brought home from work. A minute later, Kia, Dawn's chocolate- and cream-colored cat, settled down on her lap. Aiden thumbed through the first report one-handed while her left hand scratched the cat under the chin. Having a feline roommate was not a bad thing at all.

  "Ah, ah, ah." Dawn lifted the hissing cat from its place on Aiden's lap and set it down on the cat blanket. "Sorry, Kia, but now it's my turn to cuddle up to her."

  Aiden watched with raised eyebrows as Dawn did just that. She curled up in front of Aiden and leaned her side against Aiden's body. One of Dawn's hands took charge of the TV remote while the other slid under the sleeve of Aiden's T-shirt and caressed the skin of her arm and shoulder.

  The curious fingertips were driving Aiden crazy, but at the same time, she couldn't find the strength to stop them. The report in her hands slipped lower and lower. "I can't read like this," she attempted a halfhearted protest.

  "Is it important that you read it now?" Dawn asked, peering at the report without reading.

  Aiden was equally careful not to let graphic reports of rape lie around the apartment, knowing that it could trigger a flashback. "Not really. I'm reviewing it for court on Monday." She set down the report and lightly slipped her arms around Dawn.

  Dawn snuggled closer and covered Aiden's arms with her own, drawing them closer around her. "This is nice," she whispered.

  "Yeah." Aiden craned her neck to catch a look at Dawn's face. She often wondered if Dawn was as affected by their physical closeness as she was, or if the rape had throttled all sexual impulses she might have had. Was Dawn going through the motions of kissing and cuddling without feeling any real desire?

  There were times when Dawn couldn't stand to be touched or have any physical contact. On other days, Dawn searched her out and cuddled so close as if she was desperate to absorb her body heat. Sometimes she even initiated passionate kisses that were no help in Aiden's attempts to hold back. Aiden respected the former and bravely endured the latter while keeping a tight rein on her own passion.

  She tried to divert herself from Dawn's closeness and her lingering touch by watching the news on TV and had almost succeeded when the fingers that had been resting on her shoulder dipped lower and accidentally brushed against the side of her breast. A wave of heat shot down her body, followed by goose bumps. "Uh... Dawn!" She stilled Dawn's hand with her own.

  Dawn's fingers retreated from under the T-shirt and came to rest on Aiden's shoulder as Dawn turned and leaned over her. She playfully touched her nose to Aiden's in an Eskimo kiss.

  Aiden's eyes wanted to close as she felt Dawn's breath on her lips, but she forced them to remain open. She held still as Dawn slowly lowered herself. Their lips brushed and then jerked back for a second before meeting again in a firmer contact. Aiden moaned at the warmth of Dawn's lips and the softness of the breasts that were pressing against her. Her arms lifted without conscious thought and tightened around Dawn. She caressed Dawn's back as she deepened the kiss, careful not to move her hands any lower than the small of her back.

  Dawn pressed closer and moaned against Aiden's lips.

  Aiden fought desperately not to roll over and press her hips against Dawn's. She struggled to ignore the demands of her rising excitement to let Dawn have this experience. Finally, her body felt as if it had reached its boiling point. She drew back with a gasp. "Dawn... please, we've got to stop."

  "Mmm..." Dawn followed her to nibble on her lips. "Why?" Her voice sounded dazed.

  "Because you're not ready, and I'm only human."

  Dawn squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face against Aiden's shoulder. She was still breathing hard. "Sorry," she mumbled against Aiden's shirt. "I'm sorry. I want to make love to you. I really, really want to, but..."

  "No. You've got nothing to be sorry for. There's nothing wrong with just making out, without going any further right now." Aiden tightened her arms around Dawn once more, enjoying the feel of the small body against her own for a few extra seconds before releasing her. "Hey, wanna go on an ice cream run with me?"

  "Ice cream? Now?"

  Ai
den's lips formed a trembling grin. "Yeah. It's either that or a cold shower."

  Dawn forced her body up from the couch and Aiden. "Ice cream it is."

  * * *

  Dawn raced up the stairs, taking two at a time, and slid to a stop in front of Aiden's apartment door. Her fingers, trembling with excitement, fumbled with the key that Aiden had given her for the time she stayed in the apartment.

  Finally, the door opened, and Dawn tumbled into the apartment. "Aiden?"

  Instead of an answer, rhythmic thumps and muffled groans came from the bedroom.

  Dawn reined in her excitement and went to investigate.

  Aiden was in the bedroom, agilely dancing around a punching bag that hung from the ceiling. Chains rattled and leather groaned as she hit it again and again.

  Sweatpants, cut off at the knees, and a tank top clung to Aiden's sweat-drenched frame. A light sheen of perspiration glistened on well-muscled calves and arms. Her short hair had the tousled look that always made Dawn want to run her fingers through it. The amber eyes were glowing against the flushed face that was wild and focused at the same time.

  Dawn had never seen anything so primal – and so sexy. Without allowing herself time to think, she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around the swaying bag to stop its movement.

  Aiden stumbled as her punch suddenly missed its target. She grabbed the bag for balance and looked up sharply when her bare skin touched Dawn, as if she hadn't been aware of her presence before.

  Dawn looked up at her. "Hi." Despite Aiden's physical exertion, Dawn was the one who was too breathless to say much more.

  "Dawn..." Aiden moved back, the punching bag now between them. "What are you doing here?"

  "I live here at the moment, remember?"

  "Yeah, but..."

  Dawn stepped around the bag and touched one of the gloved hands. Her body demanded closeness even though Aiden was moving back. "I wanted to get home early to thank the good fairy who waved her magic wand over my car and made it whole again."

  Aiden moved back a step and tried to open the boxing gloves with her teeth. "This is not a good time."

  Now, up close, Dawn could see the weariness in Aiden's eyes. She had vented her rage about something that must have happened at work on the punching bag – and that rage was still there, glowing in the depths of the amber eyes. "I'm not afraid," she said, her voice firm.

  Aiden's head jerked up, and their gazes met. "Maybe you should be," she whispered.

  Dawn held out her arms. "Come here."

  "No." Aiden moved back.

  "Come here."

  A few droplets fell from her face as Aiden shook her head. "I don't want to get you all sweaty."

  "Maybe I've just been waiting for an opportunity to get all sweaty with you?" Dawn winked at her.

  Aiden looked stunned for a second, and then her laughter broke the tension.

  Dawn drew the finally unresisting woman into her arms. She felt the boxing gloves gently come to rest on her back and inhaled deeply. For a few seconds, she was tempted to forget all about talking and kiss Aiden senseless instead, but she knew that Aiden needed to talk. "What happened?"

  This time, Aiden didn't even try to lie or avoid the topic. "We had to let a child molester walk because the whole family refuses to talk."

  "No other witnesses? No evidence?"

  Aiden sighed. "Nothing that would hold up in court."

  "I'm sorry," Dawn said and wrapped her arms tighter around the damp body, not caring what the contact did to her elegant pantsuit. Aiden's curves fit perfectly against her own. She only stepped back when she felt Aiden begin to shudder as her bare legs and arms cooled. "Go shower." She gently laid a hand on Aiden's back and led her in the direction of the bathroom.

  "I could use a little help," Aiden said over her shoulder.

  Dawn's hand fell from her back. "You want me to help you... in the shower?"

  "Get your mind out of the gutter, Doc." Aiden laughed. "The only things that you get to take off my body are these boxing gloves."

  "For now," Dawn interjected with a daring grin.

  "My, my, you certainly are in a mood, hmm?"

  Dawn smiled while she helped Aiden take off the gloves. "Having my 'sardine can' delivered to me as good as new, complete with car keys and a big red bow wrapped around it does that to me." Even though Aiden had promised to have one of Ruben's friends take care of the car, Dawn had secretly feared that the old car was beyond repair. She had never cared much for cars in general, but this car was a link to her dad and therefore special. Now, after less than a week, the car looked better than it had for years.

  "So, cars are an aphrodisiac for you? And here I thought it was all the bare skin that I'm displaying," Aiden said, turning to resume her way to the bathroom.

  Dawn wrapped her arms around her from behind and kissed a droplet of sweat from her neck. "There's that, too. Don't think that it'll make me forget that you paid for having the car repaired even though I told you I don't want to be a kept woman," she gently chided.

  "It was an exception," Aiden promised. She turned in the embrace and gently kissed Dawn. Even her lips tasted salty. Her movements were tired, and her arms hung down as if they were still weighted down by the heavy gloves. Dawn realized that Aiden must have tried to punch the bag into submission for quite a while. Every muscle in her body had to hurt. "Take a shower and then come to the bedroom."

  "I think I'll just crash on the couch tonight."

  Dawn grabbed her sweaty arm when she tried to walk away. "No. You're trying to protect me from something that I need no protection from. I can take care of myself – and I can take care of you. So go, take a shower, and then come to the bedroom."

  Aiden stared into her eyes for a few seconds, searching for a confirmation that Dawn didn't need her to be in control of herself, that she would be able to hold her own against Aiden's demons. Finally, she nodded and closed the bathroom door behind her.

  * * *

  The apartment lay in silence when Aiden left the bathroom. She felt refreshed, not only from the shower, but also because she finally believed that she could let go of her iron self-control. She knew that Dawn would take over if she stumbled.

  She padded through the empty living room in search of her temporary roommate. She opened the bedroom door quietly, just in case that Dawn had fallen asleep.

  Dawn wasn't sleeping – and suddenly, Aiden was wide-awake, too. Dawn was sitting on the bed, surrounded by flickering candles. She had changed out of her pantsuit and was wearing only the knee-length sleep-shirt that Aiden secretly loved because it frequently slipped from one shoulder. The room smelled of vanilla and sandalwood. A bottle of Aiden's favorite red wine was resting on the bedside table.

  Dawn turned back the covers and invitingly patted the bed. "Lie down."

  "Uh... what's the meaning of all this?" Aiden asked when she had taken in every lovingly prepared detail. The whole scene resembled the romantic attempts of seduction from her younger days.

  "Does it have to mean anything?"

  Aiden raised her brows.

  "Then maybe it means that I care about you and that I want you to relax for one evening," Dawn suggested, again patting the mattress.

  Half relieved and half disappointed that this was not a seduction, Aiden crawled onto the bed and lay down on her belly. She immediately turned her head to see what Dawn would do.

  "Close your eyes and relax," Dawn ordered.

  Aiden closed her eyes. She felt the mattress dip as Dawn moved closer. Aiden fought against the impulse to open her eyes. Dawn's warmth rested lightly against her side. She held her breath when she felt Dawn lean over her. Dawn's hair brushed the back of her neck. It took all her self-control not to roll over and capture Dawn's lips in a passionate kiss. Then Dawn's warm hands came to rest on her shoulders and squeezed experimentally. A groan wrenched from Aiden's lips.

  "Sounds like you could use a massage," Dawn said. Her hands slipped under the T-shirt and
began to knead the muscles of Aiden's shoulders.

  Aiden groaned again as her muscles, tense from the day's frustrations and her workout with the punching bag, finally relaxed. "You don't have to pamper me like this. You just came home from work yourself," Aiden protested halfheartedly.

  Dawn's small but strong hands began to work on a large knot between Aiden's shoulder blades. "I want to." The fingers moved down on both sides of her spine.

  Aiden turned her head to peer up at Dawn. "I can take the shirt off if it's in the way," she offered softly.

  When Dawn nodded, she slipped it over her head and lay back down. The scent of sandalwood filled the air again, and Aiden reopened her eyes to see Dawn pour massage oil into her hands to warm it up. "Mmm, I get to enjoy the full R & R program."